We’ve pieced together some of the story that led to Bryan’s suicide -- through his unlocked phone, financial records, texts, emails, gaming accounts, UNR. Some parts we’ll never know, and there will never be enough of a rationale to justify the loss of his life. Bryan had an addiction to multi-player online gaming, and must have also had depression. This led to neglected and failed classes as early as fall of 2016, his sophomore year, when he slept through his alarm, didn’t attend class, didn’t do homework. He dropped out after his 3rd year. He lied to family and friends, putting on a happy front for us. He photoshopped grade reports, made up a scholarship to explain the lack of tuition in his 4th year, invented an unpaid summer internship in 2019. He had moved out of his apartment at the end of the lease July 2019, and claimed to have a new one, but didn’t.
Bryan was coming to Tahoma for dinner and to stay the night (after spending a few days not at his new apartment but in his car and at a hotel). He knew we would be talking about his missing fall 2019 tuition bill, and where he would be living after we shut down the cabin for the winter. He stopped for a hike up toward Ellis Peak. He had sent a humorous cartoon to one of his friends at 2 PM, but it didn’t go through – no service. This tells us that he didn’t have suicide as his goal when he went there. He sat at the top of a cliff, dreading the upcoming conversation, burdened by his deceptions, guilt and shame and sinking into depression. At 4:40 PM, he called 911, we assume to talk to someone about his dark thoughts, but it also didn’t go through. At some point in the following hour, he jumped, making this irreversible decision. These problems were fixable, there were options. We don’t know if depression was present early on or was a result of his addiction. There were likely a hundred opportunities to have changed this course – if we had known. We will always love him.
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