My mother's wishes were to live in peace, to enjoy her retirement surrounded by ALL her family and friends, study her Bible as she always had done and going to Sooner Baptist Church every Sunday when the doors opened. But, by the Grace of God, her chains are gone, she's been set free and what a glorious place in heaven it must be. She was a wonderful Christian mother that lived by God's commandments, lived a Godly life and because she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour, she is now living her immortal life with family and friends that went before her surrounded by the Love of God. There is one thing my mother always told me and it comes from the Bible,             Galatians 6:7, "Be not deceived; God is not mocked; for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." This
is not a copy and paste from someone else's words but from God's words.  My mother chose to sow goodness over evilness because of her love for God. I love you mom and I am so thankful for the person you were. You will forever be in my heart until the day we see each other again.  

Your daughter,
Kathy



Are the things we say ever simply thrown out to the void?  Do we ever truly talk without thought of who we want to hear us? Yesterday, I sailed off a letter in a bottle out into the Atlantic Ocean for my mother. It was something she dreamed of doing and was on her bucket list. It was awkward for me. I felt like I'd placed my mother's thoughts in a bottle, sent out to sea. Will the letter and bottle end up in Africa, Europe, Bora Bora or China or did it sadly get found by a child or adult down the beach a few hours later? I was frozen in time, starring out in the ocean. Struggling with the ghost of someone I lost and loved. This was difficult to do. Sending off a bottle with thoughts so private knowing that a nameless body might find it. It's like writing a message on a bathroom wall. Intiiating thoughts and conversations aimed at...no one. Is communication that? Do we ever simply say things with no thought of who we say them too?  But there I stood, message bottle in hand. I did it for my mother. I knew what my mother wanted to write and what she wanted to say but never got the chance.

My mother wanted her loved ones to know that they were loved; to serve others; to feel God's arms around them and treasure his spirit, he'll keep you safe and bring home.  Be still and listen so you don't miss something. She wanted everyone to know that she was a Godly woman. Most importantly she wanted to thank everyone for coming into her life and giving her joy, for loving her and receiving her love in return. She wanted to express a warm thank you for the memories she would cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing her that there will come a time when she  eventually meet's her loved ones at Heaven's Gate. The ocean has been singing to me, and the song is that of our lives together with mom...

My mom's life was like playground. It was a place where she strengthened her relationship with God and discovered God's beauty with her loved ones throughout her life journey. She loved looking upon the stars. My mother always wished upon a fallen star. She felt that the beauty of stars is found in friendship. Mom thought we were all stars and we deserved to twinkle. She looked out into the universe and contemplated the glory of God. Observe the stars, millions of them, twinkling in the night sky, all with a message of unity, part of the very nature of God. What Mom really wanted to say: That what the world really needs is a real feeling of kinship. Everybody: We're all stars. All the same. There is room in the heart for all the affections, as there is room in heaven for all the stars. If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently. Maybe that's what life is... a wink of the eye and winking stars. Mom  said to set your course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. Of all things visible, the highest is the heaven of the fixed stars. At night, when the sky is full of stars and the sea is still you get the wonderful sensation that you are floating in space. Mom was one smart lady. We miss my mother in everyway. We miss her in every day. Mom is gone from our sights but never from our memories. Gone from our touch, but never from our hearts.

Communication is never like placing a bottle out into the ocean. It is never a blanket message to a faceless men's or women's bathroom wall who might stumble upon it's message. Who we talk to, who we share life with, shapes what we say. 

There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane or even a tornado, sometimes they barely fan one's cheek. But the winds cannot be denied. I know that somehow, every step I took since the moment I could walk was a step towards this moment when I throw the bottle out to sea. I have come to realize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless them, and I find myself wondering why--out of all the people in all the world I could ever have loved--God had to take my mother. It is at moments like these that I know what my mother's purpose in life was.  She was here to love us,  to hold us in her arms, to protect us as a mother, sister, mamaw  and friend does.  She was  here for us to learn from her and for us to love her in return. I was on the that boat because there is no other place to be.” To cross off a "to do" on my mother's bucket list and I thank a boat's Captain for helping in taking the bottle further out to sea.

To all the ships at sea, and all the ports of call. To my family and to all friends and strangers. This is a message, and a prayer. The message is that my travels taught me a great truth along the way as I complete my mother's bucket list.  My mother taught me what true love is and about. I already had what everyone is searching for and few ever find. The one person in the world who I was born to love forever. My Dutch Cowboy. My husband, Martien.. A person, like me, and the blue Atlantic Ocean mystery. A person rich in simple treasures. Self-made. Self-taught. A harbor where I am forever home in Oklahoma. And no wind, or trouble or even a little death can knock down the house that love built. Our hearts..The prayer is that everyone in the world can know this kind of love and be healed by it. It all started with my own mother's love toward's me. If my prayer is heard, there will be an erasing of all guilt and all regret and an end to all anger. Please, God. Amen.” 

Love can hear the rustle of a Butterfly Wing. Precious Butterfly, spread your wings and fly away to Heaven's Gate. Let my mom know that I am released one of her bottle's into the Atlantic blue ocean. Off it floats, sailing to where?

Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven..Whitney

so here I sit -- Mom – touched, moved and changed. It's hard for me to separate the fact your not Living and Breathing here on earth but instead are up in Heaven.. You should be here finishing your list.  My memories of you mom are so fresh. Another hotel room  in the wee morning. Tomorrow the plans are to go to the Ocean and enjoy just gazing at the swells of the waves as they come gliding in from the ocean; hitting the sand and building you a sand castle; wading in the Ocean and sailing off your message bottle. But tonight I look at the Mountain side and smell the breeze of the woods behind me. Sitting here on the balcony and wishing you were here sitting next to me. But I do know you are here in spirit.

From the very beginning you were loved so much and it's not hard to see why. Your beautiful unforgettable smile, that the world so dearly needs and is already so missed. The sound of you laughing. Your infectious sense of humour that I crave more than anything. The sound of your voice, when you say “I love you” to me. To hug each other and to feel you squeeze back. I would give everything I have and more to have you back here. With me. Right here..Right now.

My feelings are too raw still, and I find it hard to grasp memories at times, but you are unforgettable and I just have to try a little bit harder and I start to remember, the beautiful person you are and always will be.

Looking back, what a privilege it was to grow up having you as my Mother. Playing hide and seek in the in the back-yard or inside our home, walking in the neighborhood and catching lightening bugs together, being there on my first day at school when I started kindergarten. Taking the dogs to eat ice cream at Dairy Queen or eating at Tubb's and Conrad Mar. You ordering your all time favorite..chicken salad sandwiches or a hamburger with lettuce, tomatoe with mayo..People watching in the car after we spent the day shopping. Playing Wahoo at the kitchen table or just watching Day's Of Our Lives everyday for the past gillion years until you went home to Heaven..Going to the zoo or just taking drives to anywhere at a moment's notice. Combing your hair or putting lotion on your face and body..Trimming your nails or just reading the Bible together.. Enjoying sitting on the back patio watching the sun set and under pinky purple skies we would talk about life. Just like I am doing now. What a sight this is.

I miss our talks about what we wanted to do, what was important and what was not. We talked about our hopes and our dreams. Now I got to finish those precious dreams for you. In honor of you. For everything you are and were to me not only as my Mother but my very best Friend. You were and will always be!

You were just an Awesome woman!  To me you were a Saint. I honestly thought you were and still are. I know you earned your special own ButterflyAngels wings.

You taught me some of the greatest lessons I will ever learn in life. Now I will continue on with your list. It is the least I can do.. I took some of your grave dirt and put it in a bottle after you were buried and I brought it with me as I travel. I am leaving some behind in different spots as I finish your list. All I have is time..for a little while. I learn't that the most precious thing we have -- is time. And none of us have much of it. And so I gave you all of mine for ever long it takes. I will treasure these moments forever. More precious to me, than the world itself.

I will never forget the time you told me about your special place. A place where you go in your dreams. And through your weak voice you began whispering in my ear: It's near the ocean, where the water is turquoise. No broken shells just the whitest sand. The water is so clear you can see your feet and toes right through the water. There are some palm trees and a hammock. Dad is fishing with a rod he made himself. You said your mom was starting a fire. and you were catching butterflies with your babies…I guess that is why you are my butterfly. You loved Butterflies. Birds too and how you loved your birdbaths.Your roses..Tigers and white snow leopards too! periwinkles...So I found the key to your secret place. A place I go to every night. To that beach where you, Dad, your babies and Grandma Narnie are. A place in my dreams now. I learnt that you should never lose the child inside, because all these years later, as daughter and mother we made up a secret handshake. 1 squeeze mean't yes. 2 squeezes meant' no and squeezing the ring finger meant ‘I love you'. I felt you squueze my finger that day Mom. You were still there but could not vocalize. Your hearing was still there though!

I learnt from you the truth about happiness. I learnt it is about finding beauty in the smallest things and being with the ones you love. Death is not an ending. I will complete your list in the same spirit in which you lived your life.

So know…I am missing you so much. You have touched and moved so many people. You are my beautiful, gracious mother. You are love in everybody's life. You are everybody's inspiration. Everybody's hero. Everybody's ButterflyAngel.

There is no doubt in my mind that where you are right now it must be incredibly beyond description.. I cannot wait to go walking with you in the fields with Audrianna chasing the butterflies with your twins. Dad hollering at them to stop. Until that day I will keep your memories alive until I take my last breath.

I love you always and forever.....xoxoxoxoxoxo...Whitney...xoxoxoxoxoxoo

Mamaw, it has been a little over 10 months since you went to Heaven. I am missing you and our talks. We all are. Mom is having the toughest time of all. I can't say I am healed yet as that would not be true. But each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I — not events — have the power to make me happy or unhappy this moment or today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is surely dead, tomorrow hasn't even arrived yet. I have just one single day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. I always try to concentrate on how good if feels to be alive. No matter what. Just to see the color of the sky, just to smell the air, and feel the wind in my face…because in the end, it'll be okay. To be Happy!

I know you would want me and others to be happy and not pass the blame game. You died of congested heart failure and we were all very Happy living together. My heart aches without you. We miss you in everyday and we miss you in every way. 

As mom would say, Blowing you big butterfly kisses to Heaven...Love Always, your granddaughter, Megan!

Mom,

Sitting in my hotel room thinking about you..Spoke to Christy and Megan earlier. They are missing you just as much. I visited you mom's grave this morning and read the poem you wanted to read to her. It was a beautiful poem and I am sure you two heard me reading it! Now you two are together again and now you can see and touch each other again. I know in the poem you mention that you long to see your mom once again and just to tell her you love her. Now she is beside you and I am sure you have done that plenty since she greeted you at Heaven's Gate. I wish I could do the same to you right now.

I have found in the months that have passed that I am most vulnerable at times of remembrance.  Yesterday was very hard for me Mom. I miss you so much. The word"anniversary" no longer holds a promise of celebration.  Instead, holidays and birthdays, small family gatherings and otherwise joyous occasions contain an undertow of sorrow for me.  If I get caught up in it, I quickly get pulled under and wind up gasping for breath.  

It is ironic that the presence of an absence can be so emotionally devastating. I now know how you felt when you lost your own mother. What is hard is that we were the best of best friend's. Always together. Never did we want to be apart. I remember your words to me. Tears flow down my face as I write this. 

If closure means moving on and leaving the memory of you behind, then I will never have closure.  Mom, you are a very significant part of me, and I will carry you along for the rest of my life journey. You reside within my heart, and as such you will never be "gotten over." I just can't! But I can find ways to honor and memorialize you and I am doing that now by finishing your Bucket List. The things you wanted most to do in Life. You were almost done. Your dreams..Your wishes..You asked. But I'm human and you're a Special Butterfly Angel. And humans don't deny ButterflyAngels their wishes.

My thoughts, my actions, and my words can ensure that you will not be forgotten. So tomorrow I move along in my travels to the next stop. Talk to you later Mom...Tell Grandma Narnie I said hi and my dad. Don't forget to tell Uncle Sid hello too. He was always my very favorite uncle. So was Aunt Thelma and Aunt Velma too! But they are here with the living and I am sure they are missing you too along with the rest of us. You got your smile from your momma.

Blowing Butterfly Kisses On The Road To You....Whitney

Mary Helen, it is 10 months you are gone today. I think of you all the time but time is really flying by since you left us. You were my second mom. I miss you so very much. I miss our talks or just holding your hand. You had such a beautiful smile and I miss your laugh. How sweet those rememberances are.

I wish you were still here. We all loved and enjoyed living together. I miss your presence but I know your spiritual essence surrounds us. I feel you. Whitney is doing your bucket list. She left to do that. I know how close you two were. She misses you beyond words. I see her trying to hide her tears when she thinks I do not notice them. But I do. Whitney is lost without you. I do not think she will ever heal from your passing.  She is still healing Mary. Keep your lovely, beautiful ButterflyAngel wings around her. 

The days and nights when I miss my own parents, brother and you most are not these big-ticket events, which tend to buzz and flush with their own excitement and stand so far outside normal time as to defy any expected family context. I miss you all more, I find, in the unexpected moments that remind me of how you are all missed in day-to-day life. I miss reading an email from my brother or him flying over and going to the lake. Or calling my parents and speaking on the phone or using webcam to see them online. Or the discovery of a favorite book you enjoyed at a used-book sale that I picked up for you, for example, can make my throat close up momentarily as I recall how you d settle in after dinner with just such a treasure . . .your bible!  These are the details that bring my second mother (you), my parent's and brother back to me, and also remind me of my loss.

I remember our sweet talks and you told me when you come to the end of your journey and you have traveled your last weary mile, just forget, if you can, that you ever frowned and remember only the smile. Your sweet, beautiful smile.

You said to forget unkind words you have spoken about others; remember some good you have done which I say are many. Forget that you've stumbled and blundered and sometimes fell by the way. Remember you have fought some hard battles and at the ere the close of the day it does not matter if you won or loss them. 

You told me that we should forget to grieve for your going as you will be happy to be with your babies and loved ones; you said so much to me. I remember your words just like they were today. You said I would not have any of you sad for a day, but  just gather some flowers and remember the place where I want to lay,and come in the shade of the evening when the sun paints the sky in the west. "Stand for a few moments beside me and remember only my best". I do Mary Helen!

I can say for certain, you're still here...I feel you all around me, your memory so clear. Deep within the quiteness, I hear your voice. I see your smile and hear your beautiful laugh. Brings tears to my own eyes. My aching heart holds you just one beat away. I listened to your favorite song, "Wind beneath My Wings" on my drive to work this early am. I immediatley thought of you. How you loved to hear that song and how you asked for it to be played at your funeral. You also mentioned you loved "Amazing Grace".  That is my favorite too.

My final thoughts are if your song is to continue, then we must do the singing." We have to find that special way that will allow us to sing your songs loud and clear . . keeping your memory alive keeps you passionately busy, allows you to tell your stories to others, adds joy to an aching heart, brings an array of beautiful, loving people into your life, and rewards you with a meaningful life again. Thus your loud voice will echo in many hearts making sure Mary Helen is never erased from memory. 

Hope your enjoying your tenth month in glorious Heaven. How beautiful it must be!

Love Always, Martien

Happy 10th Month In Heaven Mom!


Time is speeding by but my thoughts are always of you and missing you so very much.  I know you have peace in Heaven and I remember your words to me and what you told others and so I find comfort in that. I know your true feelings and that is all that matters in the end. I'm so lucky to have had you as my Mother and in my life.  You are by far the best blessing God has ever given me as are my children and husband. 

I am so grateful for your love and friendship. I'm so grateful for all the wonderful memories we have shared together; all the smiles, laughter and even the tears. Mom, loving you has made my life come alive. 

Some people go through life and never live it; I mean REALLY live it. But I thank GOD that He let me really live my life to the fullest by giving me you. Mom, you light up my world and showed me things I never dreamed I'd see. You made me want to be a better me. Thank you Mom for all that you did for me and my children over the years and all the love you always showed me. Thank you for being my best friend.

Happy 10 months in Heaven Mom!
Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven...Whitney...June 4, 2013


Mamaw, the kids and I went to visit you and Papaw on your birthday with Kathy. We spent most the day fixing up your grave so that it was pretty for you on your birthday. We miss you!

Love ~ Gayla, Christian and Kaitlyn

Mom, I want you to know how much I miss you. My heart hurts every single day knowing that you are not here for me to see or talk to.  Everyday I talk to you. I love you so much.  There will always be a part of my heart that will never mend. My life is just not the same and there is always something missing everyday. YOU...I miss your laugh. When you laugh you made everybody laugh even if they didn't know what was going on. You are so special. 

Mom, in a quite tangible sense, you live on in and through words and our relationships with you need not be considered closed with the nailing down of the lid of a coffin.

"Letting Go".  What does "letting go" mean?  That is what someone told me I needed to do.  This phrase is often misunderstood. Does it mean forgetting, letting go of our memories? Not at all. Does it mean letting go of a relationship 
with you?   No!  Our relationship is changed, not ended. "Letting go" refers to the time in our healing journey when we are ready to gently open our tightly closed fists. In doing so we let go of our pain. We do not need it anymore. 

I guess right now Mom, I can't open my fist and let go of the pain. I miss you so much in everyday and in everyway. I imagine I am grasping on even more strongly instead of "letting go".  It's been almost a year since you left us to go to Heaven's gate. For me, I feel a fresh fear that my grief will never end. We were so very close. A strong bond between us like no other. The pain just won't go away.

Part of me wants to ignore this intense pain returning month after month, to push it down and avoid it all together. Yet, I suspect that repressing my own pain would not help in the long run either, so I decided to bring more awareness to my situation. 

My grief support counselor advised me to ask myself if I was doing anything that might be prolonging the mourning process. I uncovered the secret thoughts I was generating each time I felt deep sadness and pain: I can't live without you.  I hate being alone.  I want you back. There was so much grasping in my mind, so many wishes that could never be satisfied! Then I remembered your bucket list. Your bucket list needs to be finished. Your wishes! 

My mourning isn't ending because there are still things left unfinished. I understood your wishes and I have tried so hard to make them come true. For you. If you really love someone you do everything you can for them. Even after death. So, I have to try to finish your list. There are some I have no control over and can't finish but that is on someone else..The ones I can...I will! 

I came to realize today that I have no control over some things. I get so angry when thinking about your last wishes. If I continued to think and feel this way, I realized, there would be no end to my grief and despair. It is clear that I needed to replace my grasping with a new way of thinking: I am letting you go Mom and wishing you well.  I am going to survive and be strong. I am going to make a new life for myself. I just need to practice this. Just right now I just can't let go...But I do have your bucket list to complete. 


Till we are together again...Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven...Whitney

Happy 78th Birthday In Heaven!

Visiting with you on your Birthday May 27, 2013.  We celebrated your Birthday with you at Sunnylane Cemetery with a delicious strawberry cheesecake that  I bought for you. We had balloons too!  just as if you was still here with us. After all, we feel  that you are still with us in spirit.

It was a very sad day for all of us, but we were so glad to be able to share your Birthday with  us. Hope your enjoying a huge strawberry cheesecake in Heaven, since that was your favorite, and nobody can tell you that you can't have it! You are probably looking down at us and saying Ha, Ha, look what I'm eating!  Everyone spoke about you, about how wonderful you are, how humorous, and it brought smiles to our faces when we spoke of the funny things you sometimes did. It was so nice to have those who's lives you touched, to share this day with us. We promise to always keep your memory alive.

We eached want to say a few words to you on your birthday. Your birthday fell on Memorial Day too this year. Your first birthday and Memorial Day in Heaven. 

Mamaw, this is Christy and we are missing you very much on this special day, And not just today, but every minute, since you went away. You were the center of our lives before your soul passed on, It's just so hard for us to believe that you are really gone. But we celebrate the life you lived and all the things you gave us, Our wonderful memories, of you are the things that comfort us. Please think of us, as we think of you with hearts so full of love, We're looking up at you, sweet as you look at us, from up above.

Mamaw, this is Megan. Happy Birthday!  I love you and miss you more than words can express. Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts. I hope you had a wonderful Birthday. I know deep in my heart, you is watching over me, no matter where I am...Your still sadly missed a great deal! Knowing that I have you as my Special ButterflyAngel up above ... Is what gets me through these days without you in it. I just finished my spring classes and getting ready to start summer classes. Just wanted to say Happy Birthday to you.

Mom, Happy Birthday in Heaven! Me and Martien miss you so much..Yesterday felt empty without you in it. I learned about love from you, watching your caring ways. I learned about joy from you in fun-filled yesterdays. From you I learned forgiving of faults both big and small. I learned what I know about living from you, as you gave life your all. The example you set is still with me, I'd never want any other. I'm thankful for all that you taught me, and I'm blessed to call you my "Mother."

If roses grow in Heaven Lord, please pick a bunch for us. Place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from us on her birthday. Tell her we love her and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while. Because remembering her is easy, we do it each and everyday,  But there is an ache within our hearts today that will never go away. We don't have Mary Helen here on earth to celebrate the special days and holidays. So this is the next best way for us too..

Until we are reunited again.... sending hugs & kisses xoxo..and a very Big Happy Birthday to you..and Memorial Day

Blowing Butterfly kisses to Heaven from us...Whitney, Martien, Megan and Christy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! May 27, 2013 marks your 78th birthday if you were still with us. I Love You and Miss you deeply. I think of you daily and wished you were here with me to celebrate your birthday. You will always be in my heart and I know we will see each other again. Until that day comes, I will forever remember the memories of you. I love you more than you will ever know, your daughter Kathy

Mom, I got a photo of you in my heart. I close my eyes to see  and remember your smiling face once again. I carry my memories of you in my soul. Where no one can take them from me. Foerever they will stay. Mom, I wrap them memories close around me and they keep me warm when it is cold. 

Mom, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. Your in my thoughts every day and I miss you in every way in each day that goes by. Its so hard to lose the one you love. I have tried to be strong but the pain keeps holding on to my heart. Maybe I think if I let go then what is next? If only I could find a genie in a bottle to make 3 wishes. Those wishes would be for you to be here right next to me, But I guess Heaven was needing a ButterflyAngel just like you.

Since you have been gone, the roses are not as pretty, the birds don't come and sing as much, the sunsets are not as pretty, the stars are not as bright, the clouds are little more grey, and it feels like nothing will ever be the same since you been gone. Death took you away from me and I will always see your face in this shadow of this haunted place. I shake my fist at the sky. Why?  It's not my place to question. But the pain so real and numb. Wishing you come back. The sun comes up each day without you in it. It finds me waiting, hating and praying. You were always there to catch me when I fall. 

You were more than love could be. There was so much left for us to see. You left me behind and all I want is to be there with you right now. 

You left this earth and left us behind in the heat of the summer when the winds blew you a thousand miles from me. Seasons have passed. The autumn leaves have fallen from the tress. Snow has came and gone. Spring has arrived with drenching rains beating upon the rooftop. Birds are singing once again and summer is upon us. The dew flecks the grass at dawn. The tranquail ocean meets the sandy beaches. Many footprints in the sand and a special butterfly spreads her wings and flies. 

When I awaken and go outside to sit on the patio and look up into the sky. I see a flock of birds in circle flight and I imagine that you are one of them. 

It seems like it's all just a dream. If only I can just wake-up and see your smiling face once again Mom. I can't believe your gone. Your just in the next room, so it feels. I can't imagine my life going on without you. I feel stuck in the sand so deep. Sometimes I thiink I catch a glimpse of your smile or hear your beautiful voice once again. Sometihng is dead inside me since you've been gone Mom. What do I do since your gone Mom? No backup plans in action. No second chance. No one else to blame. The rain just keeps falling. Your gone. I'm here. Your there..A thousand winds have blown you away from me. 

The leaves have turned since you died. My heart burns with the colors of you Mom. Snows has fallen and I recall your warmth of your touch. Spring is here and summer is coming with the wind breathing in your memory.

On rainy days like today, you water my crying, aching heart. On starry nights I think I catch a glimpse of your smiling fae once again. I know there will be a time when I see you once again. But it can't come fast enough for me Mom.  I just want to see you once again and hear your voice. I know one day you will meet me at Heaven's Gate and we will hold each other so very close. No more tears to cry beacause we will have eternity. I know I have to say goodbye but right now I can't.

I love you Mom...Blowing Butterfly Kisses to Heaven..xoxo..Whitneyxoxo


I hope you had a great Mother's Day in Heaven Mom!

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. You are missed so very much and it's still so very difficult to believe that you're gone. I love you with all my heart and I will forever miss you. 

I wanted to tell you so many things when I post here. I wanted to tell you Megan is doing great in college. You would be so proud of her and her accomplishments. Eric graduated from college. You would be proud of him too. Christy is doing well and working. She misses you very much. I wanted to share with you my personal theories on the direction my life has taken. 

How I wish I could talk about the things going on. Did you hear about the royal first baby Prince William and Kate are expecting in July, mom? I know you would have liked watching the royal gala. I could hear your voice and laughter in jubilee as the son of Princess Diana got married and now expecting on the same month Princess Diana was born.. I miss your laughter.

I remember 9/11 so clearly; you were the first person I told. “Turn on the television, mom. A plane just hit the twin towers.” Now another bombing in Boston. Time really has changed since you left but some things are still the same. We used to talk all the time. You were the one I confided in to share news. I miss that.

How are you feeling mom? Now that you're in heaven, I can imagine you are running in delight. Are you enjoying all the trees of fruit? Walks in the meadows..I know how much you loved to eat and taste all those dishes during our family BBQs and events. You always love to make your Pink Salad and Strawberry Cheesecake. Oh mom, I miss you. We had a ham on Easter but it wasn't the same without you. We didn't color Easter eggs this year. I know how much you enjoyed watching the grandkids hunting for eggs..

Yesterday was Mother's day mom, We came to visit you. We put a fresh pink rose down in the grass. Someone else brought you a bouquet of pale,yellow, silk flowers. It's quiet there where you rest. Your presence is missed. I know you are in a better place but I still long for you to be here. Is that selfish, mom? 

I wish you could give me some advice. There was such wisdom in your words. I didn't realize it then, but I do now. I know you are happy mom in Heaven playing with your twins. You talked about them a lot in the last months before you passed.

My children are no longer children, my heart is no longer full, and my life is not the same since you've been gone. The example you demonstrated in my life has given me such love. Your strength and devotion in life has blessed mine. You were the best friend I could ever have and I love you.


Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven...Whitney

Happy Mother's Day in Heaven Mom!

I love that name. Perhaps because you are as beautiful as a rose and because  ypu were a wonderful Mother to me. Me, Martien, JR and Megan are going to do some of your favorites today. Going to the zoo, eating out at your favorite place, Martien will eat some strawberry Cheesecake for you and we are coming to visit you to bring your favorite flower..A rose.

Rose's are so beautiful & delicate Mom. They begin as a rosebud, and so beautifully open up their petels just like your sweet love for me.
I started out as your little rosebud, and you nurtured me into a beautiful flower. And like a rose, you so gently went away.

The Butterflies took you to a home far above. Your first Mother's Day in Heaven...I know you are happy & your free, but far below your family hurts and I still cry tears for you. You come to me in some dreams so sweet to remind me of the special love that was shared between us two. Last night you Wrap your beautiful Butterfly wings around me, and softened all the heartache. I woke up and thought I saw you standing next to me. I smelled your favorite lotion. I know you were there. Know one used that lotion but you. I even wokeup Megan because I felt you so strongly.

Now before I go, I want to let you know we miss you so very much and you were always so sweet and was the best Mother in the world to me. And as a Mamaw you were loved...Martien, Christy, Megan, JR and I wish you the very best Mother's Day in Heaven surrounded by your loved ones who are there with you now.. So, give a special hug to my dad and son, and tell them it's from me. I miss them too! We were talking about dad's chili and how no one can capture it exactly the way he cooked it.

We love you!  Blowing a thousand butterfly kisses to you in Heaven from us down here....Whitney, Megan, Martien, Christy and JR

Dear Mamaw

I used to think that people didn't need
their grandparents so much after they grew up.
But I've realized that's not true.
So often, when I'm making a decision,
I wish you were here
so I could ask your advice. 
And so many times,
when something happens
that I know you would enjoy,
I wish you were here
to share it with me. 
Now that I'm older
I've realized how special our relationship was.
And while I'm thankful for this bond,
 it only makes me miss you more..
I love you so very much Mamaw. 
Tell Papaw and Audrianna hi from me..I miss them too!

 Happy Mother's Day In Heaven Mamaw!
                 Megan

Happy Mother's Day, Mamaw

If I could visit Heaven on this day I would do so. Maybe for a moment my pain would go away. I'd put my arms around you and whisper words so true that living life without you is so very hard to do. I cannot bring the old days back when we were all together but loving thoughts and memories will stay with me forever. Miss your pink salad..Miss going to Walmart with you or just going for a walk around the block..Tell everyone my greeting's that is with you up in Heaven.

Happy Mother's Day in Heaven
I love you & miss you always,
Your grandaughter, CD

This woman, my second mother was one whom you couldn't help but admire and respect. Mary Helen's courage, her strength made you stand in awe. Mary Helen was unmoved by the unkind hand that life had sometimes dealt her. She never blinked, she was a champion. Though she did not outwardly display many emotions, one could feel that she loved in her own way. She lived life on her own terms, frequently defying the norms of her culture. She was my second mother. She was my friend. I never realized how much I loved her so – until she passed on a few months ago. The void that she has left behind has begun to sink in and become more real as minutes tick by..and days and months roll on. 

Nevertheless, I seem to have inherited Mary Helen's strength and courage to continue. I was blessed to know here. She is deeply miss today. Not because it is Mother's Day but because she is missed in every day and in everyway everyday.
 
I have done many things for Mary Helen as a son-in-law and a friend because it was not just my duty to her and as a responsible adult, but because I loved her dearly.
 
She stood for all the ideals that I believe in. She was a  mentor to many in faith, she taught me so much in the time that I knew her. The truth struck home hard for the first time in my life. I truly loved her with all my heart, and I made sure she knew it during her lifetime. Many times we sat and talk..Holding hands together. Praying. Just enjoying each other's company. She thought of me like the son she never had. She told me that. I told her I thought of her as my second mother. My mother got to meet Mary. I am glad they did.
 
Thank you Mary.. Your passing has made me realize how much I value all you stood for and I will always love you for it. I will always miss you – so will your other loved ones.
 
I understand what the saying "grief is a journey" truly means. Some days I am ok, and others days I miss you so much, I can hardly breathe. Old memories continue to flash back into my mind and I too understand more every day.
 
Mary Helen, you were a very special woman, ahead of your times. I am proud and grateful to have been the son you always wanted but never had.  I hope to see you when my time is up on this planet.. You have kept your faith and run your race.. watch out for us down here.. 

Happy Mother's Day in Heaven...Love Aways, Martien

Watching all the mother's day events and headlines leaves me in a state of denial. Tomorrow will be the first mother's day without mom. She passed away last August. It is a bit challenging to watch all the news reports on what to give your mom for mother's day when my mom is not here.

Mother's day gifts are great ways to express how much our moms mean to us. A day at the spa, some chocolates, or perhaps flowers, but I can't give her any of those things.

Many daughters and sons are without their moms at mother's day. I know I am not alone..Losing a parent is difficult. Grief is all consuming and heart wrenching. 
Stress and anxiety surrounds these holidays. On mother's day, we miss our moms. We long to be near them. But we can't..Death took that from us.

When I see others with their moms I remember my own mom. When I hear others tell about what they are doing for their mom on mother's day, I feel anguish. It puts a person in a vulnerable place. But tomorrow I will remember my mother by lighting a candle at midnight tonight and playing her favorite song.  Putting her favorite pink rose in a vase.. It is my gift to mom for mother's day and every day. She was my best friend. She was my gift..My mother. I miss her dearly.

xoxoxoxoxooxWhitneyxoxoxoxoxoox

I Love You Mom!

There is so much I want to say but honestly I do not know where to begin, you have gone through so much since dad died.. From the death of a first husband in 1999 and in the last 2 years of your life. I was lucky to be given a gift of a Mother as you  Many of us know there is always good and bad when you are being raised as a child, but I would have to say you did an excellent job with raising all of me and Kathy. 

When I was young I remember you bandaging my knees and kissing my boo-boo's. You taught me how to be little lady.. You certainly did not wish for me to act like a spoiled little brat!  You taught us so many things..We learned manners, how to sit and when to keep our skirts down. I remember hanging from a tree in tights and a dress, boy you certainly spanked my bottom, as you know I never did that again. Spankings were allowed when we were growing up and it hasn't seemed to harm me in anyway, it made me respect your point and now I realize what a hard head I was,but mom that is another discussion.

As I type this tears well-up in my eyes because I know that you went through so much pain.. of course all of us know what a beautiful mother and woman you were. You truly tried to find good in everyone , even when they upset you or broke your heart.  I am thankful God gave me YOU as my mother. You were a gift. it has been a beautiful gift, how many people can say that?  You gave me the gift of being creative, strength and belief in myself. You see mom although we may have not have always met eye to eye on certain things you supported me regardless if I was wrong. You gave me wings to fly when I was young and pushed me out of the nest, (although I did return a lot) the love you had when we hit the ground was the most unconditional love any mother could give. You let me back into the nest to gather my feathers and let me fly again until I was able to fly on my own. Then you welcomed me home again. I kept my promise to you.

You are my heart, my soul, my everything. even in death...it does not matter..you still are... I could not imagine living life without you, and that day came to soon for me.. I have had to understand that you are not far away but always remember that my heart is your heart.. I will always remember you carried me. There are so many more stories that I could write about but you.. know that they are wonderful memories forever etched in my heart and locked in a precious box in my mind and that I thank you from the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes.

I love you for so many reasons Mom.
I love you because you taught me respect, I love you because you did not ever neglect, you allowed us to be children, you disciplined with love,and you taught me how to bake, but I taught you how to make no bake cookies..Dad taught me to cook and you taught me how to microwave Salisbury Steak dinners.

I love you because even when I failed you never gave up, I love you because you made me smile when I wanted to cry, I love you because you loved me unconditionally, and because you never placed any conditions on me. I love you because you always believed in me when others did not. You always stood by me through the thick and in the thin. You held me me up when I felt I was crumbling. You gave me Hope when I had none. You showed me what love is and that money and property does not buy happiness. It does not get you into Heaven. It does not Heal anything. You taught me to not be greedy as God does not like Greed. I love you for being a second mom to my children when I could not be. I love you for not judging me.

I love you because through any sorrow you were always my sunshine. I love you for so many other reasons and these are only a few , but I love you simply because you were only you! Not only on any special day but I will always love you forever and always!

Your daughter, Whitney
P.S.  Blowing you butterfly kisses to Heaven!

Loneliness, Mary Helen is missing you in each day since you have been gone.  It has been 9 months since your death. Loneliness is too close a companion for me to be objective. It has gone home with me on long walks, sat with me on numerous silent evenings, stood with me in the middle of a group of laughing people, and lay across the bed with me too!

It seems that even when I escape it for a while, it is waiting not too far away. So much pain from the loss of you, my parent's and my oldest brother. Too many losses in such as short time. So much loneliness.

We have had long talks, loneliness and I, and I have to say that I have learned much more from our journeying together. We have become friends. But the friendship was a long time in coming. Loneliness did not just come into my life with the loss of you, my parent's and brother but it did become immensely intensified then . . .

Could it be that loneliness is given to us as a reminder that this world was never intended to be our home and the things of this world were never intended to satisfy us? That is something to think about. 

I wanted to stop by and see say something and to let you know you are not forgotten..Your always in our hearts and thoughts..

Love Always, Martien

Happy 9 months in Heaven!

I'll always see your face Mom, the corner of your smile and all the little things that no one will ever know.  Like it was yesterday, won't ever fade away. Goodbye is just a word that I will never say.

You will never be forgotten Mom.  A million days could pass us by but what is time but just a dream. Oh I still feel you here with me Mom. You're more than a memory. Mom, you will never be forgotten.  Not ever.  I miss you in every day. I miss you in everyway of every second of everyday.

I can‘t hold your hand Mom.  Or look into your smiling eyes.  And when I talk to you, It just echoes in my mind.  But If hearts are made of dust and if we fell from the stars, I look up tonight and know just where you are.

You will never be forgotten ever Mom. Time is just a dream.  Oh, Mom,  I still feel you here with me..You're more than a memory. You will never be forgotten as the world just keeps on going without you in it. It has no way of knowing that you're gone. But I know it and I feel the emptiness in every day.

 I look for you and sometimes I think I hear your voice. But then I realize that can't be because your gone. That make's me so sad. Nine months today since you took your last breath. Nine months too long. 

Missing you so much but know you are happy in Heaven with your twins, your siblings and your mother.  

Blowing Butterfly kisses to heaven, Whitney

Your fingerprints are on my heart.
Fingerprints that teach me about caring.
Fingerprints that teach me about love.
Fingerprints that teach me about courage.
Fingerprints that teach me about hope.
Fingerprints that bring me closer to the ones I love.
Fingerprints that bring me closer to myself.
In the time I cared for you my whole life changed --
never to be the same again
All this from tiny fingerprints that touch my heart.
You will live in my heart forever - never to be forgotten.
I will always love you.

You are my Mother

It is said that death is part of life; that it is the other side of birth.  I believe that death can also give meaning to life, a meaning that may escape us now while our grief is fresh and raw, but which may someday bring a special quality of peace to your spirit.  As terrible as Mom's loss seems now, I know we will survive it even though that may seem unbelievable right now.  

Once that happens, we  will have touched upon a new and incredible inner strength. But for now there is still a mixture of thoughts and feelings.  Despair, longing, anger, guilt, frustration, questions and even understanding, tumble over each other, striving for but not quite reaching comprehensible sense and shape.  

I seek relief — we all need to heal.  I attend a grief support group. I have learned that death is a journey, and you must work on it.  The pain is real, but the tears are healing.  

I have learned we cannot control all that happens to us, but we can control how we choose to respond to grief.  We can choose to overcome and survive it.  When we choose to grieve constructively and creatively, we come to value life with a new awareness.  

I have begun to accept that in some strange way, Mom's death has enabled me to reach out with a new understanding, offering a new dimension of love to others. I believe in a loving God Who is with me, offering strength, guidance and solace as I struggle with my anguish.  I believe as I regain balance and meaning in my shattered life, I can come to see that Mom's death can indeed bring a new meaning to life.  Writing about my losing my mother helps me and I hope others who read this can begin to heal. We all need God's healing with the loss of my mother.

There are some places that I go to that me and my mother frequented and I feel her presence so strongly. Even in places where I know she wanted to be but is not. Mom always said to me that your spirit is not with your body therefore your free as a bird to go where ever you want. I know she does. I think in the end she knew and was preparing me for what was to come. Mom was a smart woman who always thought of others and their feelings. She never was greedy in any second of her life. She knew what she wanted and she knew what she got in the end. Now she is in Heaven and she is looking down on all of us. I can smile and know that I kept my promises to her and I tried very hard to make all her wishes come true. She knows. In the end, she knows.

Missing you mom...Whitney

Mom...you were the sun in all my winters...you were my rainbow after the rain...you were my moon when I was in darkness and my guiding star to light my way...my best friend when I needed a shoulder and my warmth in all my days. But most of all you were my teacher who taught me to have courage and never be afraid to face whatever comes my way. You made me believe in myself and become the person I am today. Even though I no longer have you...you left me 8 months ago...I needed in my heart to thank you and tell you I love you so...Nothing can replace the space created in my heart for the love I have for you, even after you have left the world I live in. One day I will see you again at Heaven's Gate. Until that time, Blowing Butterfly Kisses to Heaven....Whitney

Happy 8 months in Heaven Mom!

It's been 8 months since you passed and not a single day goes by that we do not think and miss you with all of Our hearts. I know you are watching over us. It's been so long since we spoke last. We keep asking why you had to go. We were not ready. But your heart gave out from congested  heart failure. Eight months ago we said our goodbyes one last time. Then you were gone not long after. We know you had to leave. It's just so hard dealing with the loneliness even if someone is here. You are not!  I miss my best friend..I miss you!

Time has marched on but we are still living the date, August 4, 2012.  It still seems like yesterday.  We can remember the laughter we shared and the tears. You left behind a legacy that cannot be forgotten. You had 3 daughters. Yes, I included Megan as your daughter because you felt she was. You had grand children and great grand-children. You were a joy and inspiration to our lives. As time passes we will continue to miss you more. 

Mom, you have given me more love than some people ever receive in a lifetime...I have truly been blessed with you as my mother.  We love you with every breath in our bodies..my beloved mother..my treasured best friend...A limb has fallen from the Family Tree but your still here. Just be quiet and listen and feel the breeze. You might just smell mom's presence...I remember the flower at your grave. A magical moment..just you and me..Love has no boundaries and you showed that to me. Mom, you changed my life as I knew it. You were my gift sent from above. You helped me be a better version of me..We wish you well in Heaven. Your remembered in every day and in every way. We miss you and you live in Our hearts tucked safely away. 

Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven,
Whitney, Martien, Megan and Christy

Mom, I wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake from which I'll never part.... God has you in his arms...I have you in my heart!

I have found in the months that have passed Mom,
that I am most vulnerable at times of remembrance.  
The word "anniversary" no longer holds a promise of celebration.  Instead, holidays and birthdays, family gatherings and otherwise joyous occasions contain an undertow of sorrow.  If I get caught up in it, I quickly get pulled under and wind up gasping for breath. 

It is ironic that the presence of an absence can be so emotionally devastating. But yours is for me. I miss you in every way and in every day. Think I am going to go take a walk in the rain. 

Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven, Whitney

Most of us knew Mom to be:

• Positive
• Upbeat
• Optimistic
• Enthusiastic
• Forward Looking
• Generous
• Patient
• Tolerant
• Easygoing

Mom was a special woman who looked for the best in people rather than the worst. I guess you could say she was “everybody's sunshine.” The sun is known for being bright, warm, and cheerful, and we always look forward to its healing rays after a long, dark winter. That's how Mom was. People enjoyed being around her, and she was never a threat to anyone.

One of my favorite memories of Mom was the time we were sitting in her car at Chick-fil-la eating vanilla ice cream cones. She finished her's and said "let's go". I said where and she said "To Braum's". I asked do we need milk and she replied "No, we need to go get us a Chocolate ice cream cone".  When mom wants something she got it. So off we went to Braum's. It's just one of those moments in time. I will never forget.
 
And that's the best memory of all. “Because I live, you also shall live,” said Jesus, the Light of the World. When the sun sets, it ceases to be in view, but it doesn't cease to exist. It goes away for a while, and then it comes back again. And so it is with Mom. Because of Easter, we will see her again.

Mary Helen was a real mom—my Mom. And I thank God for letting me be warmed by her rays for 77 years.

Hoped you enjoyed your Easter in Heaven Mom. 
Whitney

My mother has been gone for almost 8 months..with ever goodbye you learn. What you learn is that love does not mean leaning into someone and company is not always security.  As you learn, you begin to understand that kisses are not contracts and promises are not presents. 

With the grace of an adult, you learn to build all your roads on today and not tomorrow.  Tomorrow's pavement is too uncertain for strategies and futures have a way of crumbling down all around you. It's like being in the sun too long and knowing if you do you're going to get burned. 

Mom taught me to plant my own garden and adorn your own soul instead of patiently awaiting for a person to bring you flowers. My mother believed there was another world waiting for us. Call it Heaven..Another world. She is there waiting for us now to arrive at Heaven's Gate. 

I have learned that I can endure..That I am strong. Stronger then I thought...That I can survive..I see her smile in my memories of her...The way my mother laughed. She way she would tilt her head.  I loved the fragrance of her scent.  I miss that.

With every goodbye you learn. When you learn how to die, you learn how to live. Mom is living in Heaven now. We are here missing here daily presense in our lives. But in the end, we do learn our life didn't begin at birth and it won't end at death.

Even though mom has left us behind. I find comfort knowing that one day I will see her again. Until that moment in time, I will keep her memory alive and never forget what she mean't to me and all that she was.

Blowing Butterfly Kisses to Heaven's Gate, Whitney

Hope Your Enjoying Your Easter In Heaven!!

Easter will never be the same without you here with us. Nothing is the same anymore.  You are missed very much & you will be in our thoughts today, as you are every day.

Grief comes in one size, Extra Large. If we tuck it away in the bottom drawer where it never sees the light of day, it remains exactly the same. On the other hand, if we wear it, feel it, talk about it, and share it with others, it is likely that it will become faded, shrunk and worn, or will simply no longer fit.

When grief has served its purpose, we are able to recognize the many gifts we have gained. You were our Gift. We cherish each and every second we had with you. Always in OUR memories.

There's music in a well-lived life such as yours, and melodies remain each time a loving memory of you repeats the sweet refrain.  The song that lingers in our hearts becomes our legacy ~ its beauty gently echoing through all eternity.

You taught US that there are only two ways to live your life:  One is though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is a miracle.

We Love You & Miss You Very Much. Always in our memories and forever in our hearts. Plain and simply we miss you.

Blowing Butterfly Kisses to Heaven,
Whitney, Megan, Christy, Martien and JR

                         Happy Easter In Heaven Mom

 
Mom,

We do not need a special day to bring you to our minds. The days we do not think of you are very hard to find. Each morning when we awake, we know that you are gone. And no one knows the heart ache as we try to carry on. Our hearts still ache with sadness and secret tears still flow. What it meant to lose you, no one will ever know. 

Our thoughts are always with you, your place no one can fill. In life we loved you dearly; in death we love you still. There will always be a heartache, and often a silent tear. But always a precious memory of the days when you were here. 

We hold you close within our hearts; and there you will remain, to walk with us throughout our lives until we meet again. Our family chain is broken now, and nothing seems the same, But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

Until then....I love you & miss you so much. Happy Easter In Heaven

All My Love, Whitney

                     Happy Easter In Heaven Mamaw

Another Holiday without you and, another Holiday that I just go through the motions because, they are not the same without "you". I decorated for Easter because, I know you would have if, you were here and, I am going to colour easter Eggs on Sunday.  We will be visiting you later on Sunday then go have Easter dinner with mom, Martien and Megan. We will try to make the best of it but, Mamaw... the Holiday's are just not enjoyable anymore and, I don't look forward to them, not without you! I know you would not want me to feel this way but, I do. I don't want to make you sad so, I will stop. I hope you have a very Happy Easter in Heaven. Please know that I will be thinking of you & Missing you so much. I Love You Mom With All My Heart

Sending Hugs & Kisses XXX OOO
Your Grand-daughter, CD

Sitting here reading the bible. It made me think of my mother. It was my mother who introduced me to books and instilled in me a love of reading and the written word. My mother always had a book in her hand or within easy reach. Growing up, I remember her reading late into the evenings on the comfy sofa that was conveniently located beneath a protrait of a deer roaming the woods next to the water...I remember the bookcase that housed the tomes that fed and shaped my mother's life. 

Later in life, Books on horticulture, Bibles, reciepe and medical books, photo albums and roses lined the shelves facing a  large window that overlooked my mother's  garden.  My mother studied those books and created a  back yard paradise showcasing Megan's Cactus plant and other pretty flowers. I smile because Christy did so much of mom's garden. Mom liked to watch her work and later it was me and Martien that continued with the garden each year.

My mother's faith in God and quest for spiritual understanding was pronounced in the multitude of titles dedicated to theology and diverse cultures. She was active in her church until she could no longer attend due to her declining health and  she cultivated a faith and innate desire to learn that allowed her to delve into the structures and foundations of a broad range of beliefs and values. The primary values she passed to me were kindness, patience and above all, acceptance and not being greedy.

It was always a special treat for me when my mother and I could go together to the little book store up the street called the Book Nook. Later in years the Book Rack.  The Book Nook is where I discovered Judy Blume, "A Wrinkle in Time," and the evil White Witch who resided on the other side of that infamous wardrobe. I'd devour a book in a day or two, and my mom would happily take me back to buy another. I'd browse the shelves while my mother chatted with the store owner about new titles, authors and current events. We also loved going to the library.

My mother greatly enjoys religious books, especially The Left Behind novels and mysteries fraught with political intrigue. She prefered the heft of hard covers to paperbacks. Whenever my mother finished a book, she added it to an ever-growing pile destined for donation but never quite got there. 

As much as books shaped my mother's life, my mother's love for reading has shaped mine. It is perhaps the greatest gift she gave me. It is one thing I passed down to my children.

These words are for you to read, Mom.  I love and miss you so much, Whitney

I'm not sure I have found the right words
To explain how lucky I feel to have been your daughter
I'm not even sure those words exist
I don't recall the first time you held me
Or when I first heard your voice
 But from the moment you held me in your arms
You made the most selfless choice
You chose to change your busy life
So that my life could begin
You were my shelter from the rain
On you I could depend
You held my hand when I was afraid
You helped me to mend my first broken heart
You bandaged my wounds
You wiped away my tears
You kept me from falling apart
You loved me without question no matter what I did
 I believe the greatest gift I have ever received
Was having you as my mother
Without you I wouldn't be who I am
And I love you for all that you have been to me
My Mother, my best friend and now my guardian Butterfly.

Thanks Mom,
Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven, Whitney

Mary Helen, Happy St Patrick's Day in Heaven!

"I don't think of you every day; I think of you every hour of every day." Not just on holidays or St Patrick's Day.

Since your death I have come to the conclusion that It is love, not time, that heals all wounds. I remember your words to me that "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. "  I told that to Whitney and the last time it rain her she told me to pullover and stop on the road. She jumped out of the Jeep and started dancing in the rain. I joined her. I know you were there with us. It was a really magical moment. I am sure people driving by thought us nuts but that does not matter. We were laughing and enjoying the moment in time.

And now we've grown older (and maybe a little wiser) since your death.
We've learned that love isn't something you toss out, bury, pack away, or forget.  
Love isn't something that ends with death.  Life can become good and whole and complete once again . . . not when we try to fill up the empty spaces left by your passing and no longer within hug's reach,  but when we realize that love creates new spaces in the heart  and expands the spirit and deepens the joy of simply being alive. To treasure every moment.

To realize the value of one year, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of one month, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of one week,  ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one hour,  ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of one minute, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of one millisecond, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics. Treasure every moment that you have! 

And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special — special enough to spend your time. And remember that time waits for no one. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present!

Grief is a strange phenomenon -- That is what I have learned by death.
It's like going through a storm with sheets of rain flowing from your heart and stumbling to find your way out only to realize that to heal you have to go through it and not around it --There is no escaping it; it is part of living and acceptance of your grief.

That is what I have learned about your death Mary Helen. My second mom. You taught me more then you realized. I miss you and I love you.

Martien

Around the time my mother died, the tender words of other women enveloped me like a quilt stitched by many pairs of hands. Longtime friends, mothers of friends, these women had one thing in common: their mothers had died. ("It was 40 years ago," one said, "and I still think of her every day.").
 
I joined a grieving group. My mentors prepared me for the passage rite ahead. In my mother's deserted house, as I stuffed endless garbage bags with bric-a-brac that she had treasured and no one else would want, I knew other daughters had faced the same heart-piercing duty. I belonged to a sisterhood now—one every woman must eventually join unless her mother outlives her.
 
Baby showers herald the transition to motherhood. Roses, greeting cards and invitations to lunch celebrate mothers every May. Yet, despite out culture's motherhood mystique, no rituals mark the psychological journey we daughters begin when our mothers die.
 
The loss of either parent cuts deep, but mothers shape most women's lives like no one else. What your mother served for dinner (or didn't), whom she married (or divorced), the work she chose (or had forced upon her)…things like these tell a daughter what it means to be a woman. Whether you model your choices on hers or cringe at the very thought, whether she nurtured or neglected the girl you really were (as opposed to the one she thought you would be), your mother is your North Star.
 
And while she lights your way, she also links you to the past. In most families, it's Mom who keeps the baby book and hands down Grandma's stories along with the heirloom china. Motherless Daughters, such family legends "transform the experiences of [a woman's] female ancestors into maps she can follow for warning or encouragement."
 
Bereaved daughters talk about the void a friend of mine calls "mother hunger"—the wish that a wise older friend would adopt you, the pang of envy at the sight of a mother and daughter laughing together over lunch. I have a friend who, the first year after her mother's death, couldn't fall asleep without hugging a pillow, and another friend who still keeps the silk robe her dying mother wore in the hospital a decade ago. And in my own bottom drawer sits my mother's blanket, which I wrap myself in on the coldest nights. More than six months after her death, it takes me back to her red recliner, where my triumphs and tragedies achieved a sense of completion as she gave me her perspective. Now that red recliner is gone too. Just like mom.
 
If your mother still plants trees or flowers and teaches Sunday School, you may wonder how much longer you'll have her and what you'll do when she is gone. You'll do what we all do: mourn hard and slowly. You'll come to accept the yearning that blindsides you when something wonderful happens—a baby's birth, Birthdays and Holidays without her—and your mother cannot share it. But don't be surprised if you find yourself breaking new ground.
 
When I see women my age chatting with their mothers over lunch, I wish them many more outings together. And when I hear that a woman I know has lost her mother, I do what other women did for me. I write a note, share a memory, offer whatever help I can on her path to her mother's empty house. A gift for supporting each other is part of our inheritance as women. There's no better way to honour our mothers. I thank my female friends for being there for me and helping me since my mother passed away last August.

Whitney

I Remember You Mom..
In the rising of the sun and in its going down,
I remember you;
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
I remember you;
In the opening of the buds and in the warmth of spring time,
I remember you;
In the rustling of leaves and the beauty of autumn,
I remember you;
In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
I remember you Mom;
When I am weary and in need of strength,
I remember you;
When I am lost and sick of heart,
I remember you;
When I have joys I yearn to share,
I remember you;
So long as I live, you too shall live, 
For you are now a part of me, as 
I remember you Mom, even on St Patrick's Day!

Blowing Butterfly Kisses to Heaven....
Love, Whitney

Happy St Patrick's Day In Heaven Mamaw!

I love you so very much & I miss you more & more each day.
I am so sad that you are not here, and it doesn't get easier with time. Sometimes, I still can't believe that you are gone, and the only thing that gives me a bit of comfort is knowing that I will see you again one day.
I hope you will have a wonderful St Patty's Day in Heaven with  all our loved ones including Audrianna!

Love Megan

Six months and  12 days, but the grief is still raw Mom,
open to the bone.
In the most unlikely places --
the dentist's, restaurants, the Zoo, Braum's
support group meetings, sitting on the john --
I can still be engulfed in sobs.
In public I have to excuse myself
or pretend something's gone down the wrong pipe.
Once, at Del Rancho, a guy actually gave me the Heimlich maneuver.
I could hardly tell him it was okay,
I was only choking on grief.

Someone once wrote that tears 
are a river that can carry you forward.

Smart is when you know what is true;
wise is when you know what really matters.

Mom, I miss you so much,
your laugh, your smile, your touch.
You always brightened my days 
with all the smiles you sent my way.


I need you as my Special Butterfly
to always be at my side.
I need you as my angel
to give me peace of mind.

I like to think your near to me
to know that you are there.
Even though I can not see you,
I feel that you are near.
Please keep me close mom,
for you are always in my heart,
my thoughts and prayers.

Not a day goes by that I do not think about you
as I miss you in every day and in every way.

You left us seven months ago
but it might as well be eternity.
The pain of your passing never leaves me
I guess it never will. 
You'll always be in my heart and soul.
Until I take my last breath, your memories will live.


I Love & Miss you Mom...Blowing Butterfly Kisses to Heaven
Whitney

Mamaw, you will always be in my heart and I wanted to thank you for always being there for me. Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

I lost you a little over 6 months ago, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do was say goodbye, the last 6 months or so have been so so hard. I wish I could walk into your bedroom once more and see you smile, walk over to your old red recliner or hugged you one more time. You always made me smile and always had stories to tell. I loved sitting with you everyday and listen to the memories you had to share. You showed us that life cant be all that bad and there is always a light at the end of a tunnel. You were so strong, you had faith in us all, you had great spirit even if the day was dull. You were not just my Mamaw as I thought of you like my mother. I know you felt I was your daughter. 

You were not just my Mamaw but my best friend, Mamaw. I know you're close to me. When I feel the warmth at night I know its you giving me a good night kiss, when I feel my chest getting tight I know that's you giving me a big hug, when I feel the wind brush through my hair... I know your whispering hello to me .. when I see the sun shine I know you're happy, when I see that bright star I know that's you watching down on us all and smiling....now a beautiful butterfly angel watching over us all.

I pray to you each night. Loosing you Mamaw broke my heart and every day without a doubt I think of you and shed a little tear, for a Mamaw I loved so dear. I had to give up the doll you gave me. It broke my heart. I know you wanted me to have it..I have lost so much since you left. But I still have my memories and no one can take that from me. So, on this day know I am remembering fond memories of you as I stroll down Memory Lane. When I get to the end, I will remember your very last words to me. I love you Mamaw and you will always be my very own special Valentine.

Blowing Butterfly Hearts, Kisses and Hugs to Heaven!
Yours Always, Megan

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. This is one of those moments mom.

As time passes, I miss you more. Thank you for the honor of caring for you. I love you mom.  Your smiles always brighten any moment and your hugs put joy in all my days,  I know your love will stay with me forever.  The love you have shown me all of my life has touched me in precious ways..

The values you've taught, the care you've given, and the wonderful love you've shown have enriched my life in more ways than I can count.  I just wished I could be with you right now.
 
Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven!
Whitney

Today is Valentine's Day. My Mamaw is not here to share it with us. But I wanted to come here to say that my Mamaw was the kind of grandmother you'd wish for. She was a loving, kind, generous, beautiful, and wonderful Christian woman. Everything I am, I owe to my grandma. She will forever have my heart and I will always hold her in my heart. Although right now there is much heartache as she is not here any longer.

Now that your gone Mamaw, the memories remain of what used to be. Your beautiful Smile, the sound of your laugh, your heart of Gold, you wore on your sleeve. Those big blue eyes, filled with love. But most of all, the love you gave.

You always had faith, you never gave up, you always found a way, to make us see, how great GOD is indeed.

I'll never forget the times we shared together on Tuesdays. Like clock work. Going to the Wal-Mart, Crest and Braum's. Cruising around and enjoying the day. No worries. Eating at Braum's or Del Rancho. Tending to your garden when we got back home or mowing your yard until mom took over.

But Most of all just talking with you. You always had a way with words. A way to make me see. But most of all you made me believe. You helped me see why, you had to leave. Your spirit was strong, your body was weak. You asked God to bring you Home to him. You had enough stress and He saw you struggle. He felt your pain, He held out his hand and you grasped it tight. Me and JR were with you when you took your last breath. Mom, Megan and Martien were outside. You had such a big heart. But now there is no more pain, no more struggles. Just the comforts of Heaven.

With each day that passes, I'll miss you even more. But today I miss you even more. I can't give you chocolates, and a card. But I can give you here my heart, felt typed words that come flowing as tears stream down my face. I love to give you a beary big hug and kisses. But guess this will have to do until I get to Heaven's Gate. I wished my tears could build a stairway and memories a lane to bring home again. But I can't. But as mom always saids...I blow hugs and kisses to you on this Valentine's Day.

Love Always, your granddaughter, CD

Happy Valentines Day Mom In Heaven!

On Valentine's Day, the day of affection,
My thoughts naturally turn in your direction. 
I think of many things, big and small
That you've given to me and given your all. 
You see me always in the kindest light; 
You're a glow in my life, golden and bright. 
You were the perfect example of how to live, 
How to share, how to teach, how to love, how to give.

I Love you and miss you more & more each passing day. I hope you like the flowers & gifts we will leave for you today. I know you will enjoy your favorite... chocolate!  
 
My heart remains broken because I miss you so much. I love you Mom.

With all my love forever,
Your daughter, Whitney

My sweet and spunky mom died last August and I'm about to experience my first Valentine's Day without her.

I have had moments where I can't help but wonder why it hurts so much.  After all, it's normal for a parent to go first.  It's the natural order of things. It happens all of the time.
 
So, why is it so painful?

One of the sympathy cards I received explained it best.  "Your mom was your first love."  I hadn't thought of it this way before, but it is true. She was my first love and she was my first valentine.

No matter what Valentine's Day brought, or didn't bring, my mom loved me always through it. Growing up, there was never any doubt about whether I'd receive a valentine or not because my mom was  a sure thing.  Even if the little shoe-box I'd converted into a pink and red heart-covered-mailbox came up empty, my mom had something sweet for me at home.  If a boy broke my heart, or if it was a year without a special guy at all, my mom made me smile with a humorous card and a little chocolate.

If the day just did not live up to the Hallmark hype, my mom simply reassured me with a hug that I was loved.

My mom was my best friend and my rock in each of the stages of my life.  Through every devastating heartbreak and joyous celebration, she was by my side.  She loved my children and me in a way that no one else could. She was our number one fan and she wasn't afraid to brag about us to the world!  it did not matter what anyone else thought. Only her opinion matter.

How will I get through this first Valentine Day without her tomorrow?

The fact of the matter is, this is a turning point in my life where I have to question myself, Do I fall to pieces or pick up the pieces and turn them into something beautiful? Despite the moments that I wonder how possible it might be, I am choosing to do the latter.  I have to and I want to.

She loved her role as mom, and perhaps even more, her title of Mamaw.  She would not want me to use Valentine's Day, or any day, for that matter, as an excuse to shut down or to give up. 

Instead, she would want me to make the most of the day and remember what really counts.

So, tomorrow on Valentine's Day.. I will lead my family in celebrating the love we had with their Mamaw and my mother and the precious memories we share.  I will use the opportunity to remind them that Valentine's Day isn't just for lovers; it's a day for anyone who loves someone.   It's a day to cherish family and friends, as if it were the last.

Unfortunately, this is the way it often works in life.  We don't know when our last day together will be and so each moment is precious.  Every day is a gift, not just on Valentine's Day.

Blowing Butterfly Kisses and Hugs To Mom In Heaven!

Happy Valentine's Day Mom and Dad...Whitney

I'll love you until the day after forever.

Happy Valentines Day In Heaven Mary Helen!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. It doesn't have to be Valentines Day for me to tell you how much I Love You & Miss You Mary.

I hope you will be surrounded by your love ones tomorrow enjoying this very special day together.. I wish you could tell my brother, Rut, my Pa and Ma, "Happy Valentine's Day!"...Please let them all know that when they left, they left a big hole in my heart.. 

Thank you Mary Helen... because of you I was able to deal with losing Rut and Pa..... Now that you are not with us, that empitness is worse..Tomorrow will be hard for Whitney since she always gave you roses and chocolate on this special day.

Til we meet again.... I love you & miss you all.
Love, Martien

Missing you more then I can describe Mamaw, on your sixth month in Heaven.  Not a day passes that I don`t think of you and wish you were here.  Life goes on but my life seems so different and strange since your death.  We were always together and I miss you so much.  There is just a big void now. I keep coming here to look at your pictures. It makes me miss you even more but I can`t help myself.  

Love Megan

Happy 6 Months in Heaven!

Heaven is a better place because of you. We all miss you so much.  We miss you in every day and in every way.  We always will.  You have been gone now for six months. You were the greatest Mom and Mamaw and was always there for us. God took you away, but now you are whole again.  You are with you babies and other loved ones who passed before you. We know that God has a beautiful Butterfly now and we pray you are Our guardian Butterfly Angel now.

We will always remember you and the good times we all shared with you. Thank you for giving me life and teaching me the greatest of anything is love. We will honor you always and always keep you close to heart.  The stars shine brighter in Heaven now that you are there.  Until we arrive at Heaven Gate, keep watching down on us. I am proud to be your daughter and We thank God you were my mother and the grandkids Mamaw.

Blowing special Butterfly kisses to Heaven,
Love Always, Whitney, Martien, Megan, Christy.and JR

My Mamaw was a special woman. She was strong and tough. She was a remarkable woman.  My Mamaw was unique.. I miss her all the time.

When my papaw passed away, she lost the second love of her life. But my Mamaw was a fighter, she became an even more independent woman in widowhood. 

A delicate woman with a robust sense of life changed before my eyes. Last summer her heart died and a piece of my heart went with her. I'll never have another Mamaw and yet I know she still lives inside of me.

When I look in the mirror, when I look at my hands, and sometimes by the things I say, I'm reminded of her.

To Mamaw with love, I am everything I am today because you loved me. You are never forgotten. Not for even a second of any day. 

Your loving granddaughter, CD

No mist of time can fade nor passing years obscure the happy memories of our friendship and our relationship to each other... We love you as far back as we can remember which is the day we took our first breath. We all loved you so much and are grateful to have this place to visit and share our memories, our grief and our joy that you are no longer suffering.

You were a beautiful person from the inside out. Everyone who knew Mary Helen knows how her smile could light up a room. She was a loving mother, Mamaw and daughter, sister, friend, wife grandaughter, cousin, niece, and friend to everyone in her life. She will be deeply missed but never forgotten.

She had a smile that can jump right into your heart and warm you faster than hot chocolate. A heart of gold that holds more love than anyone could possibly imagine.

If we had a single flower for every time we thanked about you, we could walk forever in our garden!

We just wanted to let you know just how much we love you. We appreciate and cherish everything that you have ever done for Us, From giving me life to raising me to be a woman.  You continued to teach me new things even though I am older until your death and had a family of my own. We always tried to give back to you the amount of love ten times over what you have given us over the years. You are a priceless gem.  No card could ever say just how much we love you. These words from my heart to yours are all that We have to give you.

Having you in our life was truly a blessing. We miss you so much since you have been gone. But forever you will be in Our hearts/

Blowing Butterfly Kisses to Heaven,
Whitney, Martien, Megan, Christy and Jr

Mamaw, you were the product of a generation that is fading. You are the strongest woman that I have ever known and you will forever hold a huge part of my heart. Thank you for loving me with all of your might and taking me under your wings..I will always remember the memories we made together. Never forgotten..Always cherished. 

Happy 5th Month in Heaven!
Yours Always, Megan

Dear Mom,

On your 5th Butterflyversary in Heaven you are missed so very much. The months have gone by so fast and it still feels like yesterday that you were taken from us.

My heart remains broken and my life will never be the same without you. I know that you sent us a sign today. It was amazing and it made us smile. Thank you Mom. We needed to see that more than we can express.

I miss you and love you very much and until we are together again... sending hugs and kisses to you in Heaven.

Forever in my heart.... Love, Whitney

Mom's Wonderful Legacy

There Is A Wonderful Legacy Of Which We Wish To Tell.  About A Wonderful Lady That We Loved So Well.  Her Strength Lives Within Us And Grows Stronger Each Day. Her Honor Still Lingers Though Her Life Has Slipped Away.  We Miss The Sound Of Her Laughter And Her Beautiful Smile Too!  We Miss Hearing Her Say, "I Love You!" In Our Hearts Her Memory Will Always Stay.  Nothing Could Ever Take Her Remembrance Away.

Happy Butterflyversary In Heaven Mom.
Five Months today yet it still feels like yesterday. 

We Love & Miss You with all our Hearts & Souls
Hugs and Butterfly Kisses  

Love Always, Whitney, Martien, Megan, Christy and JR

Happy New Year's 

Here's another brand new year, 2013,
Another year, another chance
To learn to listen to the Lord,
In every circumstance.

A new year, 2013... with empty pages,
You can choose what You will write:
You can fill this year with good or bad,
With darkness, or with light.

Another year, 2013 for Us to learn 
The things You must learn, yourself;
Another year for You to show
God's love to someone else, 
To not let Greed overcome You

Father, please don't let Us waste
The time that We have here;
Help us make the best We can
Of this most precious year, 2013.

Another year for Us to grow,
Into what You would have Us be;
Thank You for this brand new year, 2013
And the love You've given Us!


May 2013 be the best year of your life in Heavene, filled with health, happiness, and God's blessings 

Whitney, Martien, Megan, Christy and JR

Mamaw were all at the cementary in front of your grave at 11:50 PM. When the watch struck 12:00, Martien let Champagne, Gold, Black and Silver "Happy New Year's balloons go. We watched them rise up into the sky, and then all of a sudden they were gone. 

They were for you, Papaw, Martien's parents and Brother and all the other loved ones who have passed on. Did you get them at Heaven's Gate? We hope so!

Mom said, WOW!  Mom grabbed them.  I hope you do have them Mamaw  Mom is celebrating tonight on painkiller's. I don't think she feel's a thing..lol!  

We all pray your New Year's in Heaven was beautiful. I know how much you loved the Holiday's.. Mamaw, when Mom let go of the balloons we counted 1,2,3 and we all said "HAPPY NEW YEAR MARY HELEN AND PAPAW" and boy, we where loud. We said a few more names too!  I hope you heard us because eveybody else must have. We probably woke up the dead!

Mamaw, We all saw the butterfly that flew around us tonight, and then it left, but when Mom said "If it comes back, it's a sign" it came back. WOW!!
What are the chances of that happening in such a huge Cemetery? We knew it was a sign from you. Mom said, "Thank you, Mom". It made us smile. 

I Love & Miss you sooooo much. In my Heart you will always be missed!
Big, Big Hugs & Kisses
.
Your Grand-Daughter Megan
New Year's Eve

HAPPY NEW YEAR"S EVE MOM AND DAD!

To think of 2013 without you, makes us so sad. We will be thinking of you the moment the New Year rings in.  

Keep a watch for your's and Dad's New Year Balloons

We Love You Mom & I Miss You So Much

Happy New Year's In Heaven
Whitney  & Martien

Memories Of You

We remember everything about you,
your voice, your smile, your touch,
the way you walked, the way you talked,
the way you looked at us, meant so much.

We remember all the words you said to us,
some funny, some kind, some wise,
all of the things you did for us,
We see now with different eyes.

We remember every moment we shared,
seems like only yesterday,
or maybe it was eons ago,
It's really hard to say.

You are gone from us now,
but one they can't take away,
your memory resides inside OUR hearst,
and lights up our darkest days...

Forever in our hearts,
Megan, Whitney, Martien, Christy and JR

Remembering The Good Ole Days 

Do you remember the good ole days when you were young? Well I sure do! 

A time that sometimes gets forgotten.
But one day at the Hair Salon, a little ole memory brings it all back...
A memory you once shared with your Mom

If your memory needs a little nudge, some of these things will take you right back, and I hope bring a smile to your face!

Sometimes you pick up the phone at Aunt Thelma's and heard voices!
Remember those party lines!
You shared the lines!
You had to remember your ring before you answered the phone, one long, two short!

Playing tag & hide & go seek on a summer evening.

Catching lightening bugs in a jar. 
Sometimes we pinched off the glowing end and put it on our finger for a glorious glowing ring! (I feel so guilty! How could we do that!)

Wringer washers! Mom use to say what work that was, and then if you didn't get your arm caught in the wringer you had to lug a basket of wet clothes to the back yard and hang them on the line.

Sprinkle bottles...Mom remembered how she had to sprinkle down the clothes after they dried and roll them up tight
and put them back in the basket? Then came the hard part! We ironed everything! Then came steam irons and we threw out the sprinkle bottle.

Do you remember any of these?

Window fans, Kick the Can, roller skates with keys, coonskin caps, hula hoops, 45 records, cherry cokes, juke boxes, pony tails, bobbi sox, penny loafers, sideburns, Breck & Halo Shampoo, drive in movies, jacks, going home for lunch, Dairy Queen, Tubb Rexall Drug, marbles, monopoly, wahoo, rabbit ears, aluminum glasses, sweater sets, white gloves, and can can slips,
the smell of Old Spice, penny candy, and Mother May I.

See The USA In Your Chevrolet

You'll wonder where the yellow went
if you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.
Step on a crack...break your mother's back. (I still don't step on cracks)
Red Rover, Red Rover, won't you come over.

Pepsi-cola hits the spot,
12 full ounces that's a lot.
Twice as much for a nickel too
Pepsi Cola is the drink for you.
Hi! I'm Buster Brown, I live in a shoe!
That's my dog Tige, and he lives there too!

When I went to the Hair Salon this morning, the hair stylist put me under the hair dryer, and it reminded me of my mother.  I was a little girl during the 1960's. My mother owned her own Hair Salon and was a hair stylist for 76 years. She always did my hair even after I grew-up. She even taught me how to cut hair and to do a few simple things before she retired.  She said I was quite good. That's so funny to me now. The reason is when I was still in grade school, I cut our family's poo's hair and gave Missy a high and low shag. Mom told me then when I got older that I'd better not choose her profession....I didn't but now wished I had. Back to my story of my mother in my younger days.

My mother was a determined hair washer. She didn't finish the procedure until my hair squeaked.  She used some type of pink shampoo that came in a glass container.  It had a distinctive odor because I can almost remember the smell.

I liked it when my mom gently brushed out my wet hair, and used the old silver hand- held dryer to dry it. I liked the soft hum of the dryer, and the feeling of the warm comforting air. I remember our family Chihuahua, Rusty always laying in the floor of the shop watching her so attentively.

I don't think she was terrific at cutting my bangs. She tended to cut them  pretty short and a little uneven. I remember sitting in a chair while she attempted this tricky procedure.  Maybe I moved around too much..Looking at those big, silvery, sissors and afraid she might jab me in the eyeballs. 

Every day, when I was little, we'd go into her shop, and she would style my hair. We'd both look into the mirror. I vaguely remember our reflections. She always wore a "slacks and a top".. If I was going to school, I had on a dress, or a skirt and blouse.  I remember her being so much taller than me. (When I grew up,  she still towered over me.)

We both must have enjoyed this, or why would I remember it?  She was gentle, but firm. My mother was like that in everything she did. She was a born leader, but didn't garner our respect by being harsh. To this day, I'm not sure how she did it.

The hairstyles varied between a pony tail, two pigtails and sometimes two braids. My mother worked carefully to get my thick bushy hair into those rubber bands. She didn't pull and tug. My thick hair didn't fit into braids too easily. No matter how hard she tried, a stray piece of hair would escape. By the end of the day, it was a disaster. (She only did this particular style when I begged.) Other times she would pin curl it as I wanted it real curly like Shirley Temple until she later cut it short. Or Mom would use me as a guinea pig to learn new styles and cuts or even hair colors. This continued for a very long time. It was fun though. One day, I would be a brunette, the next a red head or even a blonde. I even went to hair shows with my Mom. 

When she was done with styling my hair, she would take a ribbon, sometimes two and carefully put it in my hair, and firmly tie it around my hair style for the day. Then, off I'd go to school,

It's funny what we remember about our childhoods. I guess it's good to know those people, so important to us, can be conjured up by the sound of a hair dryer in a beauty salon. If your memory needs a little nudge, some of these things will take you right back. I miss those good ole days now. I miss my Mother so very much. 

Blowing Frosty, Shampoo Bubbles To Heaven's Gate...Love, Whitney

I will miss you every moment of every day for the rest of my life. You left quite the legacy with your ways and your love, and I know you will watch over us from up above.

If I wrote a letter to God
I would ask for just one thing
I don't need sleigh rides in the snow
Don't need Christmas presents under the tree...Take back the stockings, garland and jingle bell ornaments.....
'Cuz all I want for Christmas is you!!!

I don't need expensive things
They don't matter to me
All that I want, can't be found
Underneath the Christmas tree

You are the Butterfly atop my tree
You are my Mother
God can't bring me what I need
'Cuz all I want for Christmas is you

All I want for Christmas is you, Mom
Nothing old, nothing new, borrowed or blue
I'm afraid nothing else will ever do
All I want for Christmas is you

Here sadly missing you on Christmas Day, Whitney

I've come to the heart-wrenching conclusion today that I will never ever have another Christmas with you..It's not my choice your gone. I so wish you were here. I feel so ALONE even when I am not Alone. 

Thing is, I just can't get on board with Christmas right now. "Home is where the heart is" comes to mind. My heart is with you and you're not here. So, I seek out a quiet spot in the mancave to hide and cry so softly that you are not here...I want to blame someone...But in the end, you were ill. There is no one to blame..I remember your words to me.  I always will! I knew how you felt. I knew what you wanted.  I know what you got.

I want to sleep until every holiday, anniversary, and your birthday are over. I don't want to face it this year. I just can't face it this year. I'm either numb or completely exposed to the gamete of emotions I don't want to feel. They're painful... too painful for any one person to have to face and feel alone. The problem is that anyone that can relate to what I'm talking about feels the same thing... alone. I know I'm not alone but I FEEL alone. I can't help but to feel alone.

I'm not supposed to have lost my mom so early in my life. Yes, 55 is still young..You're still supposed to be here. You're supposed to help plan when we're getting together for the holidays and what time. You're supposed to make a big deal out of birthdays. You're supposed to keep up the tradition of all of us making no bake cookies together or your famous Pink Salad.... You're supposed to set the standard for Christmas Eve to be when WE decide it's Christmas.  The only standard we had for it being a holiday was to all be together.  But now things have changed..You weren't supposed to die. But, God had other plans and called your name.  I'm not supposed to feel like this. You're supposed to help me through the tough times, not create them purely by your absence. I'm bitter and angry and hurt and I don't want to feel this way.  I'm sick of feeling. I just want you here with me..I miss you so very much Mom!

Whitney

Merry Christmas Mary!!!

I wanted to come and bring you lots of love and Christmas Hugs...I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. You are family, and I miss your friendship and love you sooo very Much!!

Sending you lots of love and Christmas Hugs!

Love always and Forever, Your Friend Linda

Merry Christmas In Heaven!

We all Miss You very much. People say that with time, it gets easier, but that is not true, because it doesn't..We Love You very much, and you are always in our thoughts. 

A poem for you... Roses are red, Violets are blue, Christmas is here & WE LOVE YOU.  We wish you were here with us, but we know that you are not far... You are always with us. This we know in every way. Give our love to all our love ones you have passed before us. Enjoy your first Christmas in Heaven! What an amazing, splendor vision it must be. Especially hearing the Choir sing!

Love Always, Megan, Christy, JR, Mom and Martien

Merry Christmas Mom!

Today is Christmas, and there are so many things I would like to say.

I love & miss you so very much,since you went away.

I hear people say "What would I say,if you were to come back to me"?  Oh, I would have no trouble thinking of the so many words,I wish I could say to you.

I would tell you I love you & I've missed you so much,since Jesus called you home.  And through my tears I would tell you how I've longed to hear your sweet voice, and to feel your safe embrace.

Just to hear your voice once again & see your smile... why, I would walk a many a mile.  But I know that's next to impossible, so until the time my sweet Jesus brings me home to you, I'll look beyond tomorrow, and know what awaits me.

What joy it will be when we can walk together in everlasting beauty,in God's Heavenly home.

Merry Christmas Mom,
Love everlasting, Whitney
2012

PS...Blowing Frosty, Butterfly Kisses To You and Dad

Merry Christmas Eve, Mom

Sitting here watching the candle burn next to the photo we took of you and Martien's Ma while she was visiting. A time that we will always remember and cherious. 

We worked very hard to make it a nice Christmas Eve this year, but sadly it didn't turn out the way I hoped it would. Martien's mother passed away this afternoon on Christmas Eve. So, Christmas Eve is not the same without you and Martien's mother, and although we all went through the motions with a heavy heart today, I'm glad it's over.

All the running around, shopping, preparing, and trying to make it as nice as possible... I believe we are all feeling the same way.... Christmas is no longer Christmas without you and Annie!  We did drop by to say hi this evening to you and Dad and wish you a Very Merrry Christmas In Heaven.

I hope you liked the gifts we left for you today. Blame Martien for opening your Chocolate, but he wanted to share it with you. lol Hope he left you the good ones, but I'm sure you didn't mind as long as you had your  chocolate that you love so much....

I love you Mom, and miss you so much. You came to me in my dream while I napped this afternoon. Thank you so much. I needed to know that you were ok, and knowing that now, does bring a bit of comfort.

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with everyone..I can only imagine how beautiful Christmas must be in Heaven, and I wish that I could have a peek at what it's like, and see for myself how you are. But, for now... I keep on believing, and continue to have faith, that it's exactly how I imagine.

I know one day I will spend Christmas Eve with you again, but until that day.... Please know how much you are missed, and loved.

The empitness we all endure everyday could never be filled, for you are our Mother, our love, our joy, and will forever be the only one we will love with all our hearts, Forever!

Merry Christmas Mom
I Love You
You're Daughter, Whitney

PS..We are going to have a White Christmas down here..Just look down tomorrow and see all the glistening snow and frosty snowflakes falling down upon us. It will be a very blistering cold day.

Wishing You A Merry Christmas In Heaven!

Mary Helen, am so sorry that I have not been here as often as I would like, but you know I speak to you everyday, Can you hear me?

It breaks my heart to visit you here, I miss you so much, and visiting here, makes it so real, and that hurts so much. Then, I come and read the posts and it just warms my heart. Their words are so comforting especially today on Christmas Eve.. My own dear mother passed away today on Chrsitmas Eve. It is very hard to lose someone so dear to me. So many losses and you were one of those losses too!

Whitney and Megan are not in the Christmas spirit. Neither am I! They say they can't enjoy it without you. None of us will, but we will do the best we can, in your honor.

Whitney has a lovely picture of you and my mother when ma visited here. You two light up the livingroom Mary, like two, beautiful shining stars. Whitney has a candle burning tonight in honor of you and ma. Give my ma a hug for me and tell her that she mean't the world to me..

I Miss You Mary.
Please know you are always in our thoughts, ALWAYS! 

Martien

Thinking of you and Missing You Sooooo.... Much Mom
 .
As Christmas nears, it brings me so much sadness. I know how much you loved this time of year, and it will never be the same without you.

I can only imagine how beautiful Christmas must be in Heaven. I feel in my heart that, you will have a wonderful Christmas with Narnie & dad & Uncle Bill, Wilda & your twins, and all our other loved ones who have passed before us.

I want nothing more for Christmas, than to know that you are OK, and at peace, and are now in a wonderful, beautiful place surrounded by those that love you. I wish there was a way for me to know. It would be the greatest, most perfect Christmas gift. 

I'm sure your preparing for Christmas Eve at this time. How lucky Heaven is to have you. Christmas will be more beautiful in Heaven because of "You".

I Love You Mom with all my heart & I Miss You more & more with each passing day. It doesn't get easier. How can losing the best Mom in the world ever get easier? The loss I feel is unbearable at times, and there are so many times that, I can't believe this is all real. There is a void in my life so huge, that will never be filled.   It can only be filled by your presence, and I know that when I see you again, that void will be filled.

Until I get there Mom.....
I Love You
Sending Hugs & Frosty Butterfly Kisses & All My Love XXX OOO
Whitney
Christmas eve 2012

Merry Christmas Mamaw,

I can only imagine how beautiful and peaceful Christmas time is in Heaven. I know every day is extra ordinary up there. I am hoping and praying that you are having a Merry Christmas with Audrianna & Papaw &, your parents and all of our loved ones.

We are spending Christmas Eve at the house, and  Mom did a beautiful job of decorating the house this year.. You would be proud.  She did it in memory of you... but as usual like every thing she does since you left, Mom did it with a heavy heart. Mom did this for you Mamaw, because she knew how much you loved this time of year. It was your favorite Holiday of all..

I hope you are and papaw are enjoying your Chrostmas tree and garland we brought to you last Saturday. We decorated it with ornaments and snow flakes..

I Think of you as I do so very often throughout my day.  I hope you heard me when I was talking to you Mamaw . I think you did, because when I felt I had no more strength, I believe you sent me more.  I need it so much at times like this....Especially just recently.. I know you were with me.....I wish I had your strength Mamaw. Sometimes, when I think of it... No matter what... you were a tower of strength. I will forever admire that about you. 

This Christmas is dedicated to you... My Angel Mamaw. It won't be the same. It will never be the same without you.

I Love You Mamaw and Papaw, and I Miss You each with all my Heart. 
.... Love, Megan
Christmas 2012

Hi Mom

Just wanted to thank you for all your help and Megan is coming home today from the hospital. She had some very scary, complications from the surgery this week but is recovering well and is so ready to come home. Our prayers were answered.

But, now we are in anyother crisis. Martien's mom is doing very poorly. The prognosis is death. She is in a coma and the lack of oxygen has caused brain damage. The family is with her all the time. Please be with her when her time comes. She really enjoyed meeting you and spending time with you when she came to visit. 

My heart goes out to Martien in this time of waiting. It is so very hard and much harder for him since she is in another country and would not get to her before she passes. So, the family told him not to travel home. Martien is much like his mother. Such an honest, good man. He has had two losses in such a short time, his pa and oldest brother. Now his ma.

I miss you mom. They had to cancel my surgery yesterday for complications I am having and the risks were too high to have the surgery. So, it has been rescheduled for later this month.

I guess you know the world did not end yesterday. But, it might as well be ended because your not in it anymore.

I love you mom and miss you so very much. I miss you in every way.  I miss you in every day. I cannot wait until I arrive at Heaven's Gate. Then we will be together once again.

Blowing Frosty, Butterfly Kisses To Heaven To You and Dad!

Love Always, Whitney

This Memorial is one of the most beautiful ones I've seen. I want to cry each time I read what you've written. The Love you have for your Mom is so very evident. Each and every page is filled with so much Love.

It is so hard today not having your mother here with us for the Holiday Season. I know you are feeling the same way, and wishing so much that your Beautiful Mom was still here. I am so sorry Whitney for your loss.

I will say it gets easier as time passes as it really does. But, I know this first Christmas is going to be the toughest for you and your family. I know it was for me when I lost my mother and husband. 

I miss Mary a lot,  She was a beautiful person inside and out, There was not one grain of greed in her and she was the most honest person that I knew, You are much like your mother Whitney, I see that in you, So, just remember that!

Always in my thoughts and prayers,
Linda

I just had to come by again to say Happy Holidays to you and Dad in Heaven

I bet the feasts in Heaven are spectacular. I can just vision.. Let me see here... You trying to show how to make your famous dishes with a pinch of this and a pinch of that, and just a hint of this, and a wallup of that. Yes, it has to be the right amount. I bet Dad is making his famous Fried Chicken..you are taking taste tests to see if it is just right. And I bet you use nothing but olive oil.

You know Mom, this year Christmas was celebrated early here for special reasons...We are not celebrating on Christmas Eve this year. Martien did smoke  deer, and I made potato salad, baked beans for us. No ham this year. Too sad for that.. So we won't get the feast I use to make, but everyone understands. It is all store bought this year except for the pies, smoke deer meat, beans, and potato salad, but we were all together and that's the main attraction of the day. We went to the cementary Saturday and the Air Force were putting wreaths on the veterans graves. We did a small get together at your's and Dad's grave.

Megan was later taken to the ER and is very ill and needing surgery.. So, please talk to God and tell him to please help her and give us a miracle. We need one right now. 

You know your Megan misses you so very much. But we  are trying to go through the motions of Christmas time, its all in your honor, for you loved Christmas so much, with all the festivities, the decorations, the presents, the food, and good wine flowing that Martien likes, and best of all, you loved being with your family

Well. there is a void there now, that your gone.. Do me a favor, and go visit Christy. I know you do already, but give her a good long visit,Mom...She is having a rough time about Megan as we all are.  Megan is having it hard right  now and just not over her illness but over things related to you and your wishes. 

You know Mom, I'm going to have to take drive, so I can visit you again, but I just had to tell a special lady Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays in Heaven. But not right now I need to be close to Megan..I know you are in spirit. She needs you now...Tell God it is not her time.

Fly high Angel,and light so softy Hugs..Blowing Frosty, Butterfly Kisses To You and Dad in Heaven!

Love Always, Whitney

To my Mom, my friend my buddy...

Although your death has taken you away, I have so many memories to keep me going. As we two traveled this journey before your death, we were changed, we learned and adjusted but what remained first and formost, is the loving Mother I had for 55 years of my life and had hope to have even longer.

 You have always wanted to live to be 97 but God had other plans......I hope God lets you know how much you are missed by the ones you left behind. I love you Mother...for all you were to me in life which was EVERYTHING!

Blowing Frosty Butterfly Kisses To Heaven....Whitney

Well grandma you gave us a butterfly for christmas so grandpa give us a dove!

Mom, the nights are getting longer, the sun is barely here....The weather is cold and frosty so Christmas must be getting very near...Twinkling lights have started appearing, Holly and Tinsel here and there....

Santa Wish Lists will be written by excited children and parents everywhere....

Our Christmas Day will be filled with memories, with sadness and with tears, with remembering Happy, Seene, Joyful, Christmas's spent together with you and Dad in previous years....

It's Christmas time without you Mom, so it will not be Happy and Jolly... Just very empty, sad and blue without YOU...

But deep down I know you and Dad will be with me, I  feel your presence when I am so very blue, I will smile when I remember some silly ole times, and the twinkling eyes that were uniquely you.....

I cannot forget the laughs and smiles of Dad too..This year will be so different and never the same again. No longer spending Christmas Eves and Days with you...

So, I am not looking forward to this Christmas, I know the happy moments will be few, but I know it is something I have to live through... Christmas without you and Dad!

Blowing Frosty Butterfly Kisses To Heaven,
Love, Always...Your daughter, Whitney

Mom thank you for the butterfly

it was very special. Christy and I asked and you answered. It was heartfelt and magically watching the butterfly flutter it wings and soar all around us as we walked away from your's and dad's grave. We hope you loved the tree and christmas garland. We brought Christmas to you and dad..

Sending butterfly kisses to heaven!

Love, whitney, Megan, Martien

ps...Christy and Jr were with us too. It.was nice and cool today but everyone was out decorating their love ones graves. We saw some very pretty grave blankets made of fern with pretty red bows in each corners with red cardinals and bird nests. Next year I will get you and dad one too!!!

I came back by to wish my Father a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays greeting from all of us down here. There is no website dedicated to him since his death, so I know you won't mind Mom if I use your's. 

Dad, I sit here by the Christmas tree and I think of the Christmases that have passed. I miss you much, the great times we had, and just wish they could have last.
 
The laughter of your voice, enjoying Christmas Eve, echos through the house, while I'm sitting here looking at the tree. It has been almost 14 years snice you left us.  There is never a day that I do not think of you and wished you were back here with us. But now, you have Mom to keep you company. You and Mom can take Audrianna for a walk. Tell Grandma Narnie and my son my greetings. Back to thinking about all the Christmases we shared together since I was a little girl.
 
We always shared Christmas here, eating and opening gifts. Of course, the gifts were opened up on Christmas Eve. My tears fall as I reminise about it all and I see what others may not see... something as simple as a tree, bringing so much happiness and memories.
 
I Miss You Mom and Dad. Christmas will never be the same without you. I try so hard to continue your tradition, but its just not Christmas without you. I do hope my efforts make you proud and that you have the most beautiful Christmas in Heaven with everyone. I miss them all very much too.

I hope you liked the tree and goodies we brought you both..
 
Happy Holidays, Mom and Dad!
Love Always, your daughter, Whitney

Hi Mom,

I always have so much to say to you & when I start to write I get so cloudy in my head I can't seem to get it clear

I only wish I was able to talk to you about the things I could only tell my MOM...
I MISS YOU OHHHHHHH SOOO MUCH.

I'm having a hard time finishing up my Christmas decorations, but you know me I will pull it all together. All I have to do is think about your strength MOM, the strength you had was amazing. Megan is helping me out. But, I don't let her do very much since she is still recovering.  Martien and Christy miss you dearly too! Everyone does.

I know you see the countless Christmas trees around the world below with tiny lights like Heavens stars reflecting on the snow. Looking down from Heaven, I am sure the sight is so spectacular. I pray Jesus Christ  wipes away that tear on your face as your spending Christmas with him this year.

You hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear but the sound of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up there. I am sure you have no words to tell us of the joy their voices bring, for I am sure it is beyond any description to hear the Angels sing.

I know you see how much we all miss you... You see the pain inside our achy hearts, for you are spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. I am sure if you could, you'd tell us of the splendor or the peace of Heaven. Can you just imagine your spending Christmas this year with your savior face to face.

Please ask him to lift our spirit as you tell him of our love, then we will pray for one another as we lift our eyes above.

I know you'd want our hearts to be joyful and let our spirit sing, for you are spending Christmas in Heaven with your loved ones and your walking with the King

I know at CHRISTMAS time you will be here with all of us. Please send us a sign. I know that would make us all very happy. Wishing for a Butterfly..


I Love you Mom..

Big Hugs & Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven!

You're Always Loving Daughter, Whitney

Just wanted yo say i love & miss you!  Could you send mom megan & martien a butterfly to let them now your with them this holiday season?  thank you!

Hi Whitney and Family

I wanted to stop by to wish you  Happy Holidays and to let you know that you are in my thoughts. I know this holiday season is rough for you and your love ones. I know it must not be easy to try to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas without your mother. I know how close you were to her.

Your Mom is always with you. As long as you have your memories she will always be with you.

May God give you peace and comfort this holiday season.

Thomas

Merry Christmas my sweet friend to you and all your family.

I know that the Holidays are the most difficult to get through when our loved ones pass on. Mary, your daughter, Whitney was cooking up a storm for  Megan, me, my husband, daughter and a few friends who were invited over to help Whitney and Megan through this very first Thanksgiving Holiday...Without You..
 
I know you feel better knowing that they were in such good company..We really enjoyed having them visit us in DC.

Mary, take care of your Beautiful family from Heaven. Always guide them in the right path wherever they may go in life. My Heart and prayers are always with you..

Always here for you Whitney..We are only a call away....Nik

Christmas...A time to remember loved ones, both here and in Heaven.
After the loss of a loved one, the Holiday Season brings special memories of Christmases past and tender moments of sadness.
We are also reminded of special friends and family like you.
Through your love and God's healing touch, we know that Christmas will once again be filled with hope, peace and joy.
 May God bless you with his love & peace during this Holiday Season and throughout the coming year.

Lynn and Dan

Mom's living her life way up past the stars...
She's spending her Christmas in Heaven, you see,
With her mother, sister, brother, Husband and twin babies
 
We've shared our hearts, full of Holiday Cheer
and shopped for presents for loved ones through out the years.
The house is decorated with lot's of lights
That sparkle and shine through the Holiday nights.
 
But even with all of this Holiday bliss
There's someone we lost that we terribly miss.
And, as this Christmas Day draws near
We wish with all of our hearts you were here.
 
In our hearts there is an empty place,
no one could fill but you.
It broke our hearts to lose you Mom,
but you never went alone,
for part of us went with you,
when God took you home.

His garden must be pretty,
he only wants the best.
He put his loving arms around you
and said: "Mary Helen" come home to rest".
 
I could hear Mom saying 
I'd like for you all to remember the good
You know that I'd be there if only I could.
So don't feel so bad that I'm not there
cause there are so many memories you can share
 
As each of you gather with your families,
I'm sure you'll find this Christmas,
The gifts deep within you that I left behind.
Each one is unique and wrapped brightly in love.
They shine from your hearts as I shine from above.
 
Merry Christmas In Heaven Mom 
I Love & Miss You With all my Heart and Soul.

Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven,
Love Always, Whitney

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.....

Wanted to see if you & papa wanted to eat some fried chicken & some sweet potato pie!

Just wanted to send you a merry christmas!

Happy 4 months in Heaven Mamaw!

Sitting here remembering the smile upon your face, and how it made the world light up. Should be doing my homework but my thoughts drifted to you and so here I came.

You were full of heavenly grace, but no longer can I see your face, for you are with God above, but your loving smile will always be tucked in my heart with love.

My heart still aches in sadness and tears. It is not the same without you. Here it is close to Christmas and I am remembering all the Holidays together and memories I will cherish. All the chocolate pies you made me. I know you are seeing everything from above and I know how you would feel about it. But I know you are missing me alot. I sure miss you.
.
I Love You Mamaw. Hugs and Kisses XXX OOO
Love Always, Megan

My Mom Whispers From Heaven

I Was Sitting Here In Heaven, and having a wonderful day. I started thinking about you, and all the things I didn't get a chance to say.

I don't want you to worry about me, and please don't shed any tears, because I will wait for you in Heaven, if it takes a hundred years.

Everything I had on earth, I have in Heaven Too! My first day here my body became brand new.

It is really pretty here, and I love My new home. Although your heart is broken, because my body is gone, my love will always be there as you go along the way, just take a peek inside your heart... there is where I'll stay.

Know that I love my family and my best friend, Linda too, and know my thoughts will be with each of you, your whole life through.

In loving memory of my Beautiful Mother, Mary Helen Blackburn who went home to be with the Lord August 4, 2012

Love, You're Daughter Whitney

Your journey to Heaven has been reached! You died as you lived, with grace and dignity, how lucky we were. Thank you for teaching me, so much, these last 5 years. I found a new me as I was losing you. I miss you so much, thanks for being such a great second Mom. Wishing you were here with us. Happy 4th month in Heaven.
 
Martien

Mom, Happy 4 months in Heaven!

Here it is the Holiday season. But you are not here with us. For years I have been told how surprisingly shocking the death of an elderly parent can be. I know it's inevitable, yet the finality is jarring. But knowing and knowing are two different things. So just like so many others when you died Mom, I found it hard to get my arms around the idea that you are no longer alive.
 
I received an outpouring of beautiful condolence letters and emails but have only written a handful of thank you notes. My undoubtedly overly simplistic explanation is that if I don't write the notes then maybe you didn't die. And I'm not alone in my behavior. I asked my primary doctor after 3 months since your death, if it was okay that I was pretending you were still alive. "Absolutely," he replied. "That's why God invented denial."
 
Mom, you lived totally in the moment. You'd start to peel an orange and would say "at this moment this orange hasn't seen the light of day." Every morning you would look out the window at our breakfast table and say, "Good morning, tree." More often than not, whatever you were experiencing was "the best ever." The best ever sunset was the one you were watching. The best ever chicken salad was the one you ate at our last lunch alone together a few weeks before you died. Your best ever meal was the one you had just finished before you went into the hospital. Our last time together was minutes before you died.
 
Mom, you were the best mother and my best friend. No one can ever replace you. Your memories live on and I will always cherish those memories. I miss you mom in every day. I miss you mom in every way. I miss you this Holiday Season. I miss you right now. This very moment.

Blowing You Butterfly Kisses To Heaven!

Happy 4 months in Heaven, 
Love, Whitney
December 4, 2012

Dearest Mamaw,

Soon Christmas lights will be flashing, and just the thought of it tugs at my heart, and brings tears on my face. I know you wont be here this year, but I know you will be in spirit for sure.

It hurts so much every time I think of you. I miss you, miss hearing your voice, and your laugh. I have never had a Christmas without you, so this is all new to me and I need to find a way to get through it.

Christmas will never be the same, but I know how much you loved this Holiday, how you would have Mom decorate the entire house and invite everyone over for Christmas Eve. This tradition as ended with your passing and I will surely miss that. Just a handful will continue to celebrate together. But we will always remember the times we shared with you on Christmas Eve. Those memories will never end.

I know you would want us to continue to keep the tradtion of the Holiday with our family, but I wish it wasn't this way.... I wish you were here. and mom is not doing so good this Holidays without you.  Megan and Martien too! But especially Mom.

I will miss you every moment of every day for the rest of my life. You left quite the legacy with your ways and your love, and I know you will watch over me from up above.

Mamaw... I Love & Miss you soooo... much. I will hang special ornaments "In Memory of You", and with a heavy heart make you proud... I'll do this Mamaw, just for you.

So, as you favorite time of year draws near, I know you will be watching from above...Wishing us hope, happiness and love.

Wishing You  Happy Holidays In Heaven 2012
Love, Your GrandDaughter, Christy

Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven Mary Helen!

I can picture you preparing a big feast in Heaven with  everyone
I hope you have a wonderful day!

It's very difficult for Whitney to feel thankful.  I will always be thankful for having you as the best Second Mother anyone could ask for, but it's so difficult now, without you.  We all miss you..

Holiday's aren't the same, and we can't enjoy them anymore, because you are not here with us. We do try but just haven't gotten to that acceptance stage of your death.

Please don't get upset, but Whitney and Megan have gone to DC and she is not preparing Thanksgiving dinner this year. (Are you yelling at her now?)I was not up to it, and I really don't think anyone was up to it as well, so we decided to go out for Dinner last Sunday at Furr's..Your favorite..I did enjoy a piece of Strawberry Cheesecake. I know you would have if you were able to be here.. Oh geee... I know this would upset you, because you always said "You don't go out to eat on Thanksgiving". I'm sorry, but the sooner it passes, the better! Whitney, Megan and her friend will be having a non-traditional meal this year. I have to work. So, I did not make the trip. Hopefully, next Thanksgiving we will be able to celebrate Thanksgiving together. We just feel we needed this time to heal.

We came to visit you last Sunday and left you some fresh roses, but I'm sure you know that, and I hope you liked the flowers we brought you.

I Miss You Mom, and I Love You!

We Miss You every minute of every day, and our heart remains broken. I know I will see you again, and because of this, I manage to get through another day without you...But it is not easy!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven...Tell my brother and pa my greetings and love to them.

Sending a Big Hug! 
Martien

Hi Mamaw,

Happy Thanksgiving To You and Papaw!

Ok... Thanksgiving is here today, and I'm supposed to be thankful, but Im not feeling that way either. Mom doesn't either. We are away in DC visiting a friend of mom's. Mom has been having a hard time dealing with your death and we were invited to DC.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH MAMAW!.  Mom is starting to cook and working hard on your meatloaf and chocolate pies.. We are not having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.  Martien is working so he is not here with us in DC..  Mamaw, I know you are laughing  and thinking Meatloaf and its Turkey Day..... I could just see the smile on your face. And, your laugh...when you laughed, everybody laughed.

I think about you every minute of my day. Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving...We Love & Miss You..

Love, Megan

Happy Thanksgiving In Heaven Mom!

Another Holiday is here, and it's still so unbelievable to me that you are not here and, I am not in your kitchen preparing & cooking for this Holiday. It still doesn't feel real. I don't know if it ever will feel real to me again.

This is the time of year when the house would have the aroma of delicious Turkey cooking and oh so good deserts, along with your  favorite pink salad that no one could ever duplicate. I miss that Mom, more than you will ever know.

I hope you won't be upset, but we will not be celebrating Thanksgiving this year. I am not feeling very thankful Mom. How can I, when your not here? I know you don't want to hear that, but it's how I feel. 

I made plans to get away this Holiday so no family dinner. Instead, I am spending the Holiday in DC with Megan. But, no Thanksgiving celebration and, no turkey, but I will be cooking your favorite meat loaf dish, and Megan 2 chocolate pies so don't worry. 

My close friend and I decided to have a non-traditional Thanksgiving this year. Martien is back in Oklahoma working this Holiday. But he will get Thanksgiving dinner on the job. Christy is spending this Thanksgiving with JR's family. 

I Love You Mom & Miss You Every Minute of Every Day. Give a hug to dad.

Happy Thanksgiving Mom. I know all the Angels are enjoying your cooking. They are sooo.. lucky.

Love, Whitney
Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven

What would I have done without you? I truly do not think I would have got through losing Mom wiithout "YOU". You have been my support, MY ROCK, and I am forever grateful. You have always been there for me and still remain to do so, so I "Thank You" from the bottom of my heart.

I am truly blessed that you are here for not just me, but you have been more then a Father to Megan & Christy. I Love You with all my heart & you will always remain the most decent, giving, and honorable man I have ever known. Thank you Martien.... I Love You

Mom, I miss you so much..I know you were with us during Megan's illness. We felt your presense and we were not alone. You were with us. There is not one day that I do not stop to think about you. 

Blowing Butterfly Kisses To Heaven!
Whitney

I wanted to post this for you Mamaw. It has been 3 months today since you passed away. I hate the word "DIE". 

My Mamaw's death taught me to cherish life daily. To love the people in my life with all my heart, and let them know often how much I love them often. It taught me to have no regrets and to treasure the beauty around me. It has taught me to stand up for what I know is the right thing to do. And to keep the ones who have gone on before me close at heart, for they have helped make me who I am today.

I love you Mamaw. Even though I am ill, I wanted to take this time to cherish your memory and tell you that you will be forever in my heart, my mind and my soul. I miss you so much. I wished you were here. 

Tell Papaw and Audrianna I love them and miss them too.

Megan

OBITUARY

Mary Helen Blackburn

May 27, 1935 – August 4, 2012

Bill Eisenhour Funeral Home At Sunny Lane Cemetery

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