Tuesday… always Tuesday…I search the stars…
Desperately waiting…watching… for some sign that you hear me..reliving our last conversation.. I love you…I’m so proud of you..

Today, I still my mind, surrounding everything in silence.....I wait....wait for your beautiful face to appear....wait to hear your voice in my head......
The silence closes in.........my heartbeat grows louder & louder.......
It aches for you to come to me in my dreams....if I could only see you one more time....talk to you one more time....hold you one more time...
But not yet....
My grief is a lifelong journey - you were taken too soon. I was not ready....none of us were....
Being 50% happy & 50% sad at any given moment...I guess in my mind that is how I honor you.  It is the delicate balance of unimaginable loss....& realizing it is not my time yet.  It is how you allow me to endlessly miss you & yet try to live a life of gratitude.  I will never forget what you felt like - the bond we had - your laugh - your larger than life personality - oh & that smile, you would light up a room every time you entered. Remembering...all of it...what it felt like to watch you care about others...making sure they knew they were never alone....many will not understand....but those who loved you... love you still. It never gets easier. It's been 12 years - yesterday & a lifetime ago - all wrapped in one. 
Until I see you again my son.....I will go on missing you.
I am & will always remain the Greatest Fan of Your Life.
XOXOXO Mom

I know today is Saturday......but 8 years ago....on an ordinary Tuesday/Wednesday.....the universe shifted and I was not prepared. 
 
Tuesday - love, laughter, visions of the future. Loving conversation, inspirational discussions of the future, excited about eminent change, feelings of bold new beginnings, loving our open conversation, the smiles of open hearts and the sense of a life without judgement, ultimate acceptance, constantly teaching each other and learning from one another. Saying ‘so long’ with a hug, a smile and closing with the ever-present reminder - be safe, be smart, be good....... saying “ I love you”.....shared with a loving look into each other’s eyes to mean I love all of you - always & forever.......

Wednesday - darkness, hard to breathe, lifeless void. Grey matter surrounds my heart. It beats rapidly in waves of emotion. Thoughts race through my head yet words have no form.....because there are no words that capture what has happened, how deeply (heart) broken I am. 

Aftermath - the endless search for Balance in the duality of living without you. 

Ying....Endless love. Joyfulness. Laughter. Generosity of spirit. Inspiration. Gratitude. Oneness.
Yang ....Loss. Void. Heartbreak. Anger. Pain. Longing. Lifelessness. Without purpose.  

........yet my journey has taught me that Hope is ever-present.  Hope of finding peace, of healing, of seeing you again, of remembering the oneness in all things. People say let go of the past. Live in the present. But our past is the journey that got us to our present. The same is true of regret - if we wish something were different in our past - we would not have all that we do right here, right now in this moment. You will always be a part of my past, no regrets. My ‘present’ is very blessed and I am grateful ......my search continues for Balance. 

Sometimes I just can’t hide the hurt. Today was filled with visual deja vu that was paralyzing. Yet I know tomorrow will come. 
I love you Nigel, Mom

28 years ago a longtime dream of mine came true..... I brought a beautiful little human into the world and learned of a love unlike anything I would know in my lifetime. I cherish that gift to this day. I had always longed for the closeness of giving birth to a child that was made of me. That I could call my own. That no one could ever take away from me because my love was so strong, heaven and earth couldn’t separate us. Life had a different plan 🙇‍♀️.  I have so many wonderful memories with you - how your larger than life personality, your beautiful smile that would light up a room, and your deep hearted passion for life ....all those things and many more touched so many peoples lives and changed them - especially mine. I MISS you desperately 🙇‍♀️. I love you always 💞. I am and will always remain the Greatest Fan of Your Life ❤️🙏💙. Until we meet again my beautiful son.....and we will meet again....keep shining your light on everyone✨💫 xoxo xoxo Mom
@colepeddie @seanmadix #peddieboyswag

Happy Birthday my handsome son!

Oh Nigel. I miss you so much. Today, you would have been 28. Like everyone of your birthdays, I remember your birth as if it was yesterday. Watching you be born was the greatest day of my life.  

I keep thinking life will get better but it's still one day at a time. Still so much anger from you leaving too soon. 

Cole continues to carry on your legacy. I know you would be so proud of your little brother. I know you will continue to watch over him.

Love you with all my heart now and always.

Dad   

Hey bud I have been think about you randomly in the life I have made and I can’t help but smile while I was reading some of the memories you mom has written cause I feel just the same... I can’t help but know you stood by me through my horrible and life ruining addiction to prison and we’re definitely there to help me pick up the pieces over the past three and a half years my life is amazing and even more so with a guardian angel like you I love and miss you Buddy 

That smile.....we all long for that beautiful smile ❤❤. We will see you again my beautiful boy....one day your arms will be wrapped around me in only the way you know how. I love you. I miss you. Xoxoxoxo Mom ❤#nigelpeddie #peddieboyswag #foreveryoung  with Nigel Peddie.

5 years ago I was winding down a job, packing up to go to Chicago for a week, & chatting with you about your life. How in 12 days you would get your DL back & I planned on giving you the new car - your whip!! We talked about how things were changing in your life, you were re enrolling in college but questioning how it would get you what you really wanted. You were looking to the future - a vast wilderness of possibilities. You were hopeful. You were fearless & fearful at the same time. I find myself anxious as the day(s) have drawn near. Sometimes I wish January simple didn't exist anymore. I don't want to be sad but there is something about my heart aching that makes me know I'm still alive inside. I miss you Nigel. Tears well up as I type this. I am finding that the question of "what would Nigel being doing right now" keeps creeping into my thoughts. I find myself reflecting on my time with you-All the things we did-All the things we never got a chance to do. These past 5 years has awoken me to a new sense of 'time'. Time creates memories. It allows you to remember old memories. It opens windows to dream of things to come. It can make everything stand still. So dependent upon where you are in your life experience .....it can fill your heart with joy, excitement, & anticipation ---- or it can pull you to the ground (in an ungrounded way) & hold you frozen in a paralyzed state, not being able to move, think, feel or see anything beautiful.
While time can be torturous....It can also be healing. Not in the sense that I will EVER get over losing you, but, in its truest form, time changes how you feel--about everything. I miss everything about you & every new experience you don't get to be a part of..... but deep within me I know you're always near me. I have learned a new, deeper sense of humility, patience & gratitude for every moment in my life - I take nothing for granted!!! You did this-you did this for me! And I have to say thank you my beautiful son, for all the gifts you continue to give me. Today, tomorrow & forever-remember .....I am & will Always Remain the Greatest Fan of Your Life!!!! ❤ Xoxoxo Mom #nigelpeddie #peddieboyswag

I am missing you deeply today.......So many things I am sorry for.....I love you my handsome prince......I will see you again....and personally ask for your forgiveness.  I am and will always remain the greatest fan of your life! 

xoxoMom

February 1, 2012, 4 years ago today you made your transition from this earth...from the beautiful body you occupied. Nothing has changed since you left....1000s of people still love you & miss you everyday - yet at the same time, everything has changed. What a beautiful testimony to your life that you are thought of still with such love & affection. Just bringing up your name in a conversation .......
Where once it brought instant tears now brings a smile of beautiful memories & even a moment of silence ....stillness ....that brings people into this moment. What better way to teach all of us how precious every moment is & to fully live it from our hearts. There is so much to say...so much to tell you...& yet all I hear in my mind is "I love you...I love you so much". My heart is pounding as I try to hold back my tears  My heart aches for your physical presence. Nigel, I know you are with me today - I could feel you holding my hand as I meditate. Thank you for your strength & forgive me my weakness. 
These tattoos are in honor of you. The heart crafted from your name was my 1st..I got it on the 1st Mother's Day after you left. The 2nd was an expansion knowing you will remain Forever Young. The last one is my reminder...."I am & will Always Remain the Greatest Fan of Your Life". The OM symbol is on my pulse to remind me I am still alive & to be the greatest fan of my own life. I got this one on your last birthday, 2015. I love you baby & I miss you like crazy. Be with us all as we remember you today. ❤

I did not forget your Birthday My Love - how can I. This is the message I sent you...

Happy Birthday my Beautiful Nigel!! ❤ Today is a day like no other...it is the day you entered my life and gave breath to a love I never knew until you. It is in that moment when you realize for the first time that you would do Anything to protect another human being.....including giving your own life to save theirs. So when I say I miss you - it comes from a place soooo very deep inside me that those words, any words, cannot adequately convey what it feels like to not have you here. 
But today is a celebration of your gifts to this world. You showed all of us what true friendship is....how important listening is....what laughter can do for the soul. You with your contagious laugh...your booming 'base' of a voice....your brilliant smile that lit up the room the moment you entered...and let's not forget those hugs that came from deep within and held us all tight with such genuine love and kindness.  Your time here may have been shorter than I wanted, but I couldn't be more proud of the profound impact you made...and still make...on hundreds of people's lives. Today, I celebrate you and with all the love in my heart, I tell you this......I would do it all again just to have you in my life one more time. 
I am and will Always Remain the Greatest Fan of Your Life. Xoxoxo Mom ❤ #peddieboyswag #foreveryoung


In my dreams I share with you this....Why is it that the pain is so deep inside me that it overpowers any sense of healing...
I can't change it, I can't bring your physical form back....sometime I can barely bring you into my dreams. I often reflect on what my learnings are for this life in an attempt to become aware of the now, rather than reflecting on them when it's over. I look for patterns of behavior, of choices, of events and I found one that had to do with you. When I was a young girl I loved animals and we had plenty of them. Some grew old and passed on, others have life to new puppies, and one in particular was taken from me and given away. I had no say in it, I had no control of the outcome. I was only left with an empty heart. I remember at that moment telling myself that I couldn't  wait to have children ....of my own....because no one would be able to ever take that away from me. This was my greatest attachment. This is my greatest lesson. I have loved you my whole life ...before you were even mine.


Happy Birthday Nigel!?????? 23 years ago today I went to work, went to the movies, walked the mall, & had a normal day of a mother expecting her 1st child. I talked to you all the time, rubbed my belly, smiled constantly & couldn't wait for you to come into my life......in another 4 weeks!!  Well, you came that night/early morning ahead of schedule - I barely made it to the hospital!!! You were in a hurry to begin your journey.....and that's how you lived your entire life - at light speed. Sometimes I try to replay all the moments in our life in slow motion so I can relive them and not miss a thing. You gave me so much to be grateful for, such joy and love. Every experience as a mom was a first -- with you. I taught you and you taught me. That was our bond. That was how it was until the very end. I still struggle accepting that you're gone. You gave so much love & light to so many people. You showed them what unconditional friendship was all about.

I read something the other day by Mark Twain that made me think of you....
"Two of the most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why".
You know why.
I'm still learning/searching. Continue to teach me.
I'd give everything to have you back.

I am and will always remain The Greatest Fan of Your Life ????????
Xoxoxox   Mom
#Peddieboyswag #foreveryoung #foreverloved #foreverremembered #forevermissed

Merry Christmas my beautiful boy.  You have no idea how I long to celebrate life with you....to hug you and hold you, to hear you laugh and see that smile that simply lights up a room. I miss you terribly.  Nothing is the same.

I will see you again.  Until then, remember Nigel that I am and will always remain the Greatest Fan of Your Life!!

xoxox Mom

I love you Nigel - Always & Forever
xoxoxoxo Mom

Happy Birthday my handsome boy,

I still can't make sense of it all. I wish you were here so I could wish you a Happy Birthday in person. 

Know you made me a better person for having chose me as your father. I love and miss you son.

Dad

Hi my handsome boy, 

It's Father day today. How I wish I could see your face again and have you with me today even though you are with me everyday in my thoughts. But it's not the same. 

I remember watching you be born and realizing I was a Father for the first time. It's was one of my life's greatest moments. I loved you so much and loved being your Father and am just so sad that our lives together was cut short by such tragedy.

Always know I loved you with all my heart and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life.

Dad

Yo Nigel whats up, i miss you very much dude. Not a day goes by that i dont think about you will always in our heart.Your one of the best people i had in this life bother. Its only a matter of time, that we will meet again bro. God bless you, and watch over your family, and all of use, 
I love you SPUR.

Happy Easter Nigel.....I know you are shinning brightly as you stand in Creator's light.  Forever in my heart....I am and will always remain The Greatest Fan of Your Life!!  xoxoxo Mom

I am so sorry for your loss. God be with you during your times of sadness.

Hello my Handsome Prince.  Yesterday was Tuesday....and I replayed the moments with you ...as well as your friends at the house.  Today was hard.... remembering the call I got from Cole when he couldn't wake you.  There isn't a day, a moment, that goes by when I don't think about you.  Some of the thoughts feel like you're still here...or that I just talked to you. This journey over the past year has been extremely difficult.....but no matter what I'm experiencing you show me everyday that I am blessed.  I mean afterall, I got to spend every day with you in some way for the past 20 years!!!  How can I not smile at that!!  Know this Nigel - I love you.  I will love you and miss you forever - for the rest of my days in this lifetime....and probably the next. But also know that I am grateful that you picked me to be your Mom, your life coach, your guide.  I am and will always remain the Greatest Fan of Your Life.  xoxoxo Mom

Happy 21st Birthday my handsome son. I know we would have finally had that drink together. I love and miss you with all of my heart. Dad

Can't believe we are Coming up on your one year !! You are such an amazing angel watching over all of the people that love you keep shining bright you are missed everyday !! Rest in paradise love you and miss you !!

Always a Smile, Always a Hug! Sweet Sweet Nigel, you'll be forever loved. We all miss you and you live on through all of us. Your Mom & Cole are amazing, strong beings who inspire us everyday!
Happy New Year! I look forward to seeing you shine!! Xxx

Kim

Beautiful Nigel, You are such a wonderful part of everyone's life and I thank you for embrassing my silly sense of humor.  I am truely honored to have known you and wish peace and blessings to all that love and miss you!

Merry Christmas my handsome son. You are in my thoughts and prayers today and everyday. I love and miss you so much. I know they say you are in a better place but all I wish is that you were still here. Love you son.

Dad

i cant believe its been six months and your still gone i still feel like it should be dream, i miss your voice and  laugh an d smile more then anything you will always have a pace in my hart nigey<3 its amazing how to this day your still inspiring people to persue their dreams i love nigel and you are forever young my friend watch over us all

nigel aka nigeeyy,
   i miss you like no other, words dont explain how much you have effected my life in such a possitive way. your brother is inspring to me for what it is hes doing. traveling the world for you like you always wanted. i love and miss you nigel peddie. i will never forget my 2011 prom. rest in paradise my friend. you are forever young.
   love always taylor allen aka yout t-smalls

You've touched so many lives Mr. Peddie. You've givin everyone so much advice and always had a positive outlook on everything. You always made sure that everyone was happy and made sure to keep a smile on everyones face! And believe it or not that's not easy! There are some stubborn people out there...but that still didn't stop you. You never gave up. And I loved that about you. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I hope you're doing good and I know that you're in a better place now. We all love you and miss you. Keep looking over us buddy!

You were loved by so many. Rest in Peace Nigel.

Nigel,
I first met you while you were sitting in your high chair, nineteen months old. You were the cutest baby I had ever seen. I became your nanny and you called me TT. I was with you for about two years. You were like my son. Gidget and Bruce became like second parents to me, and Gidge taught me so much about life. She was absolutely in love with you. I will never forget you. I loved you so much and never stopped. RIP baby. Gidget, Bruce, and Cole, I am so sorry. It doesn't' make sense but I think one day it will.  I love you all,   Tricia Coulter

So much love to you my lost brother, you have taught everyone to cherish and live on, watch over your baby brother and your strong mother man, good memories, wish we could skate together again, look over everyone man, rest in paradise.

Gidget, I am so sorry to hear this sad news about your boy.

Gidget, my heart goes out to you.  I was so saddened to learn about Nigel. I remember the time you were getting ready to go snowboarding with your boys and how enthusiatic you were.  My thoughts are with you and your family.

Gidget, I am sorry for the tragic loss of your son, Nigel. From the pictures on this site, it looks like you all have some wonderful memories from which to draw strength. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Nigel.. I will never forget when I would come to you when I had relationship problems and every day you would text me to ask if I was single or not. Not because we had a fling, but because you honestly cared for me as a person and didn't want to see me hurt anymore. You are such a cheerful and bright young man, and forever you will be in my heart. You visit in my dreams quite often, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you so much Nigoly<3

Gidget,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and my family.

Bruce, I am at a lost for words. you are in my thoughts and prayers buddy. 
Nigel is at peace. Look for him in your dreams.
Keep all your memories of him in your heart.
I am here if you need me. 
Loce ya. Janell

Gidget & family - there are no words that will ease your pain during this tragic time.  I never had the pleasure to meet Nigel, but from reading the comments its clear that he had a special bond with his mom.  Thankfully, those memories will last a lifetime.  I am so sorry for your loss.  May he rest in peace.....

My heart just breaks everytime I think about you. You were the light of so many people's lives. Although you are gone, I know that you are smiling down on us and sending your love, smiles and hugs. You really did give the best hugs :) Love and miss you so much Niggle Wiggle!

Nigel you were a great friend. I know you are in a better place and you will be in my prayers. Andre Pranga

Gidget and family...I was sorry to learn this news.  Please accept our thoughts and prayers during this tragic time...

Dr. Deborah A. Miscoll and Family (MHN)

We love you Nigel.
Anne, Kurt, Michael, Laura, Evan, Ashley, Carson,  Jeanne, Briand, Grant and Anna

Gidget and family I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. He will always be with you in your heart. You're in my prayers during this difficult time.

I will always have you in my heart Nigel. I miss you so much but I know you come and visit in spirit. I love you like my brother. You are such a good man. I love you for that so rest peacefully knowing you did good on this earth. We all hope to see you one day to be truly happy like you are now, smiling down on us

Gidget,  I want to send you our deepest sympathy in the loss of your beloved Nigel. I know how much you loved him and the impact he had on your life. Nigel was truly a remarkable young man, and will be missed. Hold on to the wonderful memories and take comfort that he is now in a wonderful place. With Love, Matt and Debbie.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. May you find comfort in knowing that Nigel is peacefully resting in Gods hands. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Nigel, your personality is still so bright and will never be forgotten.  I know you will be right next to every single one of us throughout our life.  I will miss you so much! And to your family, im so sorry for your loss, he is watching over you now and will always love you.  

RIP Nigel Peddie <3

Nigel, I met you right before I joined the Army. You honestly were one of the most real people I have ever met in my life. You had anyones back and you truly had a heart warmer than anyone I knew. The loss of you hurts me a lot, cause you were not ready to leave this earth. I know God has future plans for you, and you will always be watching over us. You touched the lives out of everyone you met, and so many people looked up to you. It meant the world to me that you were proud of me being in the army, and our friendship is something that I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life. I only pray that from heaven you give your family and friends the strength to move on, but never forget who you are, and what you did to brighten each one of our lives. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing anyone can do, so I will say Ill see you soon buddy. Rest in peace and paradise brother, until we meet again just know you were an amazing man and an incredible friend. You will be missed greatly and I love you homie. God Bless you and Your Family. Phil

You were the only student I would allow to joke about my missing marbles.  I did find them remember? I have thought about you from time to time and will miss you terribly.  May you find peace in your new surroundings with the help of God's love.

Jeannie (Retired Bowman Staff)

Please accept our deepest sympathy and sorrow!!  Nigel was a sweet boy and I will always remember that beautiful smile of his and infecious laugh.  He will be dearly missed and was loved so deeply.

Nigel i love you man thank you for all the times we shared youll always be in my heart.

Nigel Peddie was my sixth grade crush. We spent so much time laughing and smiling. He always knew how to bring a smile to my face. He will live on in my heart and the hearts of all of us whose lives he touched.

Nigel, my first thoughts of you are your great joy of life, and always trying to make everyone smile. And lucky for us all we all were smiling when around you, either that or we were just plainly laughing. You were one of my daughter's dear and loyal friends. And for that you will be greatly missed. One thing that i remember so clearly, was dropping off Taylor at your house, n everytime it was time for her to be picked up you would come out every time saying "can't she just stay a lil longer ma"? And of course the answer would be "no Nigel" n yet he would give you his smile, and sweet innocent puppy dog eyes, and somehow i would be coming back 2hours later to pick her up. Shocking? No not really... it seemed to happen that way every time. But i will miss your beautiful face, the love for your friends, and the amazing way you loved your mom. You will always be in our hearts. Love you, i'll be seeing you.....God's Blessings...

Gidget, I am deepy sorry about your loss. It is tragic. Remember his spirit will will with you forever.
Joy Bellomo

Sweet Nigel You will be missed by so so many.You always had the most amazing smile and such a sweet Boy ! Rest In Paradise our sweet boy ! xoxo

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. My heart goes out to you and your family.

My deepest sympathy for you Gidget.  Sincerely, Gerry Anderson, Janet's friend

Nigel,
You always kept everyone smiling and laughing,you would brighten up everyones day even if you couldn't brighten your own, you were outgoing and always a blast to be around even though your not phisically with us we all take you with us in our hearts, I will cherish every memory we have together and I will never forget you! You always looked out for as if I was your little sister, you looked out for everyone, we all wish we had more days to spend with you but your in heaven looking down on all of us! I miss and love you nigel see you in my dreams. Rest in paradise my friend! Love your taytay

Nigel will live on in our hearts forever.  Gidget and family you are in our thoughts, please know how much you are loved and how deeply your loss is felt by all.

Always a Smile, Always a Hug. Dearest Nigel you will ALWAYS be loved!! Rest in Paradise our darling Angel!

Nigel you are such an amazing person, you had the attitude that you wanted to succeed in life, always trying to make the situation better, so welcoming. You are and will remain to be such an inspiration to all of the friends and family who love and care for you so dearly. You are so loved Nigel, Rest In Peace <3

Nigel i love you so much. you really inspire me every day to keep on going, im so grateful for the friendship we had ill never forget you i love you kid. keep smiling down on us please :) till we meet again nige :)

nigel..... i miss u so much already u will be remembered for so much and u are loved by everyone i can just remember the days like they were yesterday when we would be at ur house no worries at all having the time of our life, i will remember you for the huge heart you had and how greatful i am i knew u. you let me and many other into your house and truely changed my life. ur honesty was unmatched and you held urself to such a high standard and everyone loved you for that..just because we cant see you doesnt mean ur not there or watching us. the relationship you had with ur mother was so unique you guys were so close you guys trusted and loved each other so much i was lucky to even be around it. in all bother i know i will see you again we have many unfinished games of beer pong and laughs to come ur an angel with a great mind and heart thank you for every thing.. shaun p

So very sorry for your loss, I can't imagine losing a child so young, your family will be in my prayers! May you rest in peace Nigel... <3

I'm miss Yu bro Yu still in all of our heartsyu where a great person and awesome friend

Rest in peace, and thank you for all you have done in your life.

Im at a loss for words, all i have left is the memory of your smile and the sound of your laugh...i will carry that with me forever. I love you NOONIE
I hate saying goodbye...so ill see you later.
Gidget...i love you
RIP Noonie

OBITUARY

Nigel Peddie

Eternal Valley Memorial Park & Mortuary

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