Rosemary Lally Inlow

Rosemary was born on August 19, 1928, in Yonkers, New York, into a family of proud Irish-Alsatian roots. She was raised under the stern direction of her cigar-smoking father, William (“the Commander”), whose relative chill was offset by the warmth of her mother, Vera, who was rarely seen without some kind of fur around her neck, at least in the memories of her children. Rosemary was predeceased by two brothers (Bill and Joe) and three sisters (Clare, Vera, and Aileen)—a large family, but that’s how they did it in those days.

During her childhood, Rosemary survived the Great Depression, which led to a lifelong love of frugality; the New England Hurricane of 1938, which destroyed the family’s beach house in Southampton, where she had spent many summers; and World War II, in which her father and brothers served.

All was not hardship. Like the Von Trapp family, she and her siblings often sat at the Commander’s feet, enjoying his singing and mandolin playing. Later, they learned many useful life skills from their mother, like how to make martinis and prepare and serve organ meats (liver, kidneys, sweetbreads, tongue) before nose-to-tail dining was fashionable. The house on Lamartine Terrace also featured beautiful peonies, which were passed down to later generations and now flourish at descendants’ homes up and down the East Coast.

Rosemary’s family valued education. Unlike many women of her generation, she and her sisters attended college. She graduated with a B.A. from the College of Mount Saint Vincent in 1949 and greatly enjoyed attending reunions throughout her life. After graduating, she began work at the esteemed Leo Burnett advertising agency in Manhattan. She later worked for Cunningham and Walsh, another Madison Avenue powerhouse.

In 1954, Rosemary was swept off her feet by an Iowa-born man of mystery, Roland Inlow, who combined handsome good looks with employment at the CIA. She and Roland married, then bought a house in McLean, Virginia, near the Agency’s new Langley headquarters—the same home where she lived until her last day. Together they raised four beautiful children—Clare, Chris, Robert, and Tricia—all of whom survive her (barely; it was starting to look like a tight race).

Like her parents and siblings, Rosemary was a lover of knowledge (a healthy thing) and competition (maybe not so much). She imbued her children with a passion for SAT words (see use of “imbue” above); a contempt for mispelled words [sic]; an appetite for travel (and accompanying willingness to explore exotic cuisines); and a love of the arts (she exposed them to great literature and made a point of taking them to the theater and concerts). She shared her interest in foreign languages and enthusiasm for playing the piano, often in tandem (“Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques, Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?”). Jacques Brel was often on the turntable, giving her young children early exposure to the complexities of life (“In the port of Amsterdam there's a sailor who drinks / And he drinks and he drinks and he drinks once again / He'll drink to the health of the whores of Amsterdam,” etc.). She also passed along her commitment to the Catholic Church, which inspired the children to hold pretend Masses in the basement—featuring Necco hosts and occasional “Dominus vobiscums”—and her staunch support for liberal causes (the last few years were tough in that regard). She was well ahead of her time in advocating for the environment, scolding her children when they failed to use the recycling bin.

In short, she was a woman of great intelligence and many talents.

Her children later provided her two sons-in-law (William Hays, husband of Clare, and Anthony Hatcher, husband of Tricia); six grandchildren (Laura, Sarah, Catherine, Michael, Rachael, and Clare); and five great-grandchildren. As Rosemary insisted, all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

She was clearly passionate about education. Rosemary spent many years as a substitute teacher with Fairfax County Public Schools. She later volunteered with Head Start in Arlington, Virginia, in the early days of that program. With her husband Roland, she worked with Operation Rescue, a volunteer tutoring program that helped disadvantaged students in Washington, D.C., bring their reading and math skills up to grade level. She and her fellow volunteers assisted more than 1,000 D.C. students annually.

Earlier, Rosemary was a founder of the Falls Church-McLean Children’s Center, whose mission was to educate preschool children, especially those from families in need. This quote captures everything Rosemary stood for:

“It was one of the finest things I’ve ever done in my life,” she said at the 50th-anniversary celebration. “No one knew there was a need for it. There were children in this area who were being left alone. We were not all mothers like me, who could stay home with our children.”

Rosemary never met a stranger she didn’t like (and vice versa). She became friends with mailmen, grocery baggers, and whoever [sorry – whomever] she sat next to on planes. She continued exploring, learning, and helping others into her 80s, but not surprisingly began to slow down in the last decade of her life. She never lost her wit, however, and was always eager to share a joke, make a quip, or sing an inappropriate ditty from her childhood.

Over the last 10 years of her life, Rosemary benefited from the care of her son Chris, who made himself available to meet her needs both big (“I think I need the EMTs”) and small (“Can you come over and find my TV remote?”). Of note, he enabled her to continue visiting the beloved beach. His siblings are grateful. Without his help, she would not have been able to stay at home and leave feet first.

Chris was ably assisted by Rosemary’s loyal caregiver, Jennifer Martinez, who stood by her side for 10 years. This dedication is worthy of both deep appreciation and a badge of courage.

The family also thanks Rosemary’s nieces and nephews, who doted on their aunt over the years, brought her treats and presents, and helped to keep the Lally stories alive.

Finally, the family would like to thank the staff of Goodwin Hospice in Northern Virginia, who were involved for only a short time but were remarkable in their care, competence, and compassion.

If anyone wishes to honor Rosemary’s life, the family suggests a donation to one of these local organizations she supported during her lifetime: Martha’s Table, So Others Might Eat (SOME), Gabriel Homes, or Father McKenna Center.