Reiko West

Reiko Sakata was born on January 24, 1933 in Kumamoto, Japan. She was the youngest of seven children; three older brothers and three older sisters. Her father was a high ranking priest and her mother looked after all the children. Being a priest, her father was very disciplined, but with her being the baby of the family he always showed her just a little extra affection. She was a good student in school and loved to experiment (a trait both her grandsons, Lance and especially Aren, have inherited). She once joined a contest to make a rubber band powered balsa wood airplane. Her plane beat all the other kids’ planes (very unusual for a girl, in those days) until only her plane was up against another boy’s plane. As the two wound the rubber bands on their planes to see which would fly the longest, she added just one more twist and her plane snapped in half. She lost the championship but she never regretted it because she said you have to try your best and not be afraid of losing.

Sadly, her childhood was not as carefree as all childhoods should be. Japan started a war of aggression and it was not long before the war came to Japan’s home islands. Her oldest brothers and brothers-in-law were enlisted into the military. Her youngest brother made war planes in a factory every day after school. Her town was bombed and she lost many friends and relatives. Her town is across a bay to the east of Nagasaki, which she saw go up in a mushroom cloud to end the war. All of her brothers and brothers-in-law survived the war, but her father, who had been openly opposed to the war (he had lived in China for 10 years and greatly respected China, in particular) and violence, died shortly after the war from an ulcer; the result of endless hours of praying for peace every day of that terrible conflict.

As Japan rebuilt, Reiko took care of her mother. In her mid-20’s, she moved north to the Kamakura/Tokyo area, partly to find work, partly for education (she attended some college) and partly for an opportunity to “see the world”. It also helped her health as she, like so many Japanese, were exhausted from rebuilding their nation. During this time she met an American sailor, Aubrey Don Rushing. They would marry and move to the US in the late 1950’s.

Her first son, Alan, was born in 1960 followed by a second son, Randy, in 1961. Life in the US was very different than in Japan. She did not speak any English. Fortunately, the Rushing family in Texas welcomed her and the kids. She developed a strong love for her sister-in-law, Charlotte. The two taught each other about their respective worlds, and both were able to grow as a result of this love. Unfortunately, Aubrey Don did not share the same love and compassion as the rest of his family so the two divorced. Reiko moved to California with the boys to start anew. Life was hard as she worked several jobs to make ends meet while caring for two children as a single parent. Being Asian and being a single parent in those days were very different than now.

She met Richard West and they were soon married. This was a happy time for Reiko as she was able to watch her kids grow up in a comfortable neighborhood with all the joys that children should enjoy. Alan was in school and doing well. Randy was in school but it was a little hard for him. The next year, Randy was tested and it was determined that he had a learning disability. Randy had to attend a special needs school (few and far between in those days) and had to pay a tuition as well. She made a long drive twice a day to take Randy to school and bring him home. Ultimately, she opened up a custom tailor shop so she could help pay for the tuition. Among other things, the extra time and effort she put in to attend to Randy’s educational requirements led to divorce. She now had two older children and was single again. She moved the family to Orange County to be close to Randy’s school and her shop.

Even with the income from her shop, she would also work other jobs to make ends meet. Usually these were waitressing jobs in the evening. In those days, waitresses in Japanese restaurants wore kimonos. She never liked wearing the kimonos for work as it was very old fashioned to her. Even so, she would attend Alan’s school sporting events wearing a kimono so she could go right to work after the event. She would swallow her personal pride so she could enjoy the pride of being a mother! It was also during these years that she would share her “beliefs” on things she felt were important. She would tell her kids that they are part Japanese, but ALL American and should be proud of their mixed heritage. BUT, specific to their Japanese heritage they should also know that Japan was responsible for starting a terrible war that hurt a lot of other people. In particular, they should know and understand the pain Japan caused to China, Korea, the Philippines, South-East and South Asia, and to the US. She reminded the kids that they were not personally responsible for the war since they were born after the war, but some people will still have hard feelings just because they were descended from Japanese. She emphasized that there should always be respectful, not just to those cultures that had been wronged and harmed by Japan, but to all cultures . . . always. On marriage and parenting, she cautioned about making sure to be ready to be a parent so the kids would not have to suffer due to the shortcomings of the parents as she felt she had done to her children.

On the point of culture Reiko practiced what she believed by trying to understand all the people she met. She loved visiting places, meeting new people, and especially, trying new food, the true heart of every culture. She loved to cook and made delicious dishes from all around the world. She was very fond of Mexican, Italian, Greek, Korean, Chinese, Vietnamese, American . . . and of course, Japanese cuisines! She would be proud that Lance boldly follows in these footsteps!

Among her happiest moments were knowing that her sons found very good partners; Sara for Randy, and Khai for Alan. Both sons are definitely better due to their “better halves”. Sara really helps Randy in every way and is truly a beautiful person. The same is true of Khai. Reiko suffered from severe rheumatoid arthritis in her later years and it was Khai’s kind heart that invited Reiko to move in and live with Khai and Alan in Irvine. During this time, Reiko finally became a grandmother, first to Lance then to Aren. She had a special connection to the fact that she had two grandsons just as she had two sons, but she secretly wanted to add a granddaughter she would confide later to Alan. Along with the family dog, Kuma, she felt she had three grandkids!! This was probably her most joyful moments because she knew her sons were happy and successful, they have wonderful and caring partners, they lived in nice homes and invited her in too, and she was now a grandmother to two beautiful children. She could see her children had achieved what she had not been able to on her own, and she was both happy and proud for her sons and that she could share the moment. The icing on the cake was Reiko became a proud American citizen.

Most regrettably, it was also about this time that her demeanor began to change. She began to periodically make inappropriate statements. In many cases, the statements were not only wrong, but they were terribly hurtful and they were usually directed at those that provided the most love and care to her. The topics were frequently degraded views of finances, children and culture . . . ironically the very things that had mattered the most to her especially when raising her children, her statements were now destroying. After several years she eventually moved out on her own. Due to a fall in her new home, she ended up in the hospital. During that stay, she became confused and delusional but not as a direct result of her fall. At Alan’s request, the doctor’s began neurological testing and discovered she was beginning to suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease. The doctor’s explained that the disease frequently attacks the “filters” all people use to determine what is appropriate or not to say. It also is common for the issues that a person focuses on are ones that have traditionally been important to them through their life, and such was the case for Reiko.

She now moved permanently into a long-term care facility. Over the course of several years her physician, Dr. Kayeleh, was able to find the right balance of medications that helped her “recover” much of the memory that had not been destroyed by the disease. She could now recall peoples’ names (at one point she could not recognize her sons or her grandchildren) and her sense of values returned. She knew she had a big gap in her memory and that she had done some things that were not reflective of her true values. She spent the next several years trying to be a good neighbor to her fellow residents in her facility. One day Alan visited to find her with a group of people doing an activity at a table. She would tell Alan that she was so proud to be included in that specific group because it was the Chinese Club. “Can you believe they were so nice to let ME in their club”, she would tell Alan. She was always so impressed when people could put aside generic stereotypes or animosities and make a judgment based on the individual. Her friends in the facility included Chinese, Taiwanese, Koreans, Filipinos, Indonesians, African-Americans and Caucasians, just to name a few. She was elected vice president of activities by her peers and would make rounds everyday to make sure residents were staying happy and active. She would draw pictures of flowers, landscape scenes and people, all peaceful and beautiful subjects. Her artwork is everywhere in the facility. She had regained enough of her faculties that in her last days she lived pretty close to what she had preached to her sons growing up.

After returning home from a long overseas trip Alan arranged to bring Randy, Lance and Aren over to visit Reiko. Randy has been in poor health too and can no longer drive. It was pretty rare that Reiko got to see “all of her boys” at the same time, but she did that day and was so happy. As they always did, Lance and Aren would help push her in her wheelchair and would tell her the latest on their adventures. Randy got her up to speed on the latest goings on with Sara and him. As Lance and Aren helped Randy out to the car, Alan leaned down to give Reiko a hug and a kiss. Reiko said with both a smile on her face and with tears in her eyes, “Thank you for bringing the boys and Randy”. As Alan got into the car he saw that she had come up to a small window next to the door of the facility and was leaning out of her wheelchair to get a last glimpse of her boys departing.

The next morning, July 28, 2014 she suffered a severe stroke that paralyzed her right side and her ability to speak and swallow and partially blinded the right side of her vision. For the next month and a half, Alan would visit her daily to try to help her move, practice speaking and swallowing and work on vision tracking. She would try but it was clear that it was hard for her. Ultimately, a feeding tube was inserted in her stomach so she would get the nutrition she needed to make some level of recovery. Her return to her facility was delayed due to a string of secondary infections. As an encouragement, Alan kept telling her that once she returned to her regular facility he could bring Lance, Aren and Kuma by to visit her. She would always have a big smile when she heard that. She finally was able to return to the facility on September 10, 2014. Alan visited her and told her that the following Monday, September 15, he would bring all three grandkids by so she should rest up. She was very happy, had a big smile and gave Alan’s hand a good squeeze with her left hand.

On the evening of Sunday September 14, 2014, the facility called Alan indicating that she was having difficulty. She was transported to the hospital and Alan immediately drove over. After a short wait, doctors advised that her heart had stopped and that they were unable to revive her. They said she had been asleep and that she did not suffer. Some close friends brought Randy and Sara to the hospital and Aren came with Khai to be with Alan. Hopefully, at that moment she was having a beautiful dream that just kept getting more beautiful.

Reiko will be cremated as per her wish. A memorial will be held on Sunday September 28, 2014 from 11:00 AM to 3:00 PM. It will not be formally structured so guest may come and go as their time allows. It will be a celebration of her life so funny stories, good memories and touching moments are on call that day. Hopefully, there will be tears of joy more than of sorrow as she would never want anyone to feel hurt because of her. Her life was hard but she never complained about the hardships she endured nor did she shy away from any of the challenges that she faced, especially those that affected her sons. She strove to find ways to make the most of what she had and to bring a smile to those around her. When measuring one’s life by the love one spreads and receives, then the life of Reiko is truly a life to have cherished.

Donations

The family is asking that in lieu of flowers donations be made to the Alzheimer’s Association (www.alz.org).

Among the ailments Reiko suffered through are rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, diabetes, stroke and heart attack. Each of these impacted the quality of her life. But it was Alzheimer’s Disease that destroyed the dignity of what she lived for. She spent the better part of her life trying to live in harmony, respect and love with all those around her. Those who have known Reiko for a long time know this first hand. However, during her undiagnosed and untreated time, Alzheimer’s allowed her to say some terrible things that were really hurtful to some people and that were completely contrary to her beliefs. Although this was not the “real” Reiko, the damage was done as it is impossible to “unhear” those statements. Left untreated, Alzheimer’s can steal everything, memories and dignity, not just from the afflicted, but all the loved ones supporting them. And in some cases for the loved ones, it replaces cherished memories with dark and uncomfortable thoughts that are not truly reflective of the one they loved. For our family, some unfortunate damage was done. But with the help of many doctors including Dr. Kayaleh, our mother was able to have much of her memory and dignity returned in her final years, for which we are very grateful. Hopefully, your donations to this wonderful organization will help prevent the loss of dignity for other families and allow them to build happy memories with those they love.