Sylvia Van Nostrand Starr passed away the morning of May 12 in her home in Norman at the age of 88 with her daughter and son-in-law by her side. A long-time resident of Norman, Sylvia was born to Walter and Inger Van Nostrand in Oskaloosa, Iowa on December 26, 1932 along with a fraternal twin sister Inger. Sylvia was a shy student who excelled at writing and history, but not at athletics. As she told her children, she worked a whole semester to pass the required swim test – the only barrier to her graduation.
Sylvia was a good student at University of Iowa graduating in three years and as a member of the Phi Beta Kappa Society (an honor society that invited only the top 5% of students to be members) with a degree in History, with a focus on Russia. During her studies at Iowa, she met a charming young man with curly blond hair, a good dancer, and a lot of ideas. Floyd Starr announced he was going to marry her shortly after they started dating, and they were married within the year on February 6, 1954.
Shortly after she graduated college, Floyd was drafted into the Army and did his two-year stint in Georgia. After his service was complete, they moved to Jacksonville, Florida, and then Madison, Wisconsin where her husband hoped to work with the architect Frank Lloyd Wright. She gave birth to their first son Phillip in Madison, Wisconsin. They later moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma, where Sylvia gave birth to sons Anthony, Vann and Lloyd. Finally, they settled in Norman, where they welcomed a daughter Anais and son Louis.
Sylvia was always very resourceful, finding ways to make Christmas happy for all the children with a very limited budget. She learned to cook breakfast and dinner on an electric hot plate, or over a campfire, as the whole family built a house from the ground up in the country on the east side of Norman. She supported the children even with very limited financial means, offering advice and encouragement when nothing else was available.
She also found charms in the country, learning to drive in her 40s, going butterfly collecting at Lake Thunderbird. She accepted driving advice (she wasn’t a terribly good driver) from her 14-year-old son, Lloyd, as they drove the two miles to the state park at Lake Thunderbird. Sometimes they got in a spot so tight it wasn’t clear if they could get out, but she persisted in order pursue her hobby.
As her children came of age, she started a career as a secretary at the University of Oklahoma while in her late 40s, earning a full-retirement in 1995. It was a difficult transition from homemaker, but she persisted until she found a job, then a career. Her investment in her children started to pay off, as the eldest son, Phillip drove her 13 miles to work every day on-time. He would, in later years, take her out on drives for a burger and ice cream around town. With her support, all six of her children graduated from college with one or more degrees, found jobs, and as she said ‘became solid citizens.’
Sylvia still found time on the weekends to indulge her interests in plants, roaming the back roads of east Norman with her son Vann in her Volkswagen Rabbit, finding and transplanting plants such as Spiderwort to her ‘rock garden.’ Part of Vann’s job was to prop open the back hatch (which wouldn’t stay open on its own) so they could load the plants into the vehicle.
While her son Phillip attended the University of Oklahoma, Sylvia took care of her granddaughter Rachel. She passed on to her granddaughter the importance of good table settings, flower arrangement, and general appreciation of beauty and art. She remained close with all her children as they got married and created their own families. She was always available to talk, offer advice when asked, or just listen. Her phone would always be ringing with family and friends who just wanted to talk.
Although her son Anthony was going to an Ivy League college in upstate New York, Sylvia supported him with advice on getting curtains for his apartment. . . . “you travel to a TG&Y or discount house which will carry them probably in plastic packages back in “Domestics …” After advice on how to calculate size and height needed, Sylvia combined practicality with bluntness - “if some of the wood or metal frame shows below your curtain, it will look cruddy.” She always imparted the importance of good surroundings, even if her son lived far away. Her letters to Anthony were filled with news of his siblings as well.
Following her retirement and the death of her husband, Sylvia moved into a home on the west of the OU campus in Norman with her daughter Anais. She enjoyed her time enormously, shopping estate sales for lawn ornaments, antiques and ‘depression glass’ (depression era glassware), or just simple trips to antique stores to poke-around and see what she could find. She loved her yard and spent many hours improving the looks of the yard with plants and ornamentation till it was just the way she wanted.
Her son Louis, an HVAC engineer, helped her get a new, efficient heat and air system installed in her house when she moved in, which she really appreciated – She would say “Every time the heat or air turns on, I still think it is like a miracle that no matter how hot or cold it is, I will be comfortable in my house!” After years of living in the country with a wood stove for heat and no air conditioning, having a house with heat and air with no more effort than an adjustment of the thermostat was such a comfort and luxury to her.
Her daughter, Anais, returned University of Oklahoma the fall after her father’s passing to complete a master’s degree and she taught her mother to appreciate bird watching again as Sylvia had taught her when Anais was a child - setting up multiple feeders outside her back window and then helping her learn all of the species of birds (and some squirrels) that visited the yard. Sylvia received a perfect companion, her dog Cowboy, from her son Phillip, shortly after the death of her previous dog.
During these last years, her daughter Anais and son-in-law John were a solid, loving support to her. Sylvia’s family would like to gratefully thank John and Anais for all they did for Sylvia, allowing her to remain in her home until the end. Anais was always helping her mother, from meals to bringing fresh cut flowers, to difficult caregiving tasks at home, medical appointments, and decisions. Likewise, John took care of Sylvia’s finances and provided support for his mother-in-law, from mowing her lawn to helping with physical therapy. It was only fitting that John and Anais were there by her side at the end as Sylvia passed.
Sylvia’s family wishes to thank Hearts at Home Companion Care of Norman for their services that allowed Sylvia to remain in her home for the last years of her life, and especially, the last two weeks at home. In particular, the family would like to thank: Krista Browning and Dale Wright whom Sylvia hit off with them from the beginning, Tasha Baxter for her loving care, Valerie Winters for her patience and persistence in scheduling caregivers, and Connie Phillips for providing cheerful care when called upon at the last minute. They also wish to thank Encompass Health and Hospice who helped make the passing of their beloved mother easier.
Sylvia was preceded in death by her sister Inger (Van Nostrand) Bandoni of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada and her husband Floyd James Starr, Jr of Norman. She is survived by her children Phillip Starr and his wife Rosemarie of Norman; Anthony Starr and his wife Tatiana of San Diego, CA; Vann Starr and his wife Shallah of Wake Forest, North Carolina; Lloyd Starr and his wife Dany of San Marcos, CA; Anais Starr and her husband John Raeside of Norman; and Louis Starr and his wife Michele, of Portland, OR; her niece Susan Bandoni Muench of New York, as well as grandchildren Rachel Starr, Isabelle Starr, Nikolas Starr, Quinton Starr and Whitman Starr and her every faithful companion dog Cowboy.
Sylvia’s wish after her passing was for family and friends to gather and have dinner, so a Celebration of Life will be held May 29, from 4-7 pm. Friends and family are welcome for dinner, conversations and remembrances of Sylvia at her home. Please be in touch with a family member for more information about attending the Celebration of Life. Festive flowers for the Celebration of Life or a contribution in Sylvia’s memory to Wildcare Foundation, 7601 84th Street, Noble, Oklahoma are welcome.
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