John "The Toad" Key

John was the only child of Rosemarie Coffee and William Henry Key, born August 27, 1948, in Wichita Falls, Texas. The family moved to Austin when John was still a boy, and he fondly remembered “terrorizing the streets” of Tarrytown on his bike with his friends – which really just meant endlessly huffing and puffing up the hills for the joy of zooming too fast down them again. Tales were often told of heading out to below the dam to drink too many sodas and see whose burps could echo the loudest. His dry wit and sense of humor so endeared him to his compatriots that in high school, a spitting-mad friend could only screech at him, “You – you – you TOAD!!!” It was, perhaps, the defining moment of his character. He has ever since been known primarily as The Toad/Toad/Toadie to his friends and colleagues (sometimes still John to acquaintances, but only ever Mr. Key to telemarketers and solicitors).

Our young Toad graduated from Austin High (“Beer, beer for old Austin High!” he would sing even years later) in 1966 and went on to graduate from the University of Texas with a degree in Aerospace Engineering. He eventually started working for the state at the Texas Air Control Board (you’d think that as an aerospace engineer this would be something about airplanes, but no, it just means air quality) in 1972 which then merged and became the Texas Natural Resource Conservation Commission (did you pick up that the initials TNRCC kinda sound like “train wreck”? Because The Toad and his cohorts certainly did!) and worked there until his retirement in 2002. During his time there, he used his sarcastic personality and tongue-in-cheek humor to make the workdays more tolerable, went on many stack-sampling trips in the field, and – most importantly – made friends with “Big Dippy”, whose little sister would soon become his wife.

Diane DeVooght married John (warts and all) in 1977. Their favorite (and only) daughter, Colleen Marie, was born in 1985 and was forevermore the shining light and greatest joy of their existence (she said as the very impartial writer of this obituary). Colleen was taught key Toad skills and lore such as how to draw his iconic Toad comic strip character, the dangers of lake squid, and, of course, how to do his Mickey Mouse Dance. When Colleen decided to attend the University of Notre Dame, John was an enthusiastic supporter and immediately felt a special connection to Our Lady’s university and became a lifelong fan - though he always made sure to point out the picture of UT’s 1970 Cotton Bowl victory over ND every time they ate at Dirty’s Hamburgers on Guadalupe.

When Colleen married in 2007, John made sure her husband James (a North Dakotan) was properly educated in Texan lore and appreciation of the Great State of Texas. Other than turning “Remember the Alamo” into a vague threat and disappointment at James’ choice of Texas A&M for grad school, the Toad got along very well with his son-in-law, bonding over their love of eating delicious foods. John was known to make a wonderful pasta carbonara, a yummy breakfast dish he called “Egg McToadies”, and a special homemade salsa loosely based on El Azteca’s (that he was known to dollop on lime sherbet, but we recommend standard tortilla chips). He also enjoyed treating his family to local favorites such as the aforementioned Dirty’s and El Azteca, Threadgill’s, Whataburger, Amaya’s, Dan’s, El Rancho, Rudy’s, and Hoover’s, and had many secret – and often circuitous – routes to get to his favorite places while avoiding the terrible Austin traffic. Back at home, there was almost always a carton or two of Blue Bell ice cream ready for dessert, along with a glass of Jack Daniel’s (no other whiskey allowed in the house of an official Tennessee Squire). Many an evening was spent playing card and board games, and reliable sources tell us John was the perfect Spades or Euchre partner, so long as you also had some Jack to drink and didn’t actually care about winning.

As an only child who also only had one child, John greeted the arrival of each of his five grandchildren with joy – but also earplugs. After Diane’s death in 2017 and his subsequent diagnosis of dementia (blah, drat), Colleen moved Papa Toad (not a typical grandparent name, but certainly better than PeePaw) to Florida and eventually Pennsylvania to be closer to her family. Though his signature wit was subdued by his Alzheimer’s, Papa Toad still enjoyed the interludes of chaos that were the hallmark of grandchild visits and even occasionally joined them in short games of wiffleball. He was also much loved in his memory care communities and was known as a friendly, quiet resident who would sometimes spontaneously break into dance. The care and compassion he received from the staff through his final days at Apple Blossom Senior Living were much appreciated by his family. The Toad is survived by his daughter, Colleen, and her husband James Vranish; grandchildren Joseph, Patrick, Daniel, Rita, and Edward; brother-in-law Frank DeVooght and wife Christine; his niece, four nephews, and six great-nieces and -nephews; and by many friends and partners in crime also enamored with Jack Daniel’s/borscht/salsa/ice cream/Fig Newtons/fishing/Joe’s Hamburgers/his mom’s fruit cake cookies/omphaloskepsis/pun-crafting.

In lieu of flowers (you probably know the Toad dealt with enough flowers after Diane got into daylilies), donations may be made to the Austin Humane Society (his beloved pets over the years – Bitsy, Chief, Poca, Flash, Angel, and Mu – would be grateful) or to the Alzheimer’s Association.

Finally, if you are travelling to attend any of The Toad’s arrangements (or any time you drive, really), he would like you to remember to WATCH OUT FOR ALL THE DAMN FOOLS ON THE ROAD.

Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be shared at www.cookwaldenfuneralhome.com for the Key family.