Dear Dad,

I can’t believe it’s been 5 yrs since you passed away. It barely feels as if you’ve been gone many months… albeit, you DID miss our once in a century pandemic as well as the second most horrifying presidential election since 2016 (you were right; the American public is much much stupider than I ever imagined!!) And they not only reelected Drumpf (while convicted of felonies) but they also handed over all of Congress to the Republicans. 

On the bright side, I have added your beautiful wedding picture w Mom; Jonathan remains a glowing star in high school (but of course) & Kathy & Dean are basically wed, which I know is something you cared about very much! 

I still dream about you - indeed, I had a dream about you just two days ago. So you not only live on in our memories but also in our dreams & for the religious, up in heaven. 

I love you more than I can express in mere words,

Pam ❤️🥰🙏😇🕊️⭐️

But now he TOWERS over me, like a beanstalk close to 6’ tall at 13 years of age, and his cute little tenor/soprano voice is changing into something that sounds suspiciously like James Earl Jones. (Well, not that low but he’s getting there.) In fact, he is exactly like YOU were at the same age. Shocking, I know. And he’s so nice!! (He’s an actual teenager. I do not think he understands what it normally means.) Ah, to be back in those years…

Love, the short one… Still…


Meant to add this pic to the actual message already written & sent so you can see my technological skills have stayed the same! This was taken over the summer while he was at camp and Covid was still a major issue (re the mask). Covid is still around & killing about 150k/yr but since the number plateaued, apparently most Americans think that’s the same thing as if it’s gone. (You were right re the ppl of America.)  “Love Love Love”

Does it bring back any memories? Mom was talking over the weekend about her acct at Schraft’s & eating at Elsie’s (w you) and then Carolyn did this hilarious thing where she tried to orient me and then get me to recall how things appeared at least 35+ years ago! Yes, next June will be my 35th Anniversary of college & few things can make me more depressed & ancient. 

However, the important thing to note here is that Carolyn’s hair looks perfect, I would kill for her shirt & she is easily the prettiest one in the pic (altho it appears -to me- should boys see this pic, they would immediately pick out Monica as a “party girl” ready to rock and roll, so to speak. ) I don’t believe she WAS like that, tho so I should probably talk to Carolyn. My memory being a complete sieve.

Jonathan just took a test that as I write this, I realize you would NOT have taken bc you were in private school. But it’s a Manhattan 8th grade “who will get into the really good public high schools” test that, should you ace the exam, you then have to allow for all of the sisters, brothers of kids already there to join, alum kids, if I’m not mistaken, all 8th graders who did as well as Jonathan but have better “lottery numbers” (which I actually don’t understand at all, so that will screw up my explanation of what’s happening), a certain number of minority applicants who didn’t do as well but are allowed in to give the school’s diversity, & possibly here’s the point where Jonathan would have a chance but I’m sure I’m forgetting a whole bunch of other obstacles. Also, the kids hand in choices 1,2,3 , don’t find out how they did until April and then are told around that time (??) where they ended up as a result of the testing. 

Carolyn has decided that should this not work out to Jonathan’s advantage, she is going to move to either Short Hills or Millburn. We will miss never ever seeing her again. 

So Jonathan is clearly younger in this video, but every time I see him sing in any group, his extra dance moves, etc are so adorable I watch the video at least 10 more times!! Enjoy!!

We will always love you forever and ever and ever!!

This (obviously) shows Jonathan throughout the years, with the most precious of pictures on the bottom right. Since we had just the one grandchild (nephew or son for the rest of us) to spoil and give gifts and profound love, we did our best to do exactly that (altho Carolyn was pretty strict about not wanting him to actually become spoiled). She also is very YOU re no cursing around her child & makes sure that he isn’t exposed to anything she considers above his age range. (There’s a book to help with that.) Carolyn, Jonathan, myself & Mom are having Thanksgiving together but before you get concerned, we’re having it catered. I do recall one Thanksgiving at your place where you claimed to cook & we ate that day; just at a restaurant.  😂🤣🥰

Dear Dad:

Bc we are following the Jewish calendar when lighting your Yahrzeit candle, it fell on the 19th of Nov & totally didn’t feel right (for me). While tonight will mark the third year of your passing, it still hasn’t lessened in impact; I still think of calling you about funny jokes or a piece of music I believe you’d want to hear; I still dream about you frequently at night (the dreams I recall) & I Gen’ly don’t recall my dreams; and I still want to be able to change everything that occurred once you got ill so that I could do more and have been more attentive to your needs. 

Presently (Murphy’s Law) they are working on t apt below us but not just today, for the next 3.5 months. They’re EXTREMELY loud. For the 1st time since they began work, I went down to ask if they could do anything quieter just for today - they acted so sweet - & they are now back to hammering. Maybe if I were 30 yrs younger…

The recent election wasn’t too bad. The D’s held on to the Senate & lost the House by a really small # of seats. Ppl are mad at Drumpf. Let’s hope that continues.

Jonathan at 13 ½ is growing like a weed & his voice is changing to a baritone. I’ll try to find a recent pic.

We all miss you 3000!!

Love,
Pam 🥰

Dear Dad,

We just had yet another Father’s Day without you & it was quickly followed by what would have been your 63rd anniversary w’ mom. (Two days later.) Meaning it was not a great week. OTOH, the Democrats are presently holding hearings by the January 6th committee re the uprising that occurred on 1-6-20 & while we have only had 5 visualized hearings, it actually contains extremely damning evidence against a number of key Republicans, working on the express orders of “The King of Israel”. (I can’t recall if you were around to hear that nonsense.) I don’t actually expect miracles, that is to say, for anything to stick on the Teflon man. However, his key men are likely to take a fall. And if so, since they never received presidential pardons, they will be spending much time in jail OR they will be making it impossible for Trump to (at the very least) run for office himself. That doesn’t preclude a Trump satellite, but that individual is not actually run by Trump, no matter what he thinks. I do have to run, however, bc in a frightening move, the Supreme Court has just overruled Roe v Wade.

Love you to the moon and back!!

Pam

Dearest Dad,

We are almost at the 13th birthday of your (I’m just assuming) favorite grandchild and you have missed so many fun things since the last time I wrote to you! For ex., without leaving the apt except for dr appts and such, and fully vaccinated & boostered, I STILL managed (like most of the population of the U.S.) to get Covid as if by magic!! Kathy & Dean, while finishing up some last minute detail work, are basically thru w running Lauren’s company & will decide this year (I assume) where they are going to set down roots (hopefully remaining within the United States).  Carolyn appears to be getting Jonathan prepared for Harvard (college) albeit it seems quite early for this process. Things have really changed, tho, since we were there - I’m not positive but I believe they may no longer be using the SATs as a marker, altho apart from grades & extracurriculars, I’m unclear how the applicants will be determined or even separated into groups to BE determined without a beginning point. Seems counterintuitive to me. But this is not my area of expertise so what do I know? 
     People in the country continue to be divided by racism, xenophobia, misogyny & the economic elite. Shocking, I know. Even w the razor thin victory over Trumpism, it remains strong in many areas of the USA.
     My hideous eyesight has been altered since it was discovered that I had cataracts in both eyes; however, my eyesight isn’t improving as it should bc there was a six week wait between the first and second surgeries (partially bc of the Covid) & being me, I somehow managed to scratch my eye right after surgery this time, making it difficult to see & painful to boot. But a very “me” problem. 
     Remember Jonathan’s b’day on April 1st, and that Teddy’s health remains pretty precarious. Dean’s mom passed away just a few months back, so it’s extremely important that Teddy stay w us for a while more! And send best wishes to mom!

     Love,
     Pam


Dear Dad,

I attempted to do the impossible yesterday. I tried to do something artistic and I know (you’re shocked SHOCKED!!) that that did not, in fact, work out. OTOH, I didn’t draw teeny tiny ppl. But the page of pictures and a wondrous (well, not terrible) comment disappeared POOF!! like my extremely old per’l computer papers from 1986. Gone forever. 

Carolyn, tho, put together a lovely montage of photos (for the 2nd yr in a row) and many many people saw the page and commented on your second anniversary away from the family. Since Thanksgiving is in 2 days, and mom plans to call up a restaurant ON THE MORNING OF the holiday to get Thanksgiving food, I assume we will be eating takeout/delivery food as per usual. 

Lastly, Carolyn is putting together a brunch for Suzanne and her family so that Jonathan will know his cousins on the Rosen side; you need not worry about that part of the family slowly parting ways. 

We all continue to miss you as if you left maybe a week ago, & while the pain may someday lessen w time, that has not yet occurred, but at all. “ Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.”

Love and kisses, 

Pam

Dear Dad,

As it is the 2nd Fathers Day without your presence,  I (and the rest of your family) continue to feel a deep and abiding loss without your wisdom and general well being. Your grandson has continued to bloom; indeed he is now taller than myself (albeit, that’s not saying all that much). But he also remains interested in the world around him, and has so many academic interests, it’s impossible to know just what he will do later in life. Jonathan remains beautiful inside and out, and aside from the usual preteen norms, he is, like you were, a weed about to shoot up to the sky with a wide range of interests that we hope might, perhaps, lend themselves to scholarships, et al in order to make top colleges affordable. Carolyn continues to raise him with the best parts of you and mom combined, so he is a particularly blessed young man. A golden boy, if you will. 

I find that your loss has not subsided in the manner most people had suggested would occur (I.e., time will lessen the pain) although it’s possible that I am better than when you first passed away, as I don’t even quite recall those days as well as one might expect. What I do still recall is all the plays, concerts, and Yankee games we saw as adults and how much a part of my extracurricular activities you were when I was younger. I didn’t appreciate either of those things at the time, and I wish I could go back and better understand how lucky I was, but I don’t imagine that will happen (although that would be totally cool!!)

Please just know that your family is thinking about you regardless of holidays and say anniversaries (which is coming up tomorrow June 21st). You remain a part of our general conversations and, as such, are kept alive by our conversations, our memories, and the million trillion photos that exist in all of our apartments.

Love and kisses, 
Pam

Dear Dad,

I continue to think about you every day. And I’ve been told it will get easier over time. Maybe that’s true. I don’t feel it yet but it’s only been about 14 months so perhaps they mean a serious chunk of time. 

In the meantime, you missed the country (finally) reject the politics of Trump, missed a final shocking attempted coup upon the Capital building, missed Biden and Harris get inaugurated on Jan. 20th (without the Trumps) but with the sacrificial Pences, missed Justice Sonia Sotomayor, first female Latina swear in Kamala Harris, the country’s first black, first Asian American V.P. 

And apart from all the other living presidents present (except Jimmy Carter) you missed the  beautiful, precious words of Amanda Gorman (22 yrOld Laureate Poet) reciting the words of “The Hill We Climb” which combined the struggles of Martin Luther King, Jr., the strength of John Lewis (whom we sadly lost this past year), all that is left to accomplish in the fight against racism in America, which of course alluded to the attempted coup on Jan. 6th, & the resilience of the American people, which would allow the daughter of slaves, to honestly dream of becoming President & being present at an inauguration of one today. (She also included 2 references to Hamilton, the musical, bc she used to have a speech impediment— & which she apparently got rid of thru the continued repetition of Lin Manuel’s Aaron Burr, Sir.) Biden gave an uplifting speech about unity (which was better than the one four years ago about American carnage) but still, it’s Gormans voice & words that will remain with me for years to come.

While Amy Klobuchar was not part of the ticket, she played the Emcee role at the inauguration and Pete Buttigieg has truly grown on me (it may be his alma mater) and his intellect as he takes on the position of Transportation Secretary & grows in maturity. I hope to see more of him in the future.

I will always miss you!

Love,
Me

Dear Dad,

With your b’day coming up in 4 days, and the National Election happening in 6, I’ve obviously been thinking about you a lot, and I thought that altho your favorite primary candidate did not become the democratic candidate, Joe Biden and his VP pick, Kamala Harris, (appear) to be doing quite well thruout the country. We’re not counting chickens — Pres. Obama (God, I miss him!!) has been speaking in various states, and apart from ripping Trump to shreds, he has continually told ppl not to listen to the polls, not to get complacent, bc this is the most important election of our lives! Democrats are hoping for (not expecting, just hoping for) a landslide so that we don’t need Federal Forces to remove Trump from the White House and if you and your parents could send down some magic, we’d really, really like the chance to take back the Senate if at all possible bc the Turtle has become more despicable  than you would recall. Which I imagine you believe is impossible and yet I promise is absolutely true!! 

We talk about you frequently but it’s not the same as having you here, and if it weren’t for covid, I would fight time and space to get you to return. But not to the world as is. We wouldn’t be able to be with you, and would simply worry each and every day about your health. So while I’m selfish and unhappy without your presence, I do not want you to return merely to suffer in a worse manner than before. Apparently all those ppl who said time would lessen the pain were wrong. Or perhaps they meant years and years and years of time. 

Love and kisses, 
Pam

Dear Dad,

I was at the dentist’s office the other day and they asked if I’d like to listen to classical music and I almost burst into tears. I will always think of you when I hear, talk about or listen to classical music bc you are the person who truly taught me the most about it. (Nothing against my music teachers or Grandpa Yasha.) And I will definitely always recall our visits to the NY Philharmonic bc every one of those concerts was special. And spending that time with you was precious. 

I still think about you (and frequently cry) every day. I know one day the pain will lessen and it won’t hurt so much that you’re gone, but that day has not yet arrived. I miss you so very much I often ache inside. 

Love you always,
Pam 

P.S. I’ve included a beautiful tribute that Carolyn wrote about you last month.

Dear Dad,

Carolyn just shared a holiday video w Jonathan singing a partial solo w his choral group. He sounded lovely & I wish you were here to see & share that musical wonder. His love of music has remained steady &/or grown since he was a toddler & I wanted to place the video in this space in honor of you and the love of music that you passed down thru the generations.  Sadly, we can only put up pictures & I wasn’t able to find the pics w you teaching Jonathan to play the piano. 

But it’s the thought that really matters, and I found that Carolyn & I were both thinking of you as Jonathan & his group sang. I hope that you were somehow able to hear his voice and know that he was sending out his love to you thru song. 

I will forever miss you & please never forget that I love you 3000!! (Plus!)

Love,
Pam

Dear Dad,

I’ve been saying the Kaddish every night and it helps a tiny bit to make me feel bonded to you in this manner. It also makes me think of one of your favorite stories from when I was a child and everybody (as they should have) stayed home to celebrate MLK, Jr. Day but, for some reason, you brought me to Hebrew School & since we were the ONLY PEOPLE there, the teachers showed you around the pre-school, including random extras like scissors for left-handed people. (Sorry, run-on sentence.) Any-hoo, you mentioned how great that was for me which greatly puzzled the teachers as they gently tried to tell you that your child was, in fact, right handed. (Which, honestly, how stupid were they to hear from a parent directly re his child and yet CONTINUE to stick to their beliefs?) In any case, as they simply did not believe such a thing, I was asked to sit down and draw a picture and, of course, picked up the utensil in my left hand to draw something hideous, bc I have no artistic talent whatsoever. 

Perhaps they were misled by the fact that you were a father and way way back, during those dinosaur years, men weren’t as involved in their children’s activities as compared to today’s parents. But still and all. It was so nice to know they were paying such close attention to me...

I continue to miss you so much it hurts inside. I will always and forever love you!! 

Pam

P.S. I almost forgot my great bowling triumphs...

Dear Steffi, Lisa, Carolyn, Pam, Kathy, and Jonathan.

Norma and I extend our deepest sympathy to you all on the loss of a good man. He was my best friend at high school. When Allan was at Harvard, I was at MIT. We stayed in touch  after graduation, attended the wedding, and through the appearance of Lisa and Carolyn.

The next time we met was at our 50th high school reunion, in 2005. We later shared our histories, when Allan and Lisa visited us and Allan attended our 50th wedding anniversary in 2009. We were delighted to meet Carolyn and Jonathan at Sunday brunches in the City. During the final years, we stayed in touch by phone.

I will as you miss him. He was an intellectual, exploring new things.

I can not join you tomorrow.

With love to you all,

Norma and Edward Talley



Dearest Daddy,

We were boxing up some of your clothes today and Carolyn & I were quarreling over something completely inconsequential & it suddenly hit me that I couldn’t turn to you to explain to her why she was (obviously) so wrong. 

It breaks my heart anew every day that you are no longer with us and I truly, truly hope that you are finally at peace. Bc I don’t think anything else would help me move forward from this spiral of grieving I find myself falling further and further into since we lost you on Nov 23rd. 

One thing that DOES help is looking thru photos, and we have plenty of those (thank God!!) You were such an adorable child but, more importantly, it was clear from the very beginning that you were curious about the world around you and all that it encompassed. 

Please remain healthy and happy in your new home!!

Love you to the moon and back again,

Pammie

Dear Dad:

This happens to be one of my favorite pictures of us when I was younger. Your arms around me always made me feel safe and secure. (Even more so in the ocean!) 

I hope that you are now at peace and feel safe and secure yourself. At the very least, you are free of any and all pain and your spirit has found your family and grandma may be hugging you as I type these words. 

Love you always,

Pam

Dear Dad:

I miss you more each day that you are gone. I keep thinking of things I should have said while I had the chance, but now it’s too late. And I truly wanted to watch Avengers:Endgame w you, not just bc you had seen the preceding movies, but so you would understand what I was saying when I told you how precious you were, and will always be, to me. 

I Love You 3000!  ❤️ 

Pam

Dear Dad, 

I cannot say how much I miss you - you were my guiding star throughout my life. I wish you were here to help me through your loss - your words of wisdom will stay with me forever and live on through your precious grandson. 

Love you forever, 
Carolyn and Jonathan

OBITUARY

Allan Joseph Rosen

November 1, 1937 – November 23, 2019

Bernheim-Apter-Kreitzman Suburban Funeral Chapel

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