Butterfly Tribute

As you danced in the light with joy....love lifted you.

As you brushed against this world so gently....you lifted us.

Dearest Alice, Judy, Fred and Joe,

The Van Horn Family sends our warmest thoughts and prayers to each of you at the passing of your dear mother.  I am so glad to have reconnected with you, even at this sad time. God's peace be with you.

Love,

Nancy

Here is a photo of Mom at her grandaughter Heather's wedding.

   Eulogy for Doris Farmer...

Our sister, Judy Williams, wrote and read this at our mother's funeral service....we wanted to share it with everyone...Alice, Judy, Fred and Joe.

The first thing I would like to say on behalf of our family is “thank you for being here today.  Hopefully, you are sitting with someone you know, but, if you’re not, I hope you will take comfort in knowing that you have something in common with the person sitting next to you ---You both knew a phenomenal woman.

 

     Her story really can be described as an incredible journey.  She started out her life in 1929 as Doris Ruth Barton, a coal miner’s daughter, living in serious poverty in West Virginia.  She traveled with her family from one coal camp to the next, wherever there was coal to be mined.  Her stories about growing up in the coal camps and going to the Company Store during the years following the Great Depression were almost unbelievable.  Even with all of the adversity and uncertainty, Mom learned to read and write.  We all know that reading was one of her greatest passions.  As a result, she passed that love of books onto her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

 

     Even when her eyesight failed due to macular degeneration, she continued with her love of books through books on tape and CD.  Having the public library within walking distance was good for her mind, as well as, her physical health.  One of the saddest days I remember was when Mom told me she had to cancel her subscription to the Baltimore Sun because she just couldn’t see well enough to do the crossword puzzle while she drank her morning coffee.  Mom never gave up on playing Scrabble, though in the last few years she would have to rest her eyes before playing and played a decidedly modified version of the game.  She was still able to play a strong game and certainly, enjoyed winning.

 

     I believe that heaven is everything wonderful we can imagine and more.  So, I can see Mom sitting with Gramma Penny.  Mom is wearing her dark glasses and Gramma Penny is wearing her green visor.  They each have a cup of strong black coffee.  They have the Scrabble Bible between them, and each of them is just waiting to challenge the newest word placed on the board.

 

     Another thought which came to me while I was trying to write this in my head during the air flight from Minneapolis to Baltimore was how much Mom loved to talk.  The stories she told were incredibly detailed.  She was very knowledgeable about everything from current events to human psychology.  She would always say, “I was trying to figure out why he or she did that.”  She always wanted to understand the “why”.

 

     One of the words which one of my daughters used to describe her gramma was proud, but she went on to say that it was a good kind of pride.  I know Mom was proud of the adults her children have grown up to become---proud of me for getting a college degree in my forties, proud of her Joe for his personal and professional accomplishments, proud of Fred for the father and husband he became, and proud of Alice for coming through life’s challenges with the kind and generous nature which allows her to always remember to see the needs of others.

 

     The thing is we all learned to be this way because of the journey Mom took first.  Because you see, Mom got her GED after I was a grown woman with children of my own when she was in her fifties.  So my going to college at forty shouldn’t have been such a surprise.  And the parents we all became only seems logical when you understand that she took the last dollars in the cookie jar to buy Greyhound bus tickets for herself and three small children.  She did this to give us a chance to grow up outside of the poverty which was our life after the coal mines shut down in 1954.  She taught us through example the importance of taking care of family.

 

     Another thing Mom gave us was a strong sense of justice and doing what’s right.  My brother, Fred said, “Some people take in stray cats and dogs, but Mom took in stray people---singles, husbands and wives, children and sometimes whole families.  She believed that if you had something and someone else had nothing---it was only right that you share what you have with those who have naught.  There were so many kids growing up in Harwood Park who hung out at our house because we had the “Cool Mom”.

 

     My brothers and sister and I were children of the sixties, and we all know that racism was everywhere during that time, but I can honestly say that I never heard a racist or derogatory word come out of my Mom’s mouth.  She had a keen ability to determine the character of a person based on what was on the inside not what the package looked like on the outside.  The only thing you had to be, to consider Doris a friend was honest and genuine, although, it didn’t hurt to have a sense of humor.

 

For anyone sitting here today who becomes irritated or defensive when people come up to them and say “you look just like your mother or father” or “you sure can tell you’re so and so’s son or daughter, I hope you can take it for the compliment it was probably intended as.  I can tell you from experience, I didn’t always feel that way, but as I’ve struggled to honor my mother here today, I have realized what a compliment those words truly were.

 

     In closing I’d like to say that Mom’s passing will be a time to grieve what we have lost, but because she was with us for almost 81 years, it will also be a time to give thanks.

 

     Mom gave us one more thing to be grateful for and to rejoice over.  Her passing has reunited her family.  Aunts and uncles and cousins who haven’t seen one another in almost 20 years have been introduced, sometimes for the first time.  Mom would be so pleased.

 

     So, now her journey will continue on in our life journeys.   LET’S DO HER PROUD!!

Dear Grandma Farmer,

You are forever in my thoughts, your life is representative of the good life.

RandyD

Dear Mom,

 You are a light and a joy in my life and I am wrapped in your love. 

You may be gone from the earthly world but you will always live in the world of my heart.

  I will miss you more than I can ever say.  

Alice

Doris I will miss you very much, our times together playing scrabble, fixing dinner together, riding together especially at the time of fall enjoying the colors and you showing me Baltimore and the stories that went with it, your humor, humbleness, thoughtfullness and friendship we shared will always be in my heart. Rest my friend in the arms of Angles.

Fred, Sandy and Family,
 Our thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort. 
Love, Jim and Paula

OBITUARY

Doris Ruth Barton Farmer

June 4, 1929 – May 28, 2010

Gary L. Kaufman Funeral Home at Meadowridge Memorial Park

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