Mrs. Roma Ann Hill Darkes

If anyone ever cared, really cared for someone else it would have to be Roma A. Darkes. She was a warm hearted and well liked individual, and these wonderful traits came easily to her because she was such a sociable and amiable person, someone who was always making certain that those around her had whatever they needed.

Roma was the daughter of William and Maria Hill. Roma was raised in Blackfoot, Idaho and Pocatello, Idaho.

Roma was raised with six siblings. Her siblings were Ardell, Erman, Leon, Danny, Joyce, and Roger. Roma and her siblings had the typical rivalries while growing up, but they cared deeply for one another.

      As someone who reveled in the sheer joy of her experiences, Roma was always enthusiastic about new adventures. As a young girl, Roma had a number of interests and was an active child. Roma took part in basketball, softball, bowling, and roller skating. She graduated from Pocatello High School in 1956.

      There was one thing that all of Roma's friends knew and will still remember, and that is that she was a talker. She could pretty much talk to anybody about anything. This quality is one of the primary reasons that Roma was such a popular person throughout her life. But Roma was also dependable, loyal and trustworthy. Roma was the kind of person who simply radiated good fellowship. While she maintained personal standards and her own personal values, Roma was very accepting of others. With a distinct skill for working things out, Roma was often the person who would organize events. In fact, Roma was fairly comfortable playing the role of “host” for just about any occasion. When Roma made friends, she made true and lasting friendships. Later in life, she became friends with Donna Rupp, Margaret, Joella, Vivian, Linda Whitton, Orlene, Cheryl and Charlene.

      Roma was a faithful and loving person. Her kindness and consideration radiated an aura of warmth to those around her. Roma cared for what others thought and carried that into her marriage. On June 27, 1959 Roma married Ronald Eugene Darkes at Baptist Church of Pocatello, Idaho.

      Harmony was important to Roma and she made every effort to maintain it with her family. Roma was blessed with two children, two daughters, Kimberly Marie and Kelly Ann. They were also blessed with four grandchildren, Corbin Wayne, Kylee Marie, Chelsea Ann, and Karissa Renee.

      Taking her work seriously came naturally to Roma, and she expected the same from those around her. Roma was a good team player, someone who was born to cooperate with others. She was what some would call a “people person” and it was demonstrated in her good communication skills. Roma was a steady worker, one who was realistic about schedules. She was employed by Meier & Frank. She brought harmony to her work environment, doing what was necessary in order to get the job done, while always maintaining respect for her colleagues.

Her favorite hobbies were bowling, sewing, collecting glassware, scrapbooking, and crocheting.

Roma also liked being a sports fan and enjoyed following her favorite teams whenever she got the opportunity. Tops on her list were football, basketball, baseball and tennis.

     Her high moral standards and traditional values served Roma well with her faith. Religion and faith were important to her. She was a member of the LDS Church (Mormon).

      A generous and compassionate woman, Roma accomplished much during her lifetime.

      Not only did Roma enjoyed traveling. Favorite vacations included Hawaii, Mexico, England, and Florida.

      Roma passed away on December 11, 2009 at Providence Hospital in Portland, OR. Roma fought a six month battle with lung cancer. She is survived by her husband, Ron; daughter, Kim; Son-in-Law, Mark; four grandchildren: Corbin, Kylee, Chelsea, Karissa; two great-grandchildren, Joie and Kennedy; three brothers, Danny, Ardell, and Roger. Services were held at Lincoln Memorial Funeral Home. Roma was laid to rest in Lincoln Memorial Park in Portland, Oregon.

      Roma was a fantastic conversationalist who could engage just about anyone in a discussion. And whenever she said something, she meant it. Roma was a down to earth person, outgoing and a "spitfire". She was without question the type of person who enjoyed experiencing things first hand. She was practical and sensible, but what friends and family will remember her for most is the fact that she was kind and generous. Everyone whose life she touched, will miss Roma.

EULOGY BY BROTHER RON PLANT:

This gathering of people is our way of saying farewell to a beloved companion, mother, grandmother and friend. Roma Darkes was and is all of the above and farewell is the appropriate term to use at her leaving us, for she is not lost, merely departed. Furthermore, her departure does not and will not deprive us of the vast store of memories we hold dear.

Roma lived a full and active life which she shared unselfishly, devoting her time and energy to the family she loved so dearly. Her husband, Ron, was and is her soulmate, for this parting will not separate them nor destroy the eternal bonds which link them. There is a peace that this knowledge brings and a comfort that is often beyond understanding but which is nevertheless real.

Roma had a big heart and those to whom it was opened were the recipients of a true and faithful friendship. Some of you have experienced this friendship over a period of many years and there will be intimate moments which on reflection will prove to be all the more poignant. Treasure them for in such is the joy of life.

I was a latecomer into this circle of friends, and in truth have spent only a few brief hours in her presence yet I felt of her warmth. She was genuine and frank, what you saw was what you got. She was possessed of a kind and loving nature which always put you at ease in her company.

She had not lived a life free of care or worry few of us do, but Roma knew what it was to suffer agonies and grief. The loss of her lovely daughter Kelly, taken in the prime of life, was a sorrow of immense proportion. All parents living through such a loss find difficulty in understanding why and Roma was no exception. She expressed to me her anger at God for allowing this to happen and this reaction is natural and one that God understands. But despite this, Roma did not lose her testimony, she always knew that He was there and that He loved her. And it's important that you know this too, she would want you to know it.

It came as a surprise to me to discover during these last few days that this was not the first battle Roma had fought with cancer. Many years ago she was ravaged by the onslaught of leukemia and took the fight to death's door before eventually proving valiant and conquering the foe on that occasion. How unfortunate the that this last year when the monster reared its' ugly head again. At first she faced it with dignity and a determination to overcome once more but the body can only take so much of a battering and it became evident eventually that this time she was not going to win. Still she did not go without a fight. With her loving family around her she fought to the bitter end. This was often painful for the family to witness and the process of grieving began before the parting of the veil. It also facilitated acceptance of the inevitable.

Now will come the mourning and this period of time will be different for each individual who shared her life. The testimonies of those strong in the faith will be of great comfort and much appreciated by the sorrowing. Know this one thing for certain, you will not be alone, and you will be together again.

In closing, I would like to read for Ron this poem by Nicholas Evans from his book, "The Smoke Jumper":

If I be the first of us to die,

Let grief not blacken your sky.

Be bold yet modest in your grieving.

There is change but not a leaving.

For just as death is part of life,

The dead live on forever in the living.

For all the gathered riches of our journey,

The moments share, the mysteries explored,

The steady layer of intimacy stored,

The things that made us laugh or weep or sing,

The joy of sunlit snow or first unfurling of the spring

The wordless language of look and touch,

The knowing,

Each giving and each taking,

These are not flowers that fade,

Nor tress that fall and crumble.

Nor are they stone.

For even stone cannot the wind and rain withstand

And mighty mountain peaks in time reduce to sand.

What we were, we are.

What we had, we have.

A conjoined past imperishably present.

So when you walk the woods where once we walked together,

And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow,

Or pause where we always did upon the hill to gaze across the land,

And spotting something, reach by habit for my hand,

And finding none, feel sorrow start to steal upon you,

Be still.

Close your eyes.

Breathe.

Listen for my footfall in your heart.

I am not gone, but merely walk within you.

ROMA'S FAMILY HISTORY (written by Kim):

When Kim and Ron were staying with Roma during her first bout in the hospital after her diagnosis, Kim had her computer there and asked her Mom to tell her about her life. So, we have some of Roma’s own words when it comes to her life story. You can imagine how “colorful” some of those words and stories were.

Roma Ann Darkes was born on August 26, 1938, to William James and Mariah (Chidester) Hill. The family had migrated from Utah in 1933 and settled in Rose, Idaho. Roma was born in the county hospital in Blackfoot. She was the only one of the 7 children born in a hospital. Roma was the youngest. There were five brothers: Erman, Ardell, Leon, Danny and Roger; and one sister, Joyce.

Rough family conditions caused Roma’s parents to separate. Roma and her sister were placed in a children’s home in Boise, Idaho, at the age of 8 and 12. Roma remembers that she “raised hell at the orphanage!” The head of the orphanage was an older lady named Mother Walters. She had grey hair, worn in a tight bun, glasses and big clunky shoes. She remembered her as a dear, sweet lady who would always stick up for her during her troubled times in the orphanage and she attended Roma’s wedding, which meant so much to her. Roma and Joyce lived there for 2 years while their Mother worked hard to regain custody of them. Once reunited, they lived in Pocatello, Idaho.

Roma graduated from Pocatello High School in 1956. She played basketball, softball, and loved bowling and roller skating.

After graduating, Roma worked at Kraft Foods. At age 19, she met Ron Darkes. He was stationed at the Arco Idaho Nuclear Testing Facility. On June 27, 1959, they were married at a Baptist church in Pocatello. She told Kim, “It was a rinky-dink wedding, as I had to pay for it!” They honeymooned for the weekend in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Shortly after their marriage, they left for Portsmouth, New Hampshire, due to Ron’s service in the Navy. They lived there for about a year.

Their next move was to New London, Connecticut. Ron was assigned to the USS Nautilus, a nuclear submarine that had just made the first polar crossing. They were there only a few short months and Ron was deployed out to sea during the Cold War. Roma had just gotten pregnant so she went to Newark, Ohio to live with Ron’s mother and father.

The Nautilus was submerged off the coast of Spain at the time of Kim’s birth on Dec. 5, 1960. The submarine surfaced and Ron got a radio message stating that his baby had been born and that both mother and baby girl were doing fine. It was three weeks before the Nautilus returned home and the family was united. In 1961, Ron was going to “re up” for another term, but they were going to make him serve on the “Thresher” instead of the “Nautilus.” He decided not to reassign as he had a good job offer. Two months later the “Thresher” went down, killing all aboard.

Another move and another job took the family to Columbia, South Carolina where Ron worked for Allis Chalmers, teaching people how to start up and run nuclear reactors. They lived there for about a year and then moved to Anoka, Minnesota where Ron worked in Elk River, Minnesota, doing the same job. Roma got pregnant again and had another daughter, Kelly Ann, on March 3, 1964.

During a blizzard in March, they packed up and moved again to Bethesda, Maryland. Dad continued working for Allis Chalmers. Kim started kindergarten there and Roma worked as a switchboard operator at the local hospital, meeting one of her life-long friends, Linda Whitten.

Another short stay and they packed up and moved again to Onalaska, Wisconsin. Roma worked at the Heilimann’s Brewing Company as a key- punch operator. She met several more life-long friends there, Orlene Hough, Charlene Vaungan, & Neal & Cheryl Horman. Roma attended a Colemn Technical school during that time.

In 1967, Roma was diagnosed with Acute Granulocytic Leukemia. Ron would pack up the girls and make the 125-mile trip each way to the Mayo Clinic for her treatment. Ron’s sister, Doreen and her husband and son, Stacy, came out from Ohio to live with them and help out. Things looked very grave come Christmas Day of that year, she wasn’t expected to make it through the night. Her girls even got to go visit her in the hospital, which was unheard of. Roma miraculously pulled through and survived.

A new job for Ron at 3-Mile Island for United Engineers took them to Mt. Joy, Pennsylvania a few years later. They lived there for 2 years.

Another new job opportunity came about and Ron went to work for Portland General Electric. The family moved to Kenosha, Wisconsin for Ron to train there for a year to prepare for his job at the Trojan Nuclear Plant in Oregon. They made the move out to St. Helens, Oregon, in 1971 and finally built a house of their own to settle down. The girls attended school in St. Helens. Kim graduated in 1978. During that year, Ron accepted a new job offer, still with PGE, but to be the Hydro-project manager on the Clackamas River. They built a home in Estacada and moved after Kim graduated. Kelly started her freshman year and graduated from Estacada High School in 1982.

Kim married Mark Smith at Ron and Roma’s home. On Dec. 27,1983, Roma’s first grandson, Corbin Wayne Smith was born. He joined a step-sister, Karissa Renee, who was 2. Roma was so excited to have a baby boy to dote on. She has called him “her baby boy” ever since. Being a Grandma was the highlight of Roma’s life.

On February 15, 1986, another grandchild, Kylee Marie Smith was born. Roma loved having a girl to buy things for! And,

on November 30, 1988, another granddaugher, Chelsea Ann Smith was born. She was named after Roma and Aunt Kelly.

In April of 1989, Roma’s daughter Kelly was preparing to go on a mission for the Mormon Church. During her medical exam, she was told she needed to have her gall bladder removed. She went in to surgery and when they opened her up, she was full of cancer – pancreatic cancer. It was a very sad day. Kelly put up a good fight and finally passed away on February 17, 1990. Roma struggled all the rest of her life with this loss. She just couldn’t get over the fact that her baby was gone.

During the years, Roma had several different jobs. When her daughters were in school, she worked at Scappoose High School as a study hall advisor, and at the bowling alley in St. Helens. In Estacada, she was a waitress and met yet another life-long friend, Sue Scott-Guthu. When she quit working in the restaurant business, she got a job as a sales-associate for Meier & Frank. She absolutely loved working there and enjoyed interacting with people. She worked there for 5 years and then retired.

Roma was always involved with her children and grandchildren. Whether it be a classroom visit, football games, sports, dance recitals, or dance team. She was always there to support them, no matter what. In 2007, Corbin married Amy Arndt and Karissa married Dustin Gratreak. She loved these new family members so much! And, last summer, two great granddaughters were born, Kennedy Renee Gratreak and Joie Marie Smith. You thought she loved her grandkids – well, she really had a soft spot in her heart for these two little girls!

Roma and Ron have enjoyed a long friendship with Tina and David Weatherall and their daughter Angelica. David is from England so they’ve had the opportunity to travel there. Last Christmas they spent it with them in their beautiful English home.

Another group of special friends to Ron and Roma are the members of the Blueback Submarine Veterans. They’ve enjoyed many camping trips and activities and couldn’t ask for more compassionate and dear friends.

Roma was diagnosed with extensive stage, small-cell lung cancer on June 3rd of this year. She decided to undergo chemotherapy to try and fight it. She did so well with the chemo – she looked forward to having it because it made her feel better. Unfortunately, she suffered many setbacks, one after another. A wound infection from her surgery, pneumonia, a lung abscess, kidney stones, superior vena cava syndrome, and then a blood infection at Thanksgiving. Each hospital stay, Ron and Kim “camped” out in her room with her right by her side. During this last stay, all of her grandchildren came and spent many hours at her bedside as well. Roma finally gave up her fight on Dec. 11th and is now in Heaven reunited with her beloved daughter Kelly. We will all miss her so much here -- but we know that she is finally at peace and so happy to be in the presence of her loved ones.