... And when it came time for me to leave your home you were always so sad – telling me that you hated seeing me go. “Do you have to leave darling? When I’d say “I love you” he’d respond “I love you more” and then I’d say back “oh no no no, I love YOU more” and it would go on and on and then we’d laugh.
 
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In later years, as your health became more fragile, You never turned down an invitation to come to our house. I’d call mom and invite you both over. She’d say “No honey, I’m sure dad wont want to come he’s exhausted, he’s had a busy day today”. But No matter how tired and exhausted you were you always showed up. EVERY time. Because you didn’t want to just live – you wanted to LIVE – it was quality of life that was important to you. You loved life and wanted to keep on LIVING.
 
The deep love and pride you had for Steve, Sam, Sydney, Ally and Adam and the impact you had on our lives is immeasurable. You made each of them feel like they were the most important person in your life.
 
Just last week in your frail condition you begged to join us down in Florida where we were going the very next day. You wanted me to book you seats on our  flights and wanted to get a room right next to ours.  How I wish you could have.
 
A few days ago, Sharon and I were with you in your very weakened state and you started to cry. Something you almost never did. We asked you why you were crying and you responded “I’m crying because you are both so good to me. And because I love you both so much”
 
My brother and sister and I are blessed NOT to have big stories but THOUSANDS of little stories where my father’s interactions with us created everlasting memories.
 
You touched my life in ways you’ll never know. I will miss you forever and for always. And remember, I love YOU more...

When I was thirteen my dad started his own architectural business, working out of our home. He designed homes that appeared in home magazines all over the country, selling houseplans to thousands of families. He took pleasure in making people’s lives better – because he fully believed that a home that he designed was sure to improve anyone’s quality of life.
 
Dad, you were my hero and also my biggest fan. So much of what I accomplished I did because of you.. You knew exactly what you wanted for us and guided us – usually without our knowing it – in that direction.
 
I played piano as a child – and continue even now – knowing that it gave you so much pleasure.
 
You were the reason I loved skiing as a kid – taking me from age three down the slopes between  your legs. But I also loved it because you did. It made you really happy.  As kids we spent every weekend in the winter skiing as a family  
 
You were the reason I was given the role of Maria in West Side Story – I was an awful actress but I wanted to be an actor just like you and you worked with me on my audition to show SOME emotion in the final pivotal scene where Maria finds Tony dead, killed by Chino. I was a BAD actress but thanks to you I rocked  that scene and got the part. I was nine by the way. But it was a huge turning point for me…and you knew that. I was incredibly shy up until then and the experience changed me.
 
When it came time to apply to college, you took a very active role in the process – and I think I only chose to get an MBA because of you. I was tentative but You told me that even if I do nothing with it, it’s something I will always have. I’m so glad I listened to you.
 
Dad and Mom, I love spending time with you. Dad, each time I entered your home you were singing my name the moment I walked through the door. You would say the funniest things to me like, “If I were a dog, my tail would be wagging”...

...(continued) “I go I go look how I go, swifter than the arrow from the tartar’s bow”. In later years he would recite lines from shakespeare’s plays. They would often have nothing to do with the situation we were in but sounded somewhat appropriate coming from him…and always made us laugh.
 
Upon graduation he moved to NY and shortly after joined his mom, Safta Lulu, and most of his sibings in Israel – where they found reprieve following persecution of Jews in Iraq. He took a job as an architect and spent a great deal of time with his many nieces and nephews. As the youngest of eight, many of them were not much younger than he was. He developed very strong relationships with ALL of them…relationships that remained strong to this day.
 
Several years later he returned to new York, found a job as an architect and lived in Queens. He was part of the very cool young Iraqi Jewish scene – attending some of their social functions. It was at one of these events that he met my mom at a picnic. She met my dad, he swept her off her feet – took her horseback riding and to the movies - and three months later they were married.
 
Two years later, I came along and we moved to a house in New Hyde Park. My brother Richard was born a year and a half later - followed by my sister Sharon five years after that. My dad and mom relished their role as parents. We were raised in a very traditional household. They instilled a strong sense of family and community that is still with me today.  
 
My parents made a wonderful life together, recently celebrating their 57th anniversary. He was the big personality and she was his backbone. My mom was an incredible partner to him and the most supportive wife – often behind the scenes – that anyone could hope for. She was his rock and our extended family’s rock. She enabled my dad to be the father he wanted to be. She took care of every detail. They were a perfect partnership. 

Our dad was a proud proud American and in many ways he lived the American dream. He wasn’t born in this country but came here as a college student where his eyes were opened to all the wonderful things that this country had to offer. It was here that he met my mom. I was their firstborn and fittingly I was given the name Jane, a simple bold American name.

But I will back up. Born in Basra, Iraq, my dad was the youngest of 8 children. The family owned a date plantation called Saluki Dates. As a boy, I’m told my dad was charming and mischievous. He raised pigeons on his roof – who knew that was a thing?
 
His best friend for life was his brother Kamal - just two years older. They were inseparable and stayed close even when they both left Iraq, my dad to NY and Uncle Kamal to Ottawa. My dad was a good student and often dreamed of leaving Iraq. Although his siblings had studied at universities in Beirut and in Iraq, his brother Steve, living in NY at the time, sent in an application to a university on behalf of my dad
 
My dad’s luck came in the form of an acceptance to attend college at – where else – Ohio University in Athens Ohio. 

So in 1946, he packed two suitcases and traveled by boat aboard the Queen Mary… never to return to Iraq again. One month later he arrived in New York And from there bussed it to Athens Ohio. Imagine – this 16 year old Iraqi Jew arriving at the bus depot in Athens – arriving in the middle of the summer. the way he describes it – he’d found paradise.
 
At Ohio University he studied engineering and architecture. He ran track. And He held a job distributing mail to university students – a job he spoke of with pride. He was a real novelty out there in Ohio and was regularly invited to the homes of his college friends who lived locally.
During his time in Ohio he participated in theater, igniting his love for shakespeakre’s plays. He played many roles but was a HUGE hit as Puck in A midsummer night’s dream. (Continued on next entry)

I remember fondly our trips to Lake George. Papa would go on our boats, lay down near us at the pool, anything he could to see his grandchildren having fun and enjoying their lives. He would take me fishing, teaching me how to hook a worm or take off a fish, and would do all of the things that I didn't want to do. Over time, as he aged, it became me taking him fishing. But I will always rejoice in the feeling, patiently sitting on our chairs on the dock, and he would tell me stories of his childhood and early life. I loved hearing anything I could about his fascinating life and journey.

OBITUARY

Charles Koty

September 19, 1919 – March 1, 2019

Riverside-Nassau North Chapels

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