So sorry for your loss.  I worked with Ray and the minute I met him I could see his kindness.   The world will miss such a kind person.

Pardon my delayed reaction...almost a week later.  I have experienced a range of contradictory emotions concerning Ray's passing on December 21st.  The most prominent emotion is profound sadness at the loss of our gentle giant.  In our last conversation, Ray asked if I'd seen his brother her in Phoenix.  Maybe I'll run into Ray's identical twin one day and think that he is Ray!!  My entire family is saddened by the news.  My Mom helped me to break the news to her.  She started with... "You know, I was thinking about Peilei's husband this morning...He was the the one that introduced me [my mother] to string cheese!" Then, I shared the sad news. We enjoyed your visits to St. Thomas...  We are concerned about Amber, Franklin, and Peilei (especially Franklin).  I missed your family Christmas portrait this year.  Ray thanks for the picture above.  The shock wiped out my memory, but I've been through this before.  I lost my 39 year old cousin in 2019.  He left behind his wife and five children.  As I supported and observed the family's growth and evolution over the past three years, there definitely is hope for your family.  Life goes on with Ray as a newly appointed Guardian Angel.  Sending you Love & Consolation.  Wanda Mills-Bocachica, Alain Kouchica, Fiolina Mills-Villali, and Diana Mills.

Rest in peace, Ray. My thoughts are with your family. I remember you as a kind and grateful soul. We might have helped in a small way in your life and you remembered it always. I still kept the bridge book you gave us as a present. May you be surrounded by love and warmth up there. 

For a few years I was in charge off the after school program at Montessori Radmoor in Okemos.  I will always remember Raymond when he picked up his daughter after school.  He was always happy and such joy from both of them when  Amber would recognize him waiting for her.  I also watched the children one evening while Raymond and Peilei went out for a while. He was so worried if they would be ok for a few hours.  Just a friendly, happy, enthusiastic man full of love for everyone.  Just totally shocked when I saw his picture.
His family are in my prayers and always the question why did that have to happen to such a wonderful man.

Janet C Donahue

We were saddened to hear the tragic news that Ray lost his life in the fire. Amber and Franklin were former members of the Lansing Skating Club. We remember Ray as a devoted father who spent many hours at the rink supporting the skating of his children. The family could be seen most days practicing on the mid-day public ice sessions. Ray also volunteered his time by serving as the Club's webmaster. We send our heartfelt condolences to Ray's family and friends.

Ray was my uncle and my dad’s twin. He had a bright smile and a contagious laugh. My most treasured memory with him is when he took time out of our family vacation to help me improve my volleyball serves. I will also remember him for his dad jokes. One quote that comes to mind when I think about him is this:

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
-Dr. Seuss

I feel like Uncle Ray would have liked us to smile everytime we think about him and his life, instead of cry every time we think of his demise. You will forever be in our hearts.
 Rest In Peace 🕊️, Uncle Ray
-Lina

I was fortunate to witness Ray and Peilei starting their relationship and forming their long-standing bond when we were at Rutgers.  I cherish our friendship and memories.  

I believe this picture was taken when I visited them in Cambridge 

Dearest Peilei, Amber and Franklin,
I was saddened by the untimely demise of Raymond. I had the opportunity to see him every 6 months when he brought Amber and Franklin for their Dental appointments. He was always so polite, respectful and friendly. We shared many stories about school and classes as my daughter and Amber were in the same class. He always had a friendly wave at the playground or while walking around our neighborhood. While our heart breaks for this tragedy, Raymond will always be remembered for his gentle, and the caring nature. Sending you all much love and prayers to get through this difficult time. Dr. Neeru Ramaswami and the team at Discover Smiles Pediatric Dentistry. 

Sending prayers and caring thoughts to Ray's family and friends at this difficult time, especially to his brother and 
sister-in-law Tony and Jessica

Please take comfort knowing many people are thinking of you and sending prayers of peace and sympathy for your family at this time..
May God's peace be with you 
💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙
With sympathy,
Robert L. Suing
Wilton Manors, Florida


Ray is my dad. I remember when I wanted to learn go, the Chinese game (wei qi) and he offered to help. At the time, he knew how to play, but wasn't very good. He learned it and improved just to teach me how to play. That was him- always finding ways to help people and always taking on challenges with an enthusiastic curiosity. I will miss him. 

The service was very nice.  Thank you for sharing it with us.  We will miss Ray terribly, especially his goofy laugh.

We still remember that you were jumping into the creek to push our canoe away from the rock. We still remember that you bought a bouquet of flowers for Peilei after her first violin recital. Last time we met you was at Beagle Middle school in Grand ledge for Amber's violin Solo. In my eyes, you are an excellent father, husband, and friend. We all will miss you.

Although it has been more than 20 years, I still remember the first time I met Ray, in his lovely MIT Eastgate apartment. Ray is tall, handsome, quiet but humorous. He is very easy-going and always ready to help.

Back then, a big group of us had such a fun together, gathering, cooking, dining, outing... Those good old days! It is still a pity that I didn't join the Jujitsu club, the most popular club among us back then -- my joints and muscles were too stiff for this activity. Ray, a Jujitsu master, knows exactly how to control and relax the body and muscles. Once he did a massage for me and told me my back muscles are too tight and I should pay more attention to my posture when using computers. His advice did help a lot. Even till this day, every time when I have back pain I'll think about Ray. I cannot help thinking that without him, my back could be much worse.

Later, Peilei and Ray moved to Japan and then Michigan. The group still managed to meet every one or two years, but covid made this even harder. We remembered to say happy birthday to each other (thanks to Delin), and we sent holiday card to each other. Kids height and signs on our faces showed the passing time, but Ray's smile is always the same, as the brightest sunshine in the Spring. I still cannot accept that Ray left us.

Been loving and loved, been helpful and helped, that is what makes Ray's and also our lives meaningful. Ray, everyone will remember you and love you forever. Wish you rest in peace in Heaven.  

Was a great part of the morning when Ray would stop down at dunkin to have breakfast and chat alittle. I'll miss his cheery good morning and stories 

Ray and Peilei attended Sophia's baptism (3/1/2009 - Kevin Liu).

We are absolutely heartbroken by this horrific tragedy. Ray was kind, gentle , intelligent and had a good sense of humor.  He had such a beautiful smile that lighted up the room and was totally infectious to make everyone happy.  

Rest In Peace, Ray! We will miss you always.


I am very shocked and sad to hear that Ray has left us. Ray is one of the friendliest, most understanding and most warm-hearted people that I have ever met. I have never seen him angry at anyone. He has always been a good listener, a patient man, and a supportive friend.

I cannot remember exactly when and where I first met Ray. It was probably in the Ray and Peilei's apartment near MIT in 1999-2000. My first impression was that Ray was very tall and friendly, always had a big smile, and was a master of Jujitsu. He was enthusiastic about Jujitsu and promoted it to many friends, and even founded the MIT Jujitsu club and was the first coach there. Later, he learned therapeutic massage techniques. Then, he always used his new skills to help others to relieve their pains from tight muscles. 

Ray has always been understanding and supportive to others. I still remember one night, a group of MIT Chinese students needed to discuss an educational project and Peilei kindly offered her apartment to host the discussion. Ray was at home then and he welcomed everyone and quietly stayed at one corner of the studio apartment to continue his own work and did not interrupt any of the discussion. The meeting ended very late, probably past midnight. I felt really sorry that we kept Ray staying up so late. But he was so kind and did not complain to any of the group.

Ray is a wonderful father and great at taking care of kids. He had always been playful with kids and would like to share his knowledge with them. We were on a group trip to Banff, Canada. His health was not as good as before, but he always accompanied Amber and Franklin even though he was very tired himself. I can feel the love for his children has made him stronger on the trip.

I know Ray is in a better place now, without illness and pain. I wish all the memories of his calmness and patience will bring peace and strength to everyone alive.

Ray, although we only met a few times through ACCA outings, we will always remember you as a calm, witty and caring friend. Rest in peace!

Ruopeng & Ping

Ray was a patient teacher, caring friend, and wonderful person. He will live in our hearts forever!

Hi, my tall friend, 

Can’t believe I have known you for about two decades.  We might not have a lot of words, you sure did impress me every time we met. 

You are the tallest in the group, probably 2 heads taller than me. I did look up to you every time we met! 

You are a techi jujitsu master, skillful in mind and body at the same time.

You are the quiet, yet humorous gentleman next to the joyful crowd. Always listening. Not many words, but always funny and unique.

You are the kind supporter when others are in need. Whether it’s the joke to cheer us up or to simply keep us company while we were falling behind, you were there to make us feel better at the tired hike. 

You are the best play mate for Amber and Franklin. Whether it’s teddy bear hugs, piggy back rides or hide and seek, it’s always so enjoyable for the kids, as well as the watchers. 

As Al said, you might have left, but you are not forgotten. 

Rest in piece, my long lost friend! 


The last time I talked to Ray in person, as far as I can remember, was at Banff, a beautiful national park in Canada, in July 2019, exactly at the place where the group photo was taken.  I remember him being a bit tired, yet cheerful and tender as usual. He complimented my necklace, and somehow it took me a while to understand what he said.  It’s a trivial moment, but I know I will play it again and again in the years to come. 

I did my math and realized that I have known Ray for more than half of my lifetime, ever since I came to my adopted country.  I probably had the most interactions with him while a member of the MIT Jujitsu Club, for which he was the founder and main coach.  He was patient, encouraging, resourceful and funny, and most importantly always so calm that I believed he was the embodiment of Zen.   I learned a lot from him in the club, and one particular thing was that your neck was the often neglected yet very vulnerable part of your body, especially during a fall.  I have been adding neck muscle exercises as much as possible in my routines ever since, even though not necessarily in the original form Ray taught me.  Just a few days ago, I did a Jujitsu roll in my attic after having not done it for ages, and felt very dizzy afterwards. And I thought, ha, Ray would have something to say about that. Was that some kind of coincidence? 

Ray, you have started another journey. I keep in my heart your big smile, and will give you a big one when we meet again. 


To me, Ray was the big boy that always bring joy to everyone. My most vivid memory was his 360 roll-over karate move dance at my wedding party at MIT Ashdown. That was towards late night and most guests already left, only bunch of our closest MIT friends stuck around. Just when the music ran  from soft to fast-beat, Ray jumped out of the crowd and made his Karate move into the center of the dance floor. You can imagine how that instantly ignited the craziest scream and everyone found themselves star dancing like rock stars… We miss you deeply. Rest in peace, brother. 

Dear friend, I looked back and realized the last time we saw each other was May 2016 when the big ACCA family went in the mountains of upstate New York. But how could that be? For sure we've been "seeing" each other virtually through webcams more frequently than that. You have often posted in the ACCA Wechat group as well. Although the main conversation would be in Chinese, whenever you show up, you are always welcomed with cheers and a bit of tease. Yep, that's how I'd remember you, a very charming yet very funny and very tall Raymond (or should I say, 南瑞明). When you are around, you always have made the group laugh while you will do an innocent face pretending you weren't joking.  And that's how we will remember you, and what we will miss deeply, with your laughters and smiley face. Rest in peace, Ray. Your ACCA family is no longer complete without you.

Ray with a smile, almost a naughty grin, with ACCA family in Catskill NY, May 2016.

            It was with the greatest shock and sadness that we learned about the passing of our dear friend Ray in the tragic accident. All the memories are flooding back from the moments we stepped onto this unfamiliar land and started a new journey by the bank of the Charles River. 

            During the first year of getting through the challenges of studying and living abroad, a group of friends came together to support and cheer for each other. The group naturally evolved into an extended family and Peilei and Ray stepped in to join us as well. They were a sweet couple with a discernible height difference. Peilei was this sunny girl with outpouring spirit and energy, and Ray was a soft spoken tall American boy with a firm jiu-jitsu mind inside. Both of them practiced jiu-jitsu and the story we always talked about was Peilei accidentally sank her teeth into another friend’s forehead during training and Ray was jealous it wasn’t his. Ray was outnumbered in this group of Chinese students and he often had to sit there, patiently listening to us gossiping in Chinese, nodded, smiled and laughed with us, whether he understood or not we were not certain.

             As we started to get promoted to parents it was hard not to find a picture of Ray without Amber and Franklin. He was a proud and caring father, always holding hands with the kids, talking to them about life or programming, and giving piggyback rides.

             We have been listening to River Flows in You by Yiruma in the past few days to find solace. Ray was like the calm winter sunshine, and his unassuming, young and quiet smile is like a river that will always flow in us.

        Yi and Jing

Perhaps we have not spent as much time together as I would have liked but as the maxim goes, “you never know what you have until you’ve lost it”. I feel more compelled than ever to let the ones that I care about know how much I appreciate them. Most times, people think that their family and friends will live forever. Sometimes, we do not realize how special they are until we are forced to say goodbye. God bless you, with peace may you rest, your goddaughter, Bella. 

Dear Peilei,

My thoughts and prayers have been with you and your family each day since hearing of your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathies as you grieve. 

I will continue to pray for you.  Please take good care of yourself and family.

Tim Mrozowski

 


Ray, you are forever remembered by your family and friends.

While you were living in Boston, you and Peilei and a bunch of us hung out a lot together, eventually we became like a family, or extended family, we call ourselves ACCA, Ashdown Chinese Cooking Associates, well, probably more eat than cook. After you and Peilei left Boston, we always stayed in touch, always got together whenever we had the chance. There are so many precious memories. I still remember that 20 years ago, when I took the Jujitsu classes that you founded and coached, you pointed out problems in my posture, and, not until you pointed it out, I didn't realize that I tend to hold my breath when I'm concentrating on something. Your advice was simple: keep breathing, and I still benefit from it.

Today, I still can't believe you left us. Ray, we will miss you very much for your warmth, your kindness and your invaluable advice.


It is believed that you are not truly gone as long as there are those that can still remember you. 

I recall  our last time we were all together during the ACCA vacation in the Canadian Rockies.  We had the opportunity to cross paths and speak on a multitude of occasions during a journey up and down, one of the several  mountain hikes.  More importantly, your ability to be of a calming influence on Bella during the last leg of that journey, the gondola ride down the bottom half of the mountain.

What I will never fully grasp was why you were so insistent on buying me a baseball cap.  But, eventually, I accepted the gift, well according to Bella, a rather ugly orange and light blue cap with CANADA across the front.  I like it, and still wear it rather frequently as  protection from the sun for my nearly defoliated head. 

As I look forward, I shall truly recall that day whenever I wear it.  Be it simply mowing the lawn, or something more exciting like walking the seashore with Family, Friends and our dog on a blue sky, warm sunny day in October as we enjoy one last beach outing for the year.

I tip my hat to you, Ray.  You are gone, but not forgotten.

Rest in Peace!
Al 

I remember Ray as a young man who was most positive and cheerful. I hope you had a happy life. Best wishes to the deceased. May you rest forever.


2002, with grand parents and family in Texas

2004, With friends Guoqing and Hiro in Hakone

2006, Learning Sumie Painting from  Tsugei Sensei

2006, With Ishimori Sensei and Shirai-san in Yokohama

My condolences to your Family. Though I knew Ray briefly, his demeanor touched me in a way that made me wanting to know him better. May he Rest in Peace. 

2002, MIT Jujitsu Club Workshop (Ray as the Club Founder & Coach)

1997, Ray with friends Young and Mike @ Festival of Rutgers U 

1995, Sensei Barb Gessner, Ray and Jujitsu kids (photo provided by Sensei Barb Gessner)

2005, Ray's Sumie Painting, Ping & Pong, Cats of Mike's

Ray, you are forever in our hearts.  -ACCA

My deepest condolences for your loss.  Words fail me.  I only met Ray a few times, but I am grateful to have had those meetings.  He left a strong and lasting positive impression.  He impressed me with his strength, perseverance, and ever positive outlook.  May the happy memories, and gratitude for the gift that he was, outshine the pain of his departure.  

OBITUARY

Raymond L. Naseef

May 5, 1970 – December 21, 2022

Gorsline Runciman Funeral Homes

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