Norma Mary Jean Shea Truman

Truman (Shea), Norma Mary Jean: Passed away peacefully, in Palliative Care at Peterborough Regional Health Centre on Wednesday, November 29, 2023, in her 81st year. Norma was the beloved wife of the late Peter Tregerthen Truman and loving mother of Carrie Truman (Ben Keys) and Nicole Truman of Peterborough. She was a devoted Grandma to Natalie and Rebecca Keys; together, they spent countless hours crafting and baking. Norma was born and raised on the family farm in Cameron, Ontario, which made her a “farm girl” at heart. She was the daughter of the late Clayton and Gladys Shea and sister of John “Jack” Shea (Donna) of Fenelon Falls. Norma was the daughter-in-law of the late Marguerite Truman and sister-in-law of Pamela Money (Paul) of Ida. She will be sadly missed and lovingly remembered by many relatives, neighbours and friends, including her favourite furry buddies, Peppers and Zorra.

The family would like to extend their appreciation and gratitude to Dr. Matheson and the Palliative Care Team at PRHC.

Friends and family will be received to reminisce and celebrate Norma’s life at COMSTOCK-KAYE Life Celebration Centre, 356 Rubidge Street, Peterborough, on Sunday, December 10, 2023 from 2:00 to 5:00 p.m. and on Monday, December 11, 2023 from 11:45 a.m. to 12:45 p.m. A Memorial Service will be held in the COMSTOCK-KAYE Chapel on Monday, December 11 at 1:00 pm.

In memory of Norma, donations may be made to the Peterborough Humane Society or to a charity that holds a special place in your heart. Online condolences at www.comstockkaye.com.

GROWING UP ON THE FAMILY FARM IN CAMERON, ONTARIO

Norma grew up on the Shea Family Farm on Long Beach Road in Cameron, Ontario, with her parents, Clayton and Gladys, and younger brother, John (Jack) Shea.

She was a proud "farm girl". She developed her lifelong connection and love for animals on the farm and was an active member of the 4-H youth organization growing up.

Norma's grandparents (Gladys' parents), Hugh and Jennie Graham, operated the original Fenelon Dairy in Fenelon Falls. Norma worked at the Fenelon Dairy during the summers while she was in high school; - when single scoops were sold for 5 cents each and a double was 10 cents.

Her mother's side of the family have gathered in Fenelon Falls for close to 90 years for a family reunion on the Monday of the Civic Holiday long weekend; - to connect with each other and celebrate their roots in the community. The family's long standing roots and contributions to the area were documented by Gladys Suggest in her book titled "Roses and Thorns".

NORMA'S HOBBIES & INTERESTS

On a nice sunny day (and even on the cloudy ones), you could find Norma working away in her garden and maintaining her front lawn to an extent that made it look like the house was part of a golf course. Every year, she would spend hours making elaborate outdoor Christmas planters full of evergreen branches and birch, to decorate her front porch, along with Carrie's and Nicole's.

She learned to sew at a young age and excelled at it. She sewed many of her own clothes over the years, including her wedding dress and the bridesmaid dresses for Carrie & Ben's wedding. She would make her own holiday sweaters and vests, along with Carrie and Nicole's Hallowe'en costumes. As her daughters only grew to be 5 feet tall and 5 foot 3 inches, respectively, she spent plenty of time shortening all of their pants, dresses, and skirts herself, instead of sending them out to be tailored by a professional.

While Carrie and Nicole were in Brownies, Norma led their groups as "Brown Owl". Through her involvement in the Guiding movement she helped dozens of girls build confidence, learn new skills and connect with their community outside of the school classroom environment.

THE COTTAGE

The Truman Family cottage is on an island on Kasshabog Lake (a 45'ish minute drive from Peterborough). Norma spent a good part of 50 consecutive summers at the cottage; from 1969 to 2019. She and Peter had their honeymoon there.

Her favourite time at the Lake was autumn, with the cool nights and beautiful fall colours.

While she wasn't much of a swimmer, you would often find her in her cottage "uniform"; her navy blue "You've Got To Be Tough To Live in the Bog" sweatshirt and with her pant legs rolled up, on the sandy beach, throwing a ball into the lake for a dog, playing games and entertaining her daughters and later, her granddaughters, or raking a never-ending amount of leaves from the bottom of the lake. Sometimes you would even find her doing all three of these things at the same time.

NORMA'S FAMILY

Peter and Norma were married for over 45 years before Peter's passing in 2016. They built their house together on Champlain Drive in 1976.

After Peter's death, Norma adopted a cockapoo named "Peppers" from the Peterborough Humane Society to keep her company. Peppers moved in with Ben, Carrie, Natalie and Rebecca when Norma went into Princess Gardens three years ago and is now a beloved part of their family and they couldn't imagine life without her.

Norma was a caring Grandma to granddaughters, Natalie and Rebecca; spending time together at the family cottage and sharing her interests in sewing and crafting with them. She was also a loving Grandma to Nicole's dog (her fur grand baby), Zorra. Zorra will miss Norma and the almost constant supply of treats and snacks.

Norma loved attending Raptors and Blue Jays games with her family and would often have her television tuned in to follow their games, along with her hometown Peterborough Petes (that is, if she wasn't busy watching a movie on the "W" Network).

MEMORIAL SERVICE

Norma's memorial service was begun with both of her granddaughters; Natalie and Rebecca, taking turns reading the following poem, Fill Not Your Heart by Joey Beighley.

Fill not your heart with pain and sorrow

but remember me in every tomorrow.

Remember the joy, the laughter, the smiles,

I've only gone to rest a little while.

Although my leaving causes pain and grief,

my going has eased my hurt and given me relief.

So dry your eyes and remember me

not as I am now, but as I use to be.

Because I will remember you all and look on with a smile

Understand, in your hearts, I've only gone to rest a little while.

As long as I have the love of each of you,

I can live my life in the hearts of all of you.

EULOGY (written & delivered by Nicole)

Before we start ...

Can we make sure everyone's cell phones are on silent!

David Gilbert ... Are you here? Do you remember what happened last time? I do!

Can you double check yours please.

Well...

Here we are again.

We were last here in 2016, so just over seven years ago, when our Dad, Peter passed away.

If you would have asked anyone who was here that day, no one could have guessed we would be here, this soon, to celebrate Norma's life.

I wouldn't have, I know Carrie wouldn't have and neither would our Dad, who looked at the longevity of the women in my Mom's family with grandmother, Jennie, living to be 96 years old and mom's mom (my Grandma), Gladys, passing away in June of 2021 at 102 years of age and planned and provided for Norma to live well into her nineties and maybe even see 100.

It was a pretty sate bet. Until it wasn't.

For those of you who were at my Dad's funeral, I let you know that my Dad always said, "Crying Doesn't Fix Anything" ...

So I am going to try to get through this ... with no tears ... just as Peter Truman would want me to ...

So here we go ...

Norma's life taught us plenty of lessons. Over the next few minutes, I am hoping to highlight a few of them for you. Some will be lighthearted, and some ... a little more serious, but all important and a tribute to Norma and the legacy she has left behind.

SO ... NORMA'S FIRST LESSON IS ...

"What ifs" are not productive!

Norma was in great health for more than 75 years. The only medication she was taking was a prescription bone density pill she was to take once every two weeks.

Carrie and I started to notice a bit of a change in Norma a few months into the COVID pandemic, so that was the summer of 2020.

And if we are all being honest with ourselves, a few months into the pandemic and with a couple of lock downs under our belts ... none of us were really operating at our best.

What really tipped us off, that there was something going on with Norma, was that she didn't come to the cottage that summer at all. Not once. And after 50 plus years of going to the cottage, this was very out of character for her.

We had an initial telephone call (thank you, COVID) and an in-person appointment with her doctor, who confirmed through a mini mental exam,

that there was indeed something going on and potentially, it was some type of dementia ... and that more tests and appointments would be required.

It wa about a month after this, that in addition to what was looking like a probable dementia diagnosis, Norma was also diagnosed with bladder cancer. Carrie and I quickly got to work scheduling appointments and we had an appointment set up to determine what the best course to address her bladder cancer would be, when a calamity occurred.

After Dad died, Carrie and I thought it would be a good idea for Norma to get a pet to keep her company. We reached out to the Humane Society and soon after, a little cockapoo named Peppers was surrendered. Peppers was the perfect age, size and temperament for Norma. And it was innocent little Peppers who really was the spark that started everything when it came to Mom's health journey over the past three years.

Three years ago almost to the day, Mom was walking Peppers. It had snowed and was a little bit icy. Peppers saw something and pulled on the leash. Norma wasn't prepared for it. She fell down. Granted, she was wearing a pair of gardening clogs that she really should not have been wearing a a slipper winter day ... but there is video evidence, confirmed by Norma's neighbours' security camera across the street, that Peppers pulled Norma over.

When Norma fell she broke her hip. We got a phone call that afternoon that Norma had fallen. I went to check on her at the house and found her laid out on the living room floor in very obvious pain. Little Peppers sitting right beside her.

After struggling to get her into the vehicle, she recounted the story of what happened as I drove her to the hospital. She wouldn't let me call her an ambulance - as she told me "the neighbours may talk, you know"...

On the drive to the hospital, she told me about how she was walking Peppers and slipped and then three nuns drove her home and got her settled back in the house. Three nuns, I asked, thinking she may have bumped her head on the fall as well. Yes, three nuns. We were able to confirm a few days later that they had been visiting another one of her neighbours and were just leaving the neighbour's house and driving down the street, when they saw Mom on the ground, with Peppers beside her. They scooped the both of them up and into their vehicle and got them safely back inside the house.

The doctors performed successful hip replacement surgery the next day ... but unfortunately the hospital stay and surgery story does not end there..

When Carrie was in to visit Norma the following day at the hospital, she passed out, mid sentence. Carrie rushed out of the room to get help and by the time she and the nurses got back to the hospital room ... there was Norma, sitting up in bed, as if nothing had happened.

While the nurse was still in the room the same thing happened again and this episode could be witnessed first hand by her nurse. After about 24 hours of monitoring, it was quickly decided that this issue would require a pacemaker to keep her heart rate from dropping so low that she would pass out ... and a a result, Norma had a second surgery in a week.

Unfortunately, while inserting the pacemaker, Norma fell into the unlucky 1% of patients who have their lung clipped during the procedure and ended up with a collapsed lung and in the ICU for about a week.

When she was eventually discharged from the hospital, she returned home, to recover and build up her strength for a couple of months before undergoing the bladder cancer operation. In March of 2021, Norma underwent her bladder surgery. A couple of days after the surgery, Norma got a horrible infection and after a few weeks fighting it off, while recovering from surgery, she was discharged from the hospital and the difficult decision was made to have her move into Princess Gardens in their Enhanced Care Wing, so she could receive the care and help she now required.

As one of Norma's doctors explained to us ... with every surgery ... every infection ... every time she was put under anesthetic ... her level of mental functioning would deteriorate, so if she was here when everything started, after each health setback or complication, she would recover to a level under the previous level ... and at the fast rate she was experiencing health issue after health issue, the gap between the pre-and-post setback level of functioning she was at widened and widened.

Over the next 2.5 years in Princess Gardens, we would visit Norma frequently. That first summer, she was using a walker to get around and, in the summer, Carrie would set the goal of she, Mom and Peppers walking to the Silver Bean Cafe, a short distance from Princess Gardens to get an ice cream. This served as a relatively effective incentive for Mom, as she did like ice cream, but almost as important, she liked sharing ice cream with Peppers.

Norma's room overlooked the atrium in Princess Gardens and we would often visit her there when there was a musical performance going on. We would open up the windows to her room and listen to the music with her. Throughout her lifetime Norma was an enthusiastic "people watcher", and having a room that overlooked the atrium where residents gathered for musical performances, chair yoga, billiards and monthly birthday parties, really gave her the opportunity to hone her people watching skills to expert level.

I would sometimes take my dog Zorra with me to visit with Mom, and Carrie would almost always take Peppers. You have never been so popular as when you visit a retirement home with a dog. Residents and staff alike got to know Peppers by name and she would have to stop en route to Norma's room to get pets and treats along the way.

As the months passed, Norma's strength and mobility started to deteriorate and she transitioned from a walker to a wheel chair, which she would still foot propel around on her own ... even as recently as a month or so ago.

As Norma's strength and mobility deteriorated, her dementia advanced, and even when healthy, Norma may be characterized as a woman of few words. She became a woman of fewer and fewer words as the months and years passed.

As the World was learning to interact in and to navigate a "New Normal" post COVID, we were learning how to interact with and navigate a "New Norma".

We learned a lot about dementia and its complexities over the past three years and there is still so much about the disease that is unknown. For some people their deterioration from this disease happens at a relatively slow and steady pace, over years and possibly even decades. For Norma, it happened at what seemed to be at such an accelerated pace, that you could see the physical and mental changes in her if we missed a week of visiting due to holidays, travelling for work or simply having a cold that we didn't want to bring with us into the retirement home.

One of the hardest days was when we realized that Norma no longer knew who we were. But that didn't stop us from continuing to visit her and having an 80th birthday party for her in May.

And while she may not have known us, we knew her, and you would still catch little flashes to the Norma we knew, from time to time, whether it was the way she would pet Peppers when she would hop up on her lap, how she still knew what she was supposed to feed the dog when we popped a treat into her hand or when she would rearrange her place setting in the dining room, so that her cutlery all lined up just so. All things that she always had done and that didn't get lost as her dementia stole so many other parts of Norma away from us.

So, On to Norma's LESSON #2

BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY. ... YOU.

Norma taught Carrie and me to be confident in ourselves, and to not change ourselves for anyone. She could not be swayed into thinking that things that were important to her or that she enjoyed, shouldn't be.

One example of this, is these ducks that would hang out around the island our family cottage is on, that Norma really loved seeing. So much so, that she decided to buy herself three duck decoys for when the real deal weren't around. She wanted my Dad to rig these decoys up with wire and a brick as a weight, so they would float together just off the beach, and when she was on the dock or on the beach, she could see them. And if the real ducks didn't paddle by for a few days, she still had ducks to look at.

She got my dad to attach some stainless-steel wire to them and weigh them down with a brick. My dad thought they were a little ridiculous ... and rolled his eyes every time she would pull them out of the cupboard each Spring . But when the fasteners between the stainless wire and the brick would give out, she would ask my dad to replace it ... and he would. He even went on a search one year of Home Depot and Canadian Tire for better fasteners, when the ones he was using were rusting away too quickly for his liking.

Norma didn't care that Dad thought her ducks were silly, He didn't understand why she couldn't just wait for the real ones to paddle by the cottage. Norma's ducks brought her joy and happiness. She loved them.

And even though Norma hasn't been at the cottage for four years, we still put her ducks in the water at the beach each Spring and take them out every Fall and we will continue to do so.

Norma's ducks also taught us a couple of other important life lessons ...

Don't rain on someone else's parade. If someone is enjoying something that is not hurting you in any way, let them enjoy their thing!

And ... Norma's ducks gave us a very concrete example of the expression - Happy wife, Happy life.

Norma's ducks made Norma happy.

Having a happy Norma made Peter's life better.

It was a win-win for both of them.

LESSON #3 - NOT EVERYONE SHOWS LOVE THE SAME WAY

Norma taught us there are many ways to show the people you love that you care about them.

She didn't express her love to us by telling us. In fact, I don't think she ever told us she loved us. Even over the last three years with her dementia progressing, I would be leaving her room at Princess Gardens, say, "I love you" and she would say, "Uh huh". I could never squeak an I love you too out of her no matter how hard I tried.

But she showed her love in other ways, through cooking us dinner, through putting together our Christmas planters to display on our front porches, by baking our birthday cakes growing up, by sewing our Halloween costumes, by coming on our class trips, by coming to our basketball games and screaming her head off ( even if I hadn't seen her come into the gymnasium, I heard her and knew she was there).

We know Norma loved us, even though she never said it.

LESSON #4 ... IT'S OKAY TO HUMBLE BRAG FROM TIME TO TIME

What is a humble brag? It is the act of drawing attention to something you are proud of or your achievements, in a way that is not obnoxious and maybe even enduring.

There are going to be some people here today, that will say, Norma would never do such a thing, She would never brag, boast or show off.

But ... Gasp ...from time to time she did. And she did it in such a way that you may not even have noticed. That is the secret.

Brag humbly ... Get your point across in such a way ... that the people around you even know you did it OR do it in such a genuine way that they can't be anything but proud or happy for you.

I signed Mom and myself up for a Spring Planter workshop at a local greenhouse a few years ago. Norma was an expert gardener. At this point she had put together dozens of planters and flower arrangements for her own house, for mine and for Carrie's.

She didn't need to go to the planter workshop.

She knew what she was doing.

But it was a nice excuse for us to spend an afternoon together.

At the workshop, we are given a short lesson on what the components of a good garden planter are, the different categories of plants to use, where to start and the instructor even put together a sample to provide inspiration.

Off we went to put together our planters. In no time, Norma had created a beautiful work of art. Her planter was perfection and it was all very effortless for her. All the while, I am down the table from her, struggling to get enough soil into my planter and the first plant I put in not to fall over. The instructor walked around toward the end of the workshop, giving the attendees a few last minute pointers, helping them with things they were struggling with and suggesting finishing touches.

She gets to Norma's planter. Looks at it. Exclaims, "well, that is pretty much perfection, I wouldn't suggest any changes to it. You could teach this workshop yourself". Norma ... doesn't say, "thank you very much"; doesn't say "oh shucks, you're just being kind" or "you're embarrassing me". Norma says, "I KNOW". Two simple words. 'I KNOW'.

It ... Was ... Amazing.

Norma's biggest humble brag of all, was at her and dad's 25th Wedding Anniversary. Carrie had worked really hard with our grandmas to organize a surprise party for them. I would love to say that I helped too but I was 14 years old in grade 9, and did not put in much effort. After Mom and Dad came in, and said hello to all of their friends, she quietly disappeared, down the hall.

A couple of facts about Norma - she made her own wedding dress. The pattern and the dress are in the room over there.

Another fact about Norma - she was a size 2 at 26 years of age on her wedding day and was still a size 2 at 51 years of age.

Next thing we know, Norma has returned to the party, wearing her wedding dress. She didn't come out with it kind of pinned at the side or a little self conscious that it was a little more snug than it was 25 years ago or a little tighter in certain areas - no, no, no. She came out with the wedding dress fully zipped up, no effort at all, fitting her perfectly, just as it had 25 years before. And she loved every single minute of doing little twirls, showing off her dress and most of all, enjoying the comments from her friends and family telling her how great she looked in the dress and how amazing it was she could still fit in a dress for over 25 years.

LESSON #5 ... THE RULES YOU HAD FOR YOUR CHILDREN AS A PARENT DO NOT APPLY TO YOUR GRANDCHILDREN

Norma whole-heartedly embraced being a grandmother. When Natalie was born, and just over two years later, Rebecca, it was like Norma was transported back 30 years to when Carrie and I were babies. She would spend hours and hours carrying her little grand babies around and rocking them in her arms to sleep. Later she would play without any concern for how much time was passing in the water at the cottage. She would paint with them, craft with them, bake a vanilla Canada Day flag cake with cut up strawberries for the maple leaf and red edges with them each year.

When they were younger, Natalie and Rebecca, would go to Trent Sports Camp for multiple weeks in the summer. As Norma lived closest to Trent University, and with Carrie and Ben working, Norma would be tasked with picking the girls up at the end of the day and delivering them back home. Every day - not at the end of the week - not even every second day - Natalie and Rebecca would ask Grandma to stop at Daisy Mart on their way home to buy them ice cream or a freezie and every day, Grandma would stop at Daisy Mart and buy them something. The girls had a perfect record when it came to getting Grandma to stop at Daisy Mart and buy them a treat. This did not happen when Carrie and I were kids.

I will call this lesson, LESSON #5B ... AS IT IS ALSO RELATED TO RULES ... THERE ARE NO RULES WHEN IT COMES TO FEEDING DOGS, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR GRANDDOG

Norma was an animal lover. Growing up on a family farm, she developed a deep connection with animals from an early age.

Norma had a particularly LARGE soft spot for dogs.

I left my perfectly trained dog at my parents' house for one night. One night. When I left the dog with my mom, the dog would find a spot in the living room, lay down while people were eating at the table and not bother begging at all. And in just one night, Norma turned my dog into a crying, begging, disaster who positioned herself right beside the dining room table, with her little nose right at table height and would beg for food until she was rewarded.

Norma was so generous with giving treats to dogs, there were multiple dogs in the neighbourhood, whose owners couldn't get their dog to walk by the house without stopping in to see Norma. Norma would see them coming through the kitchen window (remember, Norma was an expert people watcher) and meet them in the driveway and give them a treat. There are three dogs that live in the house next door to Mom's. Mom has not lived there for essentially three years. When we are at the house and I look out any of the windows that face that neighbour's house, 90% of the time, there are three dogs staring back at me waiting for Norma, the snack lady, to come over and give them treats.

We put Mom's house up for sale just after Labour Day and the transaction is scheduled to close tomorrow (December 12) and I really feel like we should leave a box of milk bones in the house for the new owners, as those dogs will undoubtedly be staring at the new owners every time they are outside wondering where their treats are.

LESSON #6 ... IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN A NEW SKILL

Our Dad always drove the boat at the cottage. In 40+ summers of going to the cottage, we never saw my mom drive the boat. Not once.

And then my Dad passed away, and Norma decided that if she was still going to go to the cottage, she better start driving the boat.

The first thing we did was to retire my Dad's old boat and she bought something more reliable and practical. Out went the boat that you had to step down into, the one that only Dad really had that magic touch for starting because he was really the only one who knew the exact position, down to the millimetre, of where to position the throttle to get it to start.

And in came a new pontoon boat, that started right up when you turned the key and that you stepped right onto. As my brother-in-law, Ben reminded us when she bought it, none of us is getting any younger and having a boat we could step right onto instead of down into was a good investment for all of us.

And while Norma may have come in hot to her parking spot at the marina a couple of times - after all, isn't that what bumpers are for? It was a pretty remarkable thing to see her drop us of at the marina after a weekend together and turn back for the cottage on her own in her pontoon boat, to stay another night or two.

LESSON #7 ... THE SMALL DETAILS MATTER

Norma excelled at the little things. You could always tell which presents were the ones from her under the tree at Christmas. They were meticulously wrapped, with exact corners, beautifully curled ribbons, and bows that would perfectly compliment the colour of the wrapped paper used.

When Carrie and I were both in Brownies, Norma was our "Brown Owl". For those of you unaware, it is like the President of the Brownie troupe. Norma was the leader of the leaders (also known as the volunteer Moms).

Her attention to detail was really on display as a Brownie leader. She could turn an elementary school gymnasium into a winter wonderland for a holiday celebration or into a haunted house for Hallowe'en, and would jam pack a weekend of overnight camp full of thoughtfully curated activities, so that not one Brownie would even have time to think about being homesick their first full weekend away from home. Every detail thought of, every minute planned out, nothing overlooked.

Norma loved cardinals. If Norma was here with us and with it being so close to Christmas, we imagine she would have had some little handcrafted ornament or keepsake on each chair, that she had stayed up long past midnight, five nights in a row making. And she would have enjoyed every minute of doing so. Well ... every minute until she got hot glue on her fingers making the 67th one. She took great joy in seeing all her effort come to fruition.

So, as a celebration of Norma, and her belief that cardinals were signs from a loved one who had passed away ... and as a nod of her love of details, there is a basket of cardinal ornaments at the exit and we hope that you will each take a cardinal home with you today, display it on your Christmas tree or elsewhere in your house, and think fondly of Norma from time to time when you glance at it.

Our Mom was not a supporting player in the story of our lives.

She was the star of the show.

She was the glue that held everything and everyone together.

She was the reason we want to work hard and do a good job.

She was the magic behind each Christmas morning.

She was the confidence we have in ourselves.

She was the support we needed to try new things.

And even though we will miss her terribly, she is the strength that will help us move forward without her.

In closing, I challenge each of you here today, to reflect on Norma's life lessons, and try to incorporate a little of the wisdom she accumulated over her 80 years, into your own lives.

And my hope for each of you, is that you will try .... each and every day ... to be a little of the qualities you loved most ... about the people in your life who are no longer with you.

The memorial service concluded with a poem called Memories In The Heart which was read by Carrie.

Feel no guilt in laughter, she knows how much you care

Feel no sorrow in a smile that she's not here to share

You cannot grieve forever, she would not want you to

She'd hope that you can carry on the way you always do

So talk about the good times and the ways you showed you cared

The days you spent together, all the happiness you shared

Let memories surround you.

A Word someone may say

Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day

that brings her back as clearly as though she were still here

And fills you with the feelings that is is always near

For it you keep these moments, you will never be apart

And she will live forever locked safe within your heart