Cynthia Weaver Deroche

Cynthia “Cindy” Deroche

By

Earl “E.J.” "J" Deroche, Jr.

Born Cynthia Ann Weaver on June 28, 1945 to Sidney and Dorothy Weaver in New Orleans, Louisiana.

She grew up in Arabi, LA and attended Arabi Elementary school.

Attended Chalmette Senior High School from 1959-1963. Accomplishments – Newspaper 1,2,3,4; Drama Club 1,2,3,4; Part in Play 3,4; Newman Club 2,3,4; Student Council 1,2,3,4; Chorus 4; Debate Club 4; Junior Achievement 3; Pep Squad 4; Flag Bearer4; Beta Club 4; Basketball 1,2; Intra murals 4; Newspaper Business Manager 4; Drama Club Reporter 3, President 4; Speech Award 1,3; Oratorical Contest 3,4; Field Day 1. Senior Maid in Home Coming Court

Attended the University of Southwestern Louisiana in Lafayette, LA from the fall of 1963 to the end of the spring semester in 1967. We met in our junior year as part of the Air Force ROTC. She was a member of Angel Flight and became the commander of Angel Flight in the spring of 1967. She was a member of the Military Ball court in her senior year. In senior year she was selected as Sweetheart to the honorary military fraternity, Arnold Air Society. She was also selected as the Lambda Chi Alpha Crescent Girl for the fall of 1967. We became engaged to be married that spring and she did not return to finish her final semester in the fall of 1967. I went off to Air Force pilot training in July of 1967. She lived with her parents in Arabi, LA until we got married December 26, 1967.

While in pilot training at Moody AFB in Valdosta Georgia I rented a little two bedroom brown house for us to come back to after we were married. After honey mooning in New Orleans for a few days we loaded up the U-haul trailer and headed for Valdosta. On the trip I failed to take into account the extra weight of pulling a trailer and we ran low on gas in a little town that night. There were no service stations open at that time of night so we stopped for fear of running out of gas on the highway. A Good Samaritan stopped to see if we had any problems. I told him about the lack of gas situation. Fortunately he was a farmer and kept a tank of gas in his back yard. He offered to let us have enough gas to get to Valdosta. We filled up to about half a tank and I paid and thanked him and we were off to Valdosta again. The rest of the trip was uneventful.

Our first weekend in Valdosta I went on a cross-country flight as part of my training. She made herself at home in our little rented house. She easily made friends with our neighbors next door who were also in pilot training. Shortly after that we got a German Sheppard puppy and named him King. Many times she would get up at four in the morning and fry me some chicken to take for lunch. She wanted to make it fresh that morning and not a left over from the previous day.

After graduating from pilot training we went to Cannon AFB in Clovis New Mexico for training in AT-33 where we stayed for three months. We lived in a little apartment for a few weeks and then moved into a house we rented with another couple that were there for training also. She made friends easily and set up home wherever we happened to be. While in Clovis she became pregnant and we were excited.

After three months in Clovis we went to Hurlburt Field in Fort Walton Beach Florida for some more follow on training in the OV-10. We lived in a little efficiency apartment. It was there where she had her first miscarriage. We were sad about this but we still had hope. In the next several years she had three more miscarriages. Her fourth miscarriage was the result of the rupture of her fallopian tube which required emergency surgery. By the end of her hospital stay she had received eight pints of blood.

I left for Viet Nam in April of 1969 and she went to live with her parents in Arabi, LA. While I was gone she worked at a credit union to keep busy. We wrote a lot of letters during that time. We met in Hawaii in January of 1970 for R&R. It was really good to see her again. While there I gave her a diamond ring that she never received when we got engaged due to finances. It was like newly weds all over again. It was really tough for us to part after that special time. But she did tell me before I left to let my hair grow out again since I had it cut in a short flat top.

I returned form Viet Nam in April of 1970. Our next assignment was to Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS as a T-28 instructor pilot. As we drove down Highway 90 along the beach the destruction from hurricane Camille was still very evident. I remembered getting a letter from her while I was still in Viet Nam saying that they were OK after the storm. At the time I remember wondering “What storm?” since we had no news agencies where we were. We were able to rent a trailer for a couple of weeks before we got base housing. We moved in and of course she got to know all the neighbors and settled in real quick. We weren't there very long before she volunteered in the hospital as a "candy striper". She was in the orthopedic ward to help the older patients. She worked there until she became pregnant. She received a certificate of appreciation for her work in the hospital. Kim was born in November 21 of 1972. I was an instructor pilot for Vietnamese students. We had some students over to our house for meals and we went to their quarters for Vietnamese style cooking. She enjoyed being with everyone.

In April of 1973 we were assigned to Webb AFB in Big Spring Texas. We wanted to buy a house in Big Spring so we drove out there on a Tuesday, searched, found and closed on a house on Wednesday and returned on Thursday. What a trip! Now we had a house to go to when we actually went to Big Spring. When we got back and settled in of course she got to know the neighbors and stayed busy. I was now an instructor pilot in the T-37 to several different international students. We got to know them and had gatherings and social events. Melissa was born April 17, 1974.

In April 1975 we went back to Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS. We bought a house in Ocean Springs. And as usual she got to know the neighbors quickly. Even with two kids she still managed to do volunteer work in the hospital and got another certificate of appreciation for her work.

In July of 1976 we departed active duty in the Air Force and moved to Gramercy, LA. We lived in the Trophy room, which was like a one room apartment, below Donald and Kat. She took care of the kids while we built a house. Ten months later we moved into the house. I managed to get into the Air Force Reserve in Belle Chasse, LA flying the A-37. Meanwhile she managed to get to know more people in Gramercy than I ever knew. She brought Kim and Melissa to swimming and dancing lessons. Later she brought them to gymnastic training. She also brought them and attended numerous cabbage ball games. She even managed to be a Troop Leader in girl scouts to help train Kim and Melissa as well as other girls in the Troop. She helped them learn by doing many projects as well as participating in outdoor camping. I don't know how she did it but she got me a card which stated that I was an official girl scout. In January of 1983 she told me “sit down I have something to tell you”. She was pregnant for Bret. That spring she attended a Girl Scout outdoor camping trip while pregnant for Bret. Bret was born July 9, 1983. Even while doing all this she still managed to help at Chanel elementary school in Paulina, LA with office work, running off papers for the teachers and fund raising fairs. In 1989 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She would get her chemo treatment and then go right back to school to continue her volunteer work.

In the late 1980's she started the still continuing tradition of getting family and relatives together at our house for Easter. We all enjoy getting together and are thankful for all the blessings that we have.

When Kim and Melissa started at St. Charles Catholic High School in LaPlace, LA she began volunteer work there. She helped by running off papers for the teachers as well as any other task that she could do to help the teachers so that they would have more time to devote to preparation and teaching in class. In January of 1991 our Air Force Reserve unit got activated and I was off to fly in Desert Storm in the A-10. The few months that I was gone she kept up with her volunteer work and kept the household running. In 1996 the school secretary position became open and she filled that position full time. Even with all the work that she was doing at St. Charles on many occasions she still had time and energy to drive to New Orleans after work to help Melissa with her studies and activities at UNO. Many a night she didn't get home until 8 or 9 o'clock. She loved working at St. Charles because of the people that she got to work with and the students that attended SCC. She said that “work” was therapy for her and she was among her other “family”. She was not a “clock watcher”. She did what needed to be done. She was a big supporter of activities at SCC whether it be sports or other school activities.

In the late 1990's she broke her right hip due to a weakened pelvis from radiation treatment for cancer. She got a hip replacement and just picked up where she left off but now with a small limp.

She continued to have various types of cancer treatment through the years. At a particular doctors appointment the doctor realizing that she had cancer for a number of years commented that she looked healthy. She came right back at him and said “I'm not sick. I have cancer.” There was no further comment about that from the doctor.

She wanted to have an addition on the house that would be large enough to accommodate family and relatives for our Easter gathering. We finally got that underway in the fall of 2005. It was sort of a self-help project with many family members helping with the work. We got it completed enough to use on Good Friday 2006. We have our gatherings on Easter Saturday and at this particular event it sleeted and rained. So with her foresight we had enough indoor room to feed and shelter some 50 people on that day. It really worked out good.

On December 26, 2007 Kim, Melissa and Bret with the help and cooperation of many relatives and friends pulled off a surprise 40th Wedding anniversary party. This was really a surprise and we both loved it a great deal. Thank all of you for making our last anniversary such an enjoyable and blessed occasion.

The Easter gathering of 2008 was scheduled as usual. She worked at SCC the week before Easter except for Good Friday. She did a lot of the planning and help to get things prepared. On that Saturday she participated in interacting with everyone and ate some of the prepared food. She was not quite as active as she had been in the past. On Easter Sunday she spent almost the whole day in bed. The rest of the week was in and out of bed and very tired. She did not go back to work at SCC and eventually called her boss and told him that she was retiring from her job so that he would have enough time to hire another full time person for next school year.

She spent a lot of time either on the recliner or sofa reading, resting or watching TV. She was not strong enough to go to church so she watched mass on TV and had communion brought to her on Sunday morning. She had a particular devotion to the rosary and participated in saying the rosary along with the TV on the Catholic channel. In the past there were quite a few mornings when I made the bed that I would find a rosary under her pillow.

She had a particular devotion to Father Seelos and would pray the words on his prayer card everyday. She wanted to visit his shrine in New Orleans but was never strong enough to do so.

I stayed home and took care of her as much as she needed. She wanted to get up and walk around and do as much as possible for herself. What ever she couldn't do for herself I would do for her. One day while she was lying on the sofa I asked her if she was doing OK. Her reply “Like the Queen of Sheba”.

At a doctor's appointment in April it was suggested that we look into hospice. She told the doctor “Earl is my hospice”. There was no further comment on that topic from the doctor. The doctor did suggest that she go on supplemental oxygen. Later that same day she was set up with oxygen. It really did make a difference and a lot easier for her to breath.

One day I told her that she was the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my life. Of course she just dismissed that because things weren't about her.

She got numerous letters and cards from relatives, friends, SCC staff, teachers and students. Several came to the house to visit. Many times she was tired when visitors came over but she enjoyed seeing them and it gave her a little boost.

She never complained over the years about her ordeal. Even when she was at home and couldn't do for herself she never complained. She always had an unlimited supply of “please” and “thank you”. When she was lying in the recliner many times she had a pleasant and comfortable look on her face. I wanted to take her picture but I figured she wouldn't care for that so I didn't. It was like caring for an angel.

On the afternoon of Saturday June 28th, her birthday, she had trouble breathing. I called 911 and an ambulance came out. We brought her to St. James Parish Hospital. While there I asked the nurse to call the rectory and Father Ed came out that night and anointed her. We stayed there that night getting very little rest in an emergency room. She was very tired that night.

That Sunday morning she was transferred to the ICU at Ochsner Hospital in Kenner. While in ICU she got a frown on her face and looked like she was in pain. I asked her if she was in pain but got no reply. I then understood why a painful frown. I heard what she heard, a small child crying down the hall in ICU. Even then she was concerned about someone else.

Later that day she was transferred out of ICU to a private room where she could be monitored but able to get more rest. She had numerous visitors and enjoyed seeing and talking to them.

Sunday night she wanted to sit in the chair beside her bed. I asked the nurse about doing that and I was told that the doctor said only bed rest and she couldn't get out of bed. I told her that but she was very persistent. So at about 3:00 am Monday I said OK. I checked with the nurse and she said that she would help. I devised a plan and got her out of bed. I moved her to the chair that the nurse described as we were “dancing” to get her there. She stayed there about 20 minutes and was satisfied. We “danced” back to the bed and she went back to sleep. We “danced” to the chair two more times during the day on Monday.

While lying in the hospital bed she told Kim, Melissa and Bret how proud we were of them and for them to keep on going in life. She wanted to make sure that they understood that life goes on and that they should strive to do their best just like always.

That night she told me some really special words. She looked at me and said “Thank you for taking care of me”. Even while lying there and having to breath through an oxygen mask she still wanted to say thank you.

I talked to the hospice people on Tuesday afternoon to set things up at home. The nurse set up ambulance transportation and I was able to ride with her on the way home that night. We got her in the house and put her in the bed set up by hospice. She wore an oxygen mask and had three oxygen concentrators delivering oxygen. That night Bret and I stayed up with her all night taking turns resting and sometime up at the same time. We never left her alone. She had numerous relatives and friends visit her on Wednesday. On Wednesday night July 2 at 7:08 pm with many relatives and friends present she died while Kim, Melissa, Bret and I were touching her and holding her hands. Even after she died we always had one of us at her bedside. Father Frank came over shortly after she passed and had a small service and prayer. The funeral home people came about an hour later and brought her body to the funeral home.

During the visitation on July 5th at church several people commented that they didn't know she was sick. That was a compliment. She went about her life not considering that she was sick and she didn't show or spread the word that she was sick.

We all prayed for a miracle for her to get rid of the cancer. But I think we witnessed a miracle of 20 years since she greatly beat the statistical years of survival.

I was very fortunate to have her as my wife. She was the rudder that steered our ship of life. Her nature was Character, always doing the right thing; patience, always time to do what was necessary; and selflessness, putting everyone else ahead of herself. She was and still is “An Angel among us”.

From Kim

As I thought about my mom after she was gone I remembered about all the times she brought me to swimming lessons, dance lessons, cabbage ball practice and games. After I had learned to swim she later brought me to swim team practice and meets. She brought me to countless dentist and orthodontic appoints. She never complained about bringing me to any of these things. She took care of me when I was sick even if she did not feel good. When I was in the first grade I competed in a science project and won. I was supposed to go to the parish fair but she would not allow me to go since I had the chicken pox. I fought with her to go but she knew better. She supported and helped me during all of my years in school. She guided me to always do the right thing. She was always there to take care of me and help me in anyway that she could. I will always think about how caring and good she was to everyone. It was very easy to choose someone to model my life after, my mom.

From Melissa

I have encountered many challenges in my life but none as daunting as the one I am embarking upon now. How can I possibly describe a woman who embodied what I believe God meant for all of us, that is living life to the fullest.

As my family shared our thoughts and memories of my mom during her last few days of life and even following her death, we all came to the same conclusion. My mom was one of the most remarkable, courageous, selfless, and compassionate people we knew. My mom was an authentic person; she was the same Cindy at home, at work, and in public. There were no hidden agendas or masks. She was a vibrant woman who always knew how to see the blessings in life and find that silver lining in everyday life no matter the circumstances. Throughout her battle with cancer, she not only exemplified this in her own life, but she also helped me do the same in my life.

My mom was always there for me regardless of how convenient or inconvenient it was for her. She never left my side during many hospitalizations and subsequent doctor's appointments. She spent many late nights helping me complete both class work and homework assignments while attending high school and for the seven and a half years of college. She made countless trips to New Orleans just to take me to the grocery store, to help with paperwork, to take me shopping, just to visit or to rescue Brent and me from the infamous Hurricane Katrina. I will always be grateful for both her support and involvement in planning my wedding. I knew I could always count on my mom for the important things, as well as for the fun stuff. She did all of these things and more with a smile and never complained just as she did the entire time she fought the cancer.

There are probably many specific memories I could share but the most important is that no matter the situation or event, just the presence of my mom made life more enjoyable. She brought life to any room she entered. She lived as she believed. She embodied grace and strength. She thought of others before herself even at the time of her last hospitalization. She was an example of a true lady, a super mom, and a Godly woman. She was an angel on Earth. She has left me with many wonderful memories and will be a lifelong example of how to live my life. God knew exactly what he was doing when he blessed us with her. She will be fondly remembered and sorely missed my all those whose lives she impacted.

From Bret

Mom embodies what life is all about. Although she had cancer for many years I never heard her complain about anything. She taught me many things that I took in right away and other things that I kind of shoved off and did it my way. I later then realized that the way she was teaching me to do things always seemed to be the correct way. I now appreciate that everyday I am faced with a decision or a way to do something. I can always rely on reverting back to what my parents have taught and showed me over the years.

Even with Mom's busy daily routines and work she always found time to drive me to and from practices for my various sports before and during high school. She would never think about missing a game either. You could always hear her in the stands no matter how loud the crowd was. She was always so proud of all of us in everything we did.

She was always a doer; she would do anything to help out others no matter how inconvenienced she would become. As the family talked about her when we were all at home, we discussed how she never had a bad day. Her devotion to God, family, friends, and work are things that all of us can take from her and put into our lives. Mom can't really be summed up in one word or maybe even a thousand words, but two really pop out to me…CHARACTER and SELFLESSNESS. If all of us can take just these two traits from mom's life I think we will be just fine.

Obituary from The Advocate

Cynthia "Cindy" Deroche

A secretary for St. Charles Catholic High School for 12 years, she died at 7:08 p.m. Wednesday, July 2, 2008, at her home. She was 63, a native of Arabi and a resident of Gramercy for 32 years. She was of the Catholic faith. Visitation at Sacred Heart Catholic Church, Gramercy, on Saturday, July 5, from 9 a.m. until Mass of Christian Burial at 11:30 a.m., with the Rev. Jason Palermo, celebrant. Entombment in St. Joseph Mausoleum, Paulina. She is survived by her husband, Earl Deroche Jr.; son, Bret Michael Deroche; daughters, Kimberly Deroche and Melissa Deroche Philpot and husband Brent; father, Sidney Weaver; sisters, Kathleen San Salvador and husband James, Beth Bonnecarre and Ronnie Baudry; and a host of nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews. Preceded in death by her mother, Dorothy Weaver. She was a great wife of 40 years, mother and friend to all. Friends and family may send condolences and thoughts to http://www.mem.com. Arrangements by Alexander Funeral Home, Lutcher. Published in The Advocate from 7/4/2008 - 7/5/2008

The following is the Homily at the funeral mass by Father Jason Palermo

Cynthia “Cindy” DeRoche

Funeral: July 5, 2008

My dear friends, on behalf of Fr. Frank Uter, Deacon Alfred Adams, Sr. Judy Couturie, and the entire parish staff, and all the members of our tri-parish cluster, I would like to extend heartfelt greetings and expressions of sympathy to you “Jay” and Bret, Kimberly and Melissa, Mr. Sidney, Brent, Kathleen, James, Beth and Ronnie. Please know of our prayers and our willingness to support you now and in the weeks ahead as you continue to grieve the loss of Cindy.

In the second reading today, St. Paul reminds us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Tribulations, persecutions, suffering… all of these are part of the reality of the human condition. We can choose to dwell upon our limitations and chronic illnesses, or we can live for today. In a very real way, all of you are not strangers to that message, because for the last twenty years, you have been faithful to caring for Cindy in her long battle with cancer. You have witnessed her courage witness, her tremendous faith, and someone who always focused on the gifts of life, each day, and never complained. She lived for the present moment and never allowed cancer to debilitate her spirit.

Cindy fought the good fight, and you did as well. She beat the odds by her determination 19 years ago when she was first diagnosed, and never looked back. Her work, her volunteering, were therapy for her. So today, we celebrate Cindy's gentle spirit and the gift of her life to many people in so many places.

Cindy celebrated her 63rd birthday last week, on June 28th. A native of Arabi, she was born in 1945, the daughter of Sidney and Dorothy Weaver. We remember Ms. Dorothy in our prayers today, too. Jay and Cindy were both students at USL in Lafayette. She must have been a heart-stopper, because she was voted as “Fraternity Sweetheart” at USL. Jay was head of the Air Force ROTC and Cindy was commander of Angel Flight. So how appropriate that they were attracted to one another and eventually married on December 26, 1967. For the nine years that Jay served in active duty, as well as many years in the reserves, they moved seven times. Cindy loved it. She could make a home anywhere. She met people easily, and socialized with the other military wives. She would play bridge with them and go bowling. Cindy volunteered in the hospital near Keesler Air Force Base as well as other places.

Once they finally settled down on the River Road, Cindy did not stop volunteering. She would faithfully help her children with homework, even Trigonometry. Now how many parents here today can say that you really understand Trigonometry? Cindy was a girl scout mentor and leader for six years. Everyone knew that she volunteered for St. Peter Chanel School and St. Charles Catholic High School in LaPlace, before finally accepting the job as secretary at St. Charles. She loved children, and she loved having them at her house for family get-togethers. The house needed an addition for 2007 because the Easter gathering was getting too large. It's a gathering that has been in the family for 25 years. Everyone looked forward to her spaghetti and cheese and chicken stew for the holidays. She was a good cook, and knew what worked well together.

On Thursday, Jay told me that Cindy was a never-ending source of “please” and “thank you”. She was always polite about asking for help, and grateful when even the smallest help was given. Cindy never complained about pain, or her battle with cancer. She died peacefully.

In the gospel today, Jesus looks with compassion upon those gathered around Him, and gives that beautiful statement that we all need to hear at some point in our lives: “Come to me, all you who find life wearisome and are heavy-burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart.” Tomorrow, we will hear this gospel at Mass, for it is the gospel for the 14th week of Ordinary Time. I have a feeling that Cindy understood Jesus' words quite well, for she patiently dealt with cancer. She lived life with peace, joy, and authenticity, despite the hardship. You know, it's very difficult to find authentic people these days… people who let their true colors shine through, no matter what. And how refreshing that Cindy's true colors demonstrated a selfless personality, a true servant-leader, a dignified lady who always wanted to do what was right, and moral, and just, and insisted that was the only way to do things!

My dear friends, we celebrate the life of a true follower of Christ. Her grace, her virtues, her charity, her selfless character, are examples to you and me. Allow them to live on in you. She has set an example which you should follow. She found joy in following God's will. Christ was her strength in good times and bad times. Is He our strength? Is He our consolation in suffering? In the times of uncertainty? Cindy learned early what it meant to rely on God in times of uncertainty. I'd like to conclude today by honoring Jay's request, and sharing the following story with you:

The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared, and asked: "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What's wrong with the standard model of woman?"

The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to four or forty with an hour's notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully… even if she is pregnant and has the flu. She must be willing to move to a new location ten times in seventeen years. And oh, yes, she must have six pairs of hands."

The Lord continued, "But don't worry, we will make other military wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband's achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say "I understand" when she doesn't, and say "I love you" regardless.

"Lord," said the angel, touching his arm gently, "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish tomorrow." "I can't stop now," the Lord said, "I am so close. Already this unique model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a pier, a runway, or a depot, and understand why it's important that he leave."

The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed. "It looks fine, but it's so soft." "She might look soft," replied the Lord, "but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her fingers across the cheek of the Lord's creation. "There's a leak," She announced. "Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that she has cracked… you're trying to put too much into this model."

The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence. "What you see is not a leak," he said. "It's a tear." "A tear? What is it there for?" asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "It's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride, and dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear."

"You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied. "I didn't put it there."

And so, we return a great model to the Lord today. Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord…

(She is buried at the St. Joseph mausoleum in Paulina, LA in spot D18.)

Not long after she passed a plaque was put up in the entry way at St. Charles Catholic High School. The inscription on the plaque reads "In Memory of Cindy Deroche. A woman of impeccable character who epitomized a warm smile and unlimited patience. A wife and mother of the highest caliber. A staunch supporter of all that is St. Charles Catholic High School. She unconditionally loved all students, staff and faculty, and she will always be "an Angel among us." Face every situation with a smile."