Eulogy for Bobe:

Good morning, friends and family, my name is Lizzi, and I am my Bobe and Zede's oldest grandchild.  This morning, I would like to share some thoughts and memories of our beloved Bobe on behalf of my step brother David, my cousins Katie, Andrew and Grace Heller, my cousins Josh and Jenna Goldberg, and my fiancé Scott.

Bobe was an incredibly loving and compassionate woman who always knew how to make each of us feel like we were truly special, like we were each the favorite grandchild.  Even though none of us grew up El Paso, we were so close with her and she always took care of us even from a distance.  She made sure to be involved in our lives and was always there for us.  From the time we were little, she were generous with her time, gifts and emotions.  She was a careful listener who shared, was excited by and remembered every detail of our achievements, hopes, dreams, friends and significant others. She always thought of everyone and showered us with phone calls, gifts and most importantly, love.  A week before each and every holiday and birthday, an envelope would arrive in the mail with her elegant telltale cursive filled with a beautiful and thoughtful card sharing her love for us.  She shared our most important memories, including first words and first steps, sports games, plays, concerts, bar and bat mitzvahs, confirmations, graduations and my engagement.  She was our number one cheerleader and encouraged us to reach for the stars and achieve our dreams.  We remember receiving so much comfort and happiness from her tight hugs, numerous kisses and positive attitude.

Beyond celebrating us individually, Bobe knew how to truly connect us all as a family.  Even though we were separated by distance, we were always a close, cohesive unit that loved and celebrated each other.  We relished our family get togethers, and the fact that we could only have them a few times a year made them all the more special.  For Bobe, family extended far beyond the most basic biological bounds.  She always included everyone from David's family, my dad's family, Uncle Marshall's family and Aunt Susan's family.  I will always remember watching Bobe bake rugela with my Mema Lillian, and know that they two of them had a beautiful friendship that lasted until she passed.  Bobe was so inclusive and always knew how to welcome everyone into the fold.

When we think back to these special times spent together, we think most of the wonderful Thanksgivings that we spent together piled into Bobe and Zede's house here in El Paso.  All of the cousins would have snuggly slumber parties on the floor in Bobe and Zede's bedroom, and both Bobe and Zede were always so happy and patient even when we jumped on their bed at 7am demanding hugs, kisses and cartoons.  We remember happily reading the newspaper's cartoons in the brightly colored breakfast nook while listening to Bobe shuffling through the hallways in her slippers and colorful bathrobe, and then being treated to the perfect morning greeting of a warm hug and kiss.  We remember lying on the living room floor watching slideshows carefully crafted by Zede depicting the incredible trips that he and Bobe took together to destinations from Africa to Antarctica.  We remember a house stocked with Bobe's freshly baked treats from strudel to toffee bars to rum cake.  When supplies seemed to be depleted, there was always a freezer chock full of goodies to replenish the ever present dessert plates, and we were more than willing to take these treats off her hands.  

This most recent Thanksgiving was no exception.  Bobe and Zede welcomed us all into their home with open arms and hearts.  After we quickly devoured her famous rum cake, Bobe agreed to let all of us in on the secret recipe.  This new cake was quickly devoured as well.  This trip to El Paso was an especially exciting visit for me because Bobe and Zede were able to meet Scott in person for the first time, and the four of us were able to spend a special day together alone before the rest of the family arrived.  Bobe and Zede generously and immediately welcomed Scott into our family, and I am so happy that Bobe had the opportunity to spend time with the man that will soon be my husband.  She will be especially in our thoughts during our wedding later this year since we will be getting married on her birthday.

Speaking of relationships: as several of you know, today also is my Bobe and Zede's 59th wedding anniversary, which is a beautiful accomplishment to be celebrated and admired.  Bobe and Zede were a perfect match for other and an excellent and beautiful display of love, friendship, strength and stability as a couple through good times and bad.   From them, we learned not only the power of togetherness, but also a sense of adventure and a love of travel.  We are so inspired by the example they set for us in their love for each other, their family and friends.

To our Bobe specifically, you were truly an inspiration to us all with your strength, generosity and positive attitude.  You were such a strong brave woman and we will always remember all that you taught us about love, hard work and family.  We all love you so much and will always work to make you proud of us.

Ronnie and Sol were always so good to us.  I would sometimes even think of Howard as kind of another little brother.  To have your wonderful family love and care for Sam like you did, I know this is one of the reasons why he is such a hard working,kind and loving father,husband and Doctor he is today.......and pretty awesome brother,too!  The way Ronnie would care for my mom , sister and I ,too, made us all better people. Ronnie called me before going to Houston, and asked about Josh and Brandan, and how was Wendell doing and how was Cheryl. When I said I didn't talk to her much, she sounded very disappointed. And made me feel that should change.  When I was in El Paso and Cheryl called to talk  because she couldn't be there,she asked to speak to me. I was surprised she asked for me, but when I got on the phone,we just started talking to each other.....feeling Ronnie's spirit of love was with us while talking to each other.  We were able to bond as 'sisters' together feeling our mutual loss.  The Heller family will always hold a special place in our hearts......Sam especially.

Dear Heller famiy, I worked for Dr & Mrs. Heller as a young girl. Your mom was a wonderful teacher, elegant lady, a strong women. She inspired me. She was an honest and no nonsense lady with such a great sense of humor.I love to hear sing when she was happy.  Fond memories of a lovely lady. Irene Reyes,RN

I am so very sorry to hear about Mrs. Heller's passing.  She was a great inspiration to all the girls that worked with her.  She will be greatly missed

Dear Sol, Anita, David, Cyndi,Marshal, Susan, Howard, Lizzy, Scott, David, Josh, Jenna, Katie, Andrew, and last but not least,Grace,

How did I know "Aunt" Ronnie?  I first met her about 27 (!) years ago shortly after Sam and I started dating. You all have read about the famous 1985 Halloween Party (actually on October 27th as Howard is quick to point out) in West Campus by UT where Howard the Samurai met Susan the Crayon. Well, as we figured out later, Barbara the Roaring 20's/Gay 90's Flapper was there too, although we did not all meet.  That would come just over a month later.  Sam (always Sammy to his El Paso friends), Howard's best friend and roommate, knew me a little from the service group we were in together, Circle K (Kiwanis), where we did things like run Bingo games at nursing homes (and, times have changed!) hand out highly coveted cigarettes as prizes! Sam and I finally went on on a "date" to get donuts and hot chocolate at Mrs. Johnson's Donuts after a Circle K party on December 7, 1985 (yes, Pearl Harbor Day).

So, Sam and I started dating, and one of the very first things that happened is that I met Sam's friends: his roommate Howard, Howard's girlfriend Susan, and other friends like Al. We all still laugh over the meal Howard and Sammy cooked for us at their apartment shortly after we stated dating.  Trying to create an Asian theme, the guys wore bathrobes over their clothes--I think Ronnie had given Sam the attractive navy patterned cotton number he wore!--and cooked Sweet and Sour Hamburger for us. Yuck.  Yes, as bad as it sounds.  Howard had not apparently inherited Ronnie's cooking skills at that time (although he says it was meant to be Sweet and Sour Meatballs and nowadays he has Susan believing that too).  Imagine, please, not so great quality ground meat swimming next to green pepper chunks in a sauce made primarily of...wait for it...brown sugar.  Oh dear.  But I ate it in good grace.  And more importantly, I loved Howard and Susan just like I loved my new boyfriend.  Meeting his friends was great, and fun--and they, including Susan, the newest member of the bunch, welcomed me right in. It was not lost on the other guys that Howard and Sammy, in true fashion, met what would be their future wives just days apart, after not being such big daters before that.  They were not "two wild and crazy guys."  (Maybe just a little crazy--but mostly great and hard-working and nice boys, maybe a little nerdy.)  When we all went to the Hyatt for fajitas for our big night out, also that December as I recall, another El Paso guy said to Howard and Sam,remarking on their newly "coupled" status, "What'd you two guys do--go to the Girlfriend Market together?"  This was in the days before Facebook and Status updates...   

Not long after that, I met Howard's family.  And you might think that was fast--that I start dating Sam and almost immediately get to know Howard's family.  You have to understand how integrally connected Aunt Ronnie and Uncle Sol were to my Sammy and the part they played in his life.

Sammy and Howard met when they were 6 years old at Camp Sh'mayim Day Camp. "On the line, on the line, on the camp Sh'mayim line."  Howard taught me their day camp song about 25 years ago, and girl nerd that I am too, I still remember it. Sam thinks that's weird because he doesn't remember it or care to do so...Gosh, I think our gatherings at the guys' apartments were a lot like The Big Bang Theory. Lots of discussions about math and science! 

I doubt Sam and Howard knew then that this camp friendship would blossom into one of the strongest friendships of their lives, to include 7 years of being roommates and Sam's being Best Man at Howard's wedding. (Howard would have been for Sam too but Sam and I eloped.)  Not only did Howard and Sam become great friends, despite living on opposite sides of El Paso, Ronnie and Sol took Sam in too and shortly thereafter became great and life-long friends of Sam's mom and sisters too. Ronnie became Sam's mom's best friend too.

I have been going to gatherings at Ronnie's home for more than 25 years. Everyone has praised her cooking and especially her baking--I was certainly impressed.  Ronnie made delicious things like Rugelach, which as a Presbyterian gal, I did not even know how to pronounce it, much less make it.  Now, maybe my Jewish palate is just not developed enough, but Ronnie's rugelach spoiled things for me--I've had other rugelach many times and must conclude I just don't like it--except for Ronnie's.  I remember the famous rum cake too. Ronnie inspires me starting now to bake for my family and guests, but somehow I must also figure out she kept her great figure while baking such goodies! In fact, I am going to make an apple cake today in honor of Aunt Ronnie.  My oven will be so worried and confused--he will ask me, "Is it already Thanksgiving again?  Boy that last year really flew."

It wasn't just the wonderful food that made Ronnie's home so welcoming, although there was always plenty and it was so delicious and plentiful (three more refrigerators in the garage!).  The whole house was warm, pristine but never sterile, and inviting.  In between bouts of tears, I was looking around when we met together after the service and remembering, and finally seeing and appreciating how Ronnie created such a beautiful home that wrapped itself around all who entered.  Big but not imposing--comfortable chairs--pretty Lladro figurines from Spain like I collect myself--lots of glass and laminated services on the tops of the beautiful furniture so you can set drinks down, pale carpets that she somehow kept clean (I have dirt-colored carpet in my house)--she was really the perfect and kindest ever hostess, and her home reflected that.

Ronnie didn't age like the rest of us do.  I was looking at Sam's Bar Mitzvah photo from more than 35 years ago, and Ronnie has not changed much at all! She was so beautiful--I see her so much in Anita and Cyndi.  And her smile--her eyes--her lovely irreplaceable voice...I will miss her beautiful voice more than anything.  She always asked me about my schoolwork, and, later, about my daughter. Ronnie really listened to my replies, saying, "Isn't that wonderful?" or "Isn't that marvelous?"  when I listed my or Anne's accomplishments.  She made me feel like I was so smart and doing so well, and that I could accomplish anything at all that I dreamed of.  In recent years, she warmed my Mother Heart by praising my Anne and keeping up with all she did.  She always sent us such thoughtful birthday (always early or on-time) and holiday cards, and, for Anne, Hanukkah and birthday money, even this year...She always kept up with what Anne was doing.  Cyndi kindly showed me that Ronnie kept a picture Anne made on her fridge.  Second grade--2002-3--that was the year of the foxes for us.  Anne was a fox for Halloween (try to find that costume at Walmart! Sam devised a spray painted duster for a tail, a mask with ears, etc.), reported on foxes for her big school project, and, finally, made a beautiful painting/picture of a fox that her Aunt Mindy had made into magnets, like the one Ronnie kept on her fridge.  Thank you, Ronnie.  

Her eyes--her spirit, her charm, her smile--I see that in her grandchildren, especially in Josh's smile and Grace's laughter.  It struck me Thursday at the house gathering that this was exactly the sort of event Ronnie loved presiding over--lots of family and friends, eating, drinking, catching up, and loving each other.  I shared memories with timelessly elegant and beautiful Anita and got to know David; met the younger David who is in sports marketing and is definitely not a Junior because he has a different middle name than his dad; talked with gorgeous Lizzy and Scott about her upcoming Bar Exam and their wedding and honeymoon plans; caught up with dear pretty Cyndi and Marshal, his periodontic practice and office move; Josh and his college career thus far learning music composition (and enjoying his lovely song at the service); Jenna, so beautiful too like her mom and looking forward to college, maybe in engineering; lovely thoughtful smart Katie and her graduate work in accounting; Andrew (so much like his mom and dad)and his studies in science and trumpet at TCU; and Grace--just watching Grace run and play and, especially, interact with Howard--it was all fantastic.

Ronnie made all that catching up possible.  I watched the kids running out to take pictures in the snow, and I know Ronnie would have found that funny, although she would have made them bundle up! 

Yes, it was a wonderful life, and her prescence will always be with us and certainly was on Thursday--most especially when the kids ran out into the snow.  The hard thing--and it is so very very hard-- is just that I was not ready to say goodbye. The Rabbi noted at the service that the Bible states we are given 3 score and 10 for our lives; he added that some of us are lucky and are blessed with 4 score or more.  

Well, Ronnie had her 4 score, which is so wonderful, and every minute of that life was full and blessed, oh goodness yes, but we all want it to have been more.  A little bit longer--until Thursday, the anniversary? Until spring, or until Lizzy's wedding?  Is it wrong for us to wish she had stayed until the very last one of us did not need her anymore? I guess though that would have to be for eternity or at least 100 years more because you know she would just keep befriending and loving new family and friends just as long as she was with us.  So we would need to keep her forever.  I want that.  But I know it's not fair to her.  Release her to go on to other things, other events, reunions with all those others dear to her, and their numbers are countless, friends and family who went on before. 

So I have to believe on some level that this is right, that it's okay, that it's part of the bigger plan.  

But Aunt Ronnie, I just need you to know it's really hard.  And that I miss you and I will try to keep taking care of Anne and Sammy and calling and writing Sol and loving them all as you would want me to.

Love, Barbara

Dearest Howard,

I am going to write something for everyone but first I just want to say how wonderful it was that you collected all these memories of your mom and dad.  I know (and my heart breaks too) that you wanted her to see them, on Ronnie and Sol's 59th wedding anniversary this past Thursday, but I am still so grateful you were able to gather these many stories and reminiscences to share with all of us who grieve so profoundly.  I am glad too that an abundance of friends and family shared with you before Ronnie's passing--when the intent of the shared stories was to make Ronnie and Sol, and family and friends, laugh and smile. Now anything we write is colored by our sadness and loss--but all those stories you posted were written before Monday morning, when we were all still hoping to brighten Ronnie and Sol's day with our memories.

I love you, Howard, always--you are my great friend.  Thank you for the marvelous idea you had to collect these stories, for making that happen, and then blessing and comforting us all with your sharing.  I think you have been caring for us all as much as we have cared for you. Love,

Barbara, Sammy's wife

A WONDERFUL , HELPFUL AND GRACIOUS, KIND WOMAN, WHO WILL BE MISSED..

Aunt Ronnie from Annie Garcy (Annie Sue)

The NY Times runs its final Sunday Magazine as a tribute to persons they label as Lives Well Lived.  Had Aunt Ronnie not sneaked off to Heaven on Dec 30th, she would have been included.

I have no inkling as to how many lives have been enhanced by this woman's.  Her immediate and quite magical family have been my lifelong inspirations; close, loving, respectful...I know that has been of great help to me.  Ronnie's role modeling resulted in many a conversation I have had with Anita, who has offered me and many of my cousins herRonnie-like shoulder and sound advice.

Something about my Heller relatives...a sweetness that is always there in all of you.

  Like my mom, and like my Aunt Henny, Aunt Ronnie was a feminist when we didn't have the term -- working full time and still raising babies.  Also, she was a diplomat -- adding  any family member who needed to be seen onto Uncle Sol's calendar of appointments...finding a way to make every grandchild feel like her favorite.

Ronnie has taught her children about how precious life's moments are.  Ronnie and Cindi slept in a hospital bed together in Dallas the night before Ronnie dragged Sol and her family to Ethan's Bar Mitzvah in May, determined and full of beauty and love and hiding her exhaustion.   Similarly, Ronnie and Sol came to my son, Matthew's, Bar Mitzvah years earlier.  Ronnie wanted to live and live all the way, fighting for every day to see every possible family second she could share. That is why her three children and their families have been there right by her and Sol's side and why Cindi  and Howard were in NY with Anita at Lizzie and Scott's party...

So, for all the rides to Ballet class, for all the breakfasts and suppers fed to me in childhood, for giving Anita, Cindi, and me a baby boy named Howard to dote on, for letting us dismantle your house as kids, for calling me now and then even when I was a rebellious dcollege kid, for helping me get through visits home to El Paso with your hospitality and hope, and, last week, for calling me up to say goodbye, and to express your limitless love, I thank you.

Dr. Heller:
Our prayers are with you. Mrs. Heller will be greatly missed but always remembered as I learned so much from her during my working days at your practice. I will always remember our Christmas Parties and her favorite song "Cuando Calienta El Sol". She will always have a special place in my heart as well as you. 
Always, Lizzie

Don and I were so sorry to hear of your loss.  Your mother was such a a beautiful, gracious lady.  We always enjoyed visiting with your mom, you could tell the tremendous love she had for her family.  May your happy memories be a source of comfort at this time.  Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Don and Kelly Haynes

The memories below were to commemorate the 59th anniversary between Rowena and Sol Heller, so they also include memories of Sol.

Dr. Heller and family...I am so sorry to hear about the passing of Mrs. Heller. She will be greatly missed. I pray that God provides you all with comfort at this time. She was truly a wonderful lady

Anita,
We are so sorry for your loss.  You and your family are in our prayers.  
Much Love,
Julie, Ken, Hayley and Kenny Champion

Aren't lucky to have had such a remarkable mother!

Anita, we are so sorry for the loss of your wonderful mother.  Ronnie was always so gracious and kind to us and our family when we met on social occasions.  She will be missed.  We are thinking of you and your family.  Bev and Dean

OBITUARY

Solomon & Rowena Rubinfeld Heller

August 24, 1929 – December 31, 2012

Martin Funeral Home

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