Betty Jean Sands

Born to Charles and Thelma Campbell in San Antonio, Betty moved around some as a child, as was typical for the daughter of a Colonel in the U.S. Army Air Corps. Betty spent time in Shreveport, La., and St. Petersburg, Fla.

After her parents divorced, however, she settled with her mother in San Antonio. In July 1946, some school chums talked Alan Lubel Sands into going to visit "the Campbell girls," Betty and her older sister Charline. Preferring instead to get up a game of baseball, 14-year-old Alan tagged along reluctantly, only to fall in love with Betty as soon as he laid eyes on her.

Alan and Betty would spend 65 years together. Alan was Jewish and Betty was a devout Catholic. Frankly, some members of Alan's and Betty's families were less than happy about their relationship. Betty's grandmother had, at one time, chased Alan off her property with a broom, shouting for the "Jew boy" to leave her granddaughter alone. Conversely, Alan's grandmother offered him $5, 000 in 1950 to break off the relationship and find a Jewish girl to marry. To put that amount of money in perspective, consider that a brand new 1950 Cadillac convertible cost $3, 523. Undaunted by the naysayers, Betty and Alan married on June 1, 1951, the day after Betty graduated from St. Gerard High School.

By this time, Alan had joined the U.S. Navy and spent most of the next two years at sea fighting in the Korean War. Betty and Alan lived briefly in Bayonne, N.J., before the Navy moved them to what previously had been condemned housing in the California bay area city of Alameda. The one-room apartment contained a kerosene stove and a bed. Times were lean. When Alan was home on leave, he and Betty might go to see a movie and after buying tickets not have enough money for popcorn.

By now Betty was rearing her first child, Sally Sue, who had arrived in May 1952. Gregory Irwin came along in June 1954, about six months before Alan was honorably discharged from the Navy and moved back to San Antonio to work for an uncle. In April 1958 Betty and Alan added Laura Lynn; Michael Charles came along in October 1959 and finally, Larry Leon completed the family in April 1961. Betty was a sweet, nurturing, loving mother who happily stayed home to care for her five children.

By 1973, however, Betty had decided to work outside the home and took a job with the San Antonio Convention Center and Visitors Bureau. She would work 16 years for a local lumber company and finally, for a Riverwalk hotel until she and Alan retired in the mid 1990s. She also volunteered to teach catechism classes to elementary school students for several years in her home parish of St. Matthew's Catholic Church.

In addition to supplementing the family income, Betty used her jobs to continue to teach her children about being punctual and responsible the same way she taught them everything -by example.

She scarcely missed a day of work in more than 25 years. Despite being a gifted grammarian, Betty was not prone to pontificating or proselytizing. Without wasting words she always was the voice of reason and reasonableness, no matter the family tumult that surrounded her.

Betty was a serene touchstone sought out by friends and family who needed perspective and wisdom. She always knew what to do and what to say and she did it effortlessly, making her loved ones believe that they solved their own problems. The source of her quiet strength was her unwavering Catholic faith.

Alan, whose fierce adherence to his Jewish religion was forged by a crucible of having lost relatives in the Holocaust, enduring anti-semitic bigotry his whole life and studying the Torah, traveled a bumpier spiritual path. Betty's faith was so strong, however, that her dignified, compassionate and sincere Christian love did what centuries of violence and oppression could not. Alan became a Catholic in 1985. Of course, Betty did not view her husband's conversion as an accomplishment by anyone other than God. No one can remember Betty ever taking credit for any of the great things she did.

Betty loved ice cream, the TV show "Dallas" and, later in life, before Alzheimer's disease robbed her, politics. She was too smart and dignified to be an ideologue. She would vote for a republican or a democrat, even though few politicians ever rose to the ethical standard by which she lived.

Betty never cared about winning an argument. If you screwed up, she let you off the hook and pretended like you never screwed up in the first place. Even though Alan was a great provider who achieved substantial material success, Betty never was interested in temporal rewards. Her wants were for those she loved, never for herself. Betty never took. All she ever did was give. Besides her husband and five children, Betty leaves a half-sister, six grandchildren and one great-grandchild. A seventh grandchild, a great-grandchild, her sister, Charline, and a half-sister, Patricia, died previously.

GRAVESIDE SERVICE

WEDNESDAY

JULY 27, 2011

2:00 P.M.

FORT SAM HOUSTON NATIONAL CEMETERY

1520 HARRY WURZBACH

In lieu of flowers, Memorial Donations may be made to the Alzheimer's Association, 7400 Louis Pasteur Dr., San Antonio, TX 78229-4542, or to a charity of your choice.