December 1984, Amber’s friends from church had their annual holiday sleigh ride and she took me with her.  Anyone looking at this photo would think that my hand on her sleeve was a form of protection of her, that the look on my face was one of concern. But look again. She is radiant, as usual, her golden hair flowing as she warms her hands over a simple outdoor firepot with her signature smile - that darling Gerber-baby smile - that never left her, regardless of age.
 
She was age 25 then, and could have been with a date, but she knew I was alone so she asked me to go with her. That was her nature, caring and nurturing. My hand was not on her sleeve as her mom; it was on her sleeve as her child. I was the one seeking protection; I was the one longing for the warmth of love which I knew would come from her. My touch was light but it felt the assurance of HER presence which was desperately needed by me, and which is written all over my face. I realize others will not see any of this, but to me, it is a haunting photo.

I did not simply birth my children; I needed them to love and to be loved in return. I cannot fly solo; never could. Amber was very intuitive that December night. She let me have HER. She protected ME.

Every 10th of December since 2021 is like a clock spinning forward and backward at warp speed until its springs burst outward like an old cartoon, because, I could not save Amber. I could not even be in the hospital by her side. Day after day, night after night that December, as she lay in that hospital bed, I sent my love to her by mental telepathy which seemed – and was - so pathetically inadequate. 

But the Lord knows this, so He graces me with my loving, living family, and also with Amber, whose touch I still feel. As my hand was often upon her for childlike assurance, her hand is now on me, whispering to me, “It’s okay, Mom, I’m here.”

I had saved this page from a magazine when Amber was still a small child because I imagined it was HER; it was her draped in the flag that symbolized her day of birth, July 4th.  Depicted in the picture as grown, with her graceful hand, in thoughtful contemplation, she is as sweet and caring as she was as a child. I loved this picture so much that I tucked it away in a folder to show her someday, but when she truly had grown into a beautiful young woman, she never knew about the picture because I had forgotten about it since I had HER in real life.

And yet, after so many years, when we lost her, an Angel guided me right to that forgotten folder and I cried when I saw the picture. There she was, now it really was her, and I knew in that moment that Amber was speaking to me, comforting me with her slender hand, her gentle face gazing upon me.

Today is Veteran’s Day, a day of honor to those who fought for our flag, and sorrow for the ones our family lost. Those many years ago, when I first saw the picture and envisioned Amber draped in the flag, I never correlated it to a flag-draped coffin. But now, in my mind, the picture was a glimpse of the future. 

I thank God every day for my Angel who sends me comfort in unexpected ways; assurance of the Lord’s promise that you are with Him. 

Loving you every minute of my life, Amber,
Mom

Amber is not here today; she is embedded in my soul with my other living children. And thank God, in my memories. Today we celebrate the freedom we continue to have, thanks to our veterans of many different wars throughout our history. This is just one episode of many stories about Amber, her genuine interest in others, her genuine self.  
Very close to Amber’s childhood home is a large Veterans Facility complete with medical and living quarters. Once, as Amber was driving her brand-new Gremlin by the VA facility, she saw an old man sitting on a bench outside, alone. She immediately stopped and approached him, he was very pleased and they began to chat. She then began to visit him frequently and they became dear friends. She was excited to tell me that he was Mr. Grimm, 101 years of age, the oldest resident at the facility. He told her amazing stories of his life when he was a Corporal in the Calvary; a veteran of the Spanish American War; attendant for President T. Roosevelt’s horses.  
What a sight they must have been sitting together: he, old and frail in body but sharp in wit and memory, eye to eye contact as he spoke; her, young and tiny but not frail, beautiful blonde hair moving with the outdoor breeze, leaning in and listening intently, her hand resting on his. When she spoke of him to me, she was as excited as she was when speaking about anyone or anything dear to her. This was the soft side of her personality. She loved unconditionally. I envied that trait.
Summer passed and September days were cooler, so she wasn’t alarmed when he wasn’t outside on the bench. She entered the facility, gave her name and inquired what room she may visit him. A nurse approached her, said ‘You’re Amber? Mr. Grimm died in the night calling for ‘Amber’ but we didn’t know what he meant!’ Dazed and crying, Amber drove home, always wondering what he might have said had she been there to hold his hand that night of September 15, 1978. She named her Gremlin Mr. Grimm. 
Love, Mom

Memorial Day 2025 for Amber, my Golden girl of Heaven.

A solemn day of remembrance, specifically for casualties of war. But every day is a day of remembering you. Last year I did post about the correlation of our family’s military losses and your birth date of July 4th, a day celebrating independence, which was, after all, what they had fought for.

Since then, I’ve come across this vintage post card, circa 1880, of three darling girls who I’m sure are sisters. It reminds me of you and your sisters. Eldest girl on left, middle girl on right, and the baby girl in middle, thoroughly enjoying her position atop her cushion. Eldest is content; she will always be eldest. But the middle child USED TO BE THE BABY, until the last child came along and stole that position. Now the used-to-be baby has become the middle child and she is not pleased about that, judging by the frown on her little face. Oh, Amber…she looks like you, and how you scowled as Renee had the attention as the youngest child. You had that sweet position for only a year – well, 13 months – and then had to relinquish it to the new addition.

Luckily that phase didn’t last long because you two were so close in age that you would soon become inseparable, almost losing your true identities as the two of you were intrinsically linked in speech, as ‘the little girls’. 
 
I’m in love with this picture. Of course, it’s from a different era but it’s a clear reminder that family structure has always existed, and children would eventually learn that they were loved no matter what was the number of their “step”, as my own father used to call the combined brood of his own children mixed in with his little brother and sisters. He called them “steps”.  It was a term of endearment to him; I love that.

Missing and loving you forever,
© Mom

Easter Morning April 20, 2025

Dearest Amber, this is our 4th Easter without you. How is that possible? Should I convert that number into days, and add to it the days that were without you even before Easter? Time has not diminished the acute loss of you, the endless sense that you will somehow walk through the door again. And yet every day has somehow sped up, time has become elusive, slipping away so that day is done before one has accomplished a full day’s work. 

It is written in Matthew 24:22 that time itself shall speed in the ‘last days’. Can that be interpreted literally? Yes or no, doesn’t matter…but fascinating that it’s from the Book of Matthew, the name of your only son. 

You know those answers now, and I marvel at the insight that God has given some mortals. How else, other than Divine Inspiration, could one have created such masterful pieces of beauty such as Benjamin Victor did when sculpting the Angel? You are now among beauty that cannot be duplicated here on earth. Mortal that I am, I mourn my loss of you, but I cannot begrudge the Lord taking you home. We have His promise through the miracle of Easter.

I love you, darling daughter, my Forever Amber.
Mom ©

“The mind is its own place, and in it self 
Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.”

                                     John Milton (1608-1674) Paradise Lost, 1 
                                     Written for his daughter, 1667

The controversy of Milton’s ‘Paradise Lost’ is irrelevant to me; I mention this one sentiment because it clearly explains my own mind. As he wrote for his daughter, I now follow: 

Amber, precious daughter, today you’ve been gone from our world for three years and in your stead, I’ve encountered Angels, most unseen yet obviously sublime or keenly felt, but also the seemingly very rare Angels who walk among us in human form.  If I grasp scripture correctly, we do not become Angels when we die. Our Souls survive in the Spiritual Realm but Angels were created by God before there were ever humans. Even so, my mind – as Milton said – creates its own scenarios and you are always my Angel. 

Yesterday, reading of Angels: Angelology was called ‘The Golden Age’ until the 4th century, when Gregory of Nazianzus reclassified it “more accurately as ‘The Amber Age’," where doctrine has seemingly remained, called “Forever Young in Amber”.  (‘Angels, An Endangered Species’ by Malcolm Godwin, 1990, USA. Pgs. 180/183) 

So, my own dear child of this world, humanly fragile, you now have the answer to all these contradictions, the only truth to a multitude of questions that is still and always will be unknown, because God demands Faith. 

And in my mind… my mind that stretches and twists at my Will, which Milton understood…you will always be my Golden Girl, my child of Night with light reflected by Stars, my Amber Angel.

Forever, Mom 1-3-2025©

December 11, 2021 – 2024

Amber, my daughter, forever in my heart and thoughts - 

Three years ago, yesterday, December 10th, I heard your little voice on my phone, calling me from Hospital Admission with brief description of emergency. No one – except you - was allowed entrance. My chest felt tight with fear. The next morning, three years ago today, was the last time I ever heard your voice… ever so briefly; ever so softly, and so breathless. Dread tightened my own chest as though encased in a vise-grip, but I now know that was mild compared to how your own chest must have felt. 

Unbidden, December brings a mixture of memories and my mind struggles with the duality of happy with sad; that there can be co-existence of such opposites within my heart seems incongruous; almost indecent. Yet, it is true. On totally different years but all in December…. family and friends had birthdays, joyous occasions…but also several tearful days when some departed. Tearful does not imply lack of faith. Indeed, some departures occurred as Blessed Release by our Dear Lord. Still, human emotions are usually at the surface and tears are a natural response, as was mine on a particular December 12th, when my own dad died. 

And that’s just December…the year holds 11 other months, beginning with the new year, January, when our dear Lord gave you Blessed Release and took you home. Despite the conflicting wars vying for position in my mind, I’m grateful to have my memories.

Here’s a happy memory: The beautiful girl you were, my Golden Amber, here at home, in your leather patch-work suit, and on the wall behind you is the violin hand-carved by my dad, your grandfather. 

Loving you forever, Mom

Today is Renee’s birthday and Monday will be Helen’s birthday. I wanted to post the photos separately for each on her special day but unfortunately the topic called for showing the photos in reverse order, and that is okay since the main subject is Amber.
Helen was an enormous help to me as a little mother to the girls. She was also a very pretty girl, never having that ‘gawky’ stage of dental work, etc. which both little girls would have to endure before blooming into adult beauties, much like watching a flower bud unfold. 
Back to Amber…since she & Renee were so close in age, they did bond quickly and were inseparable, becoming almost like twins. That also made it easier for Helen to manage them, so when she entered her teen years, Amber & Renee did not need quite as much of her time because they had each other. (Also, protector big brother Jer, but today just happens to be about his sisters’ birthdays.)
To conclude, I just wanted to acknowledge the birthdays of my other daughters, Renee, and Helen, who I know miss their big and little sister Amber, as we all do, in our own special ways due to our own unique connection to Amber.  
Forever, Mom

Painting at Birmingham Museum & Art Gallery
Painting’s title derived from W. E. Henley (1849-1903) poem ‘Margaritae Sorori’ 

In Remembrance of my daughter Amber’s Birth Day, July 4th.

This painting says it all. How could these people from other centuries have captured your essence so completely? Will they ever know that they have clutched my heart with their words –or that they have created with their hand what I have envisioned with closed eyes? Were they born to be Angels to bring solace to those who mourn? To me? Every day I find something, fleeting or lingering, that brings a skip to my heart or a tear to my eye or a lump to my throat. And some days, I dare not speak of these things…better to remain silent because the dear ones still with me are equally beloved, and they also need to hear that affirmation from my lips.

How strange that you were always my Golden girl, glowing like muted sunshine, soft like Amber resin, when in truth, The Lord gave you to me in the dark of night…and He took you from me in the dark of night. So how prophetic is this painting which names you as ‘Night’? It’s YOU, beyond my ability to portray you, so someone else in another lifetime did it for me. Night…comforting her countless children-stars. Night…not dreaded, but soft and soothing. 

Dear Lord, thank you for the years you let me have my Golden girl of Sunlight, and for your promise that Mourners shall be blessed as I now am, knowing that her glow is still with me by Day - and its reflection through stars at Night. 

©CMW

For my daughter Amber on Memorial Day, May 27, 2024

Those of us who have suffered the ultimate loss of those we loved who gave their lives for this country and our Flag in wars we did not understand, in wars with endings so terrible that the word ‘victory’ seems an oxymoron…we do not need a particular day assigned to “remember.” What happens on the remaining 364 days? Forget?

Our ‘Memorial Garden’ is in full bloom with dedicated space to POW and Marine Corps, which represents friend and family who returned; it is best not to expound on the POW’s CONDITION.

Our Army Air Force Flag honors my father’s only brother who was K.I.A. Our U.S. Army Flag honors my mother’s only brother who was K.I.A., also the husbands of my father’s sisters who were all K.I.A; again, it is best not to expound on the total effect this had on my family. 

Our USA Flag at the peak is to honor what they fought and died for. It is also to honor my daughter who, years later, was born on a beautiful Fourth of July. I was thrilled for this occurrence; I felt so patriotic! But the wars were not finished with us, when years later, that same daughter lost her life fighting an unseen enemy in a war we did not understand, in a war we did not start, a war with no ‘victory’ except life itself, by an enemy designed to kill: Covid-19. 

Our Flags wave in the air…the same air that Covid and other poisons travel upon. All survivors of all the wars are battle-worn and there is no real peace  -  but world continues with impunity.

I have renamed our Flags; they are Badges of Courage.

©cmw

My sweet, kind, thoughtful daughter, our Dear Lord has sent his Angel with another gift; so small it would be overlooked by everyone except me, the person for whom it was intended.

Bits of green life sprout up between the slabs of the concrete patio. We let them grow; they are a welcome bit of life. This year I noticed a flicker of yellow hidden close to the corner cement next to your Flag. I knelt and pushed back the greenery and there were two tiny wild pansies, bright yellow! Oh, their tiny “faces” were so delicate. I was sure they had been positioned there for me to find, that an Angel had left them as a gift from the Lord. After all, wouldn’t that be the correct way? Quiet and unassuming? Faith is Quiet.

A few days later we went to your earthly grave to place new flowers in the urn. I could see the urn was not quite empty. As I knelt there, I saw two tiny wild pansies, your favorite color, bright yellow! Oh, dear Lord, thank you! There were no pansies in my garden at home; there were no pansies planted at your grave. Yet they were here and at home, …Pansies! (which they say ‘stand for thought’) 

Is it really a gift from above? Of course it is. I believe these tiny assurances are sent but many do not see them, only those who need to. 
 
I need to.

Loving you always and forever, Mom

For Amber on Mothers’ Day May 12, 2024

For every mother, every day is her day as a mother. Nothing can change that.  The tie began as an umbilical cord and after birthing the child, the cord is invisible but it remains forever. Thank God for this miracle.

Thank God that you lived not only as my child but also as a mother yourself, so that you could experience the tug of that tie both ways: as a child…and as a mother. 

In your last years on earth, you were driving semi-truck and I knew you felt that tug for your child. I knew how you felt because I was feeling that same tug for you ----- I missed you, acutely, as I wondered where you were, if you were safe.

You were driving on Mothers’ Day 2021 and yet you took precious time to scroll your phone and send the perfect “card” to me: the scene from the movie Dumbo, who sheds tears when separated from his mother, as she caresses him while singing to him, ‘Baby of Mine’.

It was your last card to me. We shared such mutual love for these magnificent creatures and their fierce defense for their child. Yes, the card was perfect with all its subtle implications not only of your love for me, but of the two-way tug you were experiencing as a mother, also separated from your own. 

So, no, I did not shed a tear…they poured from my eyes.

I love you, Amber. Always have, always will. You’re my ‘Forever Amber’.

Mom

For Amber:

In bygone years, May 1st, called May Day, was celebrated as a festival, hanging small baskets of flowers on the door handle of one’s secret love (or best friend), then quickly hiding to watch the surprise when that person opened the door.  Hanging from a Maypole were streamers of ribbons which children held onto and danced in widening circles around the Maypole. It was so joyous to end the long winter with riotous colors of flowers and ribbons, singing and dancing.  Someone, somewhere, decided to reverse that image and May Day became a call of distress: Mayday! Mayday! 

I’m still sorting through boxes of keepsakes that I had stored away and I found a treasure… a card. Made with your own little child-hand, the verse one of your own poems, and a tiny lock of your blonde hair taped inside. Oh, the tears of JOY that escaped from my eyes! A lock of your hair which I thought I would never feel again! And to be loved as much as Kitty… well, that would be A LOT! 

If only every day was like the original May Day...instead some are like Mayday! Mayday!...but thankfully, that is when the Lord sends His angels to me, guiding my hand the open the right box, to find that lock of hair, or to soothe me in whatever I’m doing, and then it’s May Day again. 

Loving you forever, my darling Amber, always have. 
Mom

Fairy of the Moon Painting by Hermann Kaulbach, 1846 - 1909

My darling daughter, our earthly world is experiencing a total Eclipse of the Sun this year of 2024 on April 8, and the population is responding with emotions ranging from excitement to doom. I guess it’s because some have never before experienced the Moon covering the Sun, with the silence and total darkness that occurs. 
 
In God’s Heavens, such an Eclipse last happened in 2017 while we still had you with us on earth and we did not question the significance of such magical wonders. 

Sadly, when we lost you in 2022, it was like a personal eclipse; the correlation was unmistakable as we watched your beautiful Amber glow fade further away with every relentless tick of the clock, until our Sun was gone and darkness fell like a cloak upon us. 

That darkness was our earthly grief. Even though we knew the Lord had taken you to Heaven, to honestly rejoice in that knowledge would take some time, Time…that strange element that exists only here on earth. 

Now, two years later, I mourn but I do not grieve. I have seen Angels. I’ve experienced wondrous blessings from the Lord. I REJOICE of the coming Eclipse, and with you riding the crest of the Moon, it’s another message that darkness is brief. The Sun -- and the Son – will return.  

Loving you forever, Mom

My sweet daughter, I cannot grasp the concept of time – I cannot make it seem true that this is the third Easter without you. Not that time has sped by with no thought of you…no, just the opposite. You are not only in our hearts and memories, but also in our everyday thoughts, on our tongues as we speak of you, sometimes as though you may enter the door and be among us. And yet, time HAS passed and so it is true that we now face another Easter without you, in fact, the third Easter.
This year the daffodils struggled through snow and rain and wind and their little budding heads drooped. We cut them and brought them into the house where the warmth strengthened their stems into full floral blooms reaching for the sky. They are, of course, your favorite flowers and the color of your name Amber, and their faces are smiling toward the Heavens, and their scent is strong, sweet and spicy like Spikenard, the amber-colored oil used by Mary Magdalene to rub onto the feet of Jesus.
I trust in God and his Word so I have never doubted that you are with Jesus in Heaven. I am eternally grateful for that. Your world is now infinite with wondrous things beyond description or my imagination. 
But in my small way, I believe there is a true connection among Jesus, the scent of daffodils, the color of daffodils, and the reason I named you Amber. Surely…all of this… cannot be mere coincidence.
I love you forever, Mom

Two years ago, today was snowy and bitter cold- just like today.
The weather simply mirrored our feelings as we had to let you go, physically; it was what we felt… as we interred our beautiful golden Amber into the cold earth. 
We are not unique in suffering a loss, we are only unique because the loss is so personal, and thus, our response is personally unique. I do not have any other words to describe how the past does not seem to mesh with the present, and how it has definitely changed what we may have thought would be the future. 
I love you Amber, always have, always will. We all do. 
Mom

Two years… January 4, 2022 – January 4, 2024

I do not understand how Time keeps moving on a steady course as smoothly as a well-helmed boat. I guess the Captain has a steady hand and no distractions. 

I, in opposition, am incredulous that two years has passed without missing a nano-second, when I know very well that Time has actually stood still…mostly in the nights when I lie awake and the air is too still, yet also unexpectedly on a sunny day when tears suddenly burst from my eyes - and the sun, your favorite color of yellow, warms my face and helps dry the tears. 

Even so, I thank God for sending a most beautiful Angel to take you gently to your Heavenly home. 

I love you, Amber, always have, always will. Mom

Amber always "stole" the family pet as her own.  First our brother Jerry's cat Kitty, and then Jerry's dog Scratch.  This will be my first Christmas in 16 years without our sweet little Willow.  It just makes sense that she would now be Amber's.  I jest, but my heart is breaking over both of these losses.

Dear sweet Carole, I'm sending love, hugs and prayers in memory of Amber on this day, Dec.4, 2023. My heart is still grieving for your loss, Carole. 
Your Dear Friend,
Pam

December 5, 2023

My darling daughter Amber, this picture of you & Phil was taken many years ago on December 5, 2010, at a baby shower being held for the arrival of your first grandchild. Little could you have imagined in the December two years prior, that you would lose the father of your only child. 

But the Lord knew… and those December memories were eased for you by bringing Phil into your life, a good man who did not hesitate to add ‘Grandfather’ to his name. 

Looking at this happy photo, I cannot help but correlate it to yet another December of two years ago… when you were the patient in hospital and there were no happy faces. But the Lord knew…

Soon it will be January, when on the 4th it will be two years since your presence on this earth transcended to the mystical wonders of Heaven.  But the Lord knows…

I love you Amber, always have, always will.
Mom

July 4th, 2023: your 2nd earth-birthday that we are without you. I realize there’s no ‘Time’ in Heaven, so your presence there must be an unending celebration of Angels wrapped in the glow of Glory as our Lord promised, a glow so intense it would make all the fireworks on earth look as puny as the initial spark from a flintstone. 
My darling daughter, I cannot phone you & sing Happy Birthday to you as I used to do. Instead, the Lord has soothed my heart this past week by sending my favorite bird, a tiny common Wren, to perch right on top of our flagpole with its flag waving & furled, to sing TO ME.  
I love you, Amber, always have, always will.
Mom


It's not a holiday or any day the world has deemed as special. It was just an ordinary day until I found this picture, so bittersweet as I look back, knowing someone would have said 'Look, it's Carole with her two little girls.' Indeed, our unified love of these creatures has not changed, but their number has lessened by one. The picture is no longer in balance.
I love you Amber, always have, always will.
Mom

Many prayers and hugs to my dearest friend today, Amber's mother Carole. It's been a long and emotional year of "firsts" for you. Please know Carole, that I will hold Amber and your family in my heart and thoughts today. 

As of today, 1/4/2023, we have finally come to the end of the dreaded “Year of Firsts”. There are no words to adequately describe how endless our journey has been since your ICU care of 12/10/2021 until the Lord took you Home 1/4/2022. Even though bolstered by our collective faith, we are still mere mortals and each has had to face some particular day that was especially hard without you – and most certainly for me, that was on your own birthday.            I love you, Amber - always have, always will. Mom

Amber - my sweet, quirky, funny, thoughtful, kind, and darling daughter – I love you. Always have, always will. There’s never a single day that you are not in my thoughts. Last December we knew that we were losing you and our love for you wanted to keep you here with us, but our intellect knew that was not to be, and we were grateful when the Lord gave you sweet release and took you Home. Now, this is truly our first Christmas without you, which brings a sadness to our earth-bound hearts. But it’s your first Christmas in Heaven, which is to be rejoiced because we have His promise that He always has and always will love you more than any of us ever could.  
Mom


I worked with Amber at Blythfield country club and got to know her pretty well. Amber was a wonderful hard working lady! We had many conversations about Jesus and I enjoyed our conversations! She will be miss! Just found out about her passing.

I cannot phone you & sing Happy Birthday to you as I have always done each year, so on this day, the first of your birthdays that we are without you, my voice is silent but my heart is singing to you: Darling daughter, Blessed Heavenly Birthday.
I love you, Amber, always have, always will.
Mom  

I'm sending love and long hugs to Carole & Greg. I wish I could be there in person for this journey, but know that I am there in spirit & friendship. God bless Amber and praying for strength  for her family during this beautiful celebration of Amber's life. 

I remember the time Amber Renee and I all went to Grand Haven for a day at the beach. I never got so sunburned so badly. Amber spent the night at my house spaying solarcain on me.  She had such a heart of gold. God Bless you Amber.

Amber I remember the day we met. Once we met a true friendship began. We were inseparable back in the day and the strength you and I had when we were together was unreal. We somehow lost track of each other for years until I found you on Facebook. May God Bless you sis and you will forever be in my thoughts.

Sis I am sorry I just found out you have been with Jesus for the last 6 month's. I will never forget how we got connected and I was able to help you with a place to be married at. You were such a beautiful Bride, it was a honor to be able to share your wedding day. I still remember the "Book" you wrote about your Love, Faith and Trust, with this being said I know you are in Heaven. You always shared your Love of God every time we spoke. You were made in his image and your Character shined for all the world to see. Thank you for being a friend, I Love you.
 

Thanks to big sister, Helen, who found this photo which had been stored away.

Amber and I ran into each other at a party, both wearing hats.  We switched hats at one point to see who might notice.   Big sister has her arm around me.

Renee (Belknap) Bainbridge

Phil just sent me this picture from home, along with permission to upload it. Amber had made him promise to always feed the birds & squirrels, so every day Phil scatters the feed for God's tiny creatures, which Phil calls Amber's foster kids. 😇

I realize there are many photos of Amber's younger years, but later she & Phil were also very involved in the lives of Matt's children. Last Thanksgiving Amber & Phil's work schedule was to be out of state for most of December, so they bought 3 small Christmas trees, one for each child's room. At the end of November, Amber spent an entire day with each individual child helping them decorate their own tree as a forever keepsake. Amber even spent the night there as each child slept with their own decorated Christmas tree in their bedroom. Their last memory of her should be as she stood framed in the doorway saying goodbye to them, not knowing that THAT would be the last time they would ever see her again - but always have the memory of the joy she brought as she spent quality TIME with them, leaving behind a tangible gift that would trigger that memory forever. Any child would be fortunate to have Phil & Amber in their lives - they brought true love to the table - and now, Phil still does.     

Everyone knows how much Amber loved her critters. Here she is...Tiger Woman.

Since I moved away many years ago, I haven't been a able to see my extended family as often as I would have liked.  Nonetheless, it's never diminished all the happy memories I have with all of my cousins including little Amber. Those happy memories are what I hold close in my heart.

Time marches on...10 years later, Renee became a mom. The weather was absolutely wicked that day, but we managed to get the photo of Four Generations.  I have other 4 generation pictures of Mom, me &
Amber & Matt but I chose this one because, once again, my girls were together.

The baby shower... 
Carole, Amber & (almost) Matthew.

My darling "little girls" were now beautiful young women. 
Amber was compared to Morgan Fairchild; Renee was compared to Farrah Fawcett. They gracefully accepted the compliments with a smile and never filled their hearts with vanity.

My first two had left home and now my last two were leaving. I had never known such an empty house and there has never been a traditional Christmas at my home since.

My first two children were grown and had left home.  It was now just the three of us, Amber & Renee & me.  I had no way of knowing that this would be the last of "family" Christmases.

At one of Renee's dance rehearsals: "One" from "The Chorus Line".
I loved having each of my girls at my side. I loved being with them, and I really loved that they wanted me to be with them.

And she never lost her "Gerber-baby" smile.

Our family never missed an opportunity to see each other. Over the years many cousins moved to other states and visits home where special occasions.

For several years a Christmas open house was held at Aunt Mary’s house. It was always a happy get-to-gather because it was not only Christmas but Carole’s birthday. It was a great opportunity to see Grandma, the Aunts, Uncles and cousins.

One of the many gatherings at Grandma White’s house.

Here we are at my baby shower 7 weeks before my daughter Lexi was born in 2010.   Amber is just glowing like she does.  She faithfully made me smile my biggest pure smile, as I was at the start of a laugh every time.   She let me be that dorky-dork, hobo punk, even fighting for her life at the hospital w/ all my mismatched bags and camo jacket... 

She wasn't embarrassed to be with me (or didn't tell me she was :), and never once judged me..ever..no matter what!! We allowed each other to be ourselves, flawed and all.   Amber was my "go to" and I told her everything that no one else knew.   We depended on each other for 29+ years. Thank you for taking all of my secrets with you Amber.  I love you so so much and always will ♥♥  

First Communion Day:  my little girls, just 13 months & 13 days apart in age, Reneé, Amber, in custom designed dresses. Many years later, the daughter of Amber's best friend Cheryl would wear that dress as Flower Girl at Amber and Phil's wedding. 

Usually, I'm not lost for words - but - this is not a usual slice of time.

Love is blooming with Phil & Amber, forever.

Forward to the future: Amber with her son, Matthew and HIS son.

A baby shower was being given for the arrival of Amber's first & only child. It took place in her own childhood home & a rare event happened: ALL of her siblings were there. The photo was taken by the flowering rose bush and from that day forward, it was known as "Matt's rose bush". It was still blooming last June...

Words can't express my sorrow and sadness to hear of Amber's passing. She will be missed.
The memories of of our family Christmases were some of my favorite childhood memories, mainly because I could see Amber. I'm happy to had reconnected with Amber some years back and it was like we never lost contact...Ill miss you Amber and the talks we had.

Amber and Renee at my house where we had fun doing hair. They were still teenagers and they were still a lot of fun to be around, which stayed the case throughout the years.

As Amber's eldest sister, I was joined at the hip by both my little sisters,  Amber and Renee, taking them everywhere I went. We would visit Abbotts Pharmacy and buy candy...went to see Santa and hunt Easter eggs at Miracle Mart..went to Lamberton Lake, to name only a few. I didn't resent having them with me most of the time, as I adored them; I  considered them my darling babies. Amber especially,  was a very loving little girl.

My condolences to Amber”s family.  Her love of animals is something I fondly remember .  As young girls, she always included her beloved black and white long-haired cat, “Kitty” in our play.  Amber was a kind  hearted soul.  Rest In Peace, Amber.

So sorry to hear this news😢.  As a young girl I spent hours at their childhood home with older sister Helen, my best friend, in charge of Amber and Renee. In my mind they will always both be adorable little girls.  My thoughts are with you all at this sad time. 

Looks like the Easter Bunny is trying to imitate this darling girl...

If there wasn't a real animal around, Amber would find a substitute
and smiles were real.
(Series of 3 pictures)

If you knew Amber, you knew there'd be an animal somewhere. She was somewhere SW USA in this picture, but when home she would ride the neighbor's horse...until he found out. Oops!

LOVE this pic!! Soooo so so  in love💕I believe this is at one of your famous Christmas bulb parties if I remember right Renee?? Part of the date is cut off, but it looks like it was 01/04/2011

Growing up, we were inseparable. I even went on her dates with her! We were always together. 

Mom,  she stole her brothers dog too!!  Amber and Scratch. 

My darling child, who stole her brother's Kitty for herself. She could not resist a critter to love because she had so much love to give.

My dear friend and sister in Christ, although my heart aches, I rejoice knowing you are dancing in His Holy Presence. Without a doubt you were welcomed in with our Heavenly Father proclaiming, "Well done My good and faithful servant."

As my wife Cheryl and I, are infected with covid.. I hear my cousin amber has passed of the virus...just want to say it saddens  me  and as  a Christian I know we will see her again. Take time to mourn knowing she's in a better place.. love Darrell white

Amber loved her grandbabies so much. They mean the world to her. These kids miss their grandma. She did everything for them. 
Best memory with her grandkids is the day we spent at the beach from like 9am till after 6pm. It was an amazing day hanging at lake Michigan soaking in th sun. That was something Amber loved to do. Always out tanning and soaking up all th sun she could. 

I am so sorry to hear of Amber's passing.  We are thankful that the Lord's promises are always true. That our Lord is steadfast in His love and faithfulness. We are praying that you all can feel the Holy Spirit as He comforts you in this very difficult time.

OBITUARY

Amber E. Belknap Marks

Passed away on JANUARY 4, 2022

Reyers North Valley Chapel

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