Mom’s eulogy:
ST. MARGUERITE D'YOUVILLE CATHOLIC CHURCH, Brampton
Tuesday, March 5, 2019
Marlene: Finding a place, and the right words, to start talking about mom is difficult, so I’m going to lean on some of the words of others that have come in during the last few days.
From some of our cousins:
“Everyone remembers you as a happy, sweet, gentle, caring, optimistic woman. You embodied the word grace... both in your prime and until the very end.”
“Thank you for treating us like we were one of your own, and for always believing in us. We know you were always proud of us.”
From a former student: “I’m 31 years old and I have memories from her class like it happened yesterday. Nothing but amazing.”
From a neighbour: “The world has lost a truly kind and caring woman.”
From a family friend: “Sylvia will always be remembered as a gentle and kind-hearted person.”
And since Aunty Blanche and Uncle Clarence helped us with these remarks, we’re going to share a number of reflections from them.
For those who don’t know, Mum grew up in a place called Bandra, India, the eldest of eight siblings. Over the years, she always talked about her sisters and brothers, Yvette, Doreen, Blanche, Anthony, Mercia, Clarence and Maria – as well as their parents Branca and Jairo. She always painted a picture of the most loving of childhoods. You can still see evidence of this today by simply looking around the room at her siblings and their families who are here, many of whom were with her in her final hours. Not to mention those who have helped to plan this service from near and from far away back home.
Family was everything to mom – our family, her husband, her siblings, their families… Family friends who she thought of as family. She was extremely proud of her role as a wife, mom, grandma, sister, aunt…the list goes on.
Aunty Blanche and Uncle Clarence told me they remember the same thing we do: that mum always talked about their mom and dad and how good they were to their children. Mom would say: “We weren’t rich, but we were rich in love.”
Her siblings say she lived by her parents’ example: humble, quiet and forceful in her own way. She was well-behaved, an excellent student a good person and Grandpa would ask the rest of the siblings to try be like her. Everybody looked up to her.
Uncle Clarence was telling me about what a kind, older, sister she was growing up; the perfect, respectful daughter and perfect sister. But firm: no bad language! He still remembers clearly the time he was around ten, came home from school and said the word damn – and how upset she was. Not a foul word in her mouth.
And I think she got even more strict because, as I remember just as clearly, when I was around four or five I got in big trouble for saying “bum”.
Fiona
Mom showed her love for her family through regular check-ins. For example, Uncle Clarence remembers mom’s very consistent Sunday phone calls to check in, ask about and praise his girls, and share how we and all her grandkids were all doing. That even when he was away, how she would call Aunty Wilhema.
I know we got those calls and I’m sure many of you did too. And special occasions? Mom called Brendan and I for not one but four anniversaries: the day we met, the anniversary of our first date, the day we got engaged, and of course, our wedding day. Oh mum ...
Growing up, we were lucky because mom brought her family directly into our childhood when our second mom, Aunty Blanche lived with us. Aunty says that she came to Canada because mom was here and that in their years of living together, they never had one word of disagreement. And we know mom was thrilled as the years went by and more and more of her siblings and their families came to Canada.
Many of us remember mom for her kindness, caring, empathy and patience.
So, what did this mean for her, being surrounded by a spouse and kids with personalities that are so very different from her own? Although she probably didn’t understand our independence, and our forcefulness, no matter how upset we were, she was always even keeled and patient.
And proud. So proud of us all and proud of you all. Every single time she was in the hospital, she always told the nurses that I was a nurse (though I suspect she was also trying to get better care). She told us she was proud, but she also showed it with her actions. Wherever she was, wherever she went, she talked about us and her grandkids.
Even when there wasn’t very much family here, mom made a point of bringing family together. Michelle remembers family gatherings at home and picnics at Heart Lake with both sides of the family together. And we remember that tradition continuing until the D’Souza clan in Canada simply grew too big and warranted separate celebrations.
Mom is certainly remembered by her huge family, her extended family and those who she treated as family, for her sweetness and generosity. And her sewing.
I know we aren’t the only three people in the room who benefitted from mum’s considerable talents with the sewing machine. Countless dresses (and matching outfits) – including our flower girl/bridesmaids dresses for Aunty Blanche’s wedding - and costumes.
Oh the Halloween costumes. Each year we were decked out with elaborately sewn costumes, including gloves, hats, hand-hooked wigs and more. Princesses, clowns, rag dolls, bunny rabbits… At a time when the best store-bought option was a plastic cape and mask from Shoppers Drug Mart. Apparently, though, this made Michelle cry one year because she just wanted to fit in with the plastic costume crowd.
And Mom didn’t just sew those costumes for us. We remember a Halloween costume or two that she sewed for Josh – the most adorable little “convict”. And it continued with me going home as an adult to make costumes with her help and mom making Ella a pumpkin Halloween costume that may still be getting passed around somewhere. Because mom was generous. Instead of hanging on to them, mom made sure these costumes were passed along to cousins, other family members and friends.
Mom’s lighthearted and colourful personality came alive in her sewing projects, but also in the way she dressed: she was the queen of accessories.
Apparently in this regard, mom took after Grandma Branca who always liked to have earrings and a handbag to match. Minelle says grandma even had matching shoes and umbrellas? Mom has always been keen on the details of dressing. Who here hasn’t witnessed her snazzy and colourful earring and outfit combinations that included a heavy dose of accessories from the Avon catalogue?
Michelle
Faith and church were extremely important to mom. We would tease mom for always praying for good weather on special occasions, family picnics… Something we referred to as her “Direct line”. On my wedding day, she hung a rosary on the front tree which is apparently why it did not rain until we were inside.
It’s a bit cold, but thanks, mom, for using your direct line to ease off on the snow and make our travels easier today.
When Fiona and Marlene were young, mom helped with the St. John Fisher church’s children’s choir. It was a fun way for them all to be involved in the church and gave Fiona her star turn singing the responsorial psalm and Marlene’s gig as a wee tambourine player. It was another way that mom was a leader in her community.
Teacher
But mom’s legacy goes far, far beyond family and church. She took great pride in her lifelong work as a teacher. She started her teaching career in St. Stanislaus where Uncle Kestrel was one of her students.
She moved to the prestigious Campion school – a big achievement and she was loved by the teachers there.
When dad, mom and I moved to Canada, she did some teaching in Etobicoke but really came back to it when Fiona and Marlene were older. First with supply teaching… and eventually with her own junior kindergarten class which she taught for more than 20 years.
Mom’s teaching has connected her to so many people in the community – to us, it feels like everyone in Brampton. Even in this room: her former students include uncle Kestrel and the children of Mitch, our choir leader/singer. And possibly more?
Although she stopped teaching more than 20 years ago, absolutely everywhere she went, mom would run into former students or their parents who remembered her very well. Right until the very, very end if you can believe it.
Last Thursday night, we said our last goodbyes to mom after she passed away. The three of us and dad were speaking with the final nurse who had taken care of her. And of course, we discovered that this nurse’s 32-year-old daughter had been in mom’s kindergarten class.
So mom, your impact as a kind, patient and beloved mother… grandmother… wife… sister… daughter… aunt… cousin… friend… and teacher is great, but perhaps even greater than you know.
This is not goodbye; you may have physically left us, but you will always be with us. Not just in memory: in our feelings, our thoughts, our kids, what we do, and our jokes.
To quote our cousin Josh: “To say the world has lost someone special is an understatement. You've left us, but you will never ever be close to forgotten. You’ve taught us so many lessons that cannot be accounted for, and we know you will be looking down on us with a smile.”
Keely" Goodbye Grandma Sylvia, we will miss bowling with you"
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