Shirley Ann A. Austin

Shirley Ann Aguon Tudela-Austin was born on September 24, 1967 on the tropical island of Saipan, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands (CNMI). The Commonwealth consists of the Marianas island group in the western Pacific. She was proud of her upbringing and a strong believer and advocate of Chamorro values and heritage.

Shirley or “Shirl” as she liked to be called grew up in the village of Chalan Kanoa #1. She grew up in what we would consider a strict traditional household, where family and belief were the center stone of Chamorro life. Many lasting and enduring memories were formed during those times in this magical place known to her as Chalan Kanoa #1.

Forever curious, her sisters, Rosie and Nat, recount the time where she went to her cousin’s house to play a game of peek-a-boo, when she found an orange colored liquid left in a clear jar which resembled Kool-aid. Adhering to the play ground rule of discovering unattended sweets, she consumed the substance as any child would a rare treat. She quickly got sick and was rushed to the Doctor Torres Hospital where it was learned that the substance she drank was in fact gasoline. She scared everyone including Mom who recounts the tale while slowly shaking her head and murmuring, “Very naughty, that one.”

Another time which the family remembers so fondly of how inquisitive Shirl was as a child was the time she spilled a pot of scolding fish stew down the front of her neck and chest. While waiting for the rest of the meal to be cooked, the pot of fish stew was placed on the family dining table to simmer. Without being noticed, Shirl went up to the pot and managed to tilt the boiling pot towards her when she dumped the rest of the stew on herself. Screaming in surprised anguish from the shock of the accident mother scooped up Shirl and rushed her straight to San Roque village to see a ‘medicine person’ or ‘suruhanu.’ Given to Chamorro testament of the power of old beliefs, Shirl never scarred physically from this event.

For a better life for their family, Connie and Candido Tudela, decided to move the family to California during the winter of 1979. Seeking better job opportunities and better education, they choose to leave the familiar and secure islands of their homeland and moved to a foreign culture that was the California life style back in the early 80s - which was less restrictive and not as confining as the life they had been accustomed to. Long Beach also left a number of lasting impressions on Shirl and recounts times of hardship as well as hilarity in everyday life.

One episode that prevailed in Shirl’s mind during those times in Long Beach was the time when Cousin Robin happened to stumble upon a truck full of raw chickens. Resourceful, instead of the succulent fowl going to waste, Cousin Robin quickly distributed the chicken to several households. The attempt was generous but the portion per household was more that anyone could handle and everyone ended up eating chicken morning, noon and night. It was so bad, Shirl said while laughing with a sparkle in her eye, that people started ‘clucking’ in their sleep from eating so much chicken! A year later, the family moved south to Oceanside, California.

While in Oceanside, Shirl went to Ditmar Elementary School. As all kids to a new environment, she cried and wanted to go home on the first day of school, per sisters Nat and Rosie. Although everyone wasn’t too happy to leave family and old friends behind to start a new life in California, Shirl started adjusting to her new surroundings. She later loved this state and considered it her primary home but Guam and Saipan was always in her heart and soul.

Tragedy struck suddenly when mom’s dad passed away in Saipan and the family had to travel back to Guam. Although the stay was supposed to be temporary, Grandma Rosa Santos-Aguon, needed a lot of support. The family stayed and cared for her but after a year, she too passed away. “I think she died of a broken heart ‘cause she was missing Grandpa so much” recounts Rosie. We should all have someone love us to the end and be by our bed side during those agonizing moments that test the power of love. In the end, love always seems to win….

As with all environments that leave a lasting imprint on one’s soul, the culture and vibe of Southern California during the early 1980s was very profound for Shirl. Thinking back on this and knowing all the innovations that were uniquely Southern Cal at the time, it must have been exciting and probably an adventurous realization back then as what she describes of her life during this time. Skating was one of the movements that were on the forefront of the beach-surfer-scene back then and she was very much influenced by this sport. She took the love of this activity back to Saipan with her and recalls the name of the place where she and friends formed a life time of lasting memories. The place was called Skate Land! When she recalled those memories, I would see a cute, rambunctious Chamorro girl in my minds eyes and think of my own girls as they are now.

Skate Land has since closed but whenever she would relate the place and the times of that era, she would light up with a giddy and enthused excitement that was hers alone. Skate Land must have had a very special meaning in her heart to remember it so. The short visit back to Guam turned into a longer stay but this is where Shirl’s formative years were realized.

From 1981 on was a time of discovery. Shirl went to Dededo Junior High around this period. Let’s just say that although this time was probably uneventful from the family’s point of view her manner could not be determined for her later adventures. It could be safely stated that Junior High was the calm before the storm . . . .

Shirl went to John F. Kennedy High School. There are a number of exploits the family recalled during this tumultuous period of Shirl’s life but no one could explain why this beautiful young obedient child turned into the rebellious teenager she was at that time. Maybe it might have been the strictness of everyday life or that she wanted to explore what it was to have friends and experience freedom from a young girl’s perspective. Here’s to your everlasting rebellious teenage soul Nene!

At this time, there are counts of Shirl skipping school and hiking to picturesque Talafofo Falls or the crystal clear waters of Ypao Beach with her partners in crime. Not to explain the actions of this beautiful girl at this time but if you have ever been to Guam and seen all the breath taking beauty of this paradise, I believe even the most dedicated workaholic would have done the same. The island attitude, at that time according to her, was to indulge when possible and work a little harder later to balance out and maybe justify your actions. She would often times say, “We were young. We were having fun. You know hombre’, play now, pay later? *Laughs. Anyway, that was our motto back then. You don’t want to know the rest.” Made me want to rebel like a teenager at 38.

Shirl recounted a number of tails where her and her friends would walk into the front of the school and walk right back out the back entrance and either hang out at the Century Plaza mall or learn how to ride a motorcycle on the many jungle trails of the island. She never really regretted her actions during these times she said because somehow she knew that life would become more complicated and harder for her but it would be on her terms when she would later graduate from Guam Community College.

Upon what I’ve learned of this beautiful force of nature was that when pressed she would become more determined to overcome any and all obstacles. She had a strong will and a quick stride to match whenever confronted with any unforeseen dilemmas or adversities. She held in a lot and endured but God bless your soul during those times when she was not in the mood or when she had had enough of a situation. Looking back now, she was beautiful during those moments because she would let down her guard and really display who she really was by showing her inner beauty of determination and resolve. I don’t think she ever realized how beautiful and delicate her unrestrained actions really were. Well, I did. Edmund.

On January 12, 1984 she had Connie Ann. “Madre! She was my hero. What can I say? She kept me afloat. There were times that I was mischievous and she never held it against me. She was able to forgive and forget. She never held any grudges against me. I was never able to understand why, until I myself became a mother. She loved unconditionally. The one thing I will miss most about my mom is our conversations. We’d always talk to each other about anything, from what we had cooked for dinner to how her grandkids were. My mom always made time for them. She truly cherished every moment she spent with them. Her love for them was unbound. I am forever thankful to have provided her with that type of joy. Mom, you were my greatest teacher, my biggest supporter, and my biggest inspiration. To become, even a fraction of the woman that you were, inside and out, will let me know that I was successful in this life. I love you more than words could ever express.” Con.

On December 27, 1985 she had Crystal Joi. “My mom is and always will be the most beautiful person I know. I will always remember her smile and the way she laughed so hard that she would cry. Her laugh was so ridiculously contagious that, even when a joke wasn’t funny, you would laugh along with her. She was the strongest and most courageous person. No matter what challenges she faced, she pushed through with such braveness and confidence. She always put everyone’s needs before hers and did her best to make sure everyone was happy and taken care of. I will always remember the many nicknames she called me and the way she said them in a high-pitched voice… Cristobat! Christoper! Keester! Cryster! Her voice is one of the things that I will miss the most. Over the last few years, there have been moments when I catch myself doing or saying something and I would think, “Oh my gosh! Mom would say that. Mom would do that.” People always say you become more like your parents as you get older and I’ve come to find that it’s true. I am my mother’s daughter… Knowing that makes me happy because there is no one else I would rather emulate. Mom, I will always love you with all that I have.” Crys.

Then in 1988 she moved back to Oceanside to start anew. She really missed her family who had migrated back to Oceanside over the years and she was, at the time, the last to leave Guam.

“I was sitting at Aunt Mary’s one day when this beautiful girl came bounding in and hardly noticed me as she went to the kitchen to put a bag of groceries down. When she turned to go back out, she noticed me and quickly changed her demeanor. I pretended not to notice just as she was doing but I noticed a subtle change. I thought she was rather rude and unresponsive at first but I finally got the courage to ask her out. We went to Disney Land on our first official date. Why? I had never been there and even as a young adult, I wanted the trip to be special and try to mark it as a memorable occasion. She thought it was childish and stupid at the time but went anyways.” Dad.

“Shirl looked into my eyes deeply one spring morning and simply said that she was pregnant. She said that she was getting more and more sick each morning and knew that she was with child. She looked at me in that particular matter of fact way and asked what I had wanted to do. The plan was simple really but we still agonized over the matter because I had never been a father until that moment. I was feeling sick as well but my nausea wasn’t from morning sickness. I had never met a more beautiful and amazing person such as this South Pacific woman and I knew then that I would never meet a more vibrant and enduring lady.

I asked her to marry me and have the child that was growing within her soul every loving moment and that we would raise it together. As time wore on throughout our young lives, she would always get right to the point and demand an answer just as she had that day when my precious “Bear” was in her tummy. I miss that about her already. We were married a short time later and since neither of us had any real capitol for a real wedding, we did what most young Marine couples did and went down to the Justice of the Peace and got hitched.

We went through the rituals and we said our “I dos” but there was one particular verse in the vows which stayed with me. It was the part about, “. . . until death do us part.” I took this to heart, body and soul just as I did my Marine Corps oath. I was young and naive back then and where I come from, that was really all a man had. His word. Hindsight being 20/20 and a well documented cliché, I had no idea how this vow would become so poignant and true until the recent passing of my beloved hero as well.” Dad.

On January 6, 1991 Ashley Nazhona was born. “I remember my mom being the most selfless, nurturing, and wisest person I know. Even if she didn’t have time for herself she always had time for me no matter the time of day. I would come home from school or work and she would always be waiting for me to ask about my day and just have a conversation even if it wasn’t about anything in particular. She took care of me when I wasn’t feeling good both physically and/or mentally. I remember having the worst flu and being so sick I couldn’t move. My mom took the best care of me and even when she caught the same flu, and was feeling just as bad, she continued to keep moving and take care of me. If I was having a down day she would always come and save me like the first week of school here in Arizona. I was just so upset I called her and she came and took me out of school. We went and had a girl’s day. We went to Dennys and after, we went and got our nails done. On my journey to becoming a mother she was just full of so much knowledge. Whenever I had a question about motherhood she had an answer. She was my right hand and one of my biggest supporters during pregnancy. Mom I loved everything you ever taught me or said to me and I really hope I can follow in your footsteps and be half the mother you were to me. I love you, plain and simple.”

We started out with nothing. I was only a Corporal in the Marine Corps back then and in the early part of the 1990s, we were barely getting by. We rented a one bedroom apartment and went down to the second hand store and bought our first real set of miss matched furniture together. We used disposable plastic plates more than once and plastic spoons and forks as well. Our glass wear consisted of empty Mickey Mouse jars that at one time contained Musketeer jelly. Times where hard and I had wished that I had more to offer her and our kids. But regardless of the meager conditions, we were happy! We were both so very proud that neither of us asked our parents for help during those early years in fear of one of them telling us, “I told you so.”

Forever wanting a better life, Shirl enrolled in night school to become a bank teller because up to that point, the only jobs she could find were car hops and waitressing at fast food restaurants. Putting her love of skating to good use, she once worked at Sonics. Always beautiful, I got sort of jealous a couple of times by the stairs she was receiving from some of her Marine patrons. Yea, she was that beautiful!

All through the early part of our marriage, I became acclimatized to Chamorro custom and she to my unorthodox Navajo ways. I remember a particular moment when I took her home to see my family back in Arizona and she asked what our custom was for getting married. Being a smart ass as usual I made up a story where I told her that in Navajo custom, we had to sing a wedding song together while sitting around the drum naked. She got quite for a couple of hours and I forgot to tell her that I was joking when she said out of the blue, “Ok, what if you get naked and since I’m not Navajo, I’ll keep my clothes on but I’ll do the rest?” I laughed so hard that by the time we reached home my stomach was sore! After that, she would question some of the things that were unique to my culture but always followed our ways without much protest. Oh, and she told my mom of the incident and I got in deep trouble for a couple of days after that. My mom, “She is a very respectful inquisitive young lady! Teach her the correct ways of our people and stop being stupid!” I stopped being stupid, for a bit at least, after that incident. But I can’t help to smile whenever I think of this incident.

We got orders to Hawaii around 1992. I had never been there and really wanted to feel the island life style. This meant that Shirl had to leave her family once again and move to yet another island. At first she was home sick but made the best of it. But as time wore on she started making new friends and found that there was a rather large contingency of Chamorros living and working on the island already. Some friends she already knew and some she made lasting relationships with throughout her life. It was while stationed here that we learned of the most devastating news that anyone could ever endure to hear. The news tested our faith as well as the courage and resiliency of this majestic beautiful lady. She was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer during a routine visit at Tripler Army Medical Center.

After many visits and countless hours of chemo therapy and radiation treatments and even more follow ups and a thousand needles later, she learned that the cancer was in remission. At one of her treatments they also discovered that she had kidney stones and they had to be pulverized while still inside her body for they were too large to come out naturally. I remember her being submerged in a tank of very cold water while sedated and after the procedure, she was jerking and shaking so badly that I yelled at the staff that she was freezing to death and they needed to warm her up as quick as possible or I was taking her out of there. They kept telling me to calm down and that it was all part of the procedure. A while later, she came to. She looked fine and was mad at me for reacting the way I did. She was rather embarrassed of my antics but that was how much I loved her. I still do. I must admit that it physically hurts me when my wife or kids are in any pain. I will and have done anything within my power to help stop the pain and would gladly take their place if it was physically and spiritually possible to do so. This last bout about nearly drained me. It drained us all I think. Love will do that to you.

On many occasions, I was deployed to other countries at six months at a time but right before I would leave she would always say, “Stay safe dad and come home to me just the way you left. Whole and in one piece.” In one piece. . . during her ordeal, the doctors had removed her gall bladder. In one piece. I guess I should have said the same as well.

Shirl was a great mom. No matter the current conundrum, she always took time for her girls. She used to read and talk to her babies while they were still in her tummy. And after they were born, she would continue to read and sometimes sing to them. I truly believe that her attentiveness truly helped in their early development. It made me sing to our baby as well. In fact, because of her methods with babies, I still sing to our grandkids even to this day. That was the type of mom she was. She even told me one time that although I was important to her and loved me unconditionally, it was her babies that came first in taking care of their development. I couldn’t agree with her more.

We moved back to California one more time and got stationed at Marine Corps Air Station Tustin near El Toro. The cancer by this time was still in remission and after three years, we were considered being in the clear but there was a dark dread that followed her on every doctors visit and she confided her fears to me one day as we were lying in bed watching some show. I reassured her that with the radical treatment she endured through in Hawaii I believed the cancer was destroyed and would no longer bother her again.

El Toro was fun and our kids excelled and we were content. Besides, family was only down the road in Oceanside and every weekend we were either at parties or enjoying one of the many amusement parks that was Anaheim. Yes, we visited Disney Land and by that time, even she realized that it was a magical special place, indeed. I can’t relate that much about Shirl’s time while stationed in El Toro but when life is at its pristine optimum, time is blurred into one happy moment and all the little details are thus not as important as the time as a whole.

We moved from El Toro to Marine Corps Base Miramar due to base closures. And after a year there, I got orders to Okinawa. I asked that she and the family come with me at least one more time so I wouldn’t have to spend a year alone without them. She agreed and in 2000, we headed back to the South Pacific.

It was rather disheartening for the kids and Shirl at first but after a year, Okinawa became home. Shirl worked for a subsidy of Bank of America Overseas division while we were stationed there and excelled rather quickly and at one point was asked to become the bank manager but declined. I couldn’t believe her as she told me in a jovial manner and the shock of the current manager when she declined. I had asked her why she had declined and she looked at me said, “You. You and the kids are more important to me and if I took this position, I’d never see you all as I do now but would have more responsibilities and even more stress on top of that. No, I like my life the way it is and no money will ever make me as happy as my kids or spending time with you.” This was Shirl. Do you all understand the type of lady she really was? She was always more than just a lady, more than just a mom, and even more than just a lover, she was also a nurturing friend and to us, a guiding beacon of sensibility and responsibility and love.

While in Okinawa, Shirl took up karate and found it so inspiring that she even got her daughters into the sport. They excelled and I was rather proud of all their efforts. In fact, up to that point, Shirl use to play on softball teams or help being a team mom with our youngest one’s soccer team. Fitness and appearance was just as important to her as a stable pristine household and being a pious Catholic. If there ever was a bedrock upon which to build a human being, it was this lady and her efforts to be the best in all that could be and her family always, unequivocally, came first.

In 2003, we got orders back to Camp Pendleton for I was coming up on my retirement years. Although Shirl was looking forward to returning back to her beloved southern California, I noticed that she and the rest of my girls were heartbroken that we had to leave Okinawa. If there is such a thing as reverse home sickness, Okinawa was it. We grew fond of the culture and the people and food so much that we wanted to return. I found Shirl one day looking at an Okinawa base magazine that the MCC used to advertise their military ads on and she said that she missed our home there. I asked if we should look for a job there just as some retired folks do after getting out of the service but she said that it would be impractical no matter how alluring it sounded. Besides, she said, Crys has her heart set on San Diego State. And after 4 hard years, Crystal graduated from SDSU. I never saw a more proud and happy mother that day! She actually cried with joy when they announced her daughter’s name during the commencement. She also did the same after learning of the births of each of her grandkids. These things were what she strived for and these were her just rewards. That I know now.

At the end of 2004 I retired out of the Marine Corps and moved to Arizona and bought a house. We were adjusting very well and our kids were either in school or were married and starting to live their own lives. We got use to our new civilian life style but Shirl was already regretting it here. Shirl was working for the same company she left behind in California but they wanted her back and working with them at their Phoenix distribution center. A little topsy turvy at first but always adaptable, she managed to make a home for us here.

Life was grand and we thought that we were not going to stay in Arizona that long and wanted to give the booming housing market a shot. It was the third year, the year we were to sell and move back to California, that the market crashed. We got stuck here and have been trying to move back ever since.

In the winter of 2010, we got the devastating news that the cancer was back. Forever optimistic and enduring, we went into the treatment with the same amount of gusto as we had previously but this time, time was neither on our side nor the stresses of age. We were older now and not as resilient as before. After a year-long battle Shirl finally succumbed to this terrible disease. I could tell you of the many painful battles she endured during her treatment and the many nights of self doubts and fear and dread I shared with her but that’s not how I want you to remember this beautiful lady. I want you to remember how she lived. I want you to remember how strong and beautiful she was.

Shirl died on a bright Saturday morning on August 11th, 2012. It was my birthday. A great howl went up in the Valley of the Sun that day. I can still hear the whimpering affects of the after math of that numbing day as I write this. The only real conciliation I can garner at the moment is that we now share my birthday together. My physical birth and her spiritual rebirth into heaven. Pieces of all that she nurtured us to be left with her that day, as well as pieces of my own mind, body, and spirit.

Rest in peace Mom. I will never forget you. I honestly believe that we met in previous life times before and each and every time we find one another, one of us has to leave early. That’s what soul mates do. They find one another across worlds. Your passing feels as if you’ve gone on ahead to another base and are preparing the housing for us until we get our own orders and meet you again. That’s all that this means. You just left earlier than us, but we will all meet again . . . until then babe, take care and say hi to Dad and Tina for us. Love you, as always, me and the kids. . .