Ned's life was a wonderful jigsaw puzzle with thousands of detailed pieces that fit together in ways only he could know. Key pieces were his friends, rock and roll, the blues, history, language, and special places he had lived--San Francisco, Napa, Davis, Washington DC and Olympia. Ned loved all the pieces and details of his life, his jigsaw puzzle.
Ned was also clear that this puzzle had special borders--his parents, grandparents, brothers, and most importantly his wife Letha and sons Chris and Carl. They framed and were the foundation of his life. Letha especially knew how he worked through problems and sifted through the details. She shared and supported his love of a finely crafted sentence and the unique nature of each human being they met. Her adventuresome spirit also teamed well with Ned's detailed mind.
Letha's and Ned's knack for seeing into the lives of people created friends for life and many interesting situations. The most recent incarnation of this ability is the Coop Lounge--neighbors gathering each week next to their chicken coop. Ned had some of his happiest moments at these gatherings. He described in loving detail the cool nature of his neighbors and in particular their musical tastes which he addressed via special Coop Lounge playlists!
Ned gave of himself in any way he could to support and nurture the relationships that made up his jigsaw. He would drop whatever he was doing to help friends, work mates and family. His love came through in day to day giving of his time. Riding bikes with his niece Claire, helping a neighbor with a project, going to baseball games with his friends and their kids (Greg and his son Matt!) teaching guitar chords to his sons Chris and Carl (they still know those chords!). All the while he might also be expressing opinions about all manner of things....
Yes, he had strong opinions on just about any subject. He could launch into the qualities of music, food, politics, history and people. Sometimes it seemed everything had to be just "so" for Ned to be content. Coffee he ordered had to be a specific temperature. Meals had to be precisely fashioned to evoke the same taste he experienced when first prepared by his Mom or those favorite restaurants of his in the 1960’s. Potato salad had to be just like the one he had from the polish deli in West Portal in San Francisco (one of his happiest moments was when grandpa Ed handed the recipe to his grandson Ned in 1967, it was “all scratched out on in brittle hand writing of the deli owner on brown wrapping paper”).
When his expectations were not met, his opinion could be sharply negative. The “discovery” of cilantro and excess mint as food seasonings, the advent of tattoos, piercings and rap music he took as invasions of his culture. And then of course when his baseball teams (Giants and Orioles) kept struggling to contend, his irritation was palatable.These and other pet peeves seemed to be his constant companions. It was really just a cover and belied a genuine caring nature for all humans, especially those in need. No matter what food, music or kind of body ornament a person might enjoy he would drop whatever he was doing to help them out of a jam, like when he and Letha helped a workmate he barely knew move out of an abusive boyfriends house.
Ned would give heartfelt consideration to all he met along the way. Like the time he helped his seat mate Hildegard of Berlin on a long Amtrak journey from Florida to DC. They became fast friends and he helped her navigate the mystery of where her suitcase vanished and helped her get a ride from snowy Union Station to her relatives.
As much as he could see how different the world had become from the one he would prefer, he knew that at the end of the day, we are all of one kind to be loved and respected. He would be at his most contented when people were compassionate and giving to others.
Those of us close to Ned experienced his love in ways particular to his approach to life--he would seek to understand what we valued in life and then find the very specific thing that would connect to that value. He would hover over the puzzle; finding or creating that specific item and making sure we got it. He was doing this through the thick and thin of his life. During times of unemployment and near poverty he could take time to invest support for his friends and family. His investment strategy relied on the values of the heart not the Fortune 500.
Fighting pancreatic cancer for these last two years was, as Ned said "My big adventure". He loved going to Virginia Mason for his chemo treatments because it gave him the opportunity to see how people with dedication and love of their work made a difference. "The people here are just so on top of what they are doing and friendly about it too!" In addition to their medical help they gave him ideas and books to use on his adventure.
And in a quiet way Ned used the time to explore his own life. Reaching out to family and friends and reading up on life's persistent questions with renewed intent. His journey became our journey too and we benefitted from his insights. So when he got the chance to see the 7th game of the recent World Serious, he noted "I did not realize how great it is not having a team to root for; both teams have such skilled players I can appreciate how each play is made with no worries on the outcome..Gosh, it is not whether you win or lose after all....."
Ned also used the time to grow closer to our Mom, have long talks with his niece Claire and making playlists for Coop Lounge friends. We got to see his heart soar each time his sons Chris and Carl made the long journey to Olympia to be with their Dad.
In the end, it was his heart that won the day. His loving neighbors and his family embraced the one who had given of himself to them. The details of his life, the pieces of his jigsaw puzzle all came into place. He was satisfied.
Ned was predeceased by his younger brothers Jeff and John White, Mother Mary Grace Dozier and father Paul White. He is survived by his wife Letha, sons Chris and Carl and their families, his brother Gordon and Gordon's wife Linda and daughter Claire, his brother John's son Gordon and daughter Natalie, step-mother Mimi White and her sons Mike, Brian, Chris and their families. Friends of special note are Karina Veaudry, Maureen Tarulli, Kathy Sinzinger, David Ciezlikowski, Greg Powell, and his newest bestest friend Mike Conley.
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