Don’t Forget the Dot

When I first started looking for a real job, my job skills professional suggested I create a ‘grown up’ e-mail address that sounded more like the college graduate I had become. I was 59. When home computers were a first  craze, in order to protect our identity, most of us came up with cutesy nicknames that only our family and closest friends would understand or laugh at. Looking back it seems silly now. So as I tried to put Reina Quantrell into an email @ ..., nothing seemed to work. I tried an underscore and a few other emblems but it would not accept them. In frustration I put in a “dot” between my first and last name and, voila! It worked! But with all the enthusiasm as an older university graduate I soon realized unless the email address was in parenthesis the email would bounce back or not be delivered.  The reason? People did not see the dot. I would add a friendly reminder to my correspondence, “Don’t forget the dot!” or say to someone, "Reina Dot Quantrell" etc etc, a proper working email was essential to me going forward in my new world.

Last night (Oct 15, 2019) I heard of my former Mother in Law’s passing, or I should say, "My first husband's mother." Her name is Dorothy, affectionately known by her near and dear ones as Dot or Dotty. I just called her 'Mom'. She was my first Dot. Her son Daniel the Third and I were high school sweethearts and were determined to be married sooner than later. He was my Prince and I his Princess and we were determined to build our Castle in the Air.

(Part 1 of 4)

(Continued...)

With each passing day, let’s honor her life and example by smiling at a cashier, offer a helping hand, go the extra mile so we don’t  forget the Dot.

I love you Dorothy Marie Quinn Kauffman, thanks for being my Dot. 
Your loving son's first wife, Reina Marie.

Note: My mother, Elizabeth, or Oma, would never allow the phrase "in-law" to be used. She felt society had demonized it. She insisted that sons-in-law refer to her as "my wife's mother" thus "my husband's mother.” God be with you till we meet again.

(Part 5 of 5)

(Continued...)

The last time I saw her, I was visiting them at their property in Clearlake, California. Her husband’s health had taken its toll with hard living. In his younger years there wasn’t anything he couldn’t fix or build. But now, their home had a tired, ramshackle look about it. As we strolled downhill on the grassy dirt driveway to prepare to leave, others walked ahead. My elder-care training popped into high gear as I saw her misstep. I gently offered her my arm for support. We slowed our pace to keep her steady. I told her, “I was sorry to hear about Jack, even though he didn’t live the life you would have liked, he was your baby and I am sorry for his passing. We are not prepared to outlive our children and I know he loved you.” Her eyes filled with tears and spilled over her cheeks. She let out a sigh and a smile. Then she leaned into me almost resting her head on my shoulder. She patted my arm and said, “You know, you were always one of my favorite kids!”  Then, I began to cry. Tears ran down my cheeks. I replied, “I have always loved you too! Regardless of where I have gone I have always been grateful for what you taught me, when I was unteachable.” These are the memories I cherish. 

Dan’s and my Castle in the Air floated away years ago. We have remained as friends. We share children and grandchildren and now our first great-grandchild. We have learned from this sweet woman that it is the small things that build the big things. Large doors swing on small hinges. She spent years making happy memories opening doors for her children and grandchildren; with nicknames like Sarabelle and Jaybird. Family gatherings were dotted with cupcakes, spaghetti dinners, barbecues, and swimming in the family pool. Those are all the dots that brought us together. She laid out the dots, then connected them. There wasn't anyone who knew her that did not love her.

(Part 4 of 5)

(Continued...)

Poor Dan, our first year of marriage he ate more burnt offerings than the Gods, but I eventually caught on with the help of Dorothy, my own mother, and Julia Child. 

From Dorothy I learned it was the little things. I am convinced she bailed us out numerous times. She always seemed to know not only what we needed but also what we wanted. She rarely lost her temper with me, although, she should have. I was a snot and full of myself in my early 20s.  “I am going to have nice things before I am 40!” I declared to her one day defiantly. She smiled her Dorothy smile as I  added, “I am not afraid to work.” Little did I know how exhausting taking care of a baby and housework would be. She said, sternly but sweetly, “You’ll find out.” And I did. 

Despite my occasional insolence, she went on to throw me a baby shower.  Sweet as the Blue Bells of Texas, her native home, her life with Dan Jr was not easy but she loved him. She was strong as the Texas soil she came from. I met her parents on a visit when Sarah was six months old. Her mother, Grandma Quinn, like her daughter, was sweet, kind and hard working. Also, her father,  a tall handsome, hard working man of faith—whose claim to fame was that he never uttered a swear word in his life—was one of a kind. I was in reverent awe.The dots like grains of sand purged through heat and pressure from stone or brick and, with time, form a strength one can count on. That quiet strength was sturdy and dependable. Dorothy possessed this exquisite gift. She cared for everyone. One dot at a time, a smile,  personal encouragement, empathy for the suffering, even for a young upstart, her son's young wife, where she saw compassion and creativity. I don’t believe she ever forgot what it was like to be young, yet even in her younger years she was old and wise.

(To Be Continued...)


(continued...)

Originally we were going to be married in his parents living room following his United States Air Force Basic Training. He had enlisted for six years and was promised a week's leave following his basic training. Halfway through his training he was informed that his Air Force schooling was starting a week early and his leave was cancelled. We were crushed! After Dan got out of basic training and I graduated Medical Assisting School, we met in Denver, Colorado, to be married and to begin our life together regardless of our setback. I had never been so far away from home before and was terribly homesick.  When we got back to California nine months later, I knelt on the ground and kissed my Dorothy and Dan Jr's driveway, and fell into Dorothy’s arms in tears of gratitude.

Like any Cinderella I had dreams of my Castle but a Castle is hard to maintain on USAF Airmen’s pay circa 1973. I was pregnant with our first baby and there was no base housing for Air Force personnel near his Air Force Station, so we settled into an eight-plex where Dan could work as maintenance during off-duty hours and I could collect other tenants rent and cleaned vacant apartments in trade for free rent. I was just glad to be 'home' in California and in my own home.

Enter Dot.  We were new to running a household, balancing checkbooks, living within our means and planning a blissful life. Dorothy worked at the bank. Occasionally, as young folks do,  we would find ourselves overdrawn. Dorothy would check our balance, pay the overdraft fee of two dollars, and put a few dollars in so we would have money for bread, milk and eggs. We laugh at that sum now, but back then two dollars would buy 4+ gallons of gas. Dorothy and Dan Jr  would take us most Saturday nights to the Steak House and treat us to a night out. Dan's and my idea of a Date Night on $500 a month was four Coney Dogs for a buck at A&W on Tuesdays or four tostadas for a buck at Taco Bell.

(To Be Continued...)

My Grandma, with the most beautiful locks of hair....  there are so many things to be said.  The way I see you, the photo is the first thought that always comes to my mind. Sitting in this spot, sharing morning coffee and catch up conversation. There is lifetime of memories.... I could write a novel! Everyone can only think of good things to say when someone passes.... I only have good memories. A soft, social, easy to talk to, loving Grandma. 
     Your laugh... I believe we all will hear that in our head forever. 
     “Hiiii my babies” as we walked through the front door every 6-8 weeks for weekend visit. Dinner waiting every late night arrival. Breakfast when we woke up... landscape beyond a kids imagination to wonder about, docks, boats, ducks to feed, Safeway grocery store trips, dinner out.... Grandma and Grandpa knew everyone in their town.  Knowing and being present for much of my kids lives. From their birth to high school graduations. 
   There is so much......
  
   Although I wished for relief through the last two years of Grams life, the thought of a permanent loss was the feeling I dreaded. Her presents on earth is gone and it’s felt!! I will miss my grandma something awful. She was a big part of my life and always will be! I love her so much..! Dorthy “Dottie” Marie Quinn Kauffman was the definition of what a grandma is. 
  

Most people believe their mom is the best and I’m no exception. Mom, you were still a teen when I was born so, in a way, we grew up together with you in the lead. You taught me to use a spoon, clean up after myself, how to feed myself and plan a meal, how to wash clothes, how to memorize the multiplication tables, the difference between a debit and a credit, and tolerated Jack and I beating the crap out of each other. You were always there when I was older. You helped in the raising of each of your grandchildren from potty-training to caring for Jason as your own. As such, you were a wonderful mom and an even better grandma. I remembered every lesson you provided though you might not have thought I was listening at the time. 
You were everyone’s favorite mom-figure. My friends loved to come over when you were there because you made them feel welcome. The kids grew up looking forward to visiting Grandma. You treated my step-children like I did, like they were your own. And they were, right up to the last minute when you reacted to hearing Janice’s voice as much as you did when you heard Sarah’s voice. You were sleeping but we all know you heard our voices.
I was groomed by you to take care of you during your last days when you could no longer take care of yourself. I took over all your affairs with significant assistance from both Sarah and Jason. It wasn’t easy but we owed you this much. We loved you because you loved us first. But, in contrast, because we loved you so much that it was very hard to watch as you slowly wasted away to nothing. Our hope will always be that we did all the right things so that you could leave this planet with all the dignity, love, and respect you’ve earned. You will be missed.
Love forever —
Your firstborn son, Danny


Aunt Dorothy was sweet and loving.  I can remember visiting her in California as a child and she always made me feel loved.  
It was always fun to make her laugh.  She had the best laugh.  

Services will be held at a later date in Aransas Pass, Texas

Final Resting Place

Charlene (Phillips) Quinn

OBITUARY

Dorothy Marie Kauffman

December 11, 1935 – October 14, 2019

Mountain View Funeral & Cremation

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