43 years ago today, this beautiful boy made me a Mom.  His life was just 14, 956 days long, and every one of them is a treasure to me. 

I read this (paraphrased) from one of my favorite authors last week - a memory relived alone creates a fresh wound.  A memory shared is a balm.

In the now 750 days that I have been living without him, my friends and family have allowed me to apply a lot of balm, and for that I am grateful.

I love this picture of John, who at the time had just learned to walk.  I call this picture "Joy" in my random and messy computer files.  It was taken at the little duplex in Santa Clara where we lived until moving to Fresno.  John had a fuzzy dog to play with, a tiny backyard that was almost too small to ride his Big Wheels in, and a walnut tree in the front that he would have learned to climb had we lived there long enough.

His brother Daniel recently said "John was the mood and John was the food".  Very true. No family party started until John got there.
Anne Bancroft once said that when she heard the front door open and knew her husband Mel Brooks was about to enter she always thought "And now the party starts!"  This was true of John, too. No family party started until John got there.

John always talked about wanting to write a letter to Mel Brooks, to thank him for all the laughs.  Maybe I will do that today, and maybe I should hurry, Mel is 32,234 days old.

End of Year 2

Life goes on...but less vividly, less joyfully.  You would hate to know that, but it's the truth.  We are trying; we know you would want us to.   Losing you caused us to try to be better humans, and that's a great legacy.

Today we will drive to your favorite fishing spot at Shaver and then have beef stragonoff for dinner.  Hope I can manage to "burn off a good batch"

Love, as always,
Mom

And this is one of those days....how you loved Christmas!!

John - Yesterday you would have been 42.  Hard to believe we've missed two birthday now.  I just couldn't put words together yesterday, so I am here a day late. 

You are missed - by so very many people!  Life just doesn't feel the same without you, and I doubt it ever will.

Mom

Dear John,

A year has passed without you.  I don't know how we made it through .  I still stand at the kitchen window and hope to see your little green car pull up to the curb and see your little white pup sprinting for the house, barking wildly.

Your death left a huge hole in the fabric of the family, and although we might be able to weave the edges back together, it will always look a bit raggedy.

Love you oodles,
Mom

Ten long months without you…. I miss you every day…

Mom

In a few hours 2023 will end, and a year that you will never be a part of, will begin.  You are so missed!  Your light and laughter, your good humor and nurturing ways.  We are muddling along, putting one foot in front of the other, because it is what you would want us to do.  It may sound trite or cliche, but it is true.  I can almost hear you say "enough tears Ma, move along"

Mom

John always wore these headbands at work and would pretend he was a teppanyaki chef! Thank you Donna for the honor of receiving one of his chef hats and photo. Prayers for you and your family.

John - Your family at Mama Mia's made a shadow box in your memory.  You are loved!!

Happy Heavenly Birthday, John.  Gone from your family and friends who loved you dearly way too soon. 
Love,
Aunt Lorena

Today you would have been 41!  We sure packed a lot of good memories into the time we had...  We are keeping the brunch reservations you had already made, and we will order a mimosa for you.  Love you oodles....

To Donna, Wyn and Daniel, the Chandler and Lippman Families

My sincere condolences for the sudden loss of your son, 
brother, cherished family member and friend to many.

John's presence will be missed. His memory will be 
cherished by all that had the fortune to know him.

Heavenly 
Happy Birthday 
John 

Love, 
Aunt Jan

Thinking of you John I have to smile. Your blond hair, your wit and comedy acts remind me of Dennis the Menace. Last time we saw each other you danced the night away. I always checked on you every time I spoke to your dad. I can not emphasize enough how thankful we all are that you spent your last weekend visiting him and Daniel. 
You will always be the light, laughter and life of the party. I truly hope you find your Uncle Bill. I'm sorry I could not be there for your farewell, as is your cousin Aimee Lou. Our hearts are sad but we know you are in a better place and at peace.
Amen, Aunt Jan XOXO

Best cousin you could ever ask for. (1997)

When we went to brunch and drinks.. we ordered a “Spicy Pine Pine” and it was such a wacky name that we just made that an inside joke from there on out!

Always a light! Best personality and humor!!

I miss you John. You came into my life when you were 17 and a senior in high school and I was dating your mother. You welcomed me with open arms and an open heart. 

You were one of the funniest guys that I had ever met. Your ability to recall movies, characters and dialogues was amazing! I thought you should have been a stand-up comedian. 

We did some things together, like some fishing, watching football games, and doing bbq’s. I remember as a new head wrestling coach at McLane HS, you and your mother would run the snack bar on tournament days … breakfast burritos, tritip sandwiches, plus all the other usual snack bar food. You loved making and serving food. Being a chef was your forte!

You were always there when I needed a hand, whether it was yard work, repainting the cabin, or whatever. I could always count on you. 

I’m not sure how we are going to get along without you. You were such a ray of sunshine for your mother. Know that you are loved, and not just from your mother and me, but from the many many people whose life you touched. 

I love you John and will miss you dearly. You are gone way too soon. Your memories will warm my heart and soul.

Wednesday Morning


Can't eat, he can't eat
Can't sleep as he sleeps forever
Can't shower as it will wash away the dirt from the last day he was alive
Day goes by but I don't know what I am doing
Sitting, standing, staring is all the same.
Head to bed, but the last time I went to bed he breathed
In the dark the clock ticks away, uncaring
Clocks chime 12, his last day on earth is over.
Clocks chimes 3 and my new normal is 24 hours old.

Please God, carry me and this grief


Mom

I spent 7 years or so working alongside John and can without a doubt say that he has changed me for the better. John had a huge heart and an amazing sense of humor. Looking at the work schedule and seeing I had John on my shifts made me look forward to work! Some days when I had long classes he would meet me after to hang out, eat some food, and drink some beers together. I'm going to miss him dearly as he was like a brother to me. When he told me he passed his EKG class I jumped out of my seat and shouted as I was so happy. John had the kind of soul that would've been so helpful in the emergency room. He had the humor and poise and was able to calm people down during times of distress in the restaurant and would've helped so many people at the hospital.  

When I moved across country for school, John offered to tag along with me and said he'd just fly back home after he got to see the east coast. I couldn't let him come because my car was already packed to the brim, but I assured him we'd have a trip together after I was done with this program. 

He pushed me to aim higher and promised me we'd open a little sandwich shop one day. I'll continue to aim high and work hard and having fun knowing John wouldn't want it any other way. One day I'll hopefully be able to honor John in that way, as I'm sure he would've liked it. 

John was a character you could never forget. He had a kind soul and I will miss him dearly. I know he's looking down on all of us crying till our eyelids are swollen and telling himself he doesn't deserve all these tears. John was that selfless and humble of a human being. He would've wanted everyone to smile, tell stories, and truly celebrate his life and hold in the tears the best we could. RIP John. I will never forget you.

OBITUARY

John Clifton Moles

September 10, 1982 – August 22, 2023

Boice Funeral Home

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