Donna Marie McCoy

On Tuesday, December 5, 2017, Donna Marie McCoy, age 84, died at 3:35 pm in her Buena Park home. She and her husband, James McCoy, are the original owners at 8032 Holder Street. Purchasing the house in 1956, family and friends thought they were moving back on the farm due to the many dairies and empty acres of land that existed at the time.

Open fields across the street stretched out to Knott’s Berry Farm. Over the years, apartments were built, Walter Knott School, the Recreation Center (now Ehlers Senior Center) and Buena Park Library filled in the remaining space.

Donna grew up in the small town of Monroe, South Dakota whose total population was 100 people. She was used to country living where everyone knew your name. Her father, Richard Pfefferle worked for the Railroad and also was a contributor to the Marion Record. His weekly column, The Cat’s Meow, contained stories and poems about the events of their lives. He wrote under the name of The Old Gray Tom Cat. Her mother Frances, was a wonderful cook and enjoyed spending time with her three daughters, Virginia, Dorothy, and Donna.

Graduating high school in 1951, she obtained her AA degree from University of South Dakota at Vermillion. After college, Donna went out to California to visit her sister and husband, Dorothy and Don Caviness and most importantly to see her new niece, Cheryl. Don told Donna that he wanted her to meet his first cousin, J.D. McCoy. Donna thought J.D. was so handsome but wasn’t sure he would be interested in her. To her delight, he was very much interested and they were married on February 28, 1954 in Santa Monica.

They had their first daughter Linda on November 29, 1954 and then came Patti on March 16, 1956. It was during this year that Donna was playing ball with Linda. It had hit the wall noisily and she observed that Linda didn’t seem to respond. She threw the ball again and Linda had no reaction to the sound. She grabbed the baby and immediately took Linda to the doctor. Both Linda and Patti were tested that day and found to be deaf. Donna recalled that experience as the worst day of her life. Donna and JD sought help and were directed to the John Tracy Clinic in LA that were focused on the oral learning method which was primarily lip reading.

The cause of the girl’s deafness was determined to be the RH factor because Donna was negative and JD was positive. They were advised to not have any more children. Michael was born on January 27, 1959. He shared the same blood type as his mother so there appeared to be no side effects but for a little weirdness.

In 1963, Donna attended the Queen for a Day show with her Altar Society group from St. Pius. While she was in line, she was asked what she would want. She stated that she really wanted speech therapy for her daughters. Much to her surprise, she was called up on stage and became tongue tied and nervous as she was asked several questions. At the conclusion of the show, she was chosen and she received many wonderful gifts, some of which are still in her home today.

As the children grew, Donna was very much focused on their education. When it came time for middle school, a big decision had to be made. To continue with the oral learning method, both Linda and Patti would need to take the bus to the California School for the Deaf in Riverside. The other option was for them to attend Orangeview Jr High that offered sign language classes. This was an agonizing choice as they had been led to believe that sign language would limit the deaf child’s ability to interact in a hearing world. Donna did not want her children travelling that far so the decision was made for her daughters to learn sign language. The whole family attended summer school classes to learn SEE (Signing Exact English) signs.

This was an epiphany for Donna. Linda and Patti now had a language of their own. Both girls came and told her stories, expressing memories for the first time of their youth. Through many tears, Donna vowed to be an advocate for the deaf and encouraged other young parents of deaf children to learn sign language as soon as possible.

Donna’s passion for education led her to become a substitute teacher for the Centrailia School District. She never turned down a teaching assignment and took on some very challenging long- term classes. She found her niche and built a reputation where she was being requested by teachers in all grades. She enjoyed full time work with the district for 17 years. She left when State of California changed the law and needed the substitutes to be fully credentialed.

With her newfound retirement, Donna became very active at her church. She was a Eucharistic Minister and began visiting the elderly at the nursing homes. Every Monday morning, she would help conduct communion services at the Anaheim Manor. She also became involved in her church Bible Study and the Scripture helped guide her in sharing the Gospel with the senior residents. She was involved in this ministry for close to 30 years.

The last five years, Donna has suffered from the onset of dementia as did her sisters who preceded her in death. Fibromyalgia gave her pain but she still seemed to manage a sweet smile for whoever stopped by for a visit. Luckily the disease did not take away her ability to recognize people.

Donna is survived by her husband of 63 years, James McCoy and 3 children, Linda, Patti, and Mike. When she realized her children were not providing grandchildren, she proactively sought out to adopt our friend, Pam Essen’s children, Jayson Wilde and Jennifer Wilde Lothrop. At Thanksgiving, she was able to see Jennifer’s new baby daughter, Lilah.

Donna will be buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Cypress, California.

Eulogy for Donna Marie McCoy -

On behalf of my entire family, I would like to thank all of you for being present with us tonight. Mom loved a good celebration and I know she is smiling and wanting to tell you all a story right now.

Her Grandfather and father were both writers so taking pen to paper came naturally to her. Each week she wrote both of her sisters and parents. Even with the invention of the telephone, letter writing to family members was the preferred method of communication. One could hear the Pfefferles all say that Letter writing was becoming a lost art. Many of you here may have received Mom’s annual Christmas letter. I found one of her first letters and it was from 1968. Not many people did Christmas letters at that time but Mom always had so much to say that she couldn’t fit it all inside of a card! Each year she seemed to have fun telling things about us in a humorous style and so it became a standing tradition. She also loved celebrating Christmas and gathered the extended family at her house for dinner, always at the last Sunday before Christmas day. This tradition worked out well for us as children as we were able to stay home on Christmas Day and play with our new toys.

My father was a bread salesman for Weber’s Bread and would leave in the dark for work at 4 am every morning for his route in Los Angeles. Taking care of her two young daughters, she would make sure that she packed Dad a brown paper sack lunch as the timing of his routes did not permit for a break. In the 1950’s, plastic bags did not exist so everything went into paper bags. One busy day, Dad was hungry and looked forward to his lunch. When he opened up the bag, he discovered he had 2 dirty diapers as his meal! He dieted that day and from then on made a practice of looking inside the lunch bag before he left for work!

Dad drove his “63” white Volkswagen for many years and was proud when he sold it in the nineties for the same price he paid for it. It was a good little car but sometimes it would act up and not start in the morning. When this happened, he would wake up Mom and ask her to give him a push start. She would go out in her nightgown and push the car out of the driveway. One rainy day, the car was acting up again. He went in and woke Donna and told her he needed a push start. She went out and gave him a push but hit the wet slick driveway and fell down. The last thing she saw was Dad waving goodbye to her in mirror. I think that diaper lunch incident really stayed with him!

In 1963, Mom got on a bus with her Altar Society Group from St Pius V. They were going to be part of the audience for the TV show, “Queen for a Day”. As they were waiting in line, each person was asked what they would request. Having two deaf daughters, my Mom said speech therapy for my girls. As she heard her name being called from the stage, she nervously went up to the platform and was tongue tied as Jack Bailey asked her different questions. She ended up winning the Crown and was given speech therapy along with furniture and many other wonderful prizes. Jack Bailey invited my parents out for dinner to the Brown Derby after the show. He looked at Mom and said, “Would you like to meet Dean Martin?” Just like the Lucy episode, Mom lost her ability to talk and Dean came over and sat with my parents and was very nice to them. This surreal experience was one of the highlights of my Mom’s life.

Mom did not enjoy cooking but she worked at it out of necessity. Often in the summers, we went to visit my Dad’s cousin, Helen Margaret who lived in Scottsdale, Arizona. She had a pool, loved to cook and we played cards for hours. Helen always made pecan rolls when we came for a visit and these were Mom’s favorite. One summer, we took my Dad’s sister, Maxine with us to visit. Helen was busy in the kitchen and she made up two batches of pecan rolls. A few days later, the first pan was gone and Maxine was looking for the second pan. She asked Helen if she put in the refrigerator or freezer. Helen was perplexed and said no. We all went searching through the house for the lost pan of pecan rolls. I think Maxine had a suspect in mind as she went to look in my Mom’s bedroom. She came out to the kitchen and announced

“Look what I found under Donna’s bed- the second pan of pecan rolls!” We all started laughing uncontrollably and from that point on, Helen ensured there were enough pecan rolls at each visit to prevent Mom from nesting!

When Mom would go shopping with Dad, it usually turned into a source of frustration for her. Often, she would be finished and then she said she would have to look around the store to see where he wandered off. One year during Christmas time, she made her list and checked it twice. Off they trotted to K-mart for the blue light and key buy specials. She divided the list in half and gave him specific instructions to meet in the middle when finished. She completed her tasks and then went in search of Dad. She looked through each aisle and he was nowhere to be found. She became very frustrated and was ready to walk out the store to see if he went to the car. Then she glanced up and saw Santa Claus with Dad sitting in his lap taking a photo. She started laughing so hard that there might have been a cleanup needed on aisle #3. She then decided that she had to sit on Santa’s lap too so we have matching photos.

The last 5 years Mom’s health declined with the onset of dementia. Her 30 years of Ministry to the Elderly at the Anaheim Manor helped her prepare and cope with the situation she faced. She didn’t lose her recognition of family and friends and would light up when a visitor appeared.

My sisters and I would like to publicly thank my father, James McCoy, who in 63 years of marriage in his daily actions showed us what “in sickness and in health” really means. He was her primary caretaker and his loving presence allowed Mom to remain at home where she felt at peace.

For the many texts, telephone calls, and visits, our family is so grateful. Thank you for the love you have all bestowed upon us.