Duong Mai Lai

We are gathered here today not to mourn our mother passing, but to honor and celebrate her success and great lifetime achievements. This beautiful, graceful, kind, compassionate, loving, and unconditionally giving woman would not want any of us to be sad because she believes she has completed her life’s journey to the fullest now. With that, she has left her legacy of many countless stories, anecdotes, and lessons for life to her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and generations to come. So, whenever you need, you can draw on these moments to reflect and share, knowing that she will be a part of you wherever life takes you. You should know, she will also say dry those tears as there is no lose and start living and caring for those who are important in your life now.

To say her children were not the easiest bunch to raise is an understatement. However, to our mother, she saw each one of us as her pride and joy, to gently, thoughtfully, unconditionally love, teach, and guide thru the many stories and silly jokes she would tell us. She never gave up on any of us, not even when we were stubbornly challenging to her. She always told us to be grateful for all we have, try to put our best foot forward and to always give others the benefit of the doubt because one day we will call on others to help lift us in times of need. And if that did not work, she would light an incent, kneel, and pray for hours to the Buddhist Gods to forgive and guide her and her children, so that we may be kept healthy and safe. Our mother was a very quiet and humble person, never asking for much from others. She loved all of us deeply and dearly. When one of us is down and cannot find our way, she would get the other siblings to rally around and pour our own love and joy to help uplift one another. Mom, you have made us strive to be better sisters and brothers to one another, better spouses, better parents, better grandparents and for that we are forever indebted to you, our amazing miraculous Mom!

For those who do not know our mother, it is quite your lost. This is the story about a very remarkable woman that travelling halfway around the World and continually fostering goodness with all the lives she as touched.

Duong Mai Lai, born on April 19, 1934, in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) Vietnam, is 1 of 6 siblings, the eldest of the 2 daughters. Our mother’s destiny, at the age of 18, was handed to her thru an arranged marriage to my father, Sieu Huat Lai, age 29, a man born in Fujian China who fled to Vietnam at a very young age (not more than 7) with only the shirt on his back, to start a new life. Despite only meeting for the first time on their wedding day, they began their lives together in Vietnam. Our parents respecting the ancient Chinese tradition handed to them, never complained, and began building their family (8 girls and 5 boys) and a dream of someday having all of us and generations to come living alongside them on a giant neighborhood block. Our mother said our father began building that dream with lots of long hours and hard work. She would say he would always come home dirty. Being the amazing supportive wife, she would laugh and remember how hard they struggled and never begrudged it. Thru their struggle and hard work, our father emerged as successful businessperson selling and buying steels and auto parts. He was a very resourceful man who knew how to grow his business, make his fortunes, and earned the respects of his community. Mom focused on her biggest task of her lifetime, raising 13 kids, without going insane. In our home, she is known as our humanitarian peacekeeper. Life seemed comfortable and peaceful for a few years.

As the economy in Vietnam became uncertain and turbulent, my parents’ goal of keeping us safe became paramount. They made the tough decision to send their eldest brother, Van Le, at 18, to seek refuge in another country. Our mother shed tears privately, but never gave up hope of her re-union with her son and continued to believe until her prayers were answered. Van Le re-united with us many years later and is currently married with a loving supportive wife by his side.

The aftermath of the Vietnam war left the country very unstable and inhospitable. Our parents believing that their home was no longer safe and protecting us was vital. They made the decision to uproot the rest of the family, giving up all their fortunes, and move us all to safety out West. Our parents’ desperate plight for safety out West took them on a journey that saw many deaths, and eventually the sinking of the huge ship we were on near the shores of Hong Kong. We are the exception to the many sad endings on that treacherous journey. We should stress that during all this time, Mom was still caring for an under-nourished newborn son, while courageously helping keep the rest of the family intact. Our Mother, out of the kindness of her heart, prayed for those who passed on during this ordeal. She said she did this because every person is a mother, father, son, daughter and is a loved one to someone.

Her story does not end here. Later in life, she encounters many near death experiences due to aging. Every time the expert medical doctors handed down her fate to us, she would, out of sheer defiant and will, make full recovery. Even the best surgeons could not believe what they were witnessing. Our mother, the very spirited woman, not realizing she just came out of a long and dangerous comma in ICU, wanted all the tubes taken off her so she can go home to be with her family. Just like that, she would laugh and say lying down and sleeping too long is not good for your health. She went on giving 16 more happy years of her life with us and 16 more years of stories, memories, and laughter to share with those we care. Her own will power to live astounds people that barely knew her. Thank you, Mom, for reminding us that every day and everyone counts.

Truly, without Mom and Dad, there would be no us. We are all here today, out West, all 13 of us (To Lien, Van Le, To Khanh, Kim Dinh, Van Nghia, Thuan Duc, To Anh, To Nguyet, Van Thanh, Kim Anh, Ngoc Mai, Kim Thanh, and Huu Long). We are here together with our sisters, brothers, spouses, kids, grand kids, and great grandkids. How on earth did you both manage? Pure love and without regrets. The image of sacrifices, courage, resilience, compassion, kindness, and love all comes to mine when you think of this amazing woman and her husband.

Thank you, Mom and Dad! We are all present and accounted for, healthy and safe. You both have successfully accomplished your life’s mission. We could not ask for better mother and father because we have the best already! We are forever grateful for your devotion and undying love for all of us. We will remember all your teachings and stories. Your story was all where we began and will not be forgotten. And with that, we begin our own journeys to create more memories to add and pass on. You have made our world a better place just by being in it!