Dr. Donald Forester Duffin

DUFFIN, Dr. Donald Forester – It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of our beloved Buck on Wednesday, November 9, 2011 at the Sault Area Hospital in his 89th year. Much loved husband of Phyllis for 59 years. Cherished father of Barbara Duffin-Bates (late Iain) of Wolfville, Nova Scotia, Tom (Marlene) of Toronto and Mike (Shari) of Ottawa. Proud Grandfather of Robin and Daniel Bates, Dennis and Jasmine Duffin and Connor, Patrick and Kevin Duffin. Dear brother-in-law of Robert Gaukrodger (Marion). Predeceased by his parents, William and Emily, and his siblings Gordon (late Jean), Charles (late Milly), Edna, Ken (late Eileen) and infant sister Hazel. Uncle of Dorothy, Dick, Judy, Kathleen, Jackie, Ross, Debbie, Greg and Marcie. Friends may call at the Arthur Funeral Home and Cremation Centre on Sunday, November 13, 2011 from 1 pm until the time of the Memorial Service in the chapel at 2 pm. Interment Robin’s Hill Cemetery, Thorndale, ON at a later date. Memorial contributions to the SAH Foundation, Family Life Theatre or Sault Theatre Workshop would be appreciated by the family.

Hello, My name is Mike Duffin. I am Don’s youngest son. Thanks for coming everyone. It is so nice to see so many important people from my father's life take the time to attend. As for our family, so many of them dropped everything and came from far and wide so we can all be together. What a great family we have.

We are here to celebrate the life of our husband, father, grandfather, brother-in-law, father-in-law and friend, Don, Duff, Grandpa, our Buck. He was a kind, gentle man with a keen mind. He was chock full of "Duffin" traits, tolerance (I can never recall him say a bad word about anyone), he was loyal, hard working, had the Duffin love of food, and a strange/warped sense of humour which seems to have been inherited by all us. He was much loved. His influence over our family was large. He was calm and steady. He was our rock. He helped usher in 2 generations of fine people. He always took the time to support and take great interest in the many varied activities of his grand children. He was proud of and loved them all so much. This is good life's work on its own.

Dad was the youngest son born into a farming family. The Duffins had settled in the Thorndale area over 150 years earlier coming from Ireland. They were farmers, from a long line of farmers..... Dad well, lets just say he didn't really care for farming. All fields should be covered with grass. Just like a lawn. He loved his lawn. He had a really, really nice lawn. It had to be cut just right... as many of us discovered there were few, well actually no one qualified to cut it in the rare times, he wasn't able.

I remember he did plant a vegetable garden once in the backyard at the house on Ford street. There was a small hilly shady spot, where the grass didn't grow....might as well put that to use dad thought. The seeds were planted in neat, carefully measured rows, complete with labels. The entire garden washed down to the bottom of the hill and organized lines of vegetable, became one large,twisted mass....not a farmer.

The Duffin family farm did have a special place in his heart as it did for all the Duffins. He spoke of it often over the last few years. Remembering the lean mean 140 lb Buck after a summer of hard work. Remembering, Pop (my grandfather) getting out the knives and sending young Don and brother Ken into a huge field for the day to cut the thistles that would choke and kill the crops. Working in the hay wagon frantically trying to stack hay, and keep being buried by hay, being thrown up by men with pitchforks all laughing at his predicament. The harvest, when the labour was done by horses and men from all the neighbouring farms. He remembered all the people, their names, relationship to the family, who did what jobs, what the women were cooking, who like to eat what, etc. The detail was amazing.

The video playing out front was compiled by my cousin Ross for a Duffin reunion weekend last spring . This include incredible footage of life on the family farm in the 1940s. Ross also added in some other footage from the family including my parents wedding. Dad loved it, watched it many times over the summer and of course was able to identify some of the people and places that no one else could remember.

Fortunately for dad, his parents encouraged all their children to seek a life off the farm, which advice he was very, very, very happy to take. As a WW2 veteran the government would pay for education. Dad walked into the registrars office at Western with his high school transcripts. Dad was asked him what he wanted to study and he said he wasn't sure. The registrar, looked at his marks and suggested medicine. There was a shortage of doctors, he was told. Dad said sure why not? This is how it started, no great calling, but with his memory, meticulous and calm nature it was the perfect thing for him.

When retiring for the third time at age 80, He told me it was a shame retire now, with all this experience he was just getting good at his work. That is someone who loved their job. He was so lucky. Another good life's work on it's own.

Dad and I spent countless hours on the golf course together. That was a special time for me. Often, I had my dad all to myself for a few hours, just the two of us…… looking for each others golf balls in the streams and woods. We talked, laughed, shared stories, enjoyed each others company, occasional good shots and celebrated the rare games where we would break 50. You think after all the time we put into flogging (what Buck called golfing), we would have improved, but I guess to us that really wasn't the point.

We all miss him so much. His laugh. The twinkle in those big blue eyes. He was the king of the one liners, that would leave us rolling on the floor laughing. The way he dealt cards (definitely on the accuracy side of speed and accuracy equation), There were so many little things we all loved about Buck. We were so fortunate to have had him in our lives.

When my boys, Connor, Patrick and Kevin heard that their grandfather was back in the hospital, they wanted to make sure he knew how much he meant to them. They each wrote a letter to their grandpa. Sadly I didn't get to deliver those letters for them, I know grandpa knew how they felt but he still would have loved to have heard these words from his grandsons. I would ask them to come up and read their letter.

Dear Grandpa,

Thanks for always being there for me, for a welcoming house at the end of a long drive, for endless hours of hockey or baseball accompanied by your flawless colour commentary, and for showing me how to sneak on to a gold course after hours. I am going to miss your handshake, your deep blue eyes, and your undying wisdom and support. But you have taught me so much about life, and about what it means to be a good husband, a good father, a good grandfather, and a good person - as long as I remember that, you will always be with me.

I love you Grandpa,

Your Grandson,

Connor

Dear Grandpa

Thank you for all the amazing stories, life lessons and insightful views of life you have given all of us over the years. I feel blessed to have such an incredibly role model in my life and will always cherish the memories we have had together. Happy summer visits, penny poker and in-depth sports discussions will always be close to my heart. Thanks for sharing your home, your wealth, your generosity and your love. I love you Grandpa, thanks for everything.

Love forever,

Your grandson, Kevin

Dear Grandpa

Grandpa, your incredible mind has rubbed off a little on all of the Duffins. Whether it is in funny stories, helping us through University, or just remembering every name of every athlete there is. You have inspired in all of us the same passion for knowledge that you have yourself. You and Grandma have been the center of our bi annual Duffin reunions, and have shaped our family into the one we know, love and are excited to visit each year. The least we can do for a man who never forgets a thing, is to remember him forever. My brothers and I wanted to let you know that we were thinking of you, and we wish we could be there with you right now. Feel better Grandpa, we miss you.

Love Pat

Good afternoon, everyone. I am Barb - Don and Phyllis’ daughter.

It is in times like this that you really do need your family and your friends. Thank you all, so much, for coming, especially those of you who came from so far away. It means so much to us that you are here. And thank you to those who have sent food, and flowers, who have called the house, sent messages from afar, and who are here today. I hope you know how much your care means to us.

If I might use a very appropriate gambling analogy, so much of what happens to you in this life is the luck of the draw. You are born into a family and you don’t have very much choice about who your parents are, or your siblings, or your relatives. So it has long occurred to me that in the great lottery that is life, we hit the jackpot. Tom, Mike and I grew up in a household that was warm, and stable, fun, and loving. Our parents absolutely supported us in whatever it was we wanted to do, and wherever we needed to go to do it, with unconditional love, and great interest in our plans.

And, speaking for myself, for my own personal situation - when I needed help so badly, my parents just said, “Come home”. And I did. I know that I have thanked both my parents privately for what they did for me and my family, but I would like to do it publicly now. Thank you, Mom and Dad. You were an extraordinary team and your family loves you so very much.

I have always told people that, when I think back on my years growing up, all I can remember is laughing. So much of that came from Dad, who, despite his quiet, measured demenour, had a wicked sense of humour that was dry and absolutely killing. His comic timing was extraordinary, and any of you who have seen him perform in a comedy, will know what I mean. That sense of fun, and his huge, piercing blue eyes have levelled his audience more than once.

Our family history is brimming with Buck-isms - funny sayings and observances that all centre around our dad. There are literally thousands of them - and these are the stories that bind us together as a family. What a wonderful, happy legacy.

And, he was brilliant. He remembered everything he ever read, remembered every road he had ever travelled (even if it was 40 years ago), along with the highway number and the exit number. And probably the name of the restaurant he had stopped at on that road 20 years before.

Here is an example of what I mean. Many years ago, I was rummaging around in the basement of our house on Ford St., and I came across a dusty copy of Gray’s Anatomy. He probably had not looked at it in 30 years. I took it upstairs to my dad. “Okay, Buck”, I said, opening the book at random, “tell me about this thing”. He paused for a moment, and then recited for me, word for word, exactly what was on the page in front of me. I was floored and it was then that I really started to pay attention. I noticed that he could remember all his lines from plays that he had performed in years before - and not just his own lines, everybody else’s too. He had an encyclopaedic knowledge of baseball and hockey - two of his lifelong passions. He knew every player, every statistic, every trade, going back years and years and years. My son, Robin, observed that for his grandfather, sports was a drama - an unfolding narrative of history and player interraction and it was this, along with the current game he was watching, that so fascinated Dad. I should add that his interest in sports won him a huge number of brownie points with his future mother-in-law, another rabid sports fan.

Another aspect of my Dad that I so cherished, was his uncritical nature. I don’t remember him ever saying a bad word about anyone. Nor do I ever remember him bragging about any of his own considerable accomplishments - I don’t think he realized how amazing he was. He just quietly went about his business, no muss, no fuss. But, oh my goodness, he was extraordinary.

It is a such a gift to be able to be proud of your dad. He was such a unique individual - I have never known anyone like him. That combination of quiet competence, utter reliability, that weird, quirky sense of humour, that steadiness, that uncomplaining stoicism, that uncritical acceptance of people, that love of his family - wow, were we lucky. Thank you, Buck. You were a wonderful man and we all so loved you.

Don came from a hard-working farm family, and grew up in Thorndale, the centre of the Duffin clan for over 2 centuries.

After army service during WWII, he received free tuition, making it possible for him to attend medical school at the University of Western Ontario. What a good investment that was! He was first a general practitioner in London, before going to Queen’s University to specialize in Radiology. He worked in Stratford, Ontario for 9 years, before coming to Sault Ste. Marie as the Chief of Radiology at the General Hospital in 1971. Incredibly, he worked until his third retirement in 2003 at the age of 80. He loved his work.

He also loved the theatre and had almost a parallel career performing in the Soo with Family Life Theatre and the Sault

Theatre Workshop in countless productions for over 30 years, One of many highlights was winning the Best Actor Award at

Quonta for his role in the play, “Buried Child”.

Don had a passionate interest in sports, particularly hockey and baseball. He also spent many an afternoon playing

golf and bridge.

But, most importantly, he loved his family. He was a calm, steady, brilliant, funny, totally non-judgmental person. We all

loved him back and miss him already.

Phyllis and your wonderful family. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Michael Hennessy and I had the great privilege of being part of many theatrical productions with Don over many years.

As we walk through life, once in awhile someone very special will cross our path, and although we may not know it at the time, that person is destined to leave a profound and lasting impact on our lives. I know that I can say, without fear of contradiction, that Don did leave a profound and lasting impact, not only on the lives of everyone here this afternoon, but indeed on all those whose lives he touched. There is no doubt we are all so much better for having had Don as part of our lives and we will all remember him in many different ways.

I, for one, I will always remember Don for the laughter and joy he brought to so many thousands of people. Over approximately 30 years, I had the honour to be part of many theatrical productions with Don and each and every one was a joy to work on. It eventually reached the stage, that when setting a theatre season, I would search high and low for at least one play that I could cast Don in. To be totally honest, I must admit that my reasons for doing that were twofold. The first was that I dearly loved working with Don, and secondly, with Don in a show, we were guaranteed big box office receipts. As an actor, Don had three priceless gifts: he had amazing stage presence, he had a photographic memory, and he was a master of the one liner. His comedic timing was second to none. It took a very strong actor not to break up on stage when Don was in full flight. The stage used to light up from the gleam in his eye when he was winding up to deliver a zinger, and believe me, over the years there were many, many zingers.

However, Don's talents were not limited to just comedies. In 1984, he was named best actor at the Quonta Regional Drama Festival for his stunning portrayal of "Dodge" in Stage North's production of the very dark "Buried Child" and, in 1991, he was brilliant in Family Life Theatre's production of Sam Sheppard’s "Fool for Love". Indeed, Don's dramatic talent was on display throughout the years in many Sault Theatre Workshop, Stage North, and Family Life Theatre productions.

As well as contributing greatly to many main stage productions in Sault Ste. Marie, Don was very active in Family Life Theatre's educational program, and he travelled thousands of kilometres throughout Ontario, helping us to bring to communities, education and awareness of many social issues of concern. Over the course of 30 years and approximately 2000 presentations of nearly 40 half-hour dramas, Family Life Theatre has had many memorable moments. But perhaps none more so than Don's gut-wrenching performance in the palliative care play ,"The Covered Mirror" While drawing tears from many people in many communities, his performance was highly instrumental in helping to bring validation and closure to those people who were struggling with doubt following the loss of a loved one.

I remember after we had given back to back performances of "The Covered Mirror" in Hamilton, Oakville, and Burlington, and listening to three dynamite speakers address the issue of Palliative Care, we were all drained as we headed for a late supper.. Whether Don sensed our feelings or not, his gift for raising spirits was never so evident as on that night. He started with his classic "Dip Dip Dip In The Deep Blue Cheer", and then regaled us with a minute by minute description of the misadventures of his 85 year old friend who, on a whim, decided to drive from Sault Ste. Marie to Ottawa to visit his daughter. Two hours later, we were all on the floor, and I can honestly say I have never laughed so hard in my life. That evening epitomised for me what Don was: a kind, loving and very gentle man, who brought to so many the gift of laughter and made it look so easy.

Ten years ago, Don gave a memorable performance in a Dinner Theatre production of "Opening Night". Last month, we revived that play, and while we knew it would not be possible for Don to reprise his role, both Phyllis and I dearly hoped he would get to see it. Sadly, this was not to be. In the play, the author borrows lines from Shakespeare's "The Tempest", and I feel that they are a fitting testament to Don as we celebrate his life:

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,

As I foretold you, were all spirits and

Are melted into air, into thin air:

And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,

The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,

The solemn temples, the great globe itself,

Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve

And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,

Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff

As dreams are made on, and our little life

Is rounded with a sleep.

Don's was not a little life. It was a life lived to the fullest. It was a life lived well.