Antoinette Toni A Varner

When you reckon all the slang, colloquialisms, and proper words spoken or written in the English language, it is estimated that the count exceeds one million. And yet there are those times in life when each and every one of them, no matter how eloquently sequenced, or how beautifully they might roll off the tongue, are so painfully inadequate to express the feelings in our hearts.

Rarely, if ever, is this truer than when we are so deeply aggrieved at the loss of a wonderful loved one. We have come to that moment. To the time when we know all the words shall fail and yet we are compelled by the love God has placed in our hearts for Antoinette Varner to share the insufficient utterances, hoping for our own sakes to find some measure of comfort in them.

Try as one might to say lovely things, maybe grasping for the perfect, flowery sentiment in these words mightn’t be the right tribute for our beloved Antoinette anyway. We all knew her to be modest in heart and thought, down to earth, and just plain caring about others around her. Generous to a fault, she demonstrated time and time again the goodly characteristic of putting others before herself. What a beautiful soul that made her to be! She personified, was the living application of, the Golden Rule in such a remarkable manner, the sort of which one sees so little in the world today.

Even in life we struggled to fully convey to her how much she was appreciated for believing in us and being so very giving of herself to accommodate our circumstances. Whether this meant sharing of her earthly resources or just her colossal heart, she was indeed a true giver. Can there be the least doubt that this made God smile?

Our heavenly Father has called home our mother… sister… grandma… aunt… friend… and companion far too quickly for out tastes. From the short time since she was delivered the bad news by her doctor – news that she took so fearlessly in stride in keeping with her manner – to the time she departed, was far briefer than any had thought or hoped for. We longed for more of those moments; of love and laughter and yes, even those drawn out repetitive conversations that made her all the more endearing to us. Imagine how much we would give to have just one more of them right now.

What an incredible shock it was to go from planning her birthday party in one breath to, seemingly, in the next preparing out final farewell? Still, we are mindful that God’s good timing is not our own. His wisdom makes out own into foolishness. And there can be no doubt that he called her just when he was ready. Perhaps one day we will see and know what our Antoinette was spared by leaving in such haste. These are things that we cannot imagine at this moment but perhaps they are, for us and her, bitter blessings.

In no way did we WANT to let go, that is simply our selfish nature. But can we rejoice that she did not linger and suffer endlessly? This is a matter that our Lord most certainly has made clear to Antoinette as she began her journey in paradise.

And eve as these words again fall short in bringing us the instant relief we would prefer, our hearts can begin the process of healing by embracing the all-comforting knowledge that she is in God’s loving arms and in his eternal care.

These might just be the only words we can grasp to find the consolation we seek.

We feel the grief of such a loss, the finality of the matter, in a profound fashion today. May we remember Antoinette as we know her in life and accept God’s decision to bring her to rest in the way he did; and receive it as a painful “gift” to us all?

The speed of her flight and the fact that we shall be spared the images of prolonged agony are as bittersweet as the can possibly be. Regardless, we remember her as we knew her. A wry smile, a soft chuckle, a lengthy narration about doing the simplest things, there were all a part of her infinite charm and beauty.

We weep to cleanse our own souls of the bereavement, as we should. But let us not mourn as the world does, without hope. Lament, but also be glad that although her mortal life has ended, as must all of ours one day, she has passed to a greater glory and is free from all the world’s pain and travail.

She and those who have gone before await us in that other realm; in that place where there are no more tears or sorrow; where the walls are jasper, the gates are pearled, and the streets are gold. Along with the Lord our God she will welcome us one day… sister… brother… daughter… son… grandchild… niece… nephew… friend… and companion.

Let us all take solace in knowing that her absence from our lives today will be recompensed in our life eternal together – in God’s good time and by his immeasurable mercy, love, and grace, amen.

Goodbye dear one. We all love you so very much.