Hanna Joan Delmer

A wise man told me some things about death: “Life is for the living” and “those who fear death were afraid of living.” He also said, “think how damn crowded it would be if nobody died.” Trust me when I tell you that Joan lived her life and she had no fear of dying. If you want to be sad about Joan, be sad that you did not get to live as long or do some of the things she did.

I know she lived her life because I was there for a lot of it; we lived under the same roof twice. Before Women’s Liberation, Joan was one of the first truly independent and strong professional women.

After time as a nurse in England, Toronto and Vancouver, Joan lived right on the beach in Santa Monica and in a beautiful old craftsman style bungalow up a walking lane just off the beach in Venice. She was the Charge Nurse of a floor in St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica which by the way was the model for the Marcus Welby TV show where she met and cared for more celebrities that you or I could name. She was not one for compromise, in her 40’s she finally met and married her soulmate Charles, a fantastic man who everyone called “Delmer.” He was smart, had a kind soul, a great laugh, a gregarious personality, and he looked like Dean Martin. They spent a lot of idyllic time on their boats up and down the California and Mexican coasts and Catalina Island.

While always outwardly calm and polite, she was undeniably a powerful woman and no stranger to adventure. When I was twelve the two of us went to Mexico for a couple of days in a VW camper bus. Back when it was common practice for Mexican Police to demand tribute from tourists, I got woken up to see her demonstrate her immense strength. A Mexican Policeman pounded on the window of the bus and demanded that she get out. She did not get out; instead, she ferociously told him to “go away” and just drove off. He did not follow.

She was forever young and not just at heart. She took great care of herself and was up on vitamins and homeopathic remedies and supplements long before they got fashionable. She walked dogs for exercise, fun and company well into her 90s. Once I went to check on her after her knee replacement. When I asked how she was doing the nurse said “she is doing fine physically but they were worried about her mental state because she insisted that she was in her 85 years old.” I said “yeah?” To which she replied “Oh dear god don’t tell me she really is 85.”

She had a massive stroke and shook it off. She lived alone and for the most part managed her own affairs until she saw 99 and had another stroke which she also shook off other than cognitive issues but during her recovery she kind of got used to living a Queen. When she moved to Sunrise, in Westlake Village she got more independent, ambulatory, and social. She was able to visit at our home and go out and get her hair and nails done. At Sunrise, she was introduced as being 100, another woman there loudly proclaimed “Damn.”

In the end, her doctor said, “She developed an arrhythmia which dropped her blood pressure and it caused the fall which resulted in a broken pelvis.” Sadly, it was inoperable and very painful. While she was kept comfortable, she failed to thrive. She stopped eating and drinking enough, I think on purpose, and essentially faded away.

They say it takes a village to raise a boy. I am lucky to have sorta had three moms. Joan, Rosie and of course my own mom Peg. I am going to miss Joan bad; only now am I truly an orphan.

Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be shared at www.gateskingsleygates.com for the Delmer family.