Marilyn Shirley Perry

Educator, Dreamer, Visionary

April 19, 2018

Jim Taylor and I were having lunch in a coffee shop near Ottawa. We had just come from a meeting with the manager of Novalis, a large Catholic publishing house. We had told them of the struggles at Wood Lake Books, a tiny book publishing house – trying to serve the liberal, ecumenical Christians of Canada, always teetering on the edge of bankruptcy.

“In order to survive,” the manager of Novalis said to us, “you need a Sunday School curriculum.”

So I said to Jim, “Could you find a couple of hours to dash off a Sunday School Curriculum?” “Sure,” he said. “No sweat.”

We ate the rest of our lunch in gloomy silence. A Sunday School curriculum was a huge, huge project. Could tiny Wood Lake Books mount such a venture? Fat chance!

When I arrived home Bev told me there was a phone call from Marilyn Perry in Naramata. “Something about a Sunday School curriculum.”

I began to hyperventilate.

“Yes,” Marilyn said on the phone. She and a group of friends in Regina had developed a Church School curriculum. They wanted it published. The national United Church had turned them down – I mean after all, can anything good come out of Regina?

So we arranged a meeting. It was postponed because Marilyn had a headache. The next meeting also postponed because I had a headache. When we arrived at her door for the third try, she said, “I almost posted a sign outside that said, “C’mon in. I don’t have a headache!”

There’s a wise old saying. “Be careful what you pray for. You may get it!”

Marilyn’s curriculum was a diamond in the rough. It was full of insight and ideas and creativity and joy, but it was also full of pieces and pictures and hand written notes and – and…well you name it.

We needed a miracle.

My memory of that time is of a whirl of people Marilyn had invited, cajoled, strong-armed into involvement – creative, intelligent, committed people – who seemed to materialize out of nowhere. Many of you sitting here this afternoon were part of that crazy, wonderful time. You were part of that miracle.

You worked through all hours of the day and night and weekend, Marilyn working as hard or harder than anyone.

My job was to stay out of the way. And worry. I had no idea how we were going to pay for all this. If this curriculum didn’t sell, we’d go down in flames. We’d have to sell at least 200 sets to cover just the basic expenses. Impossible.

Well the orders came in. We had our 200. Then we had our 500. Then we had over a thousand, far, far more than we imagined. And far, far more than we could handle. It simply couldn’t be done. It was crazy. Impossible.

But it happened! It happened because there was something very, very different about this resource. It wasn’t a Sunday School curriculum. It was – well, like a good, black potting soil in which people of all ages could grow, where the people of God, made in the image of God, could blossom into the whole people of God. And so that’s what we called it. The Whole People of God.

That was Marilyn’s vision. That’s why the people of the world-wide church responded with a resounding, “Yes.”

Among the memories of that time, is the scene in the hall of this church. Rows of tables, with piles of pages on each one, and people walking round and round collating the curriculum. People of all types and ages – anybody who came close enough to be shanghighed into helping.

Marilyn was the only one who knew how all the pieces fitted together and she was on her feet all day long and all evening long and we began to wonder if she ever ate or slept.

We called it “Marilyn’s curriculum,” which she hotly denied. Then she’d name off all the people in Regina and here in the Okanagan who were involved. And it was true. But it was her dream. Her dynamism. Her sheer bloody-minded determination.

And it grew. It grew and grew. An Anglican version. A Lutheran version. A Presbyterian version. Then a cooperative arrangement with a publishing house in the US, and soon after, in Australia.

People from all over the world became involved. Donald tells me that at its height, there were 12 thousand congregations, world-wide using it, which translates into ….how many ….children and adults. And at the centre of the whole wild enterprise was Marilyn Perry.

St. Stephen’s College in Edmonton asked her to accept an honorary degree of Dr. of Divinity. In the citation for that degree, the word “Visionary” stands out.

That, I think, was at the heart of it all. Marilyn was a visionary. The success of the curriculum was not in the number of churches and denominations that used it. It was the theology of love, and joy and justice and inclusiveness that was in every word and picture.

In Hamilton, Ontario a careless courier delivered a large package with the curriculum to a Presbyterian Church. The church office was closed at the time so the courier tossed it, address side down onto the lawn. People walking by wondered what was in this nameless package.

The neighbours got nervous. Was it maybe a bomb? They called the police. The police called the bomb squad. The bomb squad brought their bazookas. They blew the thing to smithereens.

They were right to do so. Because if the gospel of love and justice in that curriculum got out into the world, it would cause a revolution.

Having launched this “explosive” resource, Marilyn was able to put it into practise here at First United. She was one of the ministers here from 1996 to 2003 where she brought her vision to bear on the work of this congregation.

The Sunday School and the whole church was revitalized and energized. The church reached out to the homeless and marginalized in a program of care and support and kindness. That work is being carried on by her daughter, Cheryl, in this congregation and it continues to be vital, active and growing.

I don’t mean to paint of picture of Marilyn as some kind of perfect Superwoman. She was human like the rest of us, and all that implies. People with that kind of vision and energy can be hard to work with sometimes, but boy do we ever need them.

Be careful what you pray for. You may get it.

When Marilyn and Bev and I first met at her house in Naramata, we hoped, we prayed that this crazy, wild, improbable thing could happen.

Because – it couldn’t possibly happen. But it did. Not because of good management or superior organization. Marilyn, and the people she inspired, were God’s gift of Grace.

But it was our miracle. It was Marilyn’s miracle. It was a miracle that blessed and inspired people and churches all over the world, and especially here in this congregation.

Thank you, Marilyn. We know you are here in a way that we can’t possibly understand. For you and your life and your vision, we are deeply, deeply grateful.

Family Memories

Marilyn was born June 22, 1939 in Hamilton, Ontario, the first of two daughters to Olive Madge McGarrie and Ralph Frederick Wilson. She was baptized at First United Church in Hamilton and later confirmed at Westdale United. Growing up her family moved several times, first to Dundas, then to Lorne Park. And then she moved to Toronto for Teacher's College.

Mom had one sister, Jane, who says because they were 4 ½ years apart in age the two had different friends, went to different schools, and had different interests during their growing-up years. As is sometimes the case, it wasn’t until they were both adults, when Jane was in university and mom already married and living in Saskatchewan, that Marilyn and Jane grew closer. Jane’s recollections of their childhood include several summer trips that revolve around their dad, who had a penchant for strict schedules. (He was a fanatic user of CAA Triptik!) Mom and Jane both recalled a trip to the Maritimes when, as they walked to dinner at the Howard Johnson’s, the girls “noticed” a lot of uniformed sailors leaving ships in the harbour. Apparently Gramps noticed them too because later, after dinner was over the two girls asked if they could walk back to the motel on their own and Gramps and Gram said no – absolutely not! Mom and Jane were beautiful girls!

Jane loved horses and dogs. But Marilyn… not so much! Jane recalls an incident when their mother, Olive, rented a horse cart (Jane’s idea). At one point Grandma had to direct the cart near the ditch to avoid an oncoming car and the next thing they knew Marilyn was sitting on the road – having jumped out thinking it was going in the ditch!

In case this might give you the impression that Marilyn was timid or unadventurous, I would point out that two family stories I grew up knowing involved Mom riding a camel (in a mini-skirt no less!) while on a tour of the Middle East along with Hugh McCullum, the editor of The United Church Observer, and Mom parasailing in Acapulco!

Not to mention parenting – one of the greatest adventures of her life. Some children, like my accident-prone brother Jeff, make parenting really adventurous! My oldest sister, Lynda, was the first of the four of us children to have children of her own. (Mom’s first grandchild, Ana Luz, is here today.) Lynda recalls conversations with Mom about her experience of childbirth. She told Lynda that she had dreamed of having six children like her cousin Muriel whom she did some babysitting for –and how that changed as she discovered parenting was not quite so romantic as she’d envisioned in highschool! When my brother Jeff’s due date was early in January and Dad had gone back to school in Toronto, our grandmother thought Marilyn was mad to be delivering a baby in the local hospital in Meaford—what if the roads were snowed in, how would she get there? But mom told her no problem, the neighbour the next farm over would come and take her in a sleigh. Mom, just 24, thought this would be an adventure!

These stories of the way Mom embraced the unexpected, my sister says, gave her rare insights into Mom and her pioneer spirit. They exemplified Mom’s capacity to embrace the unknown with a lot of confidence. And embrace the unknown she did! She had all of us four kids in the space of 9 years! And she and Dad moved 4 times in just the first 5 years of marriage alone!

Mom’s sister Jane also remembers that Marilyn loved Home Ec and Marilyn got to model a dress that she had sewn on community TV in Hamilton. Perhaps this set the stage for Mom’s later involvement in the sales of Tri-Chem Liquid Embroidery, which many times involved fashion shows of garments decorated with stencils and paint.

Mom was talented at the painting part. And she was so enthusiastic and successful at inspiring others that she became a 5-Star Division Leader of a crew of women whom she trained to be sales people themselves in the home-based business! In the 10 years Mom was involved with Tri-Chem, she and Dad took several trips to conventions in exotic places such as Mexico City, Acapulco, Hawaii, the Bahamas and London, England. It was one of my greatest disappointments that Mom ended her career with Tri-Chem the year the trip to Disneyland was the reward for top sales!

Jane also recalls that Mom was involved in several dramas. She played the Archbishop of Canterbury in a re-enactment of the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II, which mom—and the rest of the world—saw televised in 1953. Jane remembers that the orb that sat atop a twirling baton “sceptre” was made out of a rubber ball painted gold with some kind of cross stuck on top. And that “Marilyn looked quite splendid in the robes and gold stole costume.” Just before she died, Mom and I watched the episode on the Netflix series The Crown that depicts the Coronation. When I asked, she confirmed that, yes, she did have to memorize all of the Archbishop’s lines!

Marilyn was a talented person and one of her gifts was drawing out the talents of others. While on staff here she started the tradition of an annual variety talent show known as “Cheese and Crackers.”

While others provided the talents such as playing musical instruments and dancing, Marilyn could be counted on to provide the “cheese”—a little levity and a lot of fun. Marilyn had a laugh that was truly infectious.

If you ever experienced it—the nearly-silent, nose-wrinkled up, tears-rolling-down-her face laugh—or better still, if you were the instigator of it, you will never forget it.

Mom had a life-long love of the theatre and she often incorporated drama into intergenerational worship when she was Minister of Education & Outreach here at First. She was involved in community theatre groups, producing and directing the Unity Little Theatre Production of one of her favourite stories, Anne of Green Gables. She enjoyed watching plays at The Globe Theatre in Regina and for many years she had season’s tickets to the Actor’s Studio here in Kelowna with her friends.

One of those was her life-long friend, Linda Munce. Marilyn and Linda met as children and were inseperable as teenagers. They were reunited after a 40-year hiatus when Marilyn went back to Dundas to a reunion of their group of highschool friends. The two picked up where they had left off. After two years of visiting back and forth, Linda retired, sold up and moved to Kelowna where she and Marilyn have enjoyed many good times for the last 12 years.

Of the things that shaped her life, it would be fair to say that The United Church was among the most important. When mom was 12 years old her Sunday School class of particularly unruly girls spent much of their time talking and squirming in their seats as their teacher read out of her quarterly; mom recalled that the church hired a woman from the Y who hadn’t much background in theology but who “knew girls.” While reading the Christmas story in the gospel of Luke, which references a virgin birth, the new teacher said quite offhandedly, ‘And that’s what the Catholics think.’ Her comment gave us permission to view the Bible as something other than literal “facts,” Mom said. And that revelation began a lifelong interest and engagement with scripture. Mom thought about training to become a diaconal minister; she had a conversation with Harriet Christie of the United Church Training School in Toronto but decided to continue teaching public school for two years before enrolling.

Instead she met our Dad, who was in seminary studying to be a minister, and life took a detour. Though she never got to that theological education in a formal way, being the wife of a minister in those days gave her many opportunities to use her gifts and organizational skills to train Sunday School teachers, participate and lead Bible Study, and work on Conference and national church committees. Eventually, after dad left ministry, mom herself went to work for the church—and this time they paid her! She worked as a Christian Education Worker, or Staff Associate as they were known in those days, in two Regina congregations. Eventually she joined with women doing similar work—Dorothy Logan, Joan Robertson, Evelyn Black, Lorna King and others. They began writing what would become the Regina Presbytery Lectionary Curriculum and—after Wood Lake Books began publishing it—The Whole People of God! A zippier title for sure and one that better-expressed the vision of that Regina group.

And mom would want me to express it this way; if at any time she received accolades (as she did when she received her honourary doctorate in 1990) she was the first to point out—it was the work and gifts of many that together created the rich resource. It was an integral part of the vision, in fact, that it be created in community.

Many of the people gathered here today worked on the curriculum development team over the years. Any of them would attest that it was Marilyn’s clarity around the vision of the original group in Regina, and her absolute commitment and seemingly boundless energy, that ensured its excellence.

But her energy wasn’t boundless. And Marilyn, after two years as managing editor—working sometimes 80 hours a week—decided she needed a place to escape to recharge her batteries. Someplace away from the office—far away! Somewhere where there was no fax machine or telephone. Perhaps even without power? Accessible only by boat or float plane…or at the very least very rough logging roads?

Mom, who had fond memories of summers spent at her grandma’s cottage on Lake Simcoe in Ontario, fancied having her own cottage—a place for grandkids to visit and family gatherings. And so she began searching and found her own bit of heaven at Mabel Lake. Mom was in her element at the lake.

She loved to entertain, had weekends with friends that included murder mystery dinners and other fun! She loved time spent with all 8 of her grandchildren. She enjoyed relaxing with a book, doing jigsaw puzzles, Wednesday market days, lazy afternoons on a floaty and, of course, happy hour – a tradition observed most days with a cold drink, enjoyed by adults and kids alike.

Some of you here today are fellow owners at Mabel Lake Holdings and have joined us for conversation and something tasty on a sunny afternoon at the lake.

Mom also had a timeshare in Cancun, Mexico which she enjoyed many trips to with family and friends over the years.

My sister Brenda and her family are grateful not only for the many summers spent with Mom at the cottage but also for the special memories they have of living together with Mom in their home on Golfview. Mom loved having the bustle and busyness of their family life going on all around her and it was the fact that she shared a house with them that enabled her to be at home all the way to the end of her life.

Mom was an extrovert – warm and welcoming – in fact many of you here today have told me that it was Marilyn who was the first to welcome you when you arrived on your first Sunday here. She was like a one-woman hospitality committee! Mom had a broad circle of friends, owing to her many interests—politics, the church, global and social justice. We know there are people here today who knew mom through her involvement in the NDP, Grandmothers to Grandmothers, the Central Okanagan Refugee Committee, or who served on church committees with her.

Marilyn lived out her convictions. As my brother Jeff summarized in a letter he wrote to her: Mom taught us—that people are more important than stuff; that those who are less fortunate than us are not lesser people, just different; that injustice and ignorance live in our society and that standing up for what is important is not only fair, but right. That those who do not have a voice of their own, may require mine. That character is more important than Titles. That leadership can be done from behind the scenes; good leaders empower those they work with. And that hard work does not have to have a payoff; often the work we do has a payoff we may never know!

As children, and in our teen years, we may not always have appreciated what as adults we came to see she had modelled for us. We may even have felt resentment about the way we had to “share” our mom with so many people, so many causes, that needed her, too. Yet in these last few months in particular, since her diagnosis on November 28 with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), Mom’s journey was a very private and intimate one. One in which we, her family, took on a central role. That time was very precious for us and we—like you—feel so grateful for having been part of her life.

As my brother Jeff reflects: Many have witnessed God work through Marilyn to help others. She was a giver, to many, in many ways. While she is no longer able to give in a physical sense (to listen, comfort, be with, or lend a hand) we recognize that her gifts will continue to be shared for many years to come through all the lives she has touched. So, perhaps her service to others spiritually has just changed, not ended.

Amen! May it be so!

* * * * * * * * * *

Perry, Marilyn Shirley, 78, died on Sunday morning, March 11, surrounded by family. Marilyn was born in Hamilton, Ontario on June 22, 1939—the first of two daughters to Ralph and Olive Wilson (nee McGarrie). Marilyn is survived by her sister Jane, her children Lynda, Jeff (Paula), Brenda (Greg), Cheryl (David), and her 8 grandchildren: Ana Luz, Lupita, Annalise, Lauren, Lindsay, Nathanael, Caitlyn and Ailie. Marilyn was an active member of the United Church her entire life. Her leadership began early on—as a camp counsellor and CGIT leader, a path that eventually led to her work in Christian Education and her part in the ground-breaking work of the Regina Presbytery Lectionary Curriculum. When Wood Lake Books in Winfield, BC began publishing the curriculum as The Whole People of God in 1987, Marilyn became its first editor. In 1990 Marilyn received an honourary Doctorate of Divinity from St. Stephen’s Theological College in Alberta in recognition of this pioneering work. Marilyn is remembered for her tireless work in education, refugee sponsorship, social justice, her involvement in politics and women’s issues. In retirement she has enjoyed many trips with friends and especially time with friends and family at her cottage on Mabel Lake where she loved jigsaw puzzles, good food, card games, floating on the lake, and daily happy hour. Marilyn was diagnosed with ALS in November. We are especially grateful to the ALS Society of BC and the local team who offered not only equipment and professional expertise but compassion, comfort, and ease with some of the most difficult parts of her physical journey to the end of life. Marilyn’s life touched so many others in such profound ways, some we are sure we will never know because of the person she was. A celebration of Marilyn’s life will be held at First United Church , 721 Bernard Ave, Kelowna, BC on Thursday April 19 at 2:00pm. In lieu of flowers a donation to a charity Marilyn supported would be appreciated. Condolences may be sent to the family by visiting www.firstmemorialfuneralkelowna.com. Arrangements entrusted with First Memorial Funeral Services, Kelowna, BC 250-762-2299