Carmen Felix Zazueta

A Brief Biography

It was December 28, 1914, a cold winter day in Hermosillo, Sonora when Carmen Felix was born. She was the second daughter of Nestor and Manuela Felix, and the fact that God brought them a beautiful and healthy daughter, gave the new parents great joy. Carmen was the second child of the Felix family, her older sister Anita was born in 1913 and her younger sister Enriqueta, came to the world four years later in Scottsdale Arizona.

The family lived a modest but happy life in Hermosillo. Manuelita had a large extended family in town, and extended family was always there for support and comfort when needed. It was a tight knit extended family.

A good job opportunity arose a few years later for Nestor as a ranch foreman in Arizona. It must have been a tough decision for the young couple to leave town and extended family. They decided that the opportunity and moving on was best, so they loaded up the wagon and the family of four was off to Scottsdale to start a new life in a new land. Enriqueta, the third and last daughter of Nestor and Manuelita was born in Scottsdale, Arizona. It was in Arizona that the three children experienced their first few years of their lives. Nestor in Scottsdale provided a modest but steady and secure income for the family.

After 3 to 4 years of living in Arizona, Manuelita missed and yearned to be close to her family back in Hermosillo, especially her parents and grandparents. She somehow found a way to coax Nestor to bring back the family to Hermosillo. Although it was a financial risk, Nestor recognized the importance to Manuelita and family, so off they went back to Hermosillo.

It was in Hermosillo that Carmen lived the most formidable next forty something years of her life. She went to school there for five years. She admits that she wasn’t a terribly good student, and many of her young years she spent sick and at home. She once at a young age was stricken with what evidently was the Spanish Flu. She was bed ridden for months and was even under quarantine. Millions died from this flu and she came very close to death herself. She was constantly stricken with either one or another ailment that brought her body down, but not her spirit.

She always used to say that if you could think of any sickness, she probably had already had it. Back in those days there wasn’t much medicine, mostly homemade remedies. Penicillin that fights bacteria, still hadn’t been discovered. For the most part, a body had to the fight off bacteria on its own or death could result. We are very fortunate to have had Carmen for 99 years in this world. Events at her young age were so close to resulting very differently, and if so, many of us would not be here today. There’s little doubt that her ability to overcome disease and sicknesses at a young age, made her much stronger of mind and body.

As the years passed her immune system vastly improved and she became stronger. She enjoyed life and she soaked up her life experiences up like a sponge. Carmen always talked about loving to eat big giant homemade flour tortillas con mantequilla when she was young. She fattened up, she had very curly hair that she implied looked like the hair of a borreguito (sheep).

While in her late teens, a bad experience with a boyfriend of many years that she was madly in love with, struck her hard. This evidently was a life changing experience for her. They were to marry and she discovered that he had been unfaithful to her. She was devastated for he was the love of her life. All the love she had for him had now turned to distaste, and she no longer wanted anything to do with him. He pleaded with her to return, but at such a young tender age, and considering the male dominated society of the times, she had the maturity and sound presence of mind to realize that he was not who she thought he was. She knew that this relationship could no longer continue, for she couldn’t trust him, and although difficult, she cut their ties and moved on with life.

This experience helped form her mindset as to relationships. These were times in which society was dominated by the male, especially in a tough macho society such as Mexico. She was ahead of her time, she was against the grain, a trailblazer steadfastly determined to not ever allow anyone to control and manipulate her life again. She wanted to be free and think for herself & not be controlled by anyone, ambitious for a woman in her time.

Carmen was a catch, she was a fairly good looking young woman, she dressed well, was strong of mind and she showed much confidence. She enjoyed dressing well and going out and having a good time at the local ballrooms and event centers with friends. She enjoyed socializing, and enjoyed meeting and going out with people. Men were attracted to her personality and flair, and some who got to know her better and allowed to date her even wanted to marry her. Problems then arose when these men either wanted to control and change her to their liking, and a few enjoyed drinking too much. She discovered these shortcomings sooner or later and eventually called off her relationships. She wanted no part of her independence being infringed upon, so she continued happily being single and enjoying life & family.

In her 20’s to very early 40’s she focused on work and enjoying life with friends and sisters. When Carmen was about 20 years old, she landed a job in what was one of the most highly regarded beauty salons in town. This was the ideal fit for her personality. She enjoyed styling and cutting hair, and most importantly, in this line of work she was able to do one of the things she enjoyed most, socializing. What better fit than this, to work doing what you enjoy most, meeting and talking to people of all sorts. She didn’t consider it work, it was something she enjoyed and looked forward to the next day. She got to know and discover personalities and intimacies like few others could. She met and worked with people from all facets of life, from the rich, to socialites, to women of the night and many others. She was a good listener and loved to learn of their life stories. She soaked it up. She was blessed, for she was doing something she loved, and by gosh, she was being paid for it. It was virtually unheard of for a woman, especially in those times. My mother worked in the hair business for over twenty years.

Carmen was ambitious and concerned about constant improvement. She wanted the good things in life and the new comforts that the 20th century life brought. She was well aware that hard work would result in these rewards. She also saved because a primary objective was to buy a house for the family. Her parents were no longer young, so Carmen along with her older sister Anita, began to take over the reign’s, becoming the bread winners and providing for the family. They both accumulated enough money to buy their own home and a roof over their heads that they could call their own. They must have been in their late twenties to early thirties when they bought the home. This was a milestone and quite an accomplishment for two hard working single women of their day.

Through her formidable years, many men courted. But she had no sense of urgency to get married, there was no rush, she had seen many friends get married and become miserable. She was observant and had a great sense and wanted no part of hastily making the wrong decision. She was happy and having a great time being single, and most importantly she was a good Christian helping to provide for the family she loved. Nephews then started coming into the picture. Her younger sister Enriqueta had a son, Ruben, and her older sister years later married and had two boys, Raul and Gilberto. She treated and cared for the nephews like they were her own. Life was good!

When she was in her late thirties Carmen started getting the settle down itch. She wasn’t getting any younger and although she loved her nephews, she recognized that she was ready to marry, settle down and have children of her own. A gentleman with qualities she had been in search of came into the picture. He was patient, understanding, non-controlling, modest, hard-working and trustworthy. His name, Francisco B. Zazueta (Pancho) was a good man who wasn’t trying to change her. He was kind, and patient not just with her, but with her mom, nephews and the rest of family. She didn’t take to his looks and she wasn’t head over heels over him, but after a few years of courtship, she discovered he had a special quality about him that made her trust him like no other. After many attempts, she finally agreed to marry him.

They married on January 19, 1957. Enter a new chapter in her life. She was 42 years old when they married. Almost one year to the day on January, 20, 1958, their only child, Francisco F. Zazueta was born. Married life and having a child changed her. She went from a person who enjoyed going out and having a good time to a now mature wife and a mother completely dedicated to her new family. She left the hair business to raise her son. She was at a mature age now and Carmen took on married life with a gusto like never before. Marriage made her complete and took her to the next stage in life. Her entire focus was now on husband, raising her only son, and attending to her mother Manuelita who remained and lived with Carmen and family until Grandma Manuelita’s death in 1978. Married life was good to her and she loved it.

In 1963, the family immigrated to the US and started a new life. Carmen’s two sisters, Anita and Enriqueta were already living in Los Angeles by that time. She and Manuelita wanted to be close to the sisters. They only returned to Hermosillo to visit family but never to live again. The family resided in Los Angeles until 1981, when they bought a house and moved to Rosemead, CA.

Her only son, Francisco (Frank) married Lorena Urueta on November 19, 1983. The wedding brought Carmen and Pancho much joy and they celebrated with friends for days. There also soon after came the realization that their only son had started a new life apart from them, never to return to live with them again. Carmen and Pancho were now alone, and starting a new chapter in life.

The lonely times didn’t last too long, for in 1985 she became an Abuelita (grandma) for the first time when her first grandchild, Veronica was born. This event took her to her next chapter in her life, raising her grandchildren. Abuelita adored Veronica, and she of course smothered her with Love, attention, and gifts. Natalie, her second grandchild was born in February of 1987, and she always had much more love to go around for two. Grandma was chunky, she got up to 190 lbs, but she didn’t care, she was the happiest grama in the world. Jacquelyn, her third granddaughter was born seven years later on August, 29 of 1994. Jackie was born on Grandpa Pancho’s birthday. Carmen loved being a Grandmother.

Grandma Carmen helped care and raise all three of her granddaughters. She was always there to tend to the girls while pa and ma dropped off the kids at grandmas and then off to work they went. Abuelita helped care for Jacquelyn at the ripe old age of 80. Carmen never shied away from helping care for the children. She adored the kids, welcomed it and always desired to be with all the kids. Being close to family was life!

There was never a dull moment at the Zazueta residence, and it appeared that there was hardly a day that the children or grandchildren didn’t come for a visit. Then on one Saturday night, Pancho, her husband of 39 years passed on in December of 1996. Jackie, his special birthday gift and pride and joy was only two years old. This was a sad time for the whole family, because Pancho was dearly loved and was an integral part of everyday life in the Zazueta households. This left Grama Carmen now alone in her home.

Grandma Carmen was not alone for long because she went to live with her son, daughter in law and grandchildren in February of 1997. The family never wanted grama to live alone, so the family took her in, she was family. Although somewhat reluctant, deep down inside, she knew that her place was with family and not alone. Grama now at age 82 was an integral part of next generation the Zazueta household. Enter a new chapter in her life.

Abuelita at the new pad always wanted to be a contributing factor. She cooked, cleaned, watered the plants and did many, many other everyday things around the house that she enjoyed doing. Abuelita’s motto was always to contribute. She also did a lot of talking on the phone to friends for hours on end, and watching her favorite novelas. Grandma missed her old house but she was happy, always kept busy and there never seemed to be a dull moment.

She went on all vacations with family and although she always said that she’d never go back there again, she always returned to Lake Tahoe on vacation with the gang. She was a real trooper.

Carmen came to her new home in 1997 when the grandchildren were young and still needed her care and comfort. Over the years she saw all three of the grandchildren flourish to beautiful young women. She spent 17 wonderful years with us. There were unhappy moments a times, but Love conquered all. Grandma was still cooking dinner at times for the family into her early nineties. Her desire was always to be an integral part of the whole. She never had to do it, she wanted to. She was our Rock of Gibraltar.

As the years passed on, grandma started becoming weaker and frail. Enter the Twilight of her life. The passing away of her oldest sister and best friend, Anita in November of 2010 hit her like a freight train. Abuelita really took her sister’s death hard. She didn’t want to believe that her older sister and best friend of 95 years was gone, she was devastated. The last member of her nuclear family now had passed. She felt alone, the family of her youth that saw her grow up, her father, mother, and two sisters were now gone. We all tried to console her, and remind her that we needed and wanted her here for us now. Anita’s death changed grandma, she became more solemn and entered into a depressive mode. She now ate less, lost weight and lost the gusto for life that was her calling card for most of her life. This caused her health to deteriorate.

The year was 2012, and grama was more frail. She was having much trouble breathing one day and we took her to the hospital. We ended up taking her on two occasions within a two week period. Cardiologists found that grama’s heart was functioning at only 10%. They didn’t give her much chance and we were preparing for the worst.

Grama came Home and eventually was put in a Home Hospice program in November of 2012. She had a nurse visit on a weekly basis, she was put on special heart medication, and breathing equipment that was brought in to our home to provide her more comfort. I don’t think that anyone gave her more than a few months longer to live, she survived another year and three months. Although grandma was weak, we still saw that will to live in her. She improved somewhat with the medicine, breathing equipment, and very importantly, our support and love. We were there for her.

Although she now had to push herself with a walker and she now needed oxygen to breath better (things she despised), she still had that will to live. Even though she was weak, she still had that drive to be independent. There were times that she impressed us so much that we had thoughts that she was going to beat this. It wasn’t the case though, as she continued to slowly decline over the next few months, and she still maintained her drive and independence. She would struggle to the bathroom and kitchen, but she was proud that she did it alone. As her health declined more, she no longer could walk on her own, for she began having trouble breathing when walking from room to room. She’d walk to one room, but it seemed as she had run a mile. We would now wheel her on her walker from bedroom to kitchen to living room or wherever. She slowly started losing the independence that was her trademark. She started to be dependent on us moving her from room to room. This must have been mentally devastating for her at the time.

She still had the energy to go out with our help for a drive or to eat. Although she was now very weak, she savored prettying herself up and going out with us whenever she felt enough strength.

On December 28, 2013, Grama turned 99 years old, quite a milestone. Since she was now a lot weaker, we weren’t certain if she’d be up to going out to eat. We played it by ear and if she wasn’t up to it, we’d buy out food and bring in to celebrate at home. To our amazement, grama found the energy to go out and eat on her birthday. The gang celebrated her 99th at Armando’s, one of her favorite restaurants. She did Great!

For the next month and a few weeks, grandma did somewhat well, she had good days, real good days, and bad days. It was a roller coaster ride and we never knew what tomorrow would bring. Still her drive for independence continued. She’d still get up on her own at night and struggle to the bathroom. She didn’t want to bother anyone of us at night, she wanted to do it alone. We’d sometimes be woken by her tired heavy breathing on the way back from bathroom, and one of us would rush over to comfort her and get her back to bed. During the day, she’d now ask for assistance to get to the door, but she’d take over from there. She steadfastly was driven to the very end to be as independent as she possibly could be. She would not be allowed to be stripped of her independence. There was still that drive and will to live. She wasn’t giving up and she was determined to fight up to the very end.

On Friday February 7, 2014, grandma’s disposition changed. She appeared overly tired and lethargic. Something happened to her and she wasn’t the same person. We feel she must have had some kind of a mini stroke. Saturday and Sunday saw her getting weaker, she was hardly eating and drinking, and her speech now became slurred. She spent all day in bed, except to get up and go to the bathroom. By Sunday her speech was hardly recognizable. She still made every effort within her to make it to the bathroom, but her legs were giving out on her. She no longer had the strength to make it even with my help. Her drive was still there but her body was giving up on her. By Monday, mom was no longer eating or drinking, she was mostly sleeping and I could see that she was slowly losing consciousness. She still a few times had the desire and determination to get up to the bathroom and I helped her to the commode twice.

Abuelita was mostly sleeping on Tuesday the 11th. She could no longer get out of bed. Father Patrick came to the house at about 8 pm to give mom her last rights and blessing. Grandma had not gotten up once that day, she hadn’t the energy. Soon after Father Patrick left the house, grandma got a sudden burst of energy, she tried to get up to go to the bathroom, but her body didn’t help her, and she layed back onto her bed. We were all in the room with her. She then looked around and acknowledged every single one of us in the room, Ma, Pa, Vero, Natalie, Jackie and Larry. We were amazed and astounded, I even saw a smile. It was like God had given her one last burst of energy to acknowledge us before she passed on.

Wednesday the 12th saw abuelita mostly out. I talked to her off and on most of the day, but she no longer had the energy to open her eyes. There was a slight acknowledgement or two, by form of a groan or two whenever I talked into her ear, so I knew she was conscious. I cleaned and her bed soar, and she grimaced with pain. She felt the pain, and it hurt me just as much as it hurt her. We knew that grandma was soon moving on and she didn’t have much time left. It was now a matter of a few hours to a day or so.

Thursday morning the 13th of February saw her only sleeping. She no longer seemed conscious and she no longer appeared to respond to my whispers into her ear. We knew the time was near. Angelique and Kathy, my nieces came to visit grandma. They were at her bedside when she took her last gasps of breath. When I walked into the room, the girls told me that she apparently had just taken her last breath. Grandma of course was still warm to the touch. It was 11:33 am. It was perhaps the saddest moment of my life. Our Rock of Gibraltar, old reliable, the person who brought me into this world, my protector, the one individual that was always there for us, had passed on. Her days of suffering were over now. Her stay on earth was now complete and God called upon her to join him in the Kingdom of Heaven.

We’ll miss you mama, but we know that you are now in a better place con Dios, con tu mama y tu papa, con tus hermanas y el resto de tus seres queridos.

You leave us a Great Legacy and some mighty big shoes to fill.

Until We Meet Again in The Kingdom of Heaven

We Love You Always/Te Amo Mami

Paquito, Lorena, Veronica, Natalie, y Jacquelyn