Michael Barna, Jr., 86, of Elizabeth, passed away on Friday, November 27, 2020. Born in Jersey City, he lived in Elizabeth most of his life. Mr. Barna was an Army Veteran and, a 4th Degree Member of the Knights of Columbus Post 3310 of Linden and Post 91 of Linden. Along with his late parents, Eva and Michael and sister Olga, Michael worked at the family’s business Barna’s Market in Elizabeth. He owned and operated Michael’s Catering from 1968 until retired from both in 2003. Growing up, Mike was an avid baseball player. He was drafted from High School to the Detroit Tigers organization and later player semi-pro in the area. He was inducted into both the Elizabeth and Union County baseball Hall of Fame. In addition to his lifelong love of baseball and the NY Yankees, he was an accomplished bowler for many decades. In his retirement, he enjoyed spending time with his beloved grandchildren who called him Pop-Pop. He also loved to play solitaire and do the daily newspaper crossword puzzle. In addition to the Knight of Columbus, he was also a member of the Polish Legion of American Veterans Post 91. Many customers knew Mike as a very kind, humble, generous man. He loved writing poems on special occasions for his customers and friends. He was the beloved husband for 60 years of Christine (Moskal) Barna, devoted father of Michael E. Barna and his wife Lynda, Catherine Sadlon and her husband Douglas. Loving brother of Peter Barna and his wife Eve, and the late Olga Lesnowich, brother-in-law of Charles Lesnowich, brother-in-law of Sofie Stanley Wenk (in Poland). Cherished grandfather of Michael E. Jr. and his wife Janine, Andrew, Stephen, Christopher and Nicole. Dear uncle of Peter and Lisa, Great Uncle of Brooke and Ella, Godfather of Kenny, Timothy, Barbara and Lisa.
Funeral mass on Wednesday, December 2, 2020, directly at St. Hedwig RC Church, Elizabeth 10:00 am. Entombment will be private. Visiting will take place Tuesday, December 1, 5:00-8:00 pm.
REFLECTIONS OF MY FATHER
I have from time to time often sat awake in bed in the early dawn hours and my thoughts were of my Dad. What would I say on a day like today? How can I in a few short remarks encapsulate a man who was not only a great Father but also a wonderful husband, son, brother and friend.
Dad was to me even though I am 6’3” a person that was bigger than life. He had a physical presence about him and in his prime had the biggest forearms I ever saw on a man. I often asked him, “Dad, did you ever lift weights and he replied, “It was all working in the store Mike.” I remember a funny story that on one occasion my father cut his hand on a knife while trimming meat. He had to go to the ER and as he was getting stitched up the nurse looked at him and said, “You have the softest hands.” He replied, “it was from being in meat all day which made it soft.” It is stories like this and so many others I have accumulated over the years that sustain me now.
Over the past few years, my father began to show signs of wear and tear after many years of labor in the store and catering business. His knees were shot but he disliked needles and doctors. A typical Barna male! His mind that held all these stories was beginning to fade over the years and I decided to make it a point to begin a mind transfer. I spent more time with him now. Whether it was a premonition or not, I took off from work for his birthday this year, I spent my birthday with them on Super Bowl Sunday and we had an intimate dinner at The Garden all by ourselves and Dad and I shared a bottle of wine together. I took the greatest pleasure this Summer in being able to cut his grass, clip his hedges and watch as he gave me his approval. He took great pride in his yard and the picture of him sitting and admiring newly cut grass from my labors was the greatest joy I could ever experience as a son!
My mother would often see us sitting together in the backyard on the patio or in his little cubby hole as we called it. She would watch him talking away to me which was rare for my dad once his mental deterioration became more apparent. I told my Mom how I was able to engage Pop in a way many could not.
As a Financial Advisor, it is my role to uncover hidden facts about our clients. How can I put the financial puzzle together if I cannot see the picture on the front cover of the box! I took the same approach with my Dad. It was a journey we took every time we saw each other. I would start at the beginning and ask open-ended questions and he would have instant recall and vivid memories of the early days growing up, playing ball in the sandlots, Grammy, Grandpa, Aunt Olga and Uncle Pete. The Army and his travels around Europe. The store and catering business and all the people he met along the way. It was a time capsule I released and transferred as best I could to my brain for storage.
My father talked and talked away. It required patience on my part and knowing the questions and sequence to ask him. I wish we had more time together, but I have a pretty good grasp of his life.
Cathy and I are very close and have always been to our parents. Without fail, I arrive at my office (yes, I am one of the few that still goes to office) at 8:30 and after checking emails I make myself a cup of coffee and dial my Mother at precisely 9:00. Our talks cover a myriad of topics and I would always ask her, “How is the Boss today?” My Dad would often be right there in the kitchen eating breakfast and I would hear her say, “Michael, wants to know how you are today?” and in his deep, booming voice I would hear over the phone from him the single word “Terrific!” That was our Father. He never seemed to have a bad day, never complained and would often hum or whistle as he left the house to get his beloved coffee from Liberty Deli. He said to Mom. “the coffee tastes better there.” He would come back and sit in his cubby hole and lap up Vitamin D and just sit and look out on his yard. I often asked him, “Dad, what do you think about out here?” He would reply, nothing really! LOL
Some men have highways named after them, have built things that reflect their efforts, have monuments built in their honor. My Dad will not be remembered for material things. His intangible value was to his family and friends. Will Rogers, an early 20th century satirist was known for saying, “I never met a man I didn’t like.” I would flip that and say that for my Father” no one who ever met Mike, could not help but like him!”
My Dad was a devoted son to his parents. He shared a special bond with his mother as Cathy and I do with ours. His loss of her was still felt up to the day he passed away. He inherited her can do spirit, incredible heart and compassion for others. He also inherited his father’s ability to not let things bother him, his habits----Grandpa use to touch his fingers together one at a time and my Dad did the same. His ability to befriend and help others in need. The Barna’s were always charitable people. We were fortunate in growing up in a family that ran a successful family business and we wanted for very little. I remember the food baskets to the poor on Thanksgiving made in the store, the stories of people short on luck and money that both Grandpa and my Dad let buy groceries on credit or even better a handshake which to a Barna is the way business was done.
I must mention Barna’s Market. The store was an integral part of not only my Dad’s life but everyone who is a Barna. It was part of a community and between Grandpa, Grammy, Olga and my Dad served the Elizabeth community for many decades. Later, with Michael’s Catering my Dad became a mini celebrity having catered someone’s wedding, baptism, funeral or party. Everyone knew the Barna’s! On one occasion, I realized just how important being Barna was in Elizabeth. I was traveling to a Christmas job down the Elizabeth port to Singers when I was pulled over by a police officer. He asked for license and registration and looked at me and said, “are you related to the caterer?” I said he is my Dad. He looked at me and said, “tell your dad he catered our wedding last month and the food was great!” Now slow down and you can go. LOL Thanks Dad!
After he retired, he took part time work with the funeral home where he will be laid out this week. He was both a pall bearer and a driver and was deeply liked by everyone he worked with there. My mother enjoyed watching him get dressed in a suit and tie which gave her time to clean the house and get ready for him upon his return. One of my favorite stories is when he asked Michael to take a ride with him to Brooklyn NY while working. They rode out and had conversation and Michael failing to notice what was being loaded in the back for transport. On way back, Michael innocently looks in the back and said, “Pop-Pop what’s in the back and Dad replies, “it a body Mike!”. Michael freaked out and Pop had a good laugh on him!
It is these stories and values that have molded us and shaped our beliefs now that we are adults. The legacy of our family and men like my Dad who sacrificed everything for their family will always live on in our hearts and minds.
He was a devoted brother to Olga and Peter. He adored his sister and never quite got over her sudden passing in 2011. They worked side by side for decades and forged a bond that was never broken. The laughter shared while working side by side in the store often at the expense of little Michael will forever be etched in my memory. He was a devoted brother to Peter. They are nine years apart coincidentally, the same age difference between their sons. I look at the old pictures of the two brothers and can’t help seeing the awe my Uncle had for his brother. The pictures of him in his Army uniform at 22 and his younger brother at 13. I am sure he was a role model for him and always bigger than life. As they both aged, the brothers shared a unique bond that only two brothers can in life. My Dad would always ask about his brother and Peter would greet my Dad by the nickname “Mick.” They enjoyed each other’s company immensely and would often be known to have one to many bottles of wine together! They talked baseball, life, and while they were not together as much later in life always shared a connection with each other. They often could sit together in silence for periods of time as nothing needed to be said between them that wasn’t already felt deep within their hearts. They were both role models to me and while different their ethics and values are identical. It is a deep loss for Peter to lose perhaps the best brother anyone who could have in life.
My Dad was a devoted Father. Cathy and i didn’t see much of him as young children because he worked multiple jobs making sure we were provided for in life. He did have a special time with us that I remember. Each Sunday he took Cathy and I to Newark Airport. It was the old terminal and with little if any security in the 1960’s we walked up and went to the rooftop to watch the planes land and takeoff. There was a toy store in the lobby area that we visited afterwards. It wasn’t much time because I am sure as it was Sunday my Mom was waiting to take us to Church! But it is memories like this that stand out for me.
We just asked him a few days before he died, “Dad, what was your favorite vacations?” and without hesitation, he said, “Wildwood!” The beach, ocean and sand will always be where my Father was at peace. My Dad was always an early riser (as I am today) and would get up at sunrise and take a walk. I would awake and look for him and not seeing him go out on the balcony facing the ocean. I would see this lonely man in the distance standing in the ocean up to his ankles just looking at the sunrise over the horizon. It was my Father and if you looked hard enough would be able to glimpse a whiff of smoke as he puffed on a morning cigar!
Later, my Dad, Cathy and I would be in the water all day. (Mom doesn’t swim.) We would turn our back to the waves and hold hands together in a line to see who would flinch first and look back. He would always win! Cathy and I were swamped by a big wave! It is the simple pleasures of life I now recall about our Father.
In later years, we shared family vacations with Uncle Peter, Aunt Evie, Lisa, and Peter. So many memories of times past that I will always cherish.
The vacations spent with our families together in Wildwood were the happiest for him in his life.
Pop-Pop was a beloved grandfather to Michael, Andrew, Stephen, Christopher and Nicole. He made every effort to attend with Babci every event from grade school up to high school. They never missed and thoroughly enjoyed all of you. Pop-Pop was the “sand-castle king” and the pictures of him with all of you in the sand making castles should all resonate and be a part of your memories when you think of him. Remember his jokes to each of you that were often repeated as well as, the infamous card trick that amazed all of you. He enjoyed each of you and I would ask that you always keep his spirit inside of you. For if you can do that, Pop-Pop will live forever in each of you.
Mike was devoted friend to many during his lifetime. He possessed a charisma and took over a room when he entered it. His smile was infectious, and he thoroughly enjoyed being around people. My parents enjoyed entertaining and our home it seemed had an “open-door policy.” The comedian Sabastian Maniscalco has a skit about the difference between company today and back “in the day.” I laugh when I watch it because it is so true. The doorbell often rang as “someone was in the neighborhood” and Cathy and I slid up to the door to see who it was. The coffee cake came out just for “company” and the kitchen table was filled with friends and family.
There were no scheduled appointments to show up at the Barna household. You rang the doorbell, and you were welcomed by Chris and Mike.
The holidays were especially filled with happiness for us. Thanksgiving and Christmas was held in our basement and our entire family would attend. After dinner, the traditional pinochle game would start, and the adult beverages would flow. The real party was just getting started!
It was common knowledge during the holidays that you had dinner with your family but went to the Barna’s for the after party! People would file in at all hours some as late as 10 or 11 at night on Christmas Eve. Some would go to midnight mass, but the festivities went on to the wee hours. That was our childhood, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.
Finally, my Father was a devoted husband to his beloved and wonderful wife of sixty years Christine. She was his rock and guiding light and the two of them were devoted to each other. As my father aged, he relied on my mother more heavily and would not be comfortable around many people outside the family without her. They had a routine together up until a few short weeks ago. Their marriage was not perfect, but they made it work and six decades together is a testament to the love they each shared for the other. I remember driving them a few weeks ago to the care station to Mom’s appointment. He wasn’t yet sick but was becoming tired. He sat with her in the backseat and held her hand. In the final days, I would put the phone up to his ear so they could speak. He always called her his “wonderful wife.” They each shared a special bond that is now broken but their marriage will forever be remembered as a model of two people joined by God who stayed in love with each other to the end.
In conclusion, the writing of this reflection of my Father was written through many tears that often had to be wiped away. My Dad was always a very creative writer and the words just spilled out of him in poems. A gift my sister shares with him too. I wanted to leave something as an indelible legacy for our family to share. We live in a surreal world at present that prevents us from grieving and supporting each other the way we would like and need. We all grieve in our own unique and private way for a man that for all of us has been a rock for our families.
I lost my hero this week and as a son the loss of a Father is deeply felt. I could write so much more but will leave that to the book I will write one day on my Father. One day I will leave this world in favor of another. How we are remembered is important. I wish to be remembered on my epitaph simply as, Michael E. Barna, “He Was A Devoted Son.”
I would like to end with a quote from Michael Landon who dying with pancreatic cancer told his friends the following.
“Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I will remember you. If you can only remember me with tears, then don’t remember me at all.”
This is how I wish for you to remember my Father with laughter and memories. It is what he would want. Let us grieve today but smile tomorrow.
Your Loving Son, Michael
November 29, 2020
Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be shared at www.krowickifuneralhome.com for the Barna family.
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