Consolacion Reyes Mumar

Consolacion “Nelly” Reyes Mumar was born to Engracia Leondicho and Simon Reyes in Arayat, Pampanga, Philippines on December 8, 1930. She had two brothers, Ruperto and Jesus and a sister, Esther, all deceased. From the beginning, it was evident that family was the most important thing to my grandmother.

She lived through World War 2, and was only 8 years old when it started. She would tell me the horrific things she witnessed and experienced during that time, things that no human, much less a child should have experienced. She would tell me how her and her family would often hide in underground caves. When the war was over, she had an opportunity to pursue higher education in Manila. She stayed with rich relatives who were kind enough to take her in. She had a short career as a teacher.

My grandmother married the late great Lauro “The Fox” Mumar on August 29, 1952. Not only did my grandmother tirelessly raise her five children, she also had a hand in raising many of her nieces, nephews, and grandchildren. She was always the mother, to everyone.

My grandmother was always there for me, every single year since I was born. I did not have the typical grandmother-grandchild relationship of “visiting grandmas house” or “seeing her during the holidays”. I didn’t visit her house, because I always lived with her. I didn’t just see her during the holidays because we were mostly inseparable. Her children called her "Ma," which is what I called her from the beginning as well. I always thought of myself as her 6th child and I know she felt the same. Moving back and forth between the Philippines and the States to live with my Mom, she was always with me. She committed to always being with me and taking care of me since birth to allow my Mom to work and provide the best possible education and life for me. I was blessed with two mothers. That's exactly what Ma was to me, a blessing. I was blessed to have her there for me every single day to talk to, to eat with, to walk home from school with, to watch soap operas and game shows with, to shop with, and just someone there to love me endlessly. She was this way with all her children and grandchildren. I feel so fortunate to have had that relationship with her available to me my entire life.

Ma was always lively. Always on the go. She loved shopping, especially for bags, shoes and accessories. She took pride in always looking put together, no matter where we were going, even if it was just to the doctors office or to Target. She loved being complimented on her outfit or an accessory, and she did it well. I remember this one day I picked her up for a series of doctors appointments and she was wearing white ankle slacks, blue ballet flats, navy silk button up, pearl stud earrings and a white and navy Kate Spade satchel, complete with movie star sunglasses. I said “Ma, we’re going to the doctors!” She smirked and said “I know.” That was Ma, sassy and stylish. She loved music and always fell asleep to some of her favorites; Patsy Cline, Elvis, Engelbert Humperdink, and Mariah Carey. We got to see Mariah Carey live and she was smiling the entire show. My grandmother loved entertainment. She loved dancing in her younger years. She always managed to drag someone to the library as she was such a voracious reader. She loved traveling and did as much as she could when I was younger. She loved seeing new things. She also loved learning about new things. She had a kindle and an iPad and was always asking how to do more on them. She had me teach her how to stream Netflix on her TV. She had such a zest for life. Nothing ever brought her down.

The tables turned in 2012, when Ma was diagnosed with stage 5 (end stage) Kidney disease. Seeing her weak in the hospital was devastating to me and my family. She was always the strong, energetic, spritely one. With regular dialysis sessions, she was able to continue with her life in almost the same way. Thats when I realized how much strength she had. As the disease progressed, she seemed to get weaker. But she never acted weak. She was frustrated at her body “failing” her when she was still so sharp and energetic. Even with her disease she continued to do for us, cooking, laundry, cleaning, even when we insisted for her not to. She resisted and did those tasks anyway. I knew it was important for her spirit to continue to do those things independently so I supported it cautiously. I knew she felt disheartened when I had to offer her assistance with cooking, or feeding herself or going to the bathroom. That was Ma, she never wanted to “put anything” on anyone. She was always the caregiver, the mom. And when she was the one who needed to be cared for, I knew that was a very difficult reality for her to accept. Even though my Mom, myself and the rest of the family always insisted that she was never a burden and we were there for whatever she needed, big or small. I always used to tell her that it was my turn now. She took care of my every need as a child (and really into my adulthood) and this was the least I could do.

Ma started suffering complications of old age and kidney disease starting in June of 2016 when she suffered her first stroke. Every month since June we took her to the ER for one reason or another. Throughout these hospitalizations she was always calm. Her spirit never suffered. One hospitalization was especially painful, and yet I never saw Ma cry. I never saw her discouraged. I never heard her complain. She just fought. For herself. For her children. For her family. She experienced a lot of things in the last 5 months that would make anyone crack, but it didn’t get to her. She could tell how worried and sad my mom and I would get after every hospitalization and I know she kept it together for us, her sons and daughters and grandchildren. My mom and I took Ma to the hospital on August 20, 2016 and we really thought that was it, she was unresponsive and “asleep” for 3 days. When she came to, she was confused as to why she was in the hospital since she didn't feel “that bad.” That was Ma, always putting others first, already working on us not worrying about her. She was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. She was then transferred to a long term health care facility to continue her road to recovery. My mom and I were there almost everyday, to the point that Ma would “send” us home. Her kids would call or FaceTime her often. I would schedule FaceTime sessions with her best friend, Sylvia. We tried to make the hospital setting as cozy as possible by bringing her home cooked food, her own blankets and socks, and of course her iPad so she could watch her Filipino television dramas. After 3 more weeks there, she was transferred to a rehab facility. She seemed disappointed that she wasn't going home yet but we convinced her that this was a step in the right direction because it was a place of rehab and healing. Once she accepted that, she was back to her cheery self, especially since at rehab she got to wear her own clothes and not a hospital gown. She had rehab daily, to “teach” her how to be home again. Walking, motor skills, occupational therapy, the works. She was always excited to tell us how good she was doing in rehab. When we visited, it was as close to being at home as it got. We would bring food or snacks and sit and watch tv or just talk and be together. Regardless of where she was, hospital or rehab, every time she saw any of her family members walk in that room she would act surprised but happy. It was always a “oh for me???” type of expression. But that was the essence of Ma, togetherness, thats what brought her the most joy.

My mom and I received a call on September 30 from her rehab center that she was taken to the ER for being unresponsive. We spent a handful of days in the ICU unit. We were told she had a lot of things going against her but slowly progress was being made as the days went by. Even with complication after complication, Ma’s body fought. It fought hard. She fought so hard that she woke herself up for about 2 days and was able to look at me and my mom and actually hold short conversations. I was in awe. In awe of this feeble woman’s fighting spirit. We spent every moment we could with her and took every opportunity to talk to her and tell her we love her. On Tuesday, October 4, she was having dialysis and surprisingly was more awake than usual. I had my favorite show, Friends, on tv and she was watching it with me and even laughed a bit. I asked her if she was laughing because I was watching Friends again for the millionth time, and she just smiled. I did my usual check and asked her if she can hear me, and if she knew it was Misha, she would nod. Thats how we mostly communicated that week, nods and eye twitches. And then I said “I love you Ma”, her words were not distinct since she couldn't really move her tongue too much but she did say “loveyoutoo.” That was one of our final conversations.

Surrounded by her children and loved ones, God peacefully called my grandmother to heaven on the morning of October 10, 2016. She was considerate of her family to the end, because she fought and held on to a few more days to give all of us (near and far) a chance to say goodbye. She has left a void and taken a part of all of us by leaving, but she has also left a legacy of unconditional love and care with each and every one of us.

When my family and I made the heartbreaking news of her passing known to friends and family, we were flooded with kind words and condolences from around the world. What was most touching is that most people echoed the sentiment that Nana was much like a mother to them. My moms, aunts and uncles friends shared stories of how they thought of my grandmother as their mom. Two generations down to me and my cousins, our friends viewed her just the same, as a mom. She was always around to watch us or feed us or just listen to any of us talk about our days. This is the legacy that my grandmother has left for all those she has known, family and friends (who always become family to her).

The common thread in all the photos shared by her loved ones is that she was the happiest when surrounded by family. Even when she was just in the corner with her iPad and the rest of us were just laughing together at something silly, she was the happiest person in that room. She experienced such joy when she was with her family. Family was everything to Ma. This is the most important thing she has taught us and left us.

We have all been blessed to have known her, to have been loved by her, to have been raised by her, and to have been shaped by her. My grandmothers legacy and love will continue to live on within all of us. Thank you Ma, for teaching us about strength, courage, and unconditional love and support. Our hearts break in having to say goodbye, but they smile in having been shaped by you.

Consolacion “Nelly” Reyes Mumar is survived by her children; Cecilia Mumar, Laura “Lorie” Mumar-Severino, Llewellyn Mumar, and Danilo Mumar, and her grandchildren Michelle “Misha” Mumar, Nicole Severino, Michael Severino, and Danielle “Nikki” Mumar.