Toni Palmer Tendam

After a short but valiant battle with cancer, Toni Palmer Tendam, found her peace at 12:02 am Friday, February 21, 2025. She spent her last two days at the Hock Family Pavilion, surrounded by a poetic snow scene and the love of family and friends. Her positivity throughout her cancer journey was a testament to her strength and an inspiration to those that supported her. Toni fought with everything she had till the end.

Toni was born and raised in Charleston, West Virginia in 1960 to Shirley Jane Hill Palmer and Robert Malcom Palmer alongside her siblings, sister, Kathi and brother, Robert. Later on in life Toni briefly lived in Atlanta, Georgia, before she settled in Winchester, Kentucky. Not long after, she met Michael Edward Tendam of Hamilton, Ohio. A brief courtship led to their marriage in 1982. Michael’s career as a civil engineer took the family to St Louis, Missouri and then settled in Cary/Raleigh, North Carolina in 1983, where he helped design the Shearon Harris Nuclear power plant. Several joyous years of marriage followed with roots being quickly grown in the Triangle area. In 1986, Mike tragically passed from a rare form of brain cancer which was devastating to Toni and their son, Matthew.

After Mike’s death, Toni forged a fiercely independent life while raising a precocious child as a single parent. She owned a custom frame shop in the 1990s where she showcased and explored her natural eye for art. From there she built a career as a dedicated state employee working in several roles in the justice system. Most notably, she helped develop early versions of the Criminal Justice Information Network which has evolved into a state and national database aiding in keeping our communities safe. Prior to this, she had no experience in this type of software development and deployment, teaching herself along the way. After 20 years with government, she moved to the private sector with BB&T, now Truist. Leveraging the digital skills she developed in state government, she managed major mobile application development projects that bank customers rely on every day to manage their finances. Through exceptional work she climbed the ladder to the revered and unique title of “Mobile Mom” due to her fierce loyalty and leadership to her team. Systems and processes she developed are still in use today.

Amidst developing a successful career, Toni was a dedicated mother, sister, aunt, daughter and granddaughter throughout her life. She sustained deep, meaningful friendships with her vast social network in Raleigh. As a pillar of Hillyer Memorial Christian church, she volunteered for mother’s morning out, nursery duty, as a youth sponsor, ASP mission worker while being a deeply faithful member of this community of faith. Throughout her life, Toni was a champion of children, serving as a Guardian ad Litem, which is a court approved and appointed position to be an advocate for children in various court proceedings. After this rewarding, yet distressing role, she volunteered for many years with SAFEchild in the MOVE program which is the program to support women and children who are victims of domestic violence. She held, rocked, comforted and touched the lives of hundreds of children’s lives in Wake County.

Toni was a lover of art and rock music, a collector of owls, an entertainer and gracious host overlaid with a feisty wit. She was the neighborhood grandmother, loved by everyone in her quaint development. Above all, she dedicated her life to ensuring that her son, Matthew, would have the best life possible. She lovingly spent her time on soccer practices/games, Key Club functions, church youth activities, telling him to “Get a Move On” with school assignments and studies. She supported him with love and pride on every step of his journey to a now successful life. Her strength, independence, and fighting spirit lives on in him and the many lives she touched.

Toni is survived by her son Matthew Jesse Tendam, of Raleigh, North Carolina who now lives in Sydney Australia with his husband, Guillaume Papillon; her sister, Kathi Palmer Williams, husband Mark Williams and their daughter Lauren Williams; her brother, Robert Malcom Palmer and his wife, Kendra Palmer and their son Malcom Palmer, all in Lexington, Kentucky. Her friends that were also her family are too numerous to list here. Her legacy and love will live on with everyone of these people and she will be dearly missed every day.

In lieu of flowers, the family is asking for donations to SAFEchild at https://safechildnc.org/ by clicking on the “Donate” Link in the top right corner of the website. You will receive a card from SAFEchild for your donation.

A visitation to honor Toni's life was held on Saturday, March 1, 2025 followed by a funeral service at Hillyer Memorial Christian Church, 718 Hillsborough St, Raleigh, NC 27603. After the service,Toni was laid to rest in Hillcrest Cemetery, 608 Page St, Cary, NC 27511.

In celebration of Toni's life the family is held a wake at the Tendam Family House on Saturday March 1, 2025, where family and friends were invited to gather over food and drinks.Those who did not wish to be apart of the graveside were welcome to arrive around 5:00pm.

Brown-Wynne, 300 Saint Mary's Street, Raleigh is serving the Tendam family.