Tan Cao Vu

Caring, hospitality, family oriented, independent, hard worker, determination and resilient are some of the qualities our father practiced throughout his life.

Our father was always smiling and loved to make families and friends laugh. If there was any advice he would give me today on writing his Eulogy, it would be “keep it short”, spare the attendees all the details of my life, and make people laugh. Dad, you know I am an engineer and not funny but I will try.

He experienced and went through challenges during his lifetime, serving in the South Vietnamese army during the Vietnam War, losing his 10 month-old son, our brother to a road mine explosion during the war. When South Vietnam fell, he stayed behind with his family and was forcefully sent to labor camp for more than 5 years. He eventually managed to escape to Thailand by walking through Laos and sought refuge in the United States. He started working 5 days after he settled in Connecticut. He worked long hours taking on additional shifts, silently enduring these hardships so he could sponsor and bring us here for a better life.

Our dad was born in Nam Dinh city, North Vietnam. From the early age as dad always said he was a “rebel” who was shipped by his family to boarding school. Literally “shipped” I am not kidding, as you will see from one of the pictures he is standing on the plank of the ferry that took him back and forth from school to home during the holidays.

52 years ago, a beautiful woman was introduced to a handsome military officer, but before she said yes to his marriage proposal, she ran a secret background check on him. By the way, that is how my parents met.

He was fascinated with linguistics, and was able to speak English, French and Chinese besides his native Vietnamese. He loved cooking and flowers (he named both my sister and me after “rose” and “daisy” flowers). He loved his pet cats (Mitty, Muffy, Charlie, Louis and Daisy) and treated them like four-legged grandchildren; he spoiled them. He was very passionate about fishing, he went fishing every chance that he had on Greenwich, CT waterfront.

He kept in touch with his friends as much as he could or till one by one they departed. They used to talk so much that he got tired and abruptly ended the conversation. A communication with one of his friend went like this “If I do not call you within 6 months” that means I have passed away. Since his friends did not hear from him for a few months so they called, and was surprised to hear from him, they scolded him for not calling. Dad replied “oh I was busy” and did not have time to call.

He loved building things with his hands, he customized toy for his grandkids with LED lights and fixed electrical things. He built custom home for Charlie when Mitty and Muffy passed away.

He was very proud of our educational achievements, my sister graduated from University of CT and me from Syracuse University.

He was very proud to be a US citizen and adhere to all the customs of the land especially the food, Memorial day and Fourth of July barbeques, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.

Our dad always made sure guests were well fed and today he will be happy looking down on us that we will feed you after the service and not send you home on an empty stomach.

Our dad appreciated all the sacrifice that our mother made for him right from the early days of visiting him in prison camp, bringing up my sister and me in Vietnam until he could sponsor us to the US, and taking care of him while he was sick in the last few years. To show his appreciation and gratitude to our mother, he asked to join her church. We contacted Aunty Ha and her husband Hung and they immediately rushed pastor Duc and his wife to the hospital to honor his wishes.

While in hospital he kept up his cheerful spirit and made the nurses laugh. He was very kind to them and always thanked them. They told us “he was a sweet man”. He spoke French to the doctor about love.

Our dad was very proud of his grandsons. He was over joy when his first grandson Ronald was born. He spent lot of time with him and watched him grow from 2 days old to 3 years old. Ronald used to ask grandpa for cookies, M&M and toys.

A year and half ago when he was sick in hospital and he told us he would not make it, but then I shared with him that another boy Patrick coming in a few months. The great news gave him such a boost that he was discharged in the next couple days.

Last week he told the nurses that his elder grandson was very smart but only talked when he wanted to, and the baby made loud screeching noises. Dad as you can see now, a lot has changed this week in your grandsons. Ronald is talking a lot and asking if you are still in hospital and we told him you are up in heaven in the sky, Ronald laughs and says “Grandpa is in heavena”. As for baby Patrick, he is not just making sounds he is crawling and standing up by himself. We gave him nickname hurricane Vu or in Vietnamese “Vu Bao” since he goes around knocking or flinging things in his path and always laughing like you.

Our dad lived life to the fullest with no regrets.

Dad, I end by saying that although we miss you, you are in a beautiful place with our brother Tam, you will always be in our hearts and watching over us, till the day we will all meet again.