Raymond J. Dever Jr.

Deacon Raymond Joseph Dever, 74, passed away on January 9, 2025, while under hospice care in Tampa, Florida. Surrounded by love, prayer, and family, he was called to eternal life with the God he faithfully served as a deacon, husband, father, and friend.

Ray was born on January 16, 1950, in Englewood, New Jersey, to Amelia and Raymond Dever. With his younger sister, Kathy, Ray enjoyed a lively Italian-Irish household in Park Ridge. Despite losing his father suddenly in 1965, Ray excelled in school and pursued a career in environmental engineering. In 1973, he became a first-generation college graduate from Brown University; he then earned two engineering master’s degrees, from Caltech and Princeton University.

Ray’s 40-year career focused on environmental engineering, including numerous waste management, environmental assessment, and wastewater treatment projects across the eastern U.S. He directed a regional profit center for a national engineering consulting firm for over a decade, and served as an Adjunct Instructor at the University of Florida's TREEO Center.

In January 1990, Ray’s life took a transformative turn when he moved to Tampa and purchased a house. This house became the heart of his future family life — home to three daughters, multiple pets, and his wife of 31 years — whom he met at the engineering design firm that employed them both.

A joyful chapter began when Ray and Laurie were married on March 20, 1993, at St. Paul Catholic Church, Tampa. Ray’s steady and grounding presence complemented Laurie’s vibrant energy as they built a life centered on family, faith, and fun. The couple were active in their St. Paul community, growing closer in their faith and relationship as they welcomed their three children: Alexis, Emily, and Catherine.

Ray was a caring, thoughtful, and devoted father with a great sense of humor, who cherished family traditions and created special moments together. His love of hockey added spirited energy to the household — a passion he passed to his daughters. Disney trips, movie nights, and Italian family recipes were sources of joy for Ray.

Faith was his cornerstone; Ray was deeply engaged with liturgical ministries, faith formation, and social justice. Through family discernment and years of study, Ray was ordained a permanent Catholic Deacon for the Diocese of St. Petersburg on October 3, 2009. He earned his third master’s degree — in theology — from St. Leo University in 2011.

For thirteen years, Deacon Ray faithfully served the St. Paul community, retiring in 2022. Enlightened and inspired by his unique perspective as a Catholic deacon and father to a transgender daughter, he discovered a passion for ministry to the LGBTQ+ community and their families. He carried this work into his retirement with the support of the Diocese of Lexington, Kentucky, where he was incardinated in early 2024.

A steadfast LGBTQ+ ally, Deacon Ray provided training and consultation on transgender issues to the US Conference of Catholic Bishops and numerous Catholic dioceses and institutions. Striving to build awareness and compassion, Ray published articles in U.S. Catholic Magazine and America Media's Outreach, and regularly contributed to Bondings 2.0 with New Ways Ministry.

In October 2024, Deacon Ray and Laurie joined a small group of LGBTQ+ Catholics for a private audience with His Holiness Pope Francis. Ray shared his family’s journey, offered personal testimony, and advocated for greater acceptance of transgender people within the Church, eliciting pastoral concern and support from the Pope. (His testimony can be found here)

Deacon Raymond Dever’s incisive mind and gentle, empathetic spirit were evident in his writings and ministry. His message was always grounded in understanding, acceptance, and, above all, love. His legacy continues in the countless lives he touched through his words, his genuine compassion, and his unwavering dedication to his family, friends, faith, and the communities he served.

“For those Catholic families with LGBTQ children who feel ostracized and who are struggling with everything happening around them, please know that your family has the same God-given value and dignity as any other family in the church. Look to the Holy Family, to the limitless love of God for all embodied in the Incarnation. Look to the mercy and forgiveness offered to all by the coming of the Christ child. And as the new commandment calls us to do, love one another as Christ has loved us, and most of all, continue to love your children.”

—Deacon Ray Dever, December 2023

https://www.newwaysministry.org/2023/12/31/holy-families-how-far-weve-come-how-far-we-have-to-go/

Ray is survived by his wife, Laurie Kloiber Dever, daughters Alexis, Emily (Daniel), and Catherine Dever, sister Kathleen Leone (Kevin), and many extended family members who love him dearly. He is preceded in death by his parents Raymond and Amelia (Santanello) Dever.

A visitation and Vigil Service will be held on Thursday, January 30, 2025, at 7:00-8:30 p.m., at Sacred Heart Church, 509 N. Florida Ave., Tampa. A funeral mass will follow at Sacred Heart on Friday, January 31, at 10:00 a.m., presided by the Most Reverend John Stowe, O.F.M. Conv., Bishop of Lexington.

For those wishing to honor Ray, the family kindly requests donations to charities close to Ray’s heart — Feeding Tampa Bay, NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), or New Ways Ministries — or another charity meaningful to the donor. And, most meaningfully, we might honor Ray’s life and ministry by showing greater understanding, acceptance, and kindness towards others and by creating inclusive, safe spaces for all in our communities.