Janet Bauer Oehler

Born a twin on August 29, 1935, in New York City, Janet was the daughter of the late Clarence Arthur and Erna (Wolf) Bauer. After graduating from Malverne High School on Long Island, she attended State University of NY (Oneonta) and Hofstra University where she earned her bachelor's degree in education. A life-long learner with an unwavering commitment to education, Janet continued her studies throughout her career, earning both a master's degree and a professional diploma in education.

Teaching was far more than Janet's profession—it was her life's calling. A gifted and compassionate educator, she began her career teaching first grade on Long Island before discovering her true passion as a reading specialist. She believed every child deserved the opportunity to succeed and she dedicated herself to helping struggling readers build confidence and a love of learning. Janet was known to browse bookstores to buy books to send home with students so they could continue reading throughout the summer. She officially “retired” in 1992, but that only lasted for the summer. By the start of school the next fall, she returned to teaching part-time for another 13 years, working one-on-one with struggling first graders—turning them into successful readers. She was so beloved by “her kids” that she even got a Mother’s Day card from a student! After she retired “for the last time”, she continued to have an impact on young lives as a leader on the board of the Wesleyan Pre-school that was based at the Smithtown United Methodist Church (her home church). She was an extraordinary teacher whose kindness reached far beyond the classroom. She believed in people, invested in children, celebrated learning, and made everyone she met feel valued. The cross-stitch that she made for her daughter Debbie on graduating from medical school with the saying “I think I can, I think I can” from the children’s book “The Little Engine That Could” exemplified her approach to life and her belief in the potential in all people.

While growing up in New York, Janet met Charlie Oehler (affectionately known as “Chub” to his family) and the two became high school sweethearts. They married in 1957 after Janet graduated from college, and they built a loving life together centered on family, education, and service to others. In their early life they each took turns putting the other through graduate school at night. This dedication to each other and their education led to a very remarkable event when their second child, Paul, was unexpectedly born at home, surprising them while Janet typed up Charlie’s term paper!

While both were devoted educators, Janet and Charlie were equally devoted parents and grandparents who believed that the greatest investment they could make was in the people around them. Although Janet was a working mother, which was uncommon during the 1960s, both she and Charlie more than made up for their work time by spending all their free time with their family and friends. Their home was always open, welcoming, and filled with warmth. Summer breaks were filled with trips to the beach and boating trips on the Long Island Sound. They also took trips to their house on Smith Mountain Lake in Virginia that they shared with Janet’s twin sister Joan, her husband John, and their 2 children. The Oehlers taught many friends how to water ski and created lasting memories for generations of families. They later spent summer vacations in Florida, which they particularly enjoyed sharing with their 2 granddaughters.

Closer to home, they loved taking the train into Manhattan to attend Broadway performances or spend evenings at the opera or the symphony. But their favorite performances were their childrens’ and grandchildrens’ concerts and musical theater performances. Janet had a life-long love of music. She played French horn in high school and played piano throughout much of her life. She loved playing the piano accompaniments for her daughter’s clarinet solos and her son’s tuba solos. Although she was not a professional musician, she was a favorite accompanist for their high school friends because of her warm and encouraging nature. She continued to be the biggest supporter of her daughter’s clarinet playing and was thrilled when Debbie returned to playing after retirement. Even in Janet’s late 80s, and up until her death, she attended all of Debbie’s community band performances, just as she had in high school. Classical music (especially Mozart’s clarinet concerto and horn concertos) and Broadway show tunes were the soundtrack of her life—whether playing throughout her home or accompanying her on a drive. She often said that the plants in her sunroom thrived because they could hear the classical music from her Sirius radio!

After Charlie suffered a stroke in 2007, Janet devoted herself to his care—spending every day with him for 12 years while he was in the nursing home. She made sure that he had as full a life as possible, even taking him to the Sunken Meadow State Park boardwalk to see the Long Island Sound and to get a hot dog. Her love and commitment to him never wavered until his passing in 2019.

In 2021, Janet reluctantly moved from her Long Island home of 54 years and her New York “family” to live in Dexter, MI, to be closer to her Michigan family. She quickly embraced her new community at The Cedars of Dexter, where her warmth, wit, and friendly spirit made her a favorite among both residents and staff. She loved outings to Barnes & Noble with her daughter, neighborhood walks, doing jigsaw puzzles (especially with help from her granddaughters) and reading every book she could get her hands on—and, above all, spending time with her family. Her family joked that Janet had a more active social calendar than they did.

Janet was a woman of delightful quirks and simple pleasures. She faithfully completed the New York Times crossword puzzle—in pen. She disliked cooking (all food got warmed in the microwave for 1 minute on high!); she loved bacon (extra crispy), and mint chocolate chip and coffee ice cream. She wouldn’t buy any clothes that weren’t extremely soft and they had to come out of the dryer ready to wear. She was also humble and wasn’t afraid to be the main character in a funny story (like the snow-proof rental car!) or be the one to try a crazy new water-skiing trick. Her favorite color was purple, and she never missed watching a Steph Curry basketball game. She had a soft spot in her heart for Davidson College, which her daughter and son-in-law attended. Her crocheted baby sweaters and blankets are now treasured keepsakes and have been passed down through the generations.

These little details, along with her sharp wit and intelligence, fierce independent streak, incredible organizational skills and gentle heart, made her unforgettable.

Above all else, Janet was a devoted wife, a loving mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. Although she and Charlie lived in New York, they stayed close to their granddaughters as they were growing up. They never missed an important event and at least once a month they made the 11 hour drive to Michigan so that the girls could have some special time with Nannie and Poppop. They also made special memories taking trips with the whole family to Disney World, Hawaii, Banff (CAN) and even got out of their comfort zone coming along on a trip to South Korea.

Janet is survived by her daughter Dr. Debbie Jeffries, son-in-law Jim Jeffries (who she thought of as her son), daughter-in-law Suzanne Oehler, granddaughters Tracie (Justin) Baker and Alyssa "AJ" Jeffries, great-grandchildren Liam and Sophie, brother-in-law John Dilworth, niece Jenny Dilworth, nephew John Dilworth, sister-in-law Sally Neal, niece Peggy (Greg) Neal, and cousins Lila Wolff-Wilkinson and Eleanor Wilkinson. She is also survived by her “adopted” New York family: Mary O'Neill, Cindy O'Neill, Stacey (Bill) Bradshaw, Jon (Leigh) Manley, Steve (Mai) Manley, Tim (Ronja) Manley, Sara (Eoin Ryan) Bradshaw, and Emily (Kevin Hastings) Bradshaw.

She was preceded in death by her beloved husband Charles "Chub" Oehler, her son Paul Oehler, and her twin sister Joan Dilworth.

Janet was kind, selfless and loved by everyone that knew her. She truly had a wonderful life.

There will be a memorial gathering to celebrate Janet’s life at the Cedars of Dexter Clubhouse, Dexter, MI on October 18, 2026 (time to be determined) and a future gathering at the memorial bench on the boardwalk at Sunken Meadow State Park in Kings Park, NY.

Donations in her memory can be made to any of the musical organizations that Janet enjoyed, such as the Ann Arbor Civic Band, Dexter Community Band or Saline New Horizons Band or St. Johnland Healthcare/Nursing Center, Kings Park, NY that provided care to Janet’s beloved husband for 12 years.