Tommi (Mary L.) Jones

Tommi (Mary) Long Jones, 83, of Charlotte, passed away peacefully on January 8, 2013 in the warm embrace of her family. She was born March 25, 1929, a daughter of Lacy Long and Mattie Puckett Long. She is survived by her Daughter Randi J. Simon, son in law Scott J. Simon, and her beloved grandson Alexander H. Simon, all of Charlotte; her brothers J. Lawrence Long of Tabor City, NC and Nealy A. Long of Goose Creek, SC; and sisters Zula L. Stocks of Tabor City, NC, Ruth L. Price of Wilson, NC and Carolyn L. Ward of Ash, NC. Together with her parents she was predeceased by her brothers Harry T. Long and Lacy N. Long and a sister Roma L. Long. A Memorial Service will be held at 2:00 PM on February 2, 2013 at the First United Methodist Church, 501 N. Tryon St. Charlotte, NC 28202. In lieu of flowers memorials to the First United Methodist Church, the American Heart Association,

P.O. Box 5216 Glen Allen VA 23058-5216, or the American Cancer Society, 1901 Brunswick Avenue, suite 100, Charlotte, NC 28207, in her memory would be greatly appreciated. Arrangements entrusted to McEwen Funeral Service at Sharon Memorial Park. Notes of condolences and encouragement may be left at McEwenfs.com.

FIRST EULOGY

TOMMI LONG JONES

Tommi was my boss, my mentor, and my friend – a friendship that spanned more than 45 years. She was a unique and invincible woman, and will always have a special place in my heart.

I first met her in 1967 when she and Tom Mathews hired me to be their Personnel Assistant at the Jefferson-Pilot radio and television stations. A year and one-half later, Tom Matthews left WBT-WBTV, and Tommi was promoted to Personnel Manager. At that time, this was unheard of even though she was truly qualified and had certainly paid her dues. She became the first woman in management, and later became the first woman to achieve officer status when she was made a Vice President.

TOMMI SUCCEEDED IN A MAN’S WORLD LONG BEFORE IT WAS ACCEPTED BY MOST. It was never easy for her, but she did it with grace, hard work, humor, and determination.

Tommi was devoted to her profession. She was a wonderful mentor to both men and women. Her open door policy, good listening skills, and pragmatic approach to problem solving helped nurture so many successful careers. She strongly encouraged continuing training and development for the employees, and implemented the first formal Training Department within the company. Tommi is well remembered by the many who made their mark in the broadcasting industry, and a great number of them remained friends with the woman who “paved their way.”

When I left the company 20 years later, in 1987, to take my Human Resources career to a higher level, Tommi couldn’t have been prouder. She was always a phone call away when I needed help and a shoulder to cry on. I didn’t always like the advice she gave me, but it was mostly on target. As Joe Abernathy, another station colleague recalled, Tommi may not have always been “right”, but she was never “wrong.”

Tommi was fun. She had hundreds of entertaining stories about her work experiences, and she added laughter to our lives. She was quick with the one-liners and could spar with the best of the good old boys.

On a personal level, there are things that some of you may not have known about Tommi. She had a lifelong love of theater, performing in many local productions over the years. She also enjoyed searching for and collecting antiques. Her Fourth Ward home was a treasure trove of eclectic but unique pieces that only Tommi could pull together to showcase their beauty. She loved entertaining and was an excellent cook. As always, she made it look easy.

I am grateful for Tommi’s influence in my life and to have been a part of the incredible circle of friends which Tommi brought together.

Randi, I know you will find some peace in the past memories that others – and you – have of your Mom.

In closing, I would like to read a poem written by Susan Schutz, which describes our friend perfectly.

TO A TRULY REMARKABLE WOMAN

YOU WERE A REMARKABLE WOMAN

WHO ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH AS A STRONG WOMAN

IN A MAN’S WORLD

YOU WERE STRONG BUT SOFT

STRONG BUT CARING

STRONG BUT COMPASSIONATE

YOU WERE A REMARKABLE WOMAN

WHO ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH

AS A GIVING WOMAN

IN A SELFISH WORLD

YOU GAVE TO YOUR FRIENDS

TO YOUR FAMILY

TO EVERYONE

YOU WERE A REMARKABLE WOMAN

AND YOU WERE LOVED BY

SO MANY PEOPLE

WHOSE LIVES YOU HAVE TOUCHED

INCLUDING MINE.

SECOND EULOGY

TRIBUTE TO TOMMI JONES

REFLECTIONS

On the morning of January 8th, a remarkable lady quietly passed away, and is at peace. Tommi was my mentor and friend for over 30 years. She broke the glass ceiling in business --mentoring, influencing, and encouraging hundreds of us. She was our grand dame.

Let me start by saying, “I miss her.” Yet, her voice resonates daily.

Her written tributes consistently speak to the impact she had on each of our lives. I am blessed, humbled, and honored to represent many of you. We are not given many opportunities to reflect in meaningful ways on the people and events we hold so dear. I know that I would not be the person I am today, if it weren’t for Tommi.

How did I know Tommi? Our bond was in three intermingled phases.

1. TOMMI THE CLIENT:

In 1982, I began working with Tommi and the Jefferson Pilot family facilitating a Manager as Leader Training Program. The North Carolina training company JP used had had difficulty meeting Tommi’s expectations for a facilitator/trainer. I was forewarned of the challenges ahead. I called it divine destiny!

Tommi’s favorite section of the Leadership training program was Communication Skills. She would sit at the back of the room and co-train with me. Tommi was all about communications –not just what but how. Part of the graduation celebration was going to lunch. Whether it was pizza or beef wellington, Tommi never ate, she always dined. For many of us, those dining etiquette lessons were preparing us for the future.

She was also a stickler on time. The second time I was a few minutes late meeting her one morning at the hotel, she quickly told me: “If I did not respect my own time, at least respect her time.” A quick lesson learned “check in the box” which is honored today.

In the Human Resources business, the disciplines are building blocks: -personnel, -human resources, -organizational development. Reflecting back, Tommi was the first (as in many arenas) Organizational Development Leader I had ever had the opportunity to observe. She knew each employee, and focused on improving individual skills as well as the organization’s skills. She was never about biases and prejudice. Tommi was in the right profession –she interviewed, selected, promoted, developed, and mentored based purely on the individual.

For example, one of her managers wanted to keep the station on air throughout the night. A person had approached him and suggested selling shoes on air. Now this was in the ‘80’s. Tommi just smiled and talked about how this person was so ahead of his time. As we all know, info commercials run all night long now. How right she was! How right he was!

Tommi also knew how to build a team. Reflecting back, computers and details were not her strengths. She would often make that little chuckle saying that her team complimented her style. She trusted her team with the details and getting it right the first time.

During one of the company’s “what do you think” surveys, Tommi and I were preparing to review the highlights (and low lights) of the survey for a station meeting. She talked about how consistently the employees discussed the need for dental insurance. In the Tommi’ fashion, she quipped, “How can I make them understand. That will be a long time coming here. Don’t they realize that many on the Board have false teeth?

Over the 15 plus years of working at Jefferson Pilot with Tommi, we traveled to the various properties. With Tommi, each had its own unique experience. From the Peabody Hotel, best crab cakes in the world, the ducks, the roof top station gatherings. Also, I remember one trip we made to Colorado to visit the station there. Because of snow conditions, the station was closed. So, ever the adventurer, we decided to take a “detour” and go over the winding, back roads, straight up the narrow 14,000-foot elevated Pike’s Peak that had no guardrails. If you remember, driving was not one of her strengths. Here we were winding up the mountain in the biggest car I can remember. How fast were we driving? No more than 10 minutes per hour. I do remember that my life passed in front of me several times. Finally, we hit civilization. First stop – adult beverages. Return trip – expressway.

One of the most influential “Tommi- isms” is still true today. As Anna talked about her “breaking the glass ceiling” for us “girls”, she also believed: “Plant the seed. Make your idea someone else’s idea. Often it is not about getting the credit, instead it is about getting the result.” She was a great Influencer.

TOMMI THE MENTOR: Tommi actively encouraged me to “branch out.” Over the last 30 years, she has been my business advisor. She has always there for me. Always answering the phone with a chipper “Tommi Jones” followed by a slight chuckle. She had a unique way of balancing the heart and the head.

A co worker once said to mother. You are the luckiest ( I think it was damn luckiest actually) person I've ever met .... And mother replied...... That's because I make my luck. Her drive and dedication to people, before process was genuine to the end. Tommi had the ability to see the best and the full potential in all people.

She was the ultimate “Communicator.” How often we would hear her favorite stories. One was once when Randi called asking to go somewhere. Randi was pressing for an answer, and Tommi in her cool, grand dame style, quickly said: “If you need an answer right now, then the answer is “no.” If you give me a few minutes and we talk about it, then I may consider it.” Life lesson. That lesson was used on numerous occasions when our daughter was growing up.

She was also the master of the double entendres. They were often used for life lessons.

• My child/my kid

• Small lobster

• Bread plate

• Two shrimp

• You and Jim look alike

Anna and I have shared a nervous smile believing that this is the last assignment from Tommi as our Mentor. Hopefully, we have made her smile.

TOMMI, MY FRIEND AND FAMILY:

Over these almost 30 years, we were close friends. Quick reflections of Tommi: pink hair rollers, Scotch/Neat/splash of water, her dog Pippin, knick-knacks, scallops, rice, clothing ordered from catalogs that always looked couture, fighting over the dinner checks, late evenings sipping fine wine and sharing stories. She ate like a bird, and entertained like a queen.

And, she did know how to entertain… Scott and Randi, your wedding was a Cinderella and Prince Charming affair. Staircase, centerpieces, dinner, roses.

Randi, you probably realized early on that you were not an only child. As my husband, Jim, has often said it was also hard to gain her approval. Her expectations for herself and her “family” were high. My belief is we became her family and she protected us. I asked her once why she didn’t remarry. She hesitated, and then speaking quietly she responded that her life was full and complete. There was no need.

Two of the greatest joys over the past 5 or so years were with Tommi:

1. Greatest joy – Melanie’s Wedding.

2. Trip to Blue Ridge Parkway into Virginia – Black Dog.

Most of all… She was full of grace, love, and caring. … She also taught me the joy of family and grandchildren. She shared with me the delightful, quiet times she had with her one and only Grandchild, Alex. Can we say she adored and idolized Alex! Randi and Scott, you really hit it out of the ballpark when Alex came along. How proud she was of his precociousness, gift of words, and desire to just hang with her. On our last conversation, she talked about the love of family – time with Alex, Randi fussing to get her to eat protein – I believe, a tablespoon of peanut butter every hour, and Scott, for being so supportive. She was surrounded by what she cherished most in life.

I am grateful for her wisdom, “tough love”, friendship, time, and guidance she gifted to me. As often in life, her legacy and influence continues.

Let me end by saying, “I miss her.” Yet, her voice resonates daily.

THIRD EULOGY

by Alex Simon

I loved my grandmother. She was my best friend. This is a favorite poem of hers.

Nobody Knows It But Me

By Patrick O'Leary

There's a place I travel,

When I want to roam

And nobody knows it but me.

The roads don't go there,

And the signs stay home

And nobody knows it but me.

It's far, far away and way, way afar,

It's over the moon and the sea,

And wherever you are going,

That's wherever you are

And nobody knows it but me.

FOURTH EULOGY

Tommi Long Jones

Eulogy by Jinny Mitchell and Dennis Delamar (presented together Feb. 2, 2013)

Dennis: My name is Dennis Delamar and this is my dear friend Jinny Mitchell. Like many of you here today, we are both members of Charlotte’s eclectic, strong, and loving theatre community. We both adored Tommi Jones, and feel honored to be asked by Randi to speak. Jinny is also a longtime member of this beautiful church.

Jinny: Along with her own family, her theatre family and friends, Tommi Long Jones also was a member of the First U Methodist family. We were enriched by her many creative gifts and talents which she willingly gave to First Church – in chancel dramas, staged readings, her support and presence. A member since the l950’s, she became active again in the 1980’s sharing a pew with family friends with whom she had been associated back in the WBT days of her professional life. She was first and foremost a friend. She was a pragmatic, engaging, loyal, talented lady who could hold her own in any arena with grace and dignity – always laced with a sense of humor.

An example of that humor was evidenced on one occasion during a special worship service here in which the congregants were invited to anoint their pew neighbors with oil. Tommi was heard to whisper (perhaps a stage whisper?) to her long-time friend, “I’m not that churchy.” Another touch of that humor was revealed in a staged reading in our Fellowship Hall when the participants were invited to bring salad ingredients for a salad buffet. Most people brought tomatoes, cucumbers, garnishes of one kind or another. Then there was Tommi’s offering – a gorgeous platter of fruits, vegetables, cheeses – a culinary delight. That was Tommi. If you’re going to do something, do it right. Do it well. Do it with class. She was one classy lady, loyal to her friends and fiercely devoted to her family.

Dennis: In 2007 Graham Smith, upon Katherine Goforth’s suggestion, lured Tommi and me to a Groundcrew voice studio. Graham was working on a new play somewhere north of here, and he told us his actors needed to hear some authentic Southern dialects. Tommi and I were originally from Eastern North Carolina, so we were delighted to put on the headsets for Graham and Gina Stewart to interview us as they rolled the tape. We started chatting in our best “back home” voices in the name of theatre research. In that very fun interview there was a lot of laughing I recall, but I also remember a few choice things Tommi shared about herself. For instance, her real name was Mary. When she was born, her sister had a rag doll named “Tom.” She got a little mixed up and started calling her doll “Sister” and her new baby sister “Tom.” So all her brothers and sisters called her Tom, and when she moved to Charlotte she became Tommi. Her nieces and nephews still to this day call her Aunt Tom. She was from the Tabor City area in southeastern North Carolina. She grew up on a farm “in the country” outside of Tabor City in a small community called Bug Hill. And yes, Bug Hill had a post office. She was from a family of ten children, five boys and five girls, and she was #5 “right smack in the middle.” In that interview she also shared that she was reared Southern Baptist but when she moved to Charlotte, she switched her membership to Methodist, the church we’re in today, the same church where she was married. She also shared that her first corsage at her prom was a gardenia, that she had the foresight to pin it on her evening bag so it wouldn’t get crushed when her date was pressing upon her while slow dancing. All the other girls noticed and many followed her lead. (Foreshadowing?) She told of her first pair of britches she ever owned at the age of 16. Also, two foods she was extremely fond of - mussels (right, Linda Newcomb?) and the best fried chicken in the state, from Mrs. Todd’s Boarding House in Tabor City. (right, Scott?)

Jinny: Tommi graduated from high school in Tabor City and moved to Charlotte to attend business school. Upon completion, she became involved in the National Secretaries Association where she became vice president in 1952 and president in 1954, taking her to New York City to the Waldorf Astoria, an event she recalled fondly. During these years she became involved at the Little Theatre of Charlotte and the Society of Antique Lovers in Charlotte, where she made key contacts that led to her job at Jefferson Pilot. She started there in 1956 in the personnel department and by 1968 was the first female manager.

Dennis: Many of us here today are quite familiar with Tommi as a vital and contributing member of this theatre community. That’s where many of us first met and fell for this amazing lady. Her early days at the Little Theatre (later known as Theatre Charlotte) in the 1950’s found her receiving rave reviews in plays like SABRINA FAIR and THE SOLID GOLD CADILLAC with such historic Charlotte theatre legends as Tom Humble and Gladys Lavitan. Tommi’s last appearance on the Theatre Charlotte stage was just this past September when she gave a speech honoring her longtime friend and co-star Gladys Lavitan at Gladys’ 96th birthday party. After retiring from Jefferson Pilot, Tommi revisited her love for being on the stage, performing with a variety of groups including Golden Circle Theatre, Actor’s Theatre, Theatre Charlotte, CPCC, and Charlotte Rep. In plays like OCTETTE BRIDGE CLUB, DEARLY DEPARTED, ALL THE WAY HOME, EQUUS, MARVIN’S ROOM, FUDDY MEERS, THE CHILDREN’S HOUR, and THE FLOATPLANE NOTEBOOKS. (Raise your hand if you saw Tommi or performed with her in one of these productions.)

Tommi the actress also appeared in commercials, films, voiceovers, industrials, and even a music video. With her experiences and contacts at Jefferson Pilot combined with her knowledge of the Charlotte theatre and film world, Tommi started the Tommi Long Jones Agency. She represented some of you actors and actresses here today. You are present today to honor the lady who got you work, but also the friend who believed in you as a good human investment. Some of you as directors and producers counted on her to send you quality talent and she obliged with an astute, informed eye. (Right, Elyse.) With the agency in full swing, her condo in Fourth Ward on Settler’s Lane was quite busy with 3 Tommys at work. Tommi helming the business. Her partner Thomas Clark working diligently to keep the ball rolling. (Have to mention, Thomas, how much she loved you and your 3 beautiful girls). And of course Thomasina - Tommi counted on Thomasina Grier to help take care of anything from the house, to her beloved dog Pippin, to even herself. But most important, Tommi considered her a dear and valubale friend.

Jinny: A ‘Tommi story’ I loved hearing was when she starred in a student film created by a high school senior. The film was titled “Angel Eyes.” Mostly visuals and music, the story line was of a man grieving the loss of his wife. The last frame took place in Elmwood Cemetery. The man senses and actually sees an angel who has the same eyes of his beloved wife. Tommi was that Angel – to the aspiring film student and to many others along the way.

Dennis: Within this sanctuary today, there are so many wonderful “Tommi stories” waiting to be shared - characterized by wisdom, warmth, strength, affection and great humor – her signature. There’s the one about the antique auction in Salisbury. The one about the green carpet. The time Randi gave her a huge surprise 60th birthday party at Tommi’s close friend Jack Bowden’s Van Landingham Estate – “Mickey’s 60, and So Are You!” And there’s one of my favorites involving several actress friends who lunched together regularly - Ginger Curl, Annette Gill, Bonnie Johnson, Pam Galle, Judy Simpson Cook, and Tommi. Their bond became even closer when they performed Judy Cook’s Southern play THE AURELIA WOMEN’S LEAGUE FLOWER AND GARDEN SHOW GALA PLANNING COMMITTEE. Tommi was Clarinda the president, an “in charge” matron with strong opinions about what is the right way to do things. The ladies tell me – type casting. The companion one act was AFTER A FASHION. They performed both many times in different locations. Polly Adkins pinch hit when one of the ladies wasn’t available. After the play, they started calling their lunches the Aurelia gatherings. The Aurelia Ladies Who Lunch even took their friendship on the road. They embarked upon a real life SC beach excursion known lovingly as The Great Folly Beach and Cole’s Island Adventure. Yes, there are pictures and more details I can’t share today. You’ll have to ask one of these ladies at the party.

Jinny: Following our service today, Randi has asked us to invite you to a celebration of Tommi’s life at Bistro La Bon on Central from 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm. It will be an opportunity to share YOUR favorite Tommi story as we circle up and lift a glass to honor our friend we all adored. Surely, it’s the kind of event Tommi would absolutely love and hope for following her memorial at the church.

Dennis: In closing, I want to state some truths my friend Katherine Goforth reminded me of yesterday. Tommi Jones loved her daughter Randi, her son in law Scott, and her grandson Alex dearly. She was proud that she did her very best to spoil them rotten –or not. Tommi spoiled us all, didn’t she? She made us feel like family with her generosity of spirit, her quick mind, and her sense of humor. Her gentle iron will could bend and shape us all, and we liked it. Who could ever contradict she was one of Charlotte’s original steel magnolias right to the end?

We were each treated like we were special, that we hung the moon. How did she do that?

Jinny: We would like to leave you with a quote from THE GIFT OF STORY by Dr. Clarissa Estes.

“Though none of you will live forever, the stories can. As long as one soul remains who can tell the story, and that by the recounting of the tale,

Dennis: …the greater forces of love, mercy, generosity and strength are continuously called into being in the world.

Jinny: I promise you………….it will be enough.”

Dennis: A hopeful thought. Tommi understood and relished that her life was “full and complete.”

Jinny: Everyone in this sanctuary would agree.

Dennis: Tommi, our favorite independent trail blazer, earned this wealth of love from friends and family gathered today. In her grand style of theatrics and good story telling, let’s continue this celebration today and after today, as we keep telling her stories, as we keep giving praise. We hope to see you this afternoon at Bistro La Bon.

Dennis and Jinny: Thank you.