Lis de Tuerk Ghadar, aged 64, passed Monday morning, September 24th. She died as she lived: boldly, optimistically, full of love and empathy for the world, and with a wry wit so nuanced and elegant, that many missed it until later…finding themselves left with “spirit of the stairs”.
Yet, how do you represent the life of someone who was like the sun?
Born in Philadelphia, on Friday the 13th, she made that day eternally luckier, by her bright presence in the world. The youngest and sixth child of John J. DeTuerk MD and Mary (Burian) DeTuerk RN, she was known affectionately as “Candy” to her family. Her family is and was marked by callings to medicine and academia. Healing and teaching are their hallmarks. “First do no harm” was not just a saying, but a sentiment — actively expressed and actualized in life.
She graduated from Wellesley College, a Phi Betta Kappa, with a double major in Studio Art and Philosophy. She was a genius; although, no one ever heard her boast or even mention it. I think only I knew. “IQ tests measure your ability to take an IQ test,” she would say. But, thankfully, it is I, her oldest daughter, who has the honor of writing this remembrance; so, I will stray from her remarkable humility. I am here to let the cat out of the bag, and to tell you all the magnificent things she was and did. I will even break the rules of obituary writing, and speak in first person.
Lis was an accomplished artist, a published author and illustrator, a teacher, and an entrepreneur. She was also a stunner of a beauty and a crackerjack with carpentry/construction: a “Grace Kelly with power tools”. (She was also a mother, a wife, a sister, and friend to so many…but please wait for that incredibly crucial part, as a good ending is so important in storytelling.)
One of her most cherished accomplishments was, “The Little White Ladybug,” a children's book that hailed inclusion, diversity, and acceptance of others. It will be in print again soon (as I promised her on her deathbed), so be ready for its return. Lis was a trailblazer, who self-programmed to create computer art as early as 1980. She was one of the earliest to do so — and one of the very first women at that. An avid artist, her body of work encompassed a broad range of mediums.
Her entrepreneurial endeavors were many and varied. In 1979, she and her husband, Fariborz Ghadar, opened the very first East Coast computer store. People were not ready for computers then — but she and her husband were always early-adopters, and the future was in their blood. They went on to myriad other remarkable ventures and adventures, such as creating hardware/software for stock markets, a turn-key method by which developing countries could enter the global marketplace and no longer be excluded. Lis & Fariborz’s marriage was one of those remarkable partnerships that was capable of upholding both love and work together.
Her work did not define her though. She would say that her life and family did. So, as promised, here is the good ending, with all its family ties.
Lis was a wife, who married Fariborz Ghadar in 1979, following their educations at Wellesley and MIT/Harvard. After university, in the late 70s, they lived together in pre-revolutionary Iran, years they recall fondly. Fariborz, who loved and loves her dearly, narrowly escaped a pre-arranged marriage, thanks to a tip-off from his sister Margaret, and thus married for love instead. This was not to be Liz and Fariborz’s only escape though, as they also left Iran, by the skin of their teeth, in the very last month of the Revolution, before the new regime took hold. This experience marked them both — it informed much of Lis’ art. It also led to her realizations that the nature of the world is ephemeral, that hard work and sacrifice are often needed, that the only thing that cannot be taken from you is your mind, and that life can be re-built and re-booted. Lis was self-starting in the supreme and best possible ways.
Liz was also a sister, and her remaining siblings Ann, Johnny, and Mary, share a bond untethered by time, distance, or even her passing. They also share a preternatural similarity in mien and manner of speech. The sisters in particular could fool you on the phone, if they were so inclined. Fortunately, they are not mean or tricksy.
More than any other moniker or descriptor though, Lis referred to herself as “a mother”. And as a mother, she enveloped her children with love, simultaneously encouraging them to become their own best selves. She was a mother who raised butterflies from chrysalises with her children, and showed them magic and awe in all places and spaces. In Khalil Gibran’s words: “The most beautiful word on the lips is the word ‘Mother,’ and the most beautiful call is the call of ‘my mother.’ It is a word full of hope and love…”.
I find her own words even better though. Sorry, Khalil.
In Lis’ words: “I love being a mother. I love having you as my children and I have become a better person because of what I have learned being a mother: empathy; sympathy; strength; focusing on the moment, yet not forgetting what is ahead; humility; and that doing loving and kind things for others brings joy.”
Lis was the sun to her family — shining and warm, an incandescent presence who inspired, making bloom and growth possible. And in her passing, we find ourselves in a time of apricity… in a wan winter, still feeling her the warmth, in the form of her memories and everlasting love. We are our very own chrysalises, left with her memories to guide us, to hopefully embody the light she was and taught us we were capable of becoming
Lis is survived by her husband Fariborz, her children (Otessa, Anna, and John), her siblings (John DeTuerk, Ann Maud and Mary DeTuerk), her sisters-in-law (Margaret Ghadar and Dixie DeTuerk), her nieces & nephews (Rebeccah & Andy Maud and Codie & Jacob Wilson), a multiplicity of beloved cousins…and the future grandchildren that she was very insistent upon having.
In lieu of flowers, please make donations to Sibley Hospital’s Oncology Department, to help the studies of MDS and to support the nurses and doctors who work in this field: https://sibleyfoundation29887.thankyou4caring.org/
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