Shirley L Rifkin

A tenacious and spirited woman devoted to her children, Shirley Rifkin Cohen died peacefully at 96, on April 17, 2017 in Sarasota, Florida. She was still riding a bicycle in her 80s (telling her children her bike was too unsafe for them) and lived in her own apartment until the last week of her life. She is survived by her daughters Noni Horwitz (Rich) and Ellen Rifkin (daughter Rochelle Cross), stepdaughter Deborah Cohen, youngest brother Robert Landress (Dorothy), grandson Carl Horwitz (Michelle) and great-grandson Xavi, and five nieces and nephews. Shirley Rifkin was the second of four children of Anna and Aaron Landress, both of whom emigrated to New York City from Russian Poland in their teens. Shirley graduated from John Adams High School, the top student in her program, and attended night school for a time at City College of New York. She held jobs using her stenography and French skills and worked in a jewelry import firm. With numerous aunts, uncles, and cousins, she spent childhood and teen summers at Rockaway Beach, where she met her future husband Michael Rifkin. She often described their relationship as a “real storybook romance. After World War II, Shirley and Mike moved to Danbury, Connecticut, where Mike practiced dentistry and where they eventually raised their two daughters. Shirley served as president of the United Jewish Center sisterhood, led a Brownie troop, and chaired Red Cross and United Way campaigns. She felt proudest of her participation in establishing the Jewish Home for the Elderly in Fairfield County, Ct. Shirley and Mike were blessed by a close friendship network in Danbury and she spoke of “the gang” with appreciation and gratitude through her last days. In 1980 she survived the shock of Mike’s sudden death, just a year before their 40th anniversary. Along with two close girlfriends who were also widowed, among the people who supported her during this time were Saul and Alvina Cohen of Gary, Indiana, whom Shirley and Mike had met at a college parents’ weekend. Shirley married Saul ten years after Mike’s death; they lived in Sarasota, Florida until Saul’s death fifteen years late. In her last decade, Shirley participated when she could in Sarasota’s Congregation for Humanistic Judaism. Until the last six weeks of her life, she continued to express her vitality, talking animatedly about classical music concerts and railing and ranting about most everything else. She will be remembered for her passion for her family and her boundless will. Her children thank the entire staff at the Bayview Village community for their consistently compassionate care. Donations in memory of Shirley Rifkin Cohen can be made to an organization of your choice that supports the arts, public education, or human rights. ********************************************************************************** Noni and Ellen wrote the following poem to honor their mother on her 75th birthday, at a party hosted by Saul Cohen, her then husband of five years There goes our mother on her bike. Let’s hope next year it’s not a trike. But wow, she sure is going strong! That’s because she’s never wrong. Now hold on, Ellen, give it a break. We surely don’t have to exaggerate. We give thanks that our mother has reached this great age, So we’re taking time now to rejoice and to praise. We suspect that you here have noticed already That Shirley’s unique, so get yourselves ready To hear accolades, honors, and compliments true, With a few loving barbs, also her due. One doesn’t need a proclamation To know of her determination. Once there’s something on her mind, No way to foil her can you find. Now this can be good,or this can yield naught. For getting things done, she’s treasured and sought. All of her life she has tended to others Be it grandma, or Sarah, or a friend, or her brothers. The Jewish Home for the Aged in a town in Connecticut Was her labor of love for community benefit. She’s marched with the Brownies on Memorial Day And chaired Sisterhood, Red Cross, or United Way. Be it synagogue, thrift shop, or school PTA, If Shirley’s in charge, please get out of her way. If intent on something, don’t stand in her door. On the tennis court watch it-- it’s her turn to score. Like a sergeant directing a kitchen campaign, Making potato swirls, blintzes, or brisket again. And if she says grate those potatoes-- you must. Don’t dice, blend, or slice, lest you face quite a fuss. And if she wants bargains on hats or a hose, She’ll chase down the sale til the store sign says “Closed.” One has to admit that such spirit and drive Is wonderful, admirable, makes Shirley thrive. And though her tunneled vision can vex one to distraction We’ve come almost to cherish her overreactions. Like the period after she first married Saul, She stopped nagging us with her frequent phone calls. So caught up was she then in her happy new life, The daughter relationship was freed of its strife. But we had to admit past our initial relief We DID sort of miss those weekly doses of grief. She’d call late at night when the rates were most cheap And then be concerned if we weren’t yet asleep. Or she’d hear that a storm hit Chicago one day And ask if her grandson wore mittens that day. Of course Carl, this sole grandson, already a teen, Had learned: Just say yes, avoid lecture or scene. On a visit to Iowa a few years ago, She complained that the furniture wasn’t just so. “The couch should be here, and the TV behind.” Stopping only when Rich said to her, “It’s just fine.” Of course later on when I came home from work, That the couch had been moved wasn’t simply a quirk. But we’ve learned that this meddling, which can seem intense Is given with care and with love, and not offense. And it’s not just with us that she cares with such zeal. Though she thinks she’s not special, or any big deal. Like we took piano lessons from a gentle old man Who lived with his cat, all alone, meals from cans. He got sick one winter, with a fever and flu. Shirl brought not just soup but had friends bring food too. She gives free advice as she gives of her heart, If someone’s in need, with her own things she’ll part. She gives to her friends, as you here must know, But love for her daughters will ne’er cease to flow. We were just little girls and she’d dress us alike. We’d be the proud daughters of Shirley and Mike. We both miss our father and that is no lie But to see Shirl loving Saul gives us joy and much pride. For her heart like her obstinance is as big as this world. And we daughters are lucky our mom is this Shirl. She takes a good joke, demands little from us. And taught us to give and to love and to trust. We may hide behind humor and neglect to say That we love you, we do, Mom. We tell you today. Our mother and Saul, so in love, so alive. This is a great day, her seventy-five.