Má Hải -

"May you have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May you be free of suffering and the causes of suffering.
May you have happiness that knows no suffering. 
May you abide in equanimity, free from the extremes of attachment and hatred" -The Four Immeasurables Prayer

Thank you for all the sacrifices known and unknown that you have made for all your family members, friends, and community in your 71 years. You overcame incredible hardships and dedicated your life to the care of others, and we are indebted to your strength and courage. We will cherish our countless memories of your singular personality and presence.

When I was 11, you gave me a beautiful, ornate book of poetry and reflections from classic and modern English poets for Christmas. It was too advanced for me to understand at the time and I put it away for safekeeping. When I rediscovered the book in my mid-30's, I found it an elegant and gracious read. The book was titled 
"Kindred Spirits: Meditations on Family & Friends" and it is a soothing balm for all of life's seasons. We tend to be generous with what it is that we ourselves appreciate; this gift was communicating all the values that meant most to you---especially the importance of honoring friends and family.

Thank you for this timeless gift and everything it symbolizes. I rejoice in your fulfilled life and the dignity in your passing. May you always find peace and refuge in the Buddha Dharma.

Dear Bác Hải,

I've known you for more than 15 years, and yet it feels like only yesterday that I met you for the first time. Throughout all these years, you watched Vivien and I grow up together. You watched us learn piano and become physicians together. You even cooked me my first ever bowl of bún riêu. I have so many wonderful memories of you that here I am now struggling to find the words to say goodbye. Your warmth and kindness were unmatched. You always treated me as if I were your own son, and you meant so much to both me and my family. The world may feel a little less bright today, but the warmth and love you imparted in each of us carries on forever. 

With all my love,
Brenton

Dear Family of Hai Fuong,
We are so sad to hear of the passing  of Hai Fuong. We are grateful that through Linh we have been welcomed by your amazing family. We have many memories of Hai’s  humor,  insistence that we try the wonderful dishes at family events, and honest, direct conversations. We found her to be an ocean of joy.
In our religion at the time of loss, we have this saying, May her memory be a blessing.
Warmly,
Susan and Mark Shaffer

To My Dearest auntie Me Hai,
The first thing is I want to say “I love you so much and miss you already.” Today marks exactly 1 week since you’ve left us and it feels like just a dream. You’ve gone but left us so many memories .
I will never forget the time you, Me Phúc and Co Khanh lived with us in La Reina, I was too young to remember but after you came back from New York and moved to Downey, I got to spend much more time with you. I remember your Special Tom yum soup, 
Your Canh chua Ca Bong Lau, especially because you knew that was my favorite food. You are beautiful inside and out and now I know that you’re in heaven with Ông Ba but still I will always miss you.
Love you ma Hai ❤️🙏🙏🙏

Dear Ma Hai aka Mrs. Ocean, Thank you for inviting me to your home many times and it’s a privilege to get to know you. You lived well and passed away well too. Despite many near-death experiences, you showed courage and determination to live as long as you could for your family. I know you didn’t want your family to worry about your condition and tolerated much pain with smiles mostly. Now you can rest in peace knowing that you took utmost care of your family and raised your children successfully as top professionals. I have fond memories of you calling me Tanzin la and treating me well. I have always remembered Dr. Lanh’s kindness of treating me like a family member and regularly kept your family in my prayers. Thank you Mai Hai for reminding us to take refuge in Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha in this and future lives and you exemplified it beautifully for us. I will continue to pray for you during your forty nine days and seek Buddha’s blessing to activate your good and positive karmas for a better rebirth and be under his care unto enlightenment. I offer my deepest condolences to Dr. Lanh and family and the Nguyen family. Peace, Kindness, Gratitude, and Prayers. Fondly yours, Tanzin la.
Tenzin Dorjee

An Ode to My Aunt, to memories gained…

I think of her, as she is intertwined with me, my mom, and all my aunts, for the Thạch-Nguyễn matriarch is strong

Cô Hãi, má Hãi, an endearing title of surrogate mom given to a few select aunts

There’s a silver gray Honda Accord that she kept so tidy and she took us to school: me, Quốc, and Sữ 

There’s a mop that she always had for the floor if it dared be soiled

There’s a rag always in her hand when she was in the kitchen 

There was a time when she traversed the ocean to freedom and took Quốc under her wings 

There was a time when her little girl Vivien flew from New York to California with my mom

There was a time when my mom made her bitter thuốc Bắc for her lungs and after she had Dan 

We were always intertwined—always a part of each other

The Thạch-Nguyễn (as I’d like to recall bà’s maiden name) matriarchal line is strong. The sisters keep their shared memories, shared experiences, shared traumas locked up. No strangers would ever know how much they all have been through and now there’s one less of them. 

All the holidays, all the family celebrations, it was always, it was always, all of my aunts. All of them. She is a part of her sister in as much as all of her sisters are a part of her. 

And her brothers. I know she adored them

This is the pain we all feel—the loss of an integral whole

But we will keep her. She is a part of us. She is a part of our collective memories…

Hi Co Hai,

We miss you. I loved seeing you at Vivien's wedding, how happy and proud you were. I remember growing up spending time at your house with Vivien and Dan, you were always so kind and loving. Always putting us kids first, making sure we eat. You have such a deep passion and love for your family that is rare to find anymore. You've raised such amazing children who've already made impacts on this world, all because of you. I hope you are resting easy now and are at peace knowing your time here will never be forgotten. We will always love you.

Jackie Nam Anh Nguyen

Dear Co Hai,

We will miss you. Our memories of you are met with tenderness and fondness.

(From Phuong-Nam & Nam-Phuong): Growing up, your love towards all your many nieces and nephews shined through. How did you have the patience for us all? Your voice was calm, full of reason. You enjoyed raising Vivien and Dan with their cousins—building the family community that you and your siblings share. Today, Vivien and Dan exude those same characteristics—putting family first, being kind to others, and giving back to our community. They learned this all from you.

(From Lan): The same kindness that Phuong-Nam and Nam-Phuong speak of is the same kindness you have always shown me. All these years ago, when Loc introduced me to you, you were open and friendly. So much so that my own sisters recall your graciousness until this day. Thank you for your sweet heart.

Co Hai, may you rest in peace. We love you.

All our love,

Caroline Phuong-Nam, Catherine Nam-Phuong, & Lan Tran

We were so sorry to hear of your loss. Hai was a very special lady, full of generosity and love. May her spirit and cherished memories you hold close bring you comfort during this difficult time. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  
With love, Ed and JoAnn Storti

Dear Bác Hải,

It is hard for me to accept that you are no longer here with us. I always looked forward to the off-chance that I would see you and Bác trai (Bác Lành) at your home when I would come by to visit Vivien. Any time I encountered you, you always greeted me with a pleasant voice and your trademark smile that made your face light up. Thank you for welcoming me so warmly to your home and inviting me to share meals with you and the family. You were always so hospitable and attentive with me. I remember when I was eating a plant-based diet, you enthusiastically invited me to share a vegetarian meal with the family. I always appreciated your sense of humor and your candid remarks on all sorts of topics. 

In the recent time period of your increased hospitalizations, I was so happy whenever you were discharged and could return home, to your favorite place. Even though your physical discomfort had increased in this recent time and your energy was diminished, you still had a pleasant disposition when I would see you. I remember stopping by your house in May and chatting with you. My dog was in the car, and you had the thoughtfulness to ask about him and his comfort even though you had just returned from a recent hospitalization and were still getting your bearings. I am so in awe of the fight that you put up Bác Hải. I am in awe of your strength and your courage. I am inspired by your love of family and home. I can only hope to experience a dignified departure from this life as you did. I am so happy that your suffering has ended and that you were able to leave this life without fear, regret, or unfinished business. Thank you for the blessing of your example. Your legacy lives on in the lives of all who are lucky to have been graced by your light, especially your beautiful family. 

Love,
Isabelle

I have a  found a very nice , kind, good, and a true friend in Ms Hai 
So blessed to have known Ms. Hai  even for a short  time
I will surely missed our exchanging of  life experiences , sharing sweet memories  of our family, eating together breakfast ,lunch , exercised and laughing together 
Most of all your  generosity  always willing to share your  food with my family

Ms, Hai you have a lived a beautiful life
And left a good memories in our heart
Love you Ms Hai 
  Ruina A . Morales

Dearest Bac Hai,

We love you and miss you. We know you are at peace and can breathe fully and freely. I am so lucky to have had you in my life as another mom that would look after me and all the cousins. I loved my childhood because I was always surrounded by family and we shared every weekend with you and your family. I remember having dinner every Saturday when we were younger and Dan would always get to pick the restaurant, and I remember you and my mom talking (gossiping) on the phone every single day! I remember living all in the same home together- laughing and eating and watching Hailey grow up. How lucky we were to have you for as long as we did. You always cared and nurtured everyone around you. Now that you are gone , we will always miss you and remember to cherish the memories. Although Dan, Vivian, and Bac Lanh will always miss their mom- we will make sure they are always surrounded by love and comfort. Our family grows stronger and bigger as time goes on and we will continue to be there for one another. We hope you think back on your life and feel so proud that you have created a beautiful family and life. We will always look back on your life as joyous, complete, and full of love. Sending all our love and wishing you will have all the cleaning supplies you could ever want in heaven! 

All our love,

Brittany & Sam

Dearest Bac Hai,

We love you and miss you. We know you are at peace and can breathe fully and freely. I am so lucky to have had you in my life as another mom that would look after me and all the cousins. I loved my childhood because I was always surrounded by family and we shared every weekend with you and your family. I remember having dinner every Saturday when we were younger and Dan would always get to pick the restaurant, and I remember you and my mom talking (gossiping) on the phone every single day! I remember living all in the same home together- laughing and eating and watching Hailey grow up. How lucky we were to have you for as long as we did. You always cared and nurtured everyone around you. Now that you are gone , we will always miss you and remember to cherish the memories. Although Dan, Vivian, and Bac Lanh will always miss their mom- we will make sure they are always surrounded by love and comfort. Our family grows stronger and bigger as time goes on and we will continue to be there for one another. We hope you think back on your life and feel so proud that you have created a beautiful family and life. We will always look back on your life as joyous, complete, and full of love. Sending all our love and wishing you will have all the cleaning supplies you could ever want in heaven! 

All our love

Dearest Ma Hai,
 
You will be sorely missed, but your lively spirit and incredible strength will forever be with us. I will never forget the life lessons that you have imparted upon the younger generation—respect your elders, put a lot of love in your food, keep your home clean and orderly, reuse and conserve, and cherrish your family. It is one thing to teach these values, but you actually lived them daily. 

Kris and I will never forget  the story you told us about Dan’s birth. Chu Lang was in residency when you went into labor with Dan. Regardless, you waited for Chu Lang to return home after his shift in the early morning hours, you made him a home-cooked meal, then you walked in the snow to the hospital to deliver Dan. To this day, we still talk about that story and say, “She’s a badass!”  That was the selfless and resilient woman you were.  

We love you and will miss you with all of our hearts.  May you rest in peace.  The brightest star in the sky has surely been polished by you.

Ma Hai, 

I cannot express how much I appreciated your love and support.  I can remember back to childhood when we all lived in Downey together, you were always present, from piano lessons at your house to eating dinner and spending time with your family.  I remember being disciplined and yelled at by you, which was likely deserved.  At the time, I couldn't appreciate the significance of that, but looking back at it now, you were just being my 2nd mother, watching out for me like you've always done.   As I got older,  my life wasn't always what you or my mom envisioned it to be, but without your confidence and support in me, I wouldn't be where I am today.  A Summer I will never forget, is when you hired me to work for you at Bac Lanh's office.  I honestly didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did, but it really was because I got to spend more time with you, to get to know you and it truly was such a blessing.  And when I got into medical school, you were just so proud of me, and I can't put into words how much I appreciated that.  You're the best aunt one can ask for, and I'm so happy I was able to be your nephew.   I love you and I miss you already.  

Love, 

Andrew

Dear Vivian: my mother and sister told me the news of your mother's passing.  My condolences to your family.  I just wanted to let you know that beyond just having an influence on your immediate family, your mother (my cô/"má" Hải) had a tremendous influence in my life.  As you know, my journey to America as a little boy was on a rickety fishing boat with your mom, cô Hưng, Khanh, Hiên, and chú Hy among others.  As we arrived, all the aunties were my surrogate mothers for the years that I did not have my own mom by my side.  Your mother instilled in me a value system that I still carry with me today and I try to instill in others that come under my care either in my personal or professional life.  I know that we, as kids, tend to see our mothers just in the domestic realm and do not realize what a tremendous effect that they can have on others.  Your mother's ("má" Hải) values and example continue to resonate today and beyond her living years in so many ways that you may not know; and for that you should always be proud that your mother changed lives not just for you, your brother and father, but for many countless and nameless others.  I will continue to instill the values that your mother taught me during my formative years to others and that is a legacy that will live on and never die.  I am sorry to not have been there to see her before she passed (and I will probably not be able to make it to the funeral), but I am glad that she was able to see you through your wedding because that is what all mothers want for their daughters.  Alas, I hope that you will allow your strength and the passage of time to see you through this unfortunate part of life.  I write this to you and your family in loving memory of all of ours, Má Hải...

Dear Ma Hai,

I will always remember you for your constant generosity, attention to detail, and pursuit of perfection. Thank you for always welcoming and nourishing me (with your delicious meals such as, Cá Kho) in your home during our large family gatherings; I am deeply grateful for your sincere efforts in keeping our family traditions alive. Thank you for sharing your memories of the life in Vietnam (as a “do-it-yourself” fashion designer), the suffering endured while escaping the Vietnam war, and the struggles you overcame before and after coming to this country. You embodied the triumph of rebuilding a new life in a new world and the resilience required to achieve great success. Your work ethic, perseverance, and commitment to family serve as inspirational qualities I will strive to live up to throughout my life. You will be deeply missed, but the love and joy you shared with your community as a daughter, sister, wife, mother and aunt will forever remain in my memories. I love you and may the Buddha-Dharma bless you until Enlightenment is achieved.

Sincerely,
Bé Chi

Letter to Ma Hai

I don’t have any specific story. One thing I’ll always appreciate and love about Ma Hai was how caring she was to all the little cousins. Every get together we had as a family, Ma Hai would always be in the kitchen preparing food for all the guests. I remember growing up I would always want to play instead of eat. That would not fly around Ma Hai, she would ask if I wanted to eat and I’d say “Không, cảm ơn”. And I’ll never forget the look she would give me.It was intimidating but also loving at the same time. Moments later I’d have a bowl of mien ga in front of me while the rest of the cousins were playing. This tradition would continue into my teenage years. I will always appreciate and love Ma Hai for that because she cared so much about our health and well being as if we were her own children. She made sure we were always fed even when we didn’t want to be fed. Her kindness and genuine love for her nieces and nephews will never be forgotten. I will forever cherish the moments I had with Ma Hai growing up forever. May she rest peacefully and watch over Vivien Dan and Bac Lanh as they navigate through a new chapter of their lives. 

Love Huan ❤️

OBITUARY

Hai Thi Nguyen

October 25, 1952 – September 1, 2024

Pacific View Mortuary & Memorial Park

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