Arla C. Fiedler

Arla Claire Fiedler, 95 passed away May 1st, 2020 in Carmel, IN. She was born on September 22, 1924 in Osseo, WI to Ralph McComb and Edith Powell and was later adopted by Clarence Starr of Waukegan IL, Edith’s second husband. Arla was the beloved wife of the late Raymond (Jake) Fiedler, and longtime companion of the late Leroy (Roy) Klein.

She previously lived in Waukegan, IL, Fox Lake, IL, and Carmel, IN. Arla was proud to have been the first female president of the Illinois Hotel/Motel Association, member and officer of Various Chambers of Commerce, Past President of the Bonnie Brook Women’s Golf Association, faithful member of the United Methodist Church in Waukegan and more recently the Chain of Lakes Community Bible Church. Along the way Arla found time for a very successful career as a Waitress, Restaurant Manager, and eventually grew to be a respected and admired Hotel Industry Executive. As a pioneering female business leader, she freely gave of herself to personally mentor her employees and acquaintances along the way.

Arla was an inspirational partner to Jake and loved her family above all else. Competitive and fun loving she golfed, fished, snowmobiled, danced, babysat grandkids, laughed, and was ever ready to organize family events and vacations. Arla and Jake had many close friends and kept a busy social calendar. Annual vacations included trips to Delevan WI, Door County WI, New Port Richey FL and Biloxi MS along with various other golf and tropical destinations.

Later in life Arla found a second love with Roy Klein and his wonderful family while continuing to brighten people’s lives with her presence, staying active with golf, travel, dancing and attending worship services alongside Roy. Eventually Arla and Roy moved into Magnolia Springs at Bridgewater, an assisted living community in Carmel IN, where they lived out their lives in comfort, often visited by family and surrounded by a new set of friends who came to know and love them both.

Arla was preceded in death by her first son, Frederick “Ric” (Patty). She is survived by her second son Timothy “Tim” (PJ), six grandchildren Kelli, Tracy, Jennifer, Eric, Scott and Tim Jr, great-grandchildren Tatum, Mallory, Scott, Kendall, Ryleigh, Colin, Arlo, Waylon, Jens, her sister Vivian (Robert) Anderson, brother Edward (Mikki) Starr, nieces Sharon and Susan, nephews Steve, Bill and Jeff.

A private funeral will be held at Marsh Funeral Home in Gurnee, IL.

Interment will be at Northshore Garden of Memories in North Chicago immediately following.

Eulogy

Thank you for being here to commemorate the life of Arla Fiedler under these challenging circumstances. This certainly is not the sendoff any of us envisioned for this special woman. (Actually, she might say this is not the send-off she paid for, since she made the arrangement for today’s services in 2006 after the death of my father.) It’s OK Mom, we are going to throw two joy filled celebrations of your life, one here in Illinois and one in Indiana as soon as circumstances allow.

I’m told a Eulogy usually lasts about 5 minutes, which gives me about 300 seconds to hit the highlights of your 95 years, an obviously impossible task, so Mom, please forgive me if I leave out your favorite anecdote.

Mom’s biological dad left Edith (my Grandmother) before my mom was two years old. Being bold and independent, Edith left for Waukegan (where she had a friend with a place to stay) to find a job and maybe a second husband that was in her words “not a farmer”. While waiting tables at a restaurant in Waukegan, Edith met, and eventually married a regular lunch customer, Clarence Starr, who worked as a mechanic at the nearby Wetzel and Turner Buick and Chevy dealership. For some of Edith’s early months in Waukegan, Mom stayed was raised by a relative back in Mondovi WI, Marie Lindsey. Eventually, Mom was reunited in Waukegan with Edith and Clarence subsequently adopted mom at an early age. While growing up Mom’s family grew with the addition of her sister Vivian and later her baby brother Ed.

Mom loved Edith and Clarence, but Mom and my Gram did have their moments over the years. Of course, Mom made sure her mother was well taken care of especially after she had a stroke later in life. Mom always took care of her family.

My earliest Mom memories are of me and my late brother Ric riding the “#409” train up to Osseo WI and spending a week or two each summer on the farm playing with the dog, horses, cows, farm machinery (and to Mom’s dismay) those stinky piglets that were raised on Marie and Delbert Lindsey’s farm. I can still see my Mom sitting across from me in the diner car as we sat, feeling very grown up, drinking hot tea from a silver tea service listening to the clickity clack of the wheels on the rails, while anticipating the fun we all would soon be having. Mom really knew how to plan adventures and have fun. No doubt, each of us present has a large memory bank of having fun with Mom doing different things over the years. She made time to do fun things with us, and she was happiest during those times.

Like any kid, you just think every Mom is like your Mom, so you sort of tend to take her qualities for granted. So, I took it for granted when my Mom worked evenings as a waitress to make sure we could afford to have enough money to play and take vacations. Mom was a hard worker for sure, again, always dedicated to her family.

Mom was a lot of other things that I realize now looking back over the years. Mom was a very complex person. She was wicked smart, but never went to college. Mom was self-assured, (likely getting that from Edith), and more than a bit assertive. (Living next door to Jake as a 14 year old, legend has it she used some shall we say “interesting” flirtation techniques in her assertive way to get my Dad’s early attention). From the age of 14 on, Mom wanted nothing more than to marry Jake and that occurred in 1944 at the age of 19 when Dad was home on a leave from the Army during the WWII. My brother Ric came along in 1945, and I joined the family in 1952. Patti married Ric and when I was 11 in (I think) 1963. Later, PJ and I were married in 1982. Mom was thrilled as we each found our mates and began families of our own.

Mom remained a waitress for years before she was “discovered” at the Country Squire Restaurant by Marg Everett who owned Arlington Park Horse Race Track around 1965. She was recruited to run the food and beverage operation at the racetrack. Mom’s smarts, her self-confidence and strong will enabled her rise over the years to be General Manager and eventually hold subsequent Executive positions at Holiday Inn and Radisson International.

Mom also was proud to be a pioneering woman executive in a what was at the time a decidedly man’s world. One of her proudest achievements was to become the first female president of the Illinois Hotel/Motel Association. She garnered many other awards, honors and recognition in her long career.

Mom was also excellent at sports, and loved to golf with Dad, her boys and her friends. She had a competitive drive that we have all experienced, and competed regularly for the ladies’ club championship at Bonnie Brook golf course. Mom was perpetually competing. If you were fishing (another activity she loved to share with Jake and the family) she wanted to catch the most and biggest fish. Play cards with her and if she didn’t win she could get a bit testy. In recent years, Bingo and Wii bowling were her sports of choice, best to avoid getting between her and the door if it was time to go down for bingo. Our daily conversations this last year were often spent recapping her uplifting wins or frustrating losses in her simple daily bingo or Wii bowling game. Mom sure did love to compete (and win).

Mom was pretty fearless too. Ask Tim Jr or Scott about taking Mom (at separate times) for a leisurely ride on the back of a snowmobile trying not to so fast as to scare Mom. Then Mom would ask to switch to be able to drive and promptly take off at full speed as they hung on to Mom trying not to get thrown off the machine. Fearless indeed, and fun loving every minute of her life.

Sadly, Mom was no stranger to emotional pain and loss. She lost Clarence in 1972, with Edith passing on Christmas day I in 1988 or 1989. She lost her beloved husband Jake in July 2006. Her greatest loss may have been the loss of my brother Ric on July 4, 2018. No Mom should every have to lose a child. She lost her second love, Roy January of last year and her sweet dog Molly a few months later. Along her life’s journey she also lost most of her life long friends, her ability to play golf, her ability to drive, most of her eyesight and eventually most of her mobility. After each loss Mom picked up and moved forward, diminished, but not defeated.

Happily, Mom had great loves to offset her heartbreaking losses.

• She loved her husband of 63 years, Jake, and cared for him 7 x 24 for many years has he struggled with dementia – Jake was amazing in his own rite, I miss him dearly to this day

• She loved her long-time companion Roy for an additional 12 years until January 2019 – We all thank God Roy came into her life after Jake passed away, what a gift Roy was to Mom and us all

• She adored all her great grand kids, ranging today in age from a less than one-year old baby to mature adults – Mom loved to be included in their lives and events

• She never could get enough of her grandkids. Especially Kelli recently, right? She got to watch them all grow up and become impressive adults.

• She was proud of Ric and I and worked to make sure our wives felt appreciated and loved as a part of her family. She bragged us up to her friends endlessly.

• And of course, she enjoyed and cherished her dogs, Molly, Tiger, Radisson and a host of Pomeranians over the years.

Mom loved abundantly and wanted the best for all those that she loved. She would do anything in her power to bring comfort and happiness to those she loved. That is the one thing I will never forget about Mom. Mom had her faults to be sure, no need to catalogue them here today, but her love of family far overcame any personality deficits we might have perceived.

With the help of my brother Ric we convinced Mom and Roy to move from Fox Lake to Assisted Living in Carmel. It wasn’t easy. Before we could make the move, Ric suddenly passed but Patti, Kelli, Jenni and Tracy still insisted that Mom come live near them. It was a huge effort by Patti, PJ, the girls and Roy’s family but we got Roy and Mom out of Fox Lake and into their new apartment in September 2018. Sadly, as I already mentioned Ric was gone and could not see the wonderful place where Mom and Roy lived out their days, nor visit Mom regularly as they both had hoped.

For the last few months we all worried about Mom, as she became physically frail, and struggled with her infirmities. She knew, and we feared her time was near. This forced separation due to the Corona virus was difficult on her and it was also very painful to us all. All we both wanted was to see her and be present with her, but that was not to be until her last day here with us last Friday.

On April 28, she woke up and told the staff that she didn’t feel right, that “Something was wrong” with her. Later that day she had Sallie, the head of nursing, Facetime me. Mom said to me three times “I want you to promise to let me go”. I said I didn’t think it was her time but I would of course do as she asked. Obviously, Mom knew then she was going to be leaving us and wanted her wishes to be clear. What a gift to us all. She seemed better the next day, but started to go downhill overnight that night and the next day. I rushed to the airport to fly back to be with her, having promised myself to be at her side when she passed. She knew it was her time, and I guess so did I.

That same afternoon before my flight left her hospice nurse Facetimed from her bedside, held the phone by Mom’s face, and took off her oxygen mask so she could talk. I saw Mom speak and heard her whisper the last words I think she ever said, “I love you, don’t worry about me”. It was sad but at the same time so touching and reassuring, still worried about me, no concern about her even as she knew she was slipping away. Last Friday I arrived in the morning to be with Kelli at her bedside. Only the two of us were allowed to be in the room. Jenni and Tracy cheated a bit before we got caught. Kelli and I spent the day calling people who loved Mom. She heard and responded visually to each of their voices as they shared with her how much she meant to each of them. She was still able to comprehend it all. At about 3 PM she kept taking off the Oxygen mask. We realized she was still in charge, and wanted it off, so the nurse put on the nasal cannula. About 5 PM we gave her the first medication she needed for pain and anxiety, as her oxygen level dropped. At 9:14 PM, a scant few hours later she was called home.

Her last words said to me continue to echo in my head, “I love you, don’t worry about me”. At the very end, doing what she always did, taking care of those she loved the most, her family.

I believe that there is a heaven and you are up there dancing, playing golf, fishing, gardening and having a blast. Mom, when I let your brother Ed know of your passing, he replied “Look out heaven, here comes Arla”.

Mom, you were an amazing Mom, friend, boss, partner, Nannie, and great grandmother. Thanks for all you gave to your family, and thanks so very much for your lifetime of love for me.

You are gone, but you are still right here inside each of us. We will have your memory with us always.

I love you Mom, God willing, we will be with you again in heaven.

Please view Funeral Service at: https://youtu.be/uAnQ0N-EuXs