Hey uncle jesse i miss u so much i wish  u were here so i can get to no u better. Hope to see u soon. Bye.

Will dear it's been months since I wrote will I made it though Xmas we had it at Delfina's the kids are getting big I'm still in my bubble just living day by day. Miya had a clown party for her birthday at there house that was fun she's is so beautiful and smart.

Hello dear I miss you so much this has been the hardest Thanksgiving the tears just don't stop we had dinner at dads last night for thanksgiving I made the turkey Tury and Gen had a good talk we let out some true feelings now I just got to make it through Xmas. Its just not the some without you I love you so much..... Til I see you again. Remember my name!!!

goodmorning im still in bed went to church yesterday then me and two of the ladies from church went to go eat went to one of the ladies house for awhile domenic stayed with jessica she went to treasa's to have her hair done and a course i went to the casino i did very very good at 3card poke got 3 of a kind 2x and when i was leaving i put 20 dollars in the video poke and i got 5 of a kind and go ocer 500 dollars i was betting 1 dollar x 5 will i better get up and get going lov u remember my name

Came to jessica's tonight went with her to tj maxx brought some xmas presents then jessica dropped me off at the casino i was losing money then i was about to leave started playing 3card poker and i got straight flush was betting 15 dollars x 40 did good i'm staying overnight at jessica's will gdnight love you and remember my name.

lm about ready to go to sleep but i just thought I would write a few things. Went to go eat grinder with dad went to a toy buying aution but they didn't buy any of dads old things, I was going to go to the casino but decided to stay home I went the other day and lost money..... I'm in bed watching the novla with gaveta will til tomorrow I love you remember my name

Will I went to dads yesterday we cleaned out his back shed will u always wanted to know what was in there will there were empty boxes and glass vases no real tresures Ben,Delfina,Genevieve and me cleaned kiki,Dezi and Sammy 111 I'm so tried I started a new medi. For my blood pressure maybe that's why will today I'm going to take some old toys to a toy show to see if me or dad can get any money. I will try to write to you everyday now that I can write. I LOVE YOU.  Remember my name one day I will be with you again with no pain....

Time goes by so fast for some but for me its as though time as stud stil. I miss you so much and not a day goes by without me thinking of you and our love for each other I'm trying to move on but its very hard I brought a PT cruiser saves on gas I'm  going to sell the house the payment is to high and we owe more then what its worth.  the girls are doing good Delfina  is a good mom, kiki is in football getting big, Miya she is so 
funny i don't know where she comes up with what she says  I love you remember my name.....

I went to Jessica's last night to get a message she did a good job but I'm very sore now. It's so funny that money used to be so important me and now it doesn't seam so important I feel like I'm in this world but just doing the motions but not really living I really didn't think that you leaving would have such a impact I thought it would get easier but it doesn't seam to. I tried going away by myself to see if that would help but it doesn't seam to and I feel like I'm the same like if I never took that vacation I don't know what to do now. I booked another vacation to Vegas with Jessica but then what!! I'm just not happy anymore and I don't know if I will ever get that back. I keep holding on for the girls and for Kiki and Myia but it gets hard the house is a mess and I try to clean but then I just stop and wounder what for it's just me here by myself.  Delfina may have found a condo Ben's going to call today to find out. And Jessica she's doing good in here townhouse I'm so proud of her and I know you would be too but I know you have always been proud of your girls will I have to stop writing because I'm sitting here crying again like always when I write to you. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Well dear I haven't wrote for about a week it's so hard to sit here and write because it makes me be in reality that your not here. I got news today that some of the money is coming in about a week so I can pay for your headstone and pay off the cemetery and all the people I owe. I think I'm going to stop working for awhile I'm just not in to it I do the same thing everyday at work just sit there and watch Ashton go around and around the house. It's a easy job but it's a waste of time. I get so confused and still fell like I in a daze and the days just keep on passing and passing. I feel like I'm in control but I know I'm not I am just like a time bomb just waiting to explode only God keeps me going and has me walk one foot in front of the other because without him I would fall I know your watching over me BUT why did you leave me alone the kids miss you how I wish you were here to watch Myia grow she is so smart today was the first day she peed in the toilet she was a little scared but smiling and Domenic he is growing so fast has a little attitude sometime he helps me a lot to open and close the gate. He has spend the night a few times now when Desi stays tomorrow I'm taking my dad to a reunion in San Diego I really don't want to go but no one else will take him so you know what that means ME!!!! I'm on my way to go get the filters for the pool right now the other ones were the wrong ones I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LIKE I SAID BEFORE I DIDN'T EVERY THINK ANY ONE COULD LOVE THIS MUCH.  Till I see you again my you feel my love.....

Will 12:30a.m. Domenic and Miya are asleep they stayed from Friday til today Delfina and Ben went to Las Vegas for there anniversary they were to be back early but you know how that goes. I went to Gen's Saturday we had a yard sale but didn't make any money and Sunday I went back to here house Sam made fish that was good I know how much you liked fish and I thought about you when I was eating it. Everything I do I think of you.  You were my life I never did anything without you now I have to do everything by myself and it is very hard sometimes when I go somewhere I still feel like I have to come home quick like you are waiting for me and then I realize that I don't have to because no one is home waiting for me. My dad went up to Tury today he's going to stay there the whole week it's good for him it gets him out of the house. I wish I could just take off and go and keep on going  but there's no place for me to keep going  to I just want to just scream and keep on screaming the kids are the only reason I don't go crazy. I look terrible I don't put on any make-up I just pull my hair back I just don't feel like doing anything to my self I look in the mirror and know I look bad but I don't care. I still can't get in my head that your gone and not coming back It just seams like a dream and that one day I will come home and you will be here. I don't know what to do I make my self strong to fool the people but inside I feel empty and lonely but I know I have to carry on til it's my turn.  JUST REMEMBER MY NAME DEAR!!!!!!

I haven't wrote for awhile I sit down to write and but it's so hard I have to realize that your not here. Well I have a gardener now because I could not keep up with the grass I still water your plants and so does Domenic when he remembers and when he says it not to hot also I got a pool man because I tried to keep the pool up but I couldn't the pool was getting green so he came put some chemicals in the pool about a week ago but the pool is still green so he told me that the filters need to be replaced and that's going to cost some money and I don't have it right now so I have to wait I text Chuy to see if he can get them for me cheaper so will see. I went to church today Gen went with me so did Miya she was good she slept most of the time. I start work this week on Wed. I have to take CPR class Tues. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back full time but will see I have to get my insurance back so I have to go back. I can't sleep at night I go to sleep about 3a.m. almost every night I started sewing again to help me get though the night. I feel like you cheated me by leaving me but only God knows why he took you and I can't question it. But one day I will see you again and then I will know why. I hope my love and the lost I feel for you can reach you up in heaven. Remember my name......

You were the best uncle anyone could have.Plus you were funny and fun to hangout with.I wish you were in my quincedia uncle/nino Jesse.I really really miss you why did you go.I know your with me in my heart but I want you to be down here with me.I Love U

Will it's Monday he goes another week I went to Domenic All-Stars game on Sat. he win, he was given the game ball for getting the last out the score was 9-8 if he had'nt got that out there would of tied the score I had dad with me then we went to eat at Friday's Delfina, Ben and the kids went too.  Then me and dad went to Gen's for awhile then I took dad home and I went to work til 2am I stayed over night at dad's and picked up Miya come home slept for while then got ready for church but had to come home early because Miya was fussy and crying keep her til Delfina came home then I went to Gen's house picked up Sammy and went to go get a dog for me at his frieds house, the dog is a boxer she's big but friendly and she's Rubies mom  then went back to Gen's eat then came home with Desi and Hannah they stayed the night. I feel a little better if someone stays with me. I miss you so much I hope you can feel my love up in heaven.

Will Delfina and Ben came over, he put in the automatic pool cleaner that Chuy sent me it seams to be working, we talked about them moving in will see what they decide, if not I will somehow keep this house as long as I can your everywhere I look and everything I touch, Miya and Kiki are the ones that keep me going Miya sees your picture and by herself she blows kisses to you I hope you can catch them in heaven... I'm going to try to go to bed pretty soon and watch TV for a while then fall asleep and get up tomorrow and start all over again.....

I'm trying to get the pool clean but it's hard the waters clean but it's light green so I'm going to Leslie's to get the water tested. I'm so tried but I have no time to rest during the day I watch the kids and at night I can't sleep I leave the tv on til I fall asleep. I'm still not working I just took my renew to the post office this morning so it's going to be another 6-8 weeks before I get it back I'm sure I will get along getting money here and there the girls keep me supplied. I keep watering your plants but even that's getting hard I can't get water to the plants by the pool and there dying but like I say nothing is worth anything anymore without you. I'm dying inside and don't know what to do I'm so lost I just want to leave but I don't know where to go. I went to San Manuel the other day by myself just to get away I lost 40 dollars but I didn't even care... I feel like I'm in a dream and life is just floating along I wish you could come back but I know that's not possible so I just wait to I go to you. Remember my name and love....

Today is your 69th birthday I spend most of the day cleaning the pool with Sam Jr. boy it is really bad no one had did anything to it since you left this world. In the afternoon I went to the cemetery took you flowers and talked with you it is so lonely without you I just keep going on for everyone else but I'm just not doing well inside I feel so empty and feel like life just keeps going and I'm just in a fog going along for the ride. We went out to eat at D'Elia's for your birthday dinner I know you liked eating there, the girls went the kids Ben and me then after eating everyone went there own way Jessica went home Delfina went home I went to Wal-Mart I just didn't went to come to a empty house but I finally had to come home I HATE THIS HOUSE!!!!! It's just a house and not a home without you but there's nothing I can do about it right now. I mat the next door neighbors there young and  were very nice to me there have 3 kids. Sam's going to come over tomorrow to help me finish the pool will I better go to sleep it's getting late. I know you have a beautiful birthday with our God one day I will spend my birthday with you again.

I spend the night at Jessica's,I cleaned her room and dresser drawers that was fun we had pizza for dinner we saw a movie, went to bed about 12 but I could not sleep I think of you all the time. How you enjoyed life and laughing smiling very one miss you!!!  Today Tury, Gen and me are taking dad out for Father's Day to Lucilles for dinner he as never been there. I really don't want to go but I guess I better Boy how my life has changed I don't like this, even though you me mad at times  I miss you when I come in the door to scold you Love you always!!!!!!

I went to go have the Tahoe fixed I had to replace the water pump there was antifreeze coming out there was a leak I had put 3 bottles with in 2Wks.Then took Gen to lunch at Ancho's it was ok then came home Delfina picked up the kids late again, the in the evening went and got chinese food for dad then dad and me went to Gen's house for alittle bit. I had Mija in the afternoon and then kept Domenic and Miya overnight. Mija is talking better now and boy does she like to eat, she will eat anything that you give her or whatever she finds.  Domenic is the same he always whats to eat saying "Nina can I have a snack I'm so hungery" I'm tried I did'nt sleep very well the kids here. Today I have the kids Delfina's late picking them up again, I know if you were here you would say it's ok. Like I told everyone things were going to change around here and they have Jessica's paying for more of her things. She is here right now she had a field trip in Ontario so she stopped for a nap then is working again this afternoon.

Well I went to dad's yesterday for dinner, the girls went and Gen went too we had a good dinner dad made meat with his chile then I went to work for alittle while on my way back to my dad's Jessica called me and told me she was playing basketball with Domenic and he hit her in the nose with his head she started bleeding Delfina took her to the hospital and they told her it was broken she has a bump on top and slight turn to the left the tip of her nose our poor Jessica what more... Will I took her home and Gen picked me up at her house then went to go get my car at dad's house and got home about 1am could not sleep stayed awake til about 3am and finally fell asleep. Called Jessica this morning she's doing better still hurting but no more swellling I was going to go to her house but the car needs a new water pump so I tried to use your truck put it's not holding the charge Ben had to give the truck a jump two times so I stayed home the rest of the evening but I just keep holding on and know God is providing all my need. Love and kisses just keep on smiling and laughing and remember my name......

The kids are here again I watch them Monday thur Friday will Delfina goes to work. Having the kids helps me make it though the day but no matter what happens thoughout the day YOUR always on my mind and in my heart there's times that my heart hurts so much I feel like I'm having a heart attack  but life keeps going and I know I have to be here for the girls and the kids and one day for Jessica's kid or kids and they will know what a wonderful Tata you were I'm sure Domenic will let them know that I'm so glad you had 7yrs. with Domenic and feel so bad that you did'nt get to see Miya grow up and your other grandkids grow but I know your seeing them from heaven and will take care of them. I went to dinner with the girls yesterday to Lucllies and eat ribs we stayed there a long time the girls talked about work and I though in my two cents once in awhile. We had a good time then Jessica brought Delfina and me home to my house and then Delfina and me went to Wal-Mart Delfina had to get something for work and took her home and then come home I like been home to be with you but don't like being alone  I watched TV in the livingroom for awhile then went to the room turned on the TV and watch it til I fell asleep that's what I do every night There's nights that I wish that one of the girls would spend the night but I can't ask because I know that they have there own life's to live. But I pretend that your in the house doing something and will come to bed soon. Til we see each other in our dreams..........Love you ooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxx

The kids are here this morning they came late because Domenic could'nt find his sandle and he had to wear his mom's sandles. He is like you not been able to find his shoes and wearing other people's shoes...wearing the left shoe on the right foot and the right shoe and the left foot. Domenic is helping me write this note today he remembers you alot and the funny things you used to do. Domenic now has a mohawk and no hair on the sides o ya he got a a metal award this weekend from baseball for being the best fielder and would do anything to make the play also he made it to the All-Stars he says  he can't believe he made it. I know your watching him from heaven and taking care of all of us. We all love you so much til we see each other again....

I'm at work Ashton keeps pointing to the phone but I can't call you no more  like I used to and you would talk to him I feel so bad my tears just fall and keep falling I'm working just to make some money and to try and make it though the day and night, there's times that I fell what am I going to do now, my funds are low but somehow God's is providing for me there is not anything that I need that I don't have except for you. I worked this morning then went to Domenic's closing ceramony  at the 66ers field then come back to work I'm going to work late but I can't decide if I should go home or stay at dad's  the last time I left the house and left you there I came back and you had left to go to heaven I'm afraid  something else will be gone when I get back home. Please keep looking over me and take care of me. I ask God every night to take care of me and to be with me and I know he is because I just know he is. And you your my angel on my left shoulder being with me always and forever I love you so much and miss you even more..........

I'm getting ready to go to work but had to write something before I leave I wrote yesterday but pushed the wrong button and erased it and Domenic wanted to use the computer and told me " write something later in the night nana" but later I went to go take Sammy's kids to there mom, went to go dry Jessica clothes, come home for a few minutes and then Delfina picked me up went to go eat a salad, then went to go take Jessica her clothes stayed there for a little bit and then come home, and went to sleep. But your always in my mind and in my heart no matter where I go your with me. Til we meet again my love here on earth for you will have to keep me going.....

My tata was the best, and he always watered his plants but now I'm watering them for you I really love you alot.

It's 5:30 in the morning and here I am getting ready to go to work. I wake up but your not next to me it's so hard to get out of bed I put the snooze button on my phone because think if I don't get up I don't have to face reality and I don't have to go though  the day without you but reality is here and I do have to get up the kids are coming over and I have to take them to Gen's house she's going to watch them for me. Delfina doing good in here job and Jessica she's over working just like you I think it keeps her busy, she texts me everyday or calls, Delfina I see her everyday when she picks up the kids, Chuy send the pool cleaner yesterday to Tony's house I'm going to try to set it up this weekend if I can, my dad started up your truck yesterday and took it for a short ride he thought he was a lowrider in it Delfina said he forgot he had arthrites I will try my hardest to keep things going as you would want but the funds are low at times but I know that the dear lord is taking care of me and will provide what I need. I know your with me too watching over me 
between mom and you and God watching over me and loving me I know I will make it ever though right know and at times I don't think I will. I love you so much like I always told you my love for you is so strong it seams so unreal but I will keep loving you always see you one day if only in my dreams......

My dearest Jesse I feel you with me every were I go but I just wish you were beside me but I know that's not possible I'm going over to Gen's for dinner tonight why I don't know I just want to be at home and see your pictures every where I look and pretend your outside watering your plants and waiting for you to come inside with your dirty shoes so I can get mad at you and for you to come up with one of your saying how I miss them. I hear your voice in my head and I try to hold on to that. I know that one night when I'm sleeping you will come into my dreams and talk to me and let me know your ok and that I will someday be ok and be able to move on. I remind Miya about you everyday I ask her where's Tata she points to your picture and she blows you a kiss I will not let her forget about you. She had a short time with you but I know she knows you loved her very much, Domenic miss you too he had grown up so fast since you left us he helps me alot and he tells me he will be here for me to help me he waters your palm trees. One day at time is all I can do. Tell we see each other again....

Last night and this morning have been the worse days I've had I just can't stop crying the pain and lonelness just don't go away. What am I going to do without you why did you leave me I told you to take care of your self why did'nt you listen to me WHY!!! It's so lonely I wish I could stop the pain the kids our why I keep going the girls have there life to keep them going Delfina just started working part full time I'm watching the kids, and Jessica she's got work and church  but I know there hurting in there own way so I try not to let them see me crying or upset but I know they know they feel my pain. This morning I had to call Gen because the pain was so bad and I did't want to bother the girls. I am so happy to have spend all those years as your wife you made me so happy and proud. I loved you so much you were my life and you will always be. Ever though alot of people said we would'nt make it we proved them wrong we were short just one day for making it 30yrs. I hope you can  feel all my LOVE for you up in heaven...

It's been a month since you went to be with our God, life keeps going on for everybody but for me it gets worse I just keep going hour by hour and day by day there's days that I don't even know what day of the week it is I feel like I'm in a daze and life goes keeps going on and on. I went to Las Vegas this weekend with Jessica this was the vacation that Jessica had paid for you and me to get away but god had other plans for you and me every where I looked at in Vegas I remembered you and the times we shared  when we would go there and for our 10th annivarsary that we stayed  at the Golden Nugget there was tears and laughter and I shared memories with Jessica about you and how you loved to pay the dollar machine saying "go for it Sally put that money in the machine the max amount" there was times of me feeling sad and lonely but I know your with me everyday and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!

Will here I am again getting ready for bed just making the motions all day but not feeling like a get anywhere. I watched Miya today went to dad's stayed for about 2hrs. had to come home because everywhere I look I remember you and the tears just come I really don't think I can make it my heart hurts so bad I have to keep it together for the girls because I can't let them see me fall apart. They have been so good to me Delfina trying to deal with your lost she miss you so much and try to keep going with the kids I try not to put to much on her she has to much to deal with. And Jessica she was over today she's doing alot better we went to the store and out to dinner she's holding her feels in and trying to spare me and be strong but I know she's hurting very much without you like all of us. This house is just not the same it feels so empty I look outside and think your going to come in the house anytime

im really not sure what i am writing. To me you are still here. I came to your house today and when i pulled up I saw your truck and thought to my self 'dad's home'. And then I had to remind myself that you wern't. And that pain deep in my heart started again. But like I have been doing this past three weeks, I just swallowed the feelings and went inside. I feel like I haven't had a chance to grave. It seems like life is moving so fast around me. I go to work I take care of my family, I do what I can for mom. And at the end of the day I feel like. I haven't acomplished anything. Like nothing I do matters. I don't have you and no matter what I do that won't change. How am I going to get passed that? I don't know. All I can do is take comfort in God's arms and hope that I make it through another day.. if for no other reason but to be there for my children. I love you dad and I was always proud to be your little ladybug.

I was with Jessica last night she's better but last night I could not sleep you were on my mind, your always on my mind I miss you so much. Everything I do I feel like I have to hurry so that I can get home to you but then realty hits me and I have to face that you're not at home  at least not at this home on earth, Your at home with our Father in heaven and one day I will be with you and will be happy and FREE.....

Will one more day of hell, Jessica got hit my a car yesterday and was admitted to LLMC for the night she's better no broken bones just very sore. I know God is with me because I know now for sure I would'nt be able to keep on going, I know your right next to me Jesse because I can feel you giving me that encourgment to keep going. For me I still can't believe that your gone from my life I keep thinking you are going to show up anytime from your runs to the auto store but at night your still not there next to me. I try keeping my self busy just to get tried and just to fell asleep but then morning comes and another day in hell..

It been three days since my last entry I just keep thinking this is going to pass but still the pain gets worse I just make myself get out of bed for what I don't know, and just do the motions that I'm fine and that life will go on but deep inside I'm just so lonely and no one can take that pain or lonelyness away I see our grandkids and try to go on but at times not even that helps I thank God that he's the only one that keeps me going from day to day. So with God and you holding on to each arm I can go on for now.

It's been three days since the service and the time and days just keep passing. I don't even know what day it is or the time I'm just here. I feel you and see you very where I look I miss you so much, my heart hurts so bad I never thought that this would happen to me I keep trying to go on but everyday it gets harder and harder I wish I could see you again to give that last hug and kiss and give you you last good bye but I know I have to wait til God calls my name and then again we will be together forever and ever!!!!!!

Another day I wake and find only a empty space next to me. But I know your and God are there watching over me because if not I would not be able to get out of bed, the tears will not stop for I feel so lonely without you I feel so empty inside and know I have to be brave and keep on going, but my dearest Jesse keep being with me and I know the Lord is watching over me. One day I will be with you again remember my name and remember our love....

Another day and I wake and find that your not here with me. And I wish I could go make to sleep and then I see our granddaughter sleep next to me and know I have to go on for her and all my other grandchilden for you and me so another day in hell I will be til I see you again and be in glory with you.

Yesterday was the last day I got to see you even knowing that was just your body. Your soul is with our father it was just so hard to see them lower you down but I know in my heart that I will see you again but for now just keep looking down on me and protecting me because when the dear Lord calls my name you will be seeing me face to face and I can't wait for that day to come. I love so much.....

My dearest Jesse last night was very hard for the girls and me but we made it I know you were looking down on us giving us your love and strength that you have always given us. So many people loved you and cared for you so now keep giving us that strength to carry on your love...

To day is the day that I had hoped would not come, but the dear Lord had other plans. It will be one of the hardest days of my life put I know you will be looking down on me giving me the strength I will need. You will be holding one arm and our dear Lord will be holding the other arm. I will try my hardest to keep our family going but it will be hard without you.

Sally and family, may God be your strenght at this time and forever more. I will keep you and your famliy in my prayers. God Bless you Always...

May The Lord be with the Family through this great big lost. We will continue on praying for all of you. GOD BLESS YOU and the family.

Balderas Family  I am very sorry for your loss
my prayers are with all of  you at this difficult time.
     God Bless.
                      Pat Sanchez

Another day has passed and the pain gets worse. I don't know how much more pain I can withhold.  My love I have for you must hold me though this time, with you and God at my side I know the sun will come though this dark day.

I am so sad that your gone. my life will never be the same. I loved so much words will never explain the bond you and I had but I have to let you go for your with our god and I know that one day I will see you again so please keep watching over me and your family

OBITUARY

Jesus Balderas

June 22, 1941 – May 1, 2010

Acheson & Graham Garden of Prayer Mortuary

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