Hey Arthur 
I'm sorry I couldn't help Spirit Bear. Please watch over him. Let him know that there are still people who care about him. He really lost a big piece of himself when he lost you. Miss you

Hey Arthur,
I was looking at your picture today and thinking about you. You would love it here with all the woods. Nala stays out for days at a time, she comes home to sleep and eat. The dogs love the stream behind the house. Today i was in the garden picking green beans. I had to laugh out of 12 pepper plants we have one black pepper. The deer and rabbits have eaten a lot of it, but that's ok they have to eat too.
We are still building my apartment Max is sleeping in my soon to be closet and of course Zeus is sleeping next to me. Of course a part of Spirit Bear is in every room. I miss him to, but life is what it is. I pray some day he will put me back into his life. Well it's almost 2am.
Love and miss you
Anne

Hello Art;
 Yes, it's already been another month. As you already know, I've moved from Florida. I've only told people I want to know and I hope to hell I told everyone I wanted to. If I forgot anyone, I hope they'll understand and not be pissed for to long. You know what it was like to move and I've done it a couple of times since you've been gone. 
 I did NOT want to stay in New Bedford because no matter where I went, I expected to run into you. Besides, you knew what I thought about the city as far back as when we first got together.
 You and I had talked about coming south once you quit working for a while. Well we're here !!
 After a year in Florida, I could not take the humidity and the 'rainy season' any more. The humidity was bad enough that almost everyone stayed in the house during the day and went outside after 4-5 pm. I moved to Florida to stay in the house, don't this so. When you could finally get outside, it usually rained enough to get everything wet, so if you didn't have a covered porch, you couldn't sit outside, I didn't have a covered porch. 
 The weather is so much better where I am now. It gets humid, but nothing like Fort Myers. It doesn't rain every day either! I sit out on the sundeck with Kaley and my coffee every morning for a while. I'm really liking it so far. I want to say more, but until I get the to ummmm, ladies off of here that created so many problems for me in Florida because they turned out to be PROFESSIONAL USERS. Once I find out how to delete them, I'll have a lot more to tell you. Until then, I LOVE YOU and miss you like crazy! I will NEVER forget you and you'll me on my mind and in my heart, ALWAYS and FOREVER!

Hi Art;
 I can't believe another month has gone by already! 
 Everything is still going really good here. I'm starting to have problems beings alone. I'm getting used to being alone, but I don't like being lonely. That's the part that's starting to get on my nerves, being lonely.
 I do have news that I'm sure you're already aware of, but I don't want to put it here until next month. That's just because I don't want to jinx anything.
 The rainy season has started soooo, yep you guessed it, it's raining. It'll do this every day now for a couple of months. But it only rains anyplace from an hour to three hours a day and then clears up again.
 I Love You and Miss you. Sometimes it doesn't seem to be getting any better. You'll be in my heart ALWAYS and FOREVER !
Love (me)

Hi Art, It's amazing how I can sit back and know what I'm going to write when I get here, UNTIL I get here, then the mind goes blank!

It's still going good here. Nice and comfortable. Right now I have a window open and the front door. Nice breeze going through.

I'm sort of getting used to being alone. It's the loneliness I'm having trouble dealing with.

I'll have a place for you in my heart, ALWAYS and FOREVER. 
I Love you and Miss you

Hey Art,
It's my birthday today and I'm missing you a little because I always looked forward to your very very humorous cards and emails from you on my birthday. I still have all the others through out the years too. 

Miss and love you!

Hi Art, 
 I can't believe another month has gone by already. It'll be two years in August that you're gone and still there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about you. I'm still getting used to you not being around anymore. I find myself doing something around the house and wonder what you'll think when you see it or I see something I know you'll like.....
Everything is still going very good here. I'm very comfortable living here. Diane and Eric keep making sure I have everything I need and Makima keeps checking on me too. All three of them bring me supper from time to time. I've had the chance to eat goat, pigs tail, sheep fish and some other things I can't even pronounce never mind spell. I haven't had anything I didn't like yet. 
 I went to Family Health Centers and ended up with an appointment for May 5th. This way I can get my medications for my COPD again. I also want to quick smoking again so I'll be asking for the Walbutrine again too. 
I go for a bike ride almost every day again. Mostly to the preserve. I love watching the different birds that are around there. Took a couple more pictures to day so I'll be posting them shortly. 
I've been playing Sims3 again. Remember how I always had trouble building small houses because they always turned into mansions? I still do that !! lol It helps keep my mind busy. 
I'm going to stop here, but I may be writing again very soon. 

I Love You and Miss You VERY MUCH and will remember all the time we had together. I'll love you ALWAYS and FOREVER.

Hi Art, As you already know, I didn't get a chance to write last month because of everything that was going on.
I'm enjoying things again. I get up every morning around 7:30, get my coffee and sit outside. The sun comes over the trees around 8:00 and most mornings it's really beautiful !!
Kaley has a boyfriend, well, that's the way he sees it. His name is Pablo, he's a brown and tan Chihuahua. He tried mounting her and Kaley looked at me like "REALLY? He's serious?" He's a bit pushy so I have to carry a spray bottle with water when I let Kaley out to go to the bathroom. 
 Diane and Eric still seem to be happy that I'm living in their little "Cottage". I don't mind it at all. It's small but still very comfortable. I'm not having any trouble sleeping since I'm here. As a matter of fact, I haven't seen any of the late night programs since I've been here. I watch the 11:00 news and then fall asleep shortly afterwards.
I'll be going to the Family Clinic this week so I can get a doctor. I'm going to be needing more inhalers and things for my breathing and I want to see if I can get more Walbutrin (sp) so I can quit smoking again. That will give me the boost I need. 
I think about you every day and sometimes still feel like it's a big dream. I don't know if I'll ever get used to not being able to see or talk to you anymore. I talk to you now, but I'd love just to hear your voice again or your little chuckle even. No matter what I'm doing or where I am, I'll have a place for you in my heart, ALWAYS and FOREVER.

Hi Art, I've been thinking about you a lot over that last couple of days. I watched a movie on Netflix that reminded me how you and I got along. That special connection we had. I'm so happy we never went to bed mad at each other, everything changed in a matter of minutes.
There's still not a day go by that I don't think of you. It's a little over a year and it still feels like yesterday. I even have days I wish I could go back in time to when we first met, just so we could start all over. I know that's impossible, but I can wish. 
I don't care what I'm doing or where I am, you'll ALWAYS be with me. I love you and miss you very much. You'll be in my heart, ALWAYS and FOREVER.

Hey Arthur, I'm really sorry I let you down, but I did try. I wish you where here.

Hey Arthur, Sorry I didn't write yesterday. We tried to make sure Spirit Bear had a good Christmas. We missed you Spirit Bear got gift you would have liked. We got him thing for his garden and some dragon things. 
We love and miss you

Hey Arthur,
I just want you to know I put out the Father Time that you and John always put on your tree. I took some silver garland and wrapped it around the bottom and put some multi colored led lights. I wanted to put white led lights on it, but I remember how you always liked to step outside of the box and I did. 

Miss you!

<3

Hi Art,
Another month has gone by since you've gone away. I'm trying to move on, but it's just not as easy as people say it is. I think about you every day and I miss you more than words can say.
Anne and Sarah are still here and getting ready for Christmas. Maybe next year I'll start decorating again, but right now I have no interest in Christmas or any other holiday for that matter.
Christmas ways always so special, the way we'd go shopping for each other to the way we exchanged gifts. I miss that and just have the memories now.
What I don't miss is the weather in New Bedford. It's been cold and they've already had snow. 
It's been a little chilly here in the mornings but it doesn't last long. It usually starts warming up after 10am.

I miss you and will Love You, Always and Forever.

Happy Birthday. Arthur WE REALLY MISS YOU ALOT.

Happy Birthday Arthur. We miss and love you

Arthur, 
You don't have to worry about Spirit Bear we will take good care of him.
Love 
Anne,Sarah,Max,Zeus,Nala and Saige

Hi Art; 
I'm really sorry for not writing sooner. I DID NOT forget and will NEVER forget. There's been a lot going on here for a little over a week.
Dave and Joe are going back to driving trucks and will be leaving tomorrow. They'll be away until they get a load comes back this way. Everything will be taken care of while they're away though, so no worries there. 
Anne and Sarah are here and will be staying until they find a place of their own. So I won't be alone. I wouldn't be, even if Anne wasn't here because the neighbors here are the best we've EVER had. It's nice knowing people care enough to watch over me.

About a month ago, I didn't feel like getting up at my normal time. I woke up but then told myself "Just a few more minutes." (which ended up being a little over an hour). Not seeing me on the porch having coffee and reading the paper at my normal time, the woman next door called my phone four times which I never heard. Bot answering my phone she came over and knocked on the door, which I still didn't here because my bedroom is in the back of the house. When I didn't answer the door, she got so worried she went across the street and asked Errol to come check on me. He came over and knocked on the wall asking if I was okay. I couldn't answer right away because I got all tangled in the ceiling fan. They both felt a lot better when I brought my coffee and Kaley outside.

Dave and Joe got me a three wheel bike for Christmas. I love it. I've been going for rides as often as I can, like 2-3 times a day. I go up to Billy's Creek Preserve and ride around and threw the whole thing at least 3 times. It's so peaceful. I enjoy being up there with all the wild birds and little critters. I even took the little boy across the street, Louis, for a ride yesterday. He's only four but wanted a ride so I let him sit in the basket on the back of the bike and made sure he kept his helmet on. He really liked it. I told him if he's good, he'll go for more. We'll see what happens. Riding the bike has already caused me to loose some weight, so I plan on sticking to it since I don't have to worry about snow or ice anymore. 

The very first time I went to the Preserve, your presence was with me so strong, I had to sit on a bench or two and just talk with you. It's a place we would both enjoy a LOT. I'm taking the bike up there again very shortly, this time I'd like to have you on the bike with me. 

I still miss you VERY MUCH and think about you every day. The only difference is, it causes more smiles than tears even though those moments still come too. 

I LOVE YOU AND MISS and will for ALWAYS & FOREVER.

Hello Arthur;
I'm still missing you like crazy. I'm glad I still have your table set up. It's a little comfort going to it to talk with you a bit. At times, I can almost feel you there with me. 
It's really fun living here. The house is nice and big for the three of us and the dogs and cats. The yard is huge!! (even bigger than Acushnet) 
Joe and Dave let me have all the gardens I want and plant all the flowers I want. Joe's showing me how to grow some vegetables and how some of the trees down here grow from seed. I'm really enjoying it. You know how I used to be in Acushnet, as soon as the sun was up, I was outside. Almost the same thing here, just a little later now but I'm usually outside by 9:00 am.
The neighbors are very nice here too. I people across the street and the family next door to use. Keep checking on me to make sure I'm okay. Normally it would get on my nerves, but everything is so different down here and everyone is so nice. That alone took a little getting used to.
It's cooling off here so I can start taking Kaley for walks again. We'll both lose more weight. 
I'll be talking to you again very soon. Until then I'll always have a place in my heart for you. I miss you and LOVE YOU.... ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Hi Art,
 Here it is, already 13 months and it still feels like a bad dream.
 I'm still getting used to the idea that you won't be coming back. 
 There's so much here you'd like and so much I'd enjoy showing you. I know one thing for sure, we'd love it here together. We'd have a lot of fun in the water at the beaches we've been to. 
  Dave and Joe are being REALLY GREAT to me. They're helping me get through a lot of the worries I had.
  The house and yard remind me a lot of when we were in Acushnet. I get to "play" in the yard and gardens until it either rains or gets to hot, then I just go in the house and do things in there. Dave and Joe work, so I keep myself and my mind busy so I don't keep getting lonely or feeling alone. Most of the time it works but it can really suck when it doesn't.
 I miss you more today than ever. I will always miss you and have a place for you in my heart. I know I will Love You forever.... ALWAYS & FOREVER.

In memory of Arthur's passing, I want to write about that time in my life.  This is the first time that I am putting this down on paper.

Last year I had to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do my life.  I had to basically watch a loved one pass away right before my eyes. On top of that I had to see the grief that it would cause not only his husband, but his brother in person. I have always seen things like this on TV shows and in foreign movies, but to experience it in person is an entirely different thing. This is one of the reasons why here we are, a year later, and I am just now putting it on paper. I am not sure if I can describe accurately the feelings of that day or the emotions of what I was going through and especially the people in the hospital room that night. I remember everything like it happened yesterday. 
It was early morning when I got a phone call from John telling me that Arthur had another attack and they had him outside of the house in the ambulance and told him to meet them at the hospital. I told John I would meet him there because I never let him be alone when this would happen. This was two weeks after his last attack. I drove to the hospital and found John. We were both in the waiting room when the nurse came over and said that we were being taken into the family waiting room. Looking back, this should have set off so many alarms in my head.

John and I were in the family waiting room talking and he explained to me that Arthur was sitting at the table in their kitchen and told him to call an ambulance. Little did either of us know this would be the last thing he would say to John.  After a little bit of a time, a doctor came in and we asked how Arthur was doing and he explained to us that they had to give him CPR in the ambulance and again in the ER. He then looked us and said “There's no easy way to say this, but yes, he will die.” I looked over at John and I could see all the color drain from his face. The doctor said he needed some information from John and I told him I would be right back, I went out into the hall to catch my breath and I called my Mother and let her know what was going on and that the doctor said he was going to pass. 
I went back into the room and John and I just sat there, neither of us could believe what had happened. After that a nurse came in and said we could go in and see Arthur. He had tubes and everything in him. We sat there for a little while, John and I talking to the nurses. A while later they said they were going to take him for some brain scans. When they took him I went to the bathroom and when I came back, John showed me Arthur's Mickey Mouse earring that Arthur had always word for good luck. He found it on the floor of the ER. 

That's was Thursday morning. John had called Arthur's brother Steve, who lived in California, and Steve said he was coming down. For the next few days the doctors did a series of tests on Arthur, but on Friday there would be a doctor that would do some tests to see about brain activity and if Arthur was responding to anything.  My sister, her boyfriend and their kids, as well as I and my boyfriend were in the waiting room. I had got a text from John that they were going let Arthur go that day.  My boyfriend and I stood there while everyone else left.  John came out and asked if we wanted to be in the room when it happened, I said yes and we both went in. 

It was like right out of the movie; the ICU unit was quiet. Up ahead was Arthur's room, lightly lit up by a tiny light. In the room it was I, Jason, John, Steve and the doctor. He had explained that they were going to turn off the machines first, then take out the breathing tube, and he then explained they would put a magnet over Arthur's pacemaker so it would stop. Watching all that was the toughest thing I've ever had to see in my life. I've seen it many, many times in movies, but this was obviously real life and was just…terrible. One by one the doctor did the things he said he would do. At about 12:32AM, on Saturday August 18th, Arthur Payton left us. John turned to me with tears in his eyes and said “My little man is gone.” I lost it right then and there. I couldn't hold it in. This man had been in my life since I was about 12 or 13 years old. I experienced so much, learned so much from him, and became a better person because of him.  This is something that I know will stick with me for the rest of my life. If I could never have to deal with this again, I would be so grateful. 

Arthur, where ever you are, you are missed, you are loved daily and remembered always. I will never forget you for as long as I live. I also promise to make sure every promise I made you comes true. I love you.

It was August 16, 2012 a little after 7am when I got up to use the bathroom, when I came out, you were sitting on the couch, fully clothed, putting your shoes and socks on. My usual habit was to stay up with you until you've left for work and then go back to bed. "I'm going back to bed," I said, "I'm really tired for some reason." I could hear the surprise in his voice when he said, "You're going back to bed?"
I had just started to fall back to sleep, when once again I heard that horrible sound. I opened my eyes to see you standing in the doorway saying, "You better call an ambulance." I called as I was getting dressed because I had to unlock the door downstairs so they could get in.
From this point on, everything was different from all the other times. This time there was blood on the towel you used to cover your mouth. I remember them coming upstairs but I don't know if it was the E.M.T.s first or Firefighters. To this very day, I don't remember seeing them take you down the stairs, the next thing I was aware of was being outside watching the ambulance to see if I could get to see what they were doing to you. After watching for what seemed like hours, I decided to get the car to the end of the driveway so I could follow them to the hospital. After about another 15-20 minutes an E.M.T. comes over to the car and tells me it would be better if I met them at the hospital. I remember talking to myself as I was driving, even though I knew something was very, very wrong this time, I kept telling myself everything was going to be fine. You'll be home again in no time.
I got to the hospital, I told the nurse at the desk who I was there to see, she looked him up on their computer and told me he was still being worked on and that they'd call me when it was okay for me to go in. This time though, they had me wait in a different waiting room by myself. Now I KNEW something was wrong and needed someone with me so I called Dennis right away. Dennis got to the hospital just as I got called in and was brought to a doctors office inside the E.R.
We were there for only a few minutes when a nurse came in to explain things to me, which to me was a complete waste of time because all I heard was "Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah." Shortly after she left, a doctor came in and I'll never forget the very first thing he said to me. "He's going to be gone by the weekend, if he makes it through the night. All I could do was look at Dennis, but I honestly don't remember what I thought, said, or did. Suddenly Dennis and I were walking to your room to see you. All those damned tubes and wires were back. He was even cold and clammy when I went to touch his hand this time.
We were there for just a few minutes when we were asked to wait outside the room because they had to clean him or something. There were a couple of chairs there so we sat right there for 10-15 minutes before we were told we could go back in. In his room a nurse handed me something they found on the floor and thought it was his. It was his Mickey Mouse earring he wore all the time because he said it was "lucky." Not this time though, it was found on the floor. I remember having my chair right by his bed so I could hold his hand, not caring who liked it or not. Dennis was still there with me.
I don't know how long we were sitting there when a nurse came in and asked us to wait in the waiting room because they had to move him to a different room. I don't know how or when he did it, but Dennis must have let his family know because they were all in the waiting room when we got there. We sat around and I tried the best I could to explain what was going on and what to expect. I got called over to someone standing outside the waiting room. When I got to him, he introduced himself as a Neurosurgeon Assistant and right in front of everyone tells me I should start making plans. I looked right at him and told him I had called his brother and NO-ONE will be touching him until his brother sees him FIRST and he won't be arriving until after noon the next day.
I don't know when he got there, but Jason was suddenly there too. A nurse came out and got me to take me to Art's room, so Dennis, Jason and I went together and sat with him the rest of the night.
I knew things would never be the same again. He'd never tell me I was "Number One" again. I'd never hear his giggle or snoring again. I'd never even feel his gentle touch again.
The doctor told me he'd call if there were changes so Dennis asked me to stay at his house since he lived closer to the hospital than I do. I didn't get a call until the next morning and it was only to tell me the person I loved more than anything in the word and shared my life with for 34 years was dying. I know I was still feeling numb, but I had a coffee before Dennis and I went back to the hospital. We were sitting by Art's bed when Dennis says to me he's already made something and wanted to know if I could handle seeing it. My insides screamed as I saw it. (I'll post it on facebook)
A nurse came in and explained things to me. Well let's just say I saw her lips moving but couldn't hear what she was saying. That is until she told me she had to take his rings off. I told her I'd take his wedding band off. I put it on him and I wanted to keep it. 

Soon after his brother came in and I gave him some private time with Art and when he came out we went somewhere more private so I could explain what Art's wishes were to him. To make very sure things would not change and there was no way for Arthur to improve, we waited for the Neurosurgeon to give him an examination. We waited in his office while he did the examination. He got back to us a little after midnight. There were changes, but not for the better. What hadn't already shut down in Art's body was now shutting down. He then said, he is Brain stem dead. Art's brother and I then told the doctor what Art's wishes were. He said fine and asked us to give him a few minutes because he had to make preparations and would come get us when he was done. For Steve and I. At this point I explained to Dennis what was going to happen and asked if he'd like to be there. Shortly after, Steve, Dennis, Jason and I were in Art's room listening to the doctor as he explained what he was doing. It didn't seem real, all I could do was stand there and stare. I went to Art's side and held his hand again Praying I was dreaming and he'd open his eyes, giving me one of his smiles.

As they ran a magnet over his pacemaker, the hand I was holding jerked free! I thought my Prayers had been answered but the doctor said it was just his muscles tightening up which is a normal reaction. Shortly after that, the doctor simply looks as his nurse and quietly says, "Pronounced at 12:32 am - August 18, 2012.

My best friend, my partner of 34 years, my Spouse for 7 years. my little man, my smurf, was gone.

It's a year later and I still think about you Art, every single day. Sometimes I smile, sometimes I chuckle. The hurt seems to be getting replaced all the good memories and the memories are causing more and more smiles.

I'll never stop missing and loving you Art. I will carry you in my heart ALWAYS & FOREVER

Hi Art,
 The time has been flying by. I can't believe you're already gone 11 months! There still hasn't been a day I don't think about you and I still get all teary eyed on most of them. 
We're in the rainy season right now and it can get on your nerves at times. Just as you plan on going for a walk or working in the yard, it starts pouring. Sunny and hot one minute, rainy and thundering the next. It'll be over soon and I can't wait to get back to normal. Going for a daily walk with Kaley. But I found out she doesn't like to walk when it's too hot because the tar and cement is too hot for her paws. (took me a bit to figure this out.) 
Been planting flowers and things in the yard and yes, I even have a little section for you. It's a small cactus garden the will most likely get bigger as the cactus grow. I remember how much you like them and this is the place for them. There's so many different varieties here. Going to be fun experimenting with different ones.
It's almost like Acushnet was, a nice big yard with a nice lawn to cut and keep trim. I really enjoy that! Just like I did then, I get things that I need to do in the house, then if it's not raining, I'm outside for a while. 
Dave, Joe and I still get along very well. 
I've started watching the programs I used to watch before you went away. There's still a lot of them I won't watch anymore because it's something WE used to do. We would have a good time watching something and laughing along with the  program or laughing at how dumb the people in it were. 
There's still so much I think about and so much I miss. Most of all, I miss you, even though I know you're here with me, it's not the same and won't be when you're waiting for a little hug, peck on the cheek, or just a little touch. 
 Having your table set up in my spare room with some of the Native American things makes that room really special. The rooms very comfortable every time I sit in there with you. You will ALWAYS have a place in my heart because I miss you and will love you ALWAYS and FOREVER !!

Hi Art, 
 Here it is now 10 months and I'm still having trouble believing you're really gone. I still remember the look on the doctors face when he told me what was what. I still remember what the Neurologist's Assistant said to me out side the waiting room. 
 I know what I felt as they were telling me. It felt like a bad dream and that they were all wrong. I was going to get called in your room any minute to find you laying there with that smirk on your face, like I'd seen so many times before. This time was different though. 
 It's totally amazing how your life can be so comfortable one minute and fall apart the very next. I'm still getting through all the changes. 
 I'm glad Dave and Joe asked me to come to Florida with them. The heat and humidity is different, but I'm not having any problems at all. My breathing is better than it was. Even my diabetes is under control. I even feel a lot better than I was feeling. 
 We're in the rainy season right now and that means it could be sunny and warm one minute and raining the very next and then after about an hour, it's sunny again. This will go one until September or October.
 Art, I know you want me to move on and not want me to be sad all the time. I don't know how I can't be while I'm still missing you something awful. I think about you every day and wish you were still with me. There's so much here in Florida I know you'd like to see too. 
 The only thing that really helps me when I'm missing you is knowing how much better you health is where you are now. I still wouldn't mind getting another chance to hug or hold you one more time. Or to hear you talk or laugh or even tell me I'm "number one". Those are things I'll always remember as well as keep a place for you in my heart for ALWAYS and FOREVER.

I love and miss you very much!

Hi Art, Things are going really well here in Florida. Got my first taste of a Tropical Storm with Tornado watches all day yesterday. It was the first time in years, you weren't here to calm me down or stop me from pacing back and forth.
 Going to start going for walks again with Kaley on Monday. We couldn't go at all this week because of the rain. We started out rainy season so it's probably rain for about an hour a day until Sept. That's later in the day or early evening now for the rain so I have plenty of time to walk with Kaley.

I'm getting used to the warm weather here. I like being able to be in shorts and a tank top all the time and I don't need a jacket. Even the air conditioner is different from what you and I had in the apartment. It feels different anyway. I like it because if it does get too humid outside, I just come back in to cool off. The only real problem I have is getting into the car after it's been sitting for a little while. Dave does what you used to do, have me wait while he cools the car off with the a/c so I can get in. 
 
 I'm starting to enjoy taking pictures again. I could almost feel you with me the last time I went to Billy's Creek Preserve. There's quite a bit there we both enjoy. I might go back sometime this week or I may wait a week or two before going back to give things a chance to bloom and to see if different birds are around the water.

Going to cut the grass tomorrow. Dave and Joe made me promise to wait for them to be home from work before I even attempt to cut the grass because of my breathing. My breathing is fine until there's dust or a stink of some kind.

I'm writing this while I'm watching my Friday night Ghost Programs. (same ones you and I used to watch)

I'm going to sign off for now. I'll write again soon. I love you and miss you and I will ALWAYS and FOREVER.

Art,
   Thinking of you always..

Steve, Maggie & Noah

HI ARTHUR WE HAVE JOHN DOWN HERE WITH US IN FLORIDA DOING WHAT WE CAN TO MAKE THINGS GOOD FOR HIM WE WILL ALWAYS BE THINKING ABOUT YOU AND MISSING YOU, NO MORE WORRIES FRIEND WE WILL DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO TAKE CARE OF JOHN AND HOPEFULLY GIVE HIM A GOOD LIFE DOWN HERE WITH US.. LOVE YOU

Hi Art;
 At exactly 12:32am, nine months ago today, I sat there and watched you rest your final rest. 
 I left that day and the pain of losing you still hasn't gone away. I think about you all the time. I laugh and still cry remembering the time we shared together. I heard our song today for the first time in nine months and it started the tears because the last time I heard that song was when I played it for you before I had to leave your side. The funny thing is, is when I heard the song, since it was your ringtone, I went for my phone thinking you were calling. Foolish, I know.
 I'm really enjoying being in Florida. The weather here is not what people made it out to be. It's a little warmer than it was when we went to Disney World and sometimes it can get a bit on the humid side and when that happens, I come into the house and into the central air to cool off. Kaley even seems to enjoy it more than the city too. Almost every morning I take her for a walk, maybe around the block or maybe even longer. Yesterday was over a mile walk. She was panting big time when we got home. She may have even called me a name or too. I could see it in her eyes.
 Since being here, my diabetes has leveled off again to the point of not having to take insulin. My breathing is 95% better than it was in New Bedford. The other 5% gets on my nerves once in a while, but smells, dust and smoke usually cause it to act up for a little while. I've even lost a bit over 50 pounds.
 The house is nice and big here, at least two and a half sizes bigger than what we had in New Bedford and we liked that, well, except for the kitchen... oh and the stairs. Everything is on one floor here and on one step to the porch in the front of the house and two steps outside the back door. You'd really love "resting your eyes" under the big Mango tree in the back yard. I'll write more about the house next time.
 My clock just changed to 12:32am and once again everything came rushing back. The doctor looking at Me, Steve, Dennis and Jason and pronouncing you. I lost the physical you that day, but since then I've held you in my heart, where you'll be today, tomorrow ALWAYS and FOREVER.

Hi Art;
 Very shortly it'll be 8 months you're gone. I still think about you every day, the fun we had, the little comments you'd come out with just to see me turn red, and how often you'd tell me I was "number one". Most of all, I think about how much I still miss you and how easy the tears still come. I'm still loving it here in Florida, but it WOULD be a LOT better with you here in person. 
I think about all the fun we had when we went to the beaches in New Bedford and know how much more you'd like the beaches here because they're so clean and so much easier to walk on. The water is really nice and clean here too. You can walk a ways in and not step on all kinds of crap that doesn't belong there. 
 You already know I've been taking pictures around Florida and as soon as my checks start coming in I can start looking for the kinds of places you and I used to enjoy going to take more. 
It's really nice here, sitting on the porch listening to all the birds and drinking my coffee while all kinds of lizards start coming out to sun themselves.
There's so much I miss about you, I couldn't list everything here. What I will put here is I Love You and will always have you in my heart, ALWAYS and FOREVER.

Hi Art;
It's eight months today you left me because your heart was tired and it was time for you to move on. Eight months and it still feels like yesterday! 
You already know I've made most of the changes we talked about. The only difference is you're not here to enjoy them with me.
Dave and Joe are fun to live with. We all get up around the same time in the morning and sit on the front porch having our coffee and talking. Then I'm off getting things put away. One more room to go and I'll be finished. I plan on being here a LONG time so there's really no big rush.
Right now we're having quick thunderstorms and it's a nice comfortable 72* and calm. It's so nice here, my breathing has gotten better and I don't have trouble unless there's dust or fumes from something.
I just wanted to write you a quick message to let you know I was thinking of you again and still have you in my heart. Where you'll be for ALWAYS & FOREVER!

Hi Art;
I'm really glad I made the big move! The weather here is beautiful and getting better by the day. I've been here a week already and enjoying UNpacking more than I did packing everything. Now I know what you went through when we moved. 
It's only been a week, but living with Dave and Joe seems like it was a smart move on my part. I'm not so alone anymore. We do something you would have loved to do with us, that's sitting on the porch, drinking our coffee and talking. We do that together first thing in the morning and again after supper. 
You were right about how much I'd enjoy it here. I've only used my inhaler the first two days since getting here. I have little to no problems breathing unless I run around playing with Kaley in the yard. She's quicker than I thought! She's loving it here too. She's already been outside more here than all the time we had her and she loves every minute of it. I love watching her sit in the driveway and watch everything that's going on. 
It's going to be a short note tonight because I'm tired tonight. I wanted to see if this gets entered into the book since the last two I wrote haven't.
I love you and miss you a LOT. I know you're still with me and you know I'll hold you in my heart ALWAYS & FOREVER !

Hi Art;
 Things are a little better since everything happened last August. The word here being 'little'. I understand it could be a lot worse than it is, but still. The worst of all is the runaround Social Security is giving me. I've already been there twice and both times they told me something different.
You most likely already know I'll be moving, hopefully by March 1st. I've been getting a lot of packing done, with Cheryl's help (Cheryl doing most of it). I think the hardest part is done, it should be easier from tomorrow on. 
I like this apartment and wouldn't mind keeping it, but since I can't work, can't go a few feet without having trouble breathing, never mind working, and waiting for Social Security to get off their butts, it's not a reality. No worries though, where I go, the dog is going with me and I've already told them that more than once.
There's a good chance of talking to you again this week and hopefully will have some good news too.
I love you and still miss you. I'll never forget you and will love you Always and Forever !

Hi Art,
Still a lot going on with getting the car inspected, getting two tires for the front and re-regisitering to starting to get things I'm not using packed. 
The rent is paid through February so I still have plenty of time. I'm going to get a place on the first floor and one that allows dogs because Kaley IS coming with me. 
Right now I'm still trying to take things a step at a time. As far as packing, I'm not worried, you know me and know I'll have the packing done. 
It's soon going to be five months and I'm just now starting to get used to being alone. I AM having trouble with being lonely all the time. I still miss a lot of the things we used to do. I keep in mind that you are no longer suffering and living day by day because we never knew when the next heart attack would happen.
You are ALWAYS on my mind and in my heart ALWAYS & FOREVER !

Hi Art, 
 Today, on what would have been our 35th year together and since you're in my heart and on my mind, I wanted to wish you a Happy Anniversary.
 We went through a lot together. Fun times, bad times, happy times, sad times and nothing ever changed how we felt about each other. The more time we spent together, the stronger our love for each other would grow.
 I missed you very much Christmas Eve and Day. Even though there were others there, you weren't. A couple of times I found myself looking over at the couch, thinking or maybe even hoping I'd see you taking one of your little naps, but of course you weren't. When it would become a little harder to handle, I'd go outside for a smoke. They all know why I'd do that and let me have some time to myself.
 What really gets to me at times with all of this is how only a very few people really know and care about what I'm going through, others couldn't care at all. The few people that do care have been with me from the start and have been there for me. It feels good knowing that someone's out there should I need to talk.
 I'm going to write again soon. I have to much on my mind to continue right now.
 Even though I'm still wishing you were here with me, I know I can keep you in my heart, ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

Hi Art;
I've been wanting to write to you sooner but it's still hard putting my thoughts and feelings into words.
Because of the people around me at Thanksgiving, I was able to handle you not being with me physically a little better.
Christmas may be different though. It was the holiday and time of year we both enjoyed most. From the time we'd go shopping for each other, usually at the same time and right after Thanksgiving, to Christmas Eve when we'd exchange gifts our special way. Then we'd spend Christmas Day with friends.
A lot has changed since you went away in August. Something that hasn't changed and I pray never does, I'll be with those same friends for Christmas.
I keep calling them "friends", but you know yourself they've always treated me more like FAMILY than my own has.
Terry and Ron want me to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with them and I can even take Kaley with me. I can be myself around them and not have to worry about trying to hide my feelings. They know how much I miss you.
There's times Terry has a couple of doctor appointments in the same week so she'll stay here with me a day or two and I honestly enjoy it. It gives me someone to talk to. Someone to laugh with. Someone to show the changes I've made in the apartment and someone to (brace yourself) cook for, even it's all just for a little while. Then it's back to an empty apartment and the loneliness.
I still find myself looking for you to tell you something or show you something. There's even  times I still glance at the clock around 3:15 and 3:30 and get ready for the daily text message you'd send me and then remember I won't be getting them anymore. 
I can be at the table and hear Kaley snoring and my mind still tells me it's you sleeping in your chair. I expect this to happen because it's what helped me get through all the times you had to stay in the hospital for a while. It actually helped me from feeling so alone.
Being alone isn't half as bad as being lonely. Right now I'm VERY lonely. I'm trying my best to handle it but there's times it's harder than others.
Back to Christmas for a second. Looking around the apartment, will no-longer see any decorations. I don't want any here without you to share them with.
Because of the people in my life, Terry, Ron, Big Dennis, Dennis, Dave, Amanda, Lil Dennis, Heather, Gina, Karin, Aleya, Lisa, Dwayne and the kids and Jane, I know I won't ever actually be alone. I can't thank them enough for that.
I'm going to end this letter here and write to you again soon, most likely right after the Holidays.
Remember, no matter how alone I am or how lonely I'm feeling, I have you in my heart and that's where you'll be Always & Forever.

Happy Birthday Art!

Always & Forever
Love (me)

Hi Art;
 It might be because your birthday is coming up or the holidays are here,  but I've been thinking about you a lot lately. The people and friends around me know I miss you, I just don't let them see how much.
  It's just at times I feel like talking to you the way we used to or something I want to tell you and I can't. There are times I will talk to you while I'm doing things around here, but it's just not the same. I miss your smile and giggle or the way you'd laugh at something you saw or heard. I can't list everything I miss about you because there isn't enough time or room. Most of all, I MISS YOU!! Holding one of your pictures while I walk from room to room as though I'm looking for you, helps a little but I still long for the real thing.
   I've been making changes in the apartment. I don't care how nice it looks, I find myself waiting for you to walk in and hear you say, "I like that!" with a smile on your face. That's when I really feel like I accomplished something.
   I'm not going to put up a Christmas tree or anything else because it would not be the same any more. Especially with you not being here to share it with me. I honestly know what you'd say but I know you'd also understand. Maybe, just maybe sometime down the road I may get the holiday spirit again, I just don't see it happening right now.
   I think about you almost every minute of every day. Sometimes it makes me smile but mostly it makes me sad. That may change after a while but, I know I will NEVER stop missing you.
   I wear your wedding band over my heart and I hold you in my heart. I will Always and Forever !!

Well Art, in a little less than a week it will be three months since you went away. I'm slowly getting things done. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I'm trying my best to stay busy so I don't think so much. It's almost impossible because I still miss you a lost and still feel the "empty feeling".
 I don't think you being gone has hit me completely yet. I still expect you to walk in, either from your room to go to the bathroom because of that "stupid pill" or come walking in from work or the grocery store.
 I feel no excitement towards the holidays and I don't think I ever will again. I know I won't be celebrating any of them here anymore. We had a lot of fun and enjoyed being together all the years we shared our lives.
 On Thanksgiving, we would start watching the parade, then end up at a friends house for dinner.
 For several years, as a couple, we spent the day with them. This year, once again, I've been invited for dinner. I will be going, even though I know what it's going to be like going without you for the first time in many years. I'm going because I don't want to be here by myself, but at the same time, I don't want to ruin the day for anyone else. Knowing them as long as I do, each and every one of them know what I'm going through and still want me there with them. After all, they also knew you for some 21-22 years and will also be dealing with you not being with us.

 I will Always and Forever miss you and Love You.

I'm just going to ramble a bit today.  

The last few days have been a bit rough. I've been remembering different things What I was told when I first got to the hospital. What the doctor told me when he came into that little office. What the staff said as they let me in the trama room to see you. I keep remembering what you looked like with all the tubes and wires that were hooked up to you. It was a little better when they took some of them off when they moved you. How I waited for you to open your eyes and smile like all the other times and what I felt like when you didn't.
 I try really hard to keep myself busy so this doesn't keep happening, but it's right there as soon as I stop or they just pop up at any time. I don't mind so much the good memories. There's times I'll get a smile or even a chuckle from those.  
 I've been making changes to the apartment that I think you'd like.
It sounds like an easy job, but it's not. Every time I move something or throw something out, the memories come rushing back. We shared a long time together and yet I can remember the fun we had buying these things. We even got a kick out the people that thought we were dumb just so they could make a sale. Their expressions were unforgettable when they found out different.
I'm still having a very hard time going through your things. If it didn't have to be done, I wouldn't be touching it at all.
Kaley still goes and sniffs around and under the door to your room. Like me, she still looks for you and waits for you to come walking in the door at certain times.
You'd be happy to know I'm doing some cooking. It's not bad so far, although I'd give anything to taste your cooking again.
I've got things to get done today, hopefully it will make the day pass quicker. But I don't care where I am, what time of day it is, or what friends I'm with, I will continue to love you and miss you. I will, Always and Forever !

After a day and a half, at 12:32 am on August 18th 2012 you were pronounced. Even though I know you had already left me earlier, it didn't make things any easier.
All through the time we shared our lives together, we made promises to each other and didn't hesitate to keep them. The promise I kept to you that night was the hardest one I've ever made and even harder to keep. The only thing making it a little easier is knowing where you are and you're no longer suffering or in pain. I saw you go through it a few times and saw what you were going through. Then what you had to go through to get better once you were home again. Each time it took a little longer for you to get back on your feet. You never complained, not once, about what you were going through. But, knowing you the way I did, I was able to tell how tired you were getting by some of the things you were doing. This one was the worst of them all and it was time to let you go so you could rest and not have to worry about me any more. Hopefully, you're looking down at me with that smile. 
I've been making some changes in the apartment that I like and there are times it makes me smile because I wait for you to come home and see how long it takes you to notice what I've been doing.
Because of our wonderful life together came to such an unexpected end, I'm having a hard time dealing with the hurt and pain of you no-longer being here, but I will be strong and deal with it. Being alone almost all the time can get on my nerves, again I will be strong and deal with it. Getting used to the fact that you'll no longer be texting me after work to tell me the errands you were going to do before coming home, you won't be coming out of your room anymore, sit at the table to eat supper with me, or take a "nap" in your chair after supper. I'm doing the best I can to deal with that. What I am having trouble dealing with is the LONELINESS I feel every time I turn to tell you something, want to hug you just for the heck of it, or you touch as you rubbed my shoulders, scratched my back or rubbed my head the way you did. There's a lot that I think of that helps make me smile. Wanting and missing our personal time together makes me lonely and no matter how long it takes me to get used of everything else, the loneliness I feel for you will go on Always and Forever.

I'm sitting here, looking around the apartment and thinking about the fun we had when we got most of these things. The fun we had when I would add something we just bought to the things already here and see how long it took you to find it. 
We had a lot of fun together. Thirty-four years wasn't enough time for us. We could have had a lot more time. But I know you were very tired and needed to sleep. I was selfish and didn't want you to go. You had no choice. 
I just can't help wondering how you are now. Are you more rested? Are you healthier ?
I'm finding a lot more pictures of us from earlier days than I thought we ever had. They'll help me hold onto the memories even more. When I get things done here, Steve will be getting a box of pictures and things I think he'd like to have. It will probably take me a while to get everything done because I start doing things and memories come rushing back making me miss you even more. 
I know it HAS to be done, but I don't have to like giving your things away. 

I miss you so much I can't put it into words. I just know the loneliness I feel is because of you not physically here anymore, but you'll be in my heart Always and Forever.

I was thinking about you again today and thought I'd write something.
Even though the people around me are trying their best to keep me busy, both physically and mentally, I still can't seem to over come the loneliness I feel. 
I'm just now starting to realize you will Not be coming home from work at 3:55 any more. You won't be coming out of your bedroom to use the bathroom in the middle of the night to find me still on my tablet at the table.
I would give ANYTHING to hear you call me or snore in the chair. I'd even love to smell your cooking again.
When I get to see you again, we'll sit down for a nice Italian sausage with green peppers and onions and pasta shells supper.
I still miss you more than anything in the world. That will never change. I will miss you Always and Forever.

I wasn't going to write, but I hope others find some comfort in the memories of you that everyone is sharing. 

Arthur you were so conscious of everthing that you put in your wedding basket for Spirit Bear and one thing caught my attention then and has been brought to mind again several times, especially of late...the peacock feather. You gifted it to him with an explanation that truly has stuck with me all these years..."because a peacock can fly, but chooses not to do so". 

In love, in life, we have so many opportunities to "fly" away from hardships. We "flew" away from each other, but I have taken a wonderful experience with me. Thank you Arthur for sharing your conviction so openly. I have learned that I do have choices...I "flew" away from situations I needed to remove myself and children from and in the process held my ground firmly when necessary. Love is a choice, whether among partners, family, children, friends, and humankind in general. I hope to always remember the way you loved and always know when to fly and when to stay.

Art,
I had to clean out the storage area and had to make quite a few choices today I hoped I'd never had to make.
I got rid of the Christmas, Halloween, and Thanksgiving decorations. They were holidays we always celebrated TOGETHER for thirty-three years. You're not here, so those are things I just don't need or want anymore.
What hurt more than ever was having to part with things we bought over the years. Every time I looked at something, every time I held something, I remembered the fun we had buying it and now I have to give it up.
It's not fair that for 34 years we built a life together. First you were taken and now I have to give up a lot the things we shared together.
I won't give up the memories I have. I hold those in my heart, Always and Forever !

Always thinking about you. It's just so weird that you're not here anymore. Really is. Miss you.

Hi Art, 
 Shortly it will be a month you had to go away and nothing has changed for me. 
 I can't stop thinking about you. About all the things you did for me. Everything you went through to make sure I was happy. All the fun we had through the years. We had fun because we did everything together. We not only went places, but we talked about where we went and what we did when we got home.
 I thought I would have stopped crying by now, but it's hard, I MISS YOU and LOVE YOU and I will Always and Forever !

I came to write a message to you. Suddenly, everything I've been feeling the last few weeks came rushing forward.
I don't look forward to the weekends anymore. I don't even look forward to the days and the nights anymore. When you got home from work, the rest of the day was OURS. We'd have supper then relax and the night was OURS. This went on all week and then the weekends were OURS.
You're gone now and I feel so empty, I can't put it into words. I still look at the clock and expect the text about what you had to do on the way home from work.
I'll continue this soon. I thought I could do it now, but I can't.
I will love you Always and Forever !

I've been thinking of you a lot lately. It's supposed to get easier as time goes by, but I don't see that happening any time soon.
In a few days, it will be a month that you left me. Not because you wanted to, but because you had to. You were getting more and more tired each time you got sick but you didn't want me to know so I didn't worry. Too late, I already had been worrying ever since the very first time. I miss you every day and will Always and Forever !

It's supposed to get better with time. I can see it's going to a while. I still feel like it's a bad dream.
 I'm miss reaching out and touching you. I miss the hugs, the tender words, the laughing, the crying. Most of all, I'm missing you and will Always and Forever.

 I've been thinking about all the good times we had, almost everyday of our 34 years, and I can't help smiling. 
 The close friends we have, are doing what they can to keep me busy, making sure I eat, and taking all my medications.
 No matter how busy I am, the house is still empty without you here. No longer do I hear you walking around or taking the dog up and down the stairs. No longer do I hear you doing things in the kitchen. I can no-longer hear you sleeping in the chair.
 We accomplished one major goal out of everything we did, We Grew Old Together !! Thank you for all the fun memories and for everything you did for me. I'll remember you Always & Forever !

I have missed you a lot over the past 3 years. I had fun helping you set up camp at the pow wows and chatting with you. You were always nice and never got impatient with my stuttering like other people did. Thanks for always being a good friend and role model.

Shortly it will be a week since you left me. I've been doing my best to stay strong, but it's not working to well. I've never missed anyone the way I've missed you this passed week. Hopefully it will get easier to handle as time goes on. I know it will never go away because I'm going to be missing you Always & Forever.

Art, I never thought I'd be going through this so soon, living my life without you. I expected it, just not so soon.
  I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss you. It feels like one, long, bad dream I can't wake up from.
  Until I see you again, Always and Forever  Love (me)

You were a hard person to read but even then- I had to break the silence and always try to make simple conversation with you. Wishing you the best on your journey forward as we here keep the memories of the trail left behind strong. Forever missed but far from forgotten. You have family and friends here waiting to see you again..

Arthur I couldn't believe the news when Dennis told me. You were always a wonderful man to Nancy and I when we lived on Austin St. 

John I am so sorry to hear about this. Stay strong and God bless

I am deeply saddened to hear about Arthur's passing. So many wonderful memories we had.

Archie you will be missed! Deepest sympathies to your partner.

Arthur, I didn't know I only heard about you through stories that Dennis told me and they were all wonderful, you will be missed. Deepest sympathy to your husband John.

You were always wonderful to talk to at Ship Supply, going to miss your friendly face.

I didn't know you that well, but we had some laughs and good conversations, especially while watching everyone running around taking care of their business! ;-)
I will remember your quiet strength and sense of humor. I'll miss you. And my heart felt condolences to you (John) S.B.

Art... I will never forget you. The conversations by many cool evening fires.... The comparing and sharing a new found tea... The great laughs about the coolest inside jokes you shared.... Your smile brightened the darkest days. Ill miss you. Till we meet again.

My deepest sympathy to you John. I know how much Arthur meant to you! I will always have wonderful memories of him. May he rest in peace.

Art, I knew how sick you've been and new this day would come, I just didn't expect it so soon. This wasn't supposed to happen to us now. We were supposed to grow old, errrr older together. I will forever be grateful to you, love you and will hold you in my heart Always and Forever... 
Love (me)

I am so sorry for your loss, I know the heart ache that goes with that.  WIll keep you in Prayer daily.  Sending you big hugs!

Memories from Holy Family High, sharing so many friends and good times, God bless you, Arthur, may  you rest in peace!

May your memories of the wonderful times you shared with your loved one comfort you and your family, today and always.

Have a safe trip to heaven.Untill we meet again.
your sister, Maggie
xxxxx

Arthur. Words can not express how deeply I am going to miss you. I will remember every little thing we talked about. All our jokes and everyhing. I will also keep every promise you asked of me. And you know John will be taken care of. Promise. Love and miss you always.

I will never forgot anything you taught me, I will always remember our conversations, inside jokes everything. I promise you that I will do everything I promised, I also promise to take care of John like you asked. I'll never break that. Love you and miss you.

Hey Papa Smurf;
    Want to say rest in peace and thank you for everything you did for me.
May the great Spirits of this earth and Beyond carry your soul to the heaven's In Peace and Harmony...will miss you..

Arthur me and lil d have many memories of you.. We will never never forget you... We love you oh so much

OBITUARY

Arthur L. Payton

December 4, 1943 – August 18, 2012

Rock Funeral Home

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