Irene S. Simonelli

Irene Settle Simonelli, aged 91, of Danbury, passed away at her home on March 16, 2025, surrounded by her loving family. Born on December 24, 1933 in Danbury, she was the daughter of Robert and Lillian (Barker) Settle.

Irene graduated from Danbury High School in 1951 and began her career at The Settle-Holbrook Shoe Store. She married her high school sweetheart Bob in 1957, and they were married for 55 years. After raising her children, she dedicated 27 years to the City of Danbury, retiring in 1997 as the Assistant Tax Assessor.

With a heart big enough for everyone, Irene welcomed all into her home with open arms, treating friends like family. Her warmth, kindness, and unwavering generosity created a place of love and belonging for all who entered.

She was an active member of St. James’ Episcopal Church in Danbury, serving on the Vestry and various committees. She was also a devoted member of the Echo Rebekah Lodge #30 for 40 years, a Girl Scout Troop Leader and volunteered with the Red Cross, the American Cancer Society, and The Top Hats Volunteers.

Irene is survived by her children: Susan Johnson and her husband,Carl; Ed Simonelli and his wife, Sandi; Linda Spaziani; and Jill Simonelli. She was a proud grandmother to Michael (Traci) Simonelli, James (Danielle) Simonelli, Amanda Johnson, Catherine (Corey) Malan, and Anthony (Marissa) Zabriskie Spaziani, and great-grandmother to Andrew, RJ, Frankie, and Addie. She is also survived by several nieces and nephews.

She was predeceased by her beloved husband, Bob; her sister, Ruth Janssen; her brother-in-law and sister-in-law, Dr. Joseph Simonelli and Flora Fiandra; and her son-in-law, Domenic Spaziani.

A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated on Friday, March 21, 2025 at 10:00am at St. James’ Episcopal Church in Danbury, officiated by The Rev. Gina Gore, Priest-in-Charge. Burial will follow at St. Peter Cemetery in Danbury.

Friends may call on Thursday, March 20, 2025, from 4:00pm - 7:00pm at Green Funeral Home, 57 Main St., Danbury.

In lieu of flowers, donations in Irene’s memory may be made to St. James’ Episcopal Church, 25 West St., Danbury, CT 06810 or to The Robert F. Simonelli Scholarship Fund, c/o Danbury High School, 43 Clapboard Ridge Rd., Danbury, CT 06811, or a charity of one’s choice.

A homily for the celebration of life for Irene Simonelli,

3/21/25 The Rev. Gina L. Gore, Rector

St. James’ Episcopal Church

We gather together today, with love, to honor and remember the life of Irene Simonelli, a beautiful, generous and loving gift from God to you! A wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother and more, known to many in her family and beyond as Mommy Rene. If you had the gift in your life of spending time with her, count yourself blessed. I had the wonderful privilege of spending some time with Irene, including on one of the holiest days of her life, the day of her passing, as she was surrounded with an outpouring of love and even laughter with all of her children present, and not just them, but many more. I heard it said that she liked to be the life of the party, the center of attention? Well, she sure was.

Some people are just extraordinary. They come into this world and have a very special touch on our lives, in a way that forms us on the inside, and informs how we can be in the world. Irene was one of those people. How can we lift us all that she has shared and taught us? This week is only the beginning of that sharing. But right now I will highlight a few things that she stood for that will forever shine brightly as her gifts to you. Her presence for you, her faith, and her dedication to others.

She was a pillar of this church for decades. Speaking of pillars, I hear that her special pew was right there 2 rows behind that pillar. And the more I hear stories about it, I really don’t hear it so much as ownership, like “this is mine & not yours”, rather I hear it as a welcome, a grounding, and an assurance. A way of saying, you know where to find me. To her children and grandchildren and friends, she taught you, 2 rows behind that pillar, that’s where I’ll be. That’s where I’ll be present, waiting for you, you can count on that. I feel something so divinely spiritual in that. A mirroring of how God is seated firmly in our lives and whenever we wander and even get lost, we know where to find him, always. Right here, waiting for us. There she always was, with love, 2 rows behind the pillar. You could count on it. That’s love.

Irene made that seat a priority in her life. And in doing so, she modeled for her family and so many others, that being here matters. That faith and a spiritual home matters. It grounds us for everything else we do for others. That is our Christian calling- to love God and to love our neighbor. And that is what it did for Irene. Imagine what she gained sitting in that pew - peace and calm, once in a while, courage, inspiration, hope. When might you experience the same, in the pew 2 rows behind the pillar?

(You’ve heard/know how) Many people were guests in her home and around her table, and to her dying day there was an invitation -come, be with me. Here I am. My pew changed, but I’m still here.

Dedication was also a strongly held value of hers. All who knew Irene witnessed faithful dedication in action. Dedication to her family (#1), to her church, to being inclusive of those in need, which is why the reading of the beatitudes is so perfect for this day. And her dedication to the Rebekah Lodge: As a member of the Lodge # 30 ? She vowed to the duties of the lodge which were: to live peaceably, do good unto all, as we have opportunity, and especially to obey the Golden Rule: Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31) That is an incredible rule of life to pass down. …. I wonder… What else did she teach you in her lifetime?

What did she teach you? As a child, as a friend, as a fellow parishioner? What did she teach you many years ago or even recently? What stories come to mind? (You are invited to continue sharing them on the Green Funeral Home obituary page. These are treasures for the family. May these memories be a blessing to you all.) What did she do or say that will Iive on in you? We heard Linda share Irene’s words to live by: is it kind, is it true, is it necessary? As we priests say, that’ll preach. Those are also very divine words to live by.

The first time I met Irene I wondered how it would be, communicating with her - and in no time, truly, we laughed. She was spunky and funny, with those eyes and facial expressions that I’m sure you all - will never forget. Her smile seemed to say to me, Oh, I’m listening! Stay on your toes! I just might have something up my sleeve!! ???

It’s so very hard when we lose someone close. Our hearts break and we look to each other and traditions like this for comfort. It’s important that we can be together today. It’s not easy, but you’re not alone - you’re surrounded by the love of each other in this beautiful and inspiring house of worship which is exactly what she would want for you today. To be surrounded by each other, by God’s embrace, and to feel loved. Her daughter told me this week that she felt Irene would say, it’s going to be okay. And that’s because she knew and believed in a deep presence with Christ that brings everlasting peace and ultimately, rest. And so today, near and far we unite our voices in song and in prayer for the beauty of her life. And then we gather around this table for holy eucharist to share in the bread and the wine and are blessed with God’s love and forgiveness and hope, as Irene was on countless Sundays, holidays and celebrations of marriage and of life. ,All are welcome at this table, just as all were welcome at her table.

This community was her community and meant the world to her, and I know that she meant the world to many of you, and is very, dearly missed. But look around. Her Spirit lives on in this place. She has touched so many of you! This church will always be an extended home to her family.

Today’s readings were chosen by Irene’s family, and that’s a little gift for us. They are reminders of the varying seasons in our lives, reminders of how Christ shepherds us throughout our days, Reminders of who is most important - the poor in spirit, the sad and hungry, the peacemakers, and hope, hope in God’s love, hope in the meaning of the resurrection, and hope in what lies beyond death. These readings Irene heard many times in her 91 years, words that she likely found comfort in. Hang onto this bulletin as a reminder, especially when you need it most.

In our Christian faith we believe that the nature of God is love, and that everything about and from God is steeped in love. The pain we feel with loss, that pain is also steeped in love and can be called grief. Grief is love tempered (muted) by loss. I saw a Broadway musical recently that was terrible, except for one line at the end that made it all worth it: My grief never ends because my love never ends. However, grief will change, over time, and a sadness may always be there, but the love is ongoing. The love surrounds us, and is eternal. And that is good news. What our Christian tradition assures us of - is that we are surrounded by this love always, in life and in death. We’re surrounded by God’s love and the love of each other. And that is our stronghold at times like these. Hang on close to each

other. Soak in the love around you.

Irene still participates in the eternal love of God. It doesn’t end with death. She is fully embraced and enfolded by God’s love forever.

The final reading chosen by the family for today was from the Gospel of John and begins with an assurance, a comfort, not always easy, but a very important point Jesus makes - don’t let your hearts be troubled. How? That sounds easier than it sometimes is. When Jesus was feeling that his mortal life would soon be ending he tells his friends, “Believe in God, believe also in me.” What he’s offering is an invitation to be in relationship with God. Irene embraced that invitation to be in relationship with God. She took it very seriously. “I prepare a place for you - for us to be together,” he promises. “Where I am, there you may be be also.” Indeed. And that is what we believe and hold strong to today - that Irene is now safely in the company of Jesus and all the saints, and may forever more feel like a guardian angel for you.

Nothing can separate us from this love of God. And although she is separate from us now, in the tangible way that you’re used to, she is still and always will be connected to you by the memories that you hold onto, and by the love that you will share in your families, in your church, in your work, and by extending a warm welcome to others, like she did so genuinely. The love she shared with you in her lifetime, is engrained in you. It is beautifully knit into the fabric of your hearts. Forever.

God’s love is a promise that you are not alone, that hope is real, and that you are loved. God’s love keeps us connected, it keeps us inspired and forgiving, keeps us determined and strong like Irene, it keeps us hopeful and curious, it keeps us faithful. This love also keeps us connected to those we love but see no longer.

Many, many Sundays Irene heard the words of dismissal, go forth, to love and serve the Lord! and she did just that. So keep on going! May you mirror her presence for others, her faithfulness and her dedication to service, shining your love brightly and widely in the world. That would surely bring a smile on her face.

Amen.

Memories from the family

And I’ll cherish the old rugged cross, and exchange it some day for a crown.

In my mom’s case we hope it was a tiara!

Irene Settle Simonelli, wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, life long Danbury resident and member of St James’. The two most important things to our mom was her faith and her family. Of all her titles I think her most cherished title was that of Mommy Rene.

There were 3 homes my mom had in her lifetime, one was at 1 Chambers Rd, (she did a short stint in Puerto Rico when my dad was in the army), our house at 10 Chambers Rd, and her church home here. We all know the years of buying or reserving pews in church are long gone, but make no mistake about it my mom’s pew was 2 behind the pillar. That is where she sat for a lifetime. If you were to remove the tiles on the floor you would find our names there as when we renovated the church everyone was given the opportunity to sign their names and that is where you will find her name. My mom’s presence is so felt here. She started her faith journey here, was married here, watched children get married here, her grandchildren get baptized and confirmed here, and now we say goodbye to her here as she moved to her forever home. The altar rail is given in memory of her great grandparents, her father was the 1st acolyte to carry that small cross, I was the 1st female and when the garden outside was originally being designed my grandmother died and so mom had funds donated to St. James’ to help make it a reality She saw a lot of changes in her lifetime and as women expanded their roles in church so did she, she served on the vestry as well as a warden here and was active in the Mission committee. She watched her children and grandchildren sing in the choir, play the carillon, be acolytes, and teach Sunday school and Vacation Bible School.

She lived by words she learned as a young child in this church from then rector Rev. Millard. Was it kind? Was it true? Was it necessary? If it didn’t pass these three questions, then it wasn’t worth saying. She modeled that to her children and her grandchildren well.

As both my mom and dad were lifelong Danburians and both worked for the City, mom held various positions in the tax collectors office over her 27 year career and dad was principal they knew just about everyone in town and told us from a young age “remember no matter where you go or what you do someone will know you” This was very true!

Our mom loved having her family and friends around. Growing up Sundays consisted of a family dinner with our grandparents present, and when they couldn’t be there, mom had dad (and then us when we could drive) deliver meals to our grandparents. Cooking for a crowd was what she did!

Mom’s birthday was Christmas Eve and while that was what we celebrated she always opened her table to make sure others were included. Years ago a former parishioner had lost his wife and had no children, so mom made sure Charlie came and spent the holiday with us. As time went on Charlie had a new lady friend so Ruth joined us as well. Throughout the years we had many others who celebrated her birthday with us as well, as they may not have had other family to celebrate with that night and really what is 4 more around a table of 15! She never flinched and just set a bigger table.

Long before the births of Michael, Amanda, James, Anthony and Catherine, they became grandparents with the births of Noah and Abbie Coburn, and the bond we have formed truly proves that family is not always blood! We have been present in each other’s lives for both good and difficult moments.

My mother had expectations and traditions that she followed. Hats off in the house, no ketchup bottles or milk containers on the table, never cook on Fridays (after all that was when she had her hair and nails done), and if you splashed her hair when she was in the pool you were out. Every first day of school she sent us off with “Study hard, work hard, play hard, make a new friend and have a great day”. Mom tried unsuccessfully to veer away from traditions, by wanting to have dinner out for her birthday or taking us to a Christmas show. Her grandchildren let her know they were not happy with the change and that ended that!

Our mom had a presence about her. She modeled compassion, caring, and doing for others. Mom continued to help and provide assistance to others by working with the elderly at City Hall and volunteering at the numerous charities that were important to her. Long before St. James’ knew who Rev. Carole was, my mom did, because mom and Rev. Carole were Girl Scout leaders for Jill and Rev. Carole’s daughter Christine. Often times she would bring the kids down to help put together the food bags for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I believe that is where the seed was planted for the Simonelli family to become involved with the Thanksgiving Dinner.

When my parents retired, they would spend a couple of months in Florida. They made a new circle of friends and mom took up bocce and bowling. They treasured those friendships and kept in touch with their friends when they could no longer get to Florida.

Although we all still lived in the same town, a vacation to mom was one spent with family. We spent many summers going to the Cape with my sister-in-laws family. We celebrated birthdays there, played games and just enjoyed being together.

Our mom was one of the strongest willed people I know. She was raised by a strong woman and may have raised some strong-willed women as well. This was never more evident than when she experienced her life changing stroke 8 years ago. Although mom’s physical limitations were hard for her, I am sure it was the limited verbal communication that frustrated her the most.

When Covid came and we could not see mom we brought her home. Jill became her primary care giver, she took such good care of our mom, and this allowed my mom to have us be together as a family in her home, sit outside and listen to the birds, and have her great grandchildren come visit. RJ & Frankie had quite the routine, go say hi to Mommy Rene, go get M&M’s and then play the piano for her. Rayne and Maple also liked visiting Mommy Rene and getting treats from her and would occasionally give her a good lick. SHE LOVED IT ALL!

Make no mistake about it, even with Mom’s limited verbal communication she knew how to get her point across. Her eyes spoke volumes and she could excuse you away with the flick of a wrist if she wanted to. A few weeks ago, we were face-timing so she could see her newest great grandchild Addie, who was sleeping and Jill and I were talking. Mom was very clear with her SHHHH she didn’t want us to wake the baby up. Although mom’s words were limited she was still able to sing, her last song was Happy Birthday to James a couple of weeks ago.

Mom process of moving onto eternal life was everything she would have wanted. She had her hair done on Friday, had her nails done on Saturday, and Sunday morning she had prayers and communion with her family at home, listened to hymns and then she passed later that evening surrounded by her family in her home. What a blessing for her and for us as well. Mom would love this service today, a church filled with music, friends, faith and love. We thank you all for this wonderful send off for her. Our hearts are full.

Mom, you embodied, kindness, compassion, empathy, love, faith, fortitude and determination and your legacy will live on in the eyes and hearts of all those who loved you. We see clearly the mark you have made on your grandchildren and know they will carry on your legacy. We know you were greeted by those who went before you and are free from pain. Our family dynamics has certainly now changed, but I know we will carry on and keep your traditions alive as I know you would expect nothing less. Our mom would want us all to know, all is well, she is fine, happy and living an eternal life. For those of us who are still here I think this would be a wish of her’s, “May the road rise up to meet us. May the wind always be at our back. May the sun shine warm upon our faces, and rains fall soft upon our fields. And until we all meet again, May God hold us all in the palm of His hand”.