Margaret Joyce Graham

Margaret Joyce (Tuite) Graham was born on January 4, 1925 at home, 90 Beaconsfield Avenue in Toronto, Ontario. Her parents were Edward (Ted) and Mae Tuite. Joyce was raised at her family home in Toronto with two siblings. She had one older brother, Robert, and one older sister, Jessie. Joyce loved and respected her parents as well as all her aunts, uncles and grandparents.

      As a young girl Joyce liked roller skating, biking, walking and going to the beach. She was a member of CGIT (Canadian Girls in Training) and enjoyed Sunday School, going to church twice on Sundays. Joyce's memorable achievements included awards received in Sunday School.

      Joyce enjoyed being with her friends and always enjoyed a party. While growing up, some of her best friends were Lilian Jones, Betty Horne and Kay Litstar. Later in life, she became friends with Art and Vi Coomber, Andy and Gladys Anderson, Ann and Stewart Ballie, Raney and Isabelle Hunt, Bill and Cathy Johnson and Myra Graham.

       On September 25, 1942 Margaret Joyce Tuite exchanged wedding vows with Albert Murray Franklin Graham at the Chalmers Presbyterian Church of Toronto, Ontario. Joyce considered this the happiest day of her life. Right up to the day she died, Joyce always remembered her anniversary and liked to celebrate it with her family.

      Joyce was a devoted mother and always worried about her family's well-being. She was always relieved to receive a phone call to let her know they were home safely, whenever her children returned from a trip. Joyce always dressed respectably when she went out in public and also ensured that her children were well dressed. Joyce was blessed with three children: two daughters, Pegi and Nancy Jean, and one son, Clifford. She was also blessed with six grandchildren, Ann-Marie, Celia, John, Angela, Adam, and Ian, and seven great-grandchildren, Julian, Kiran and Graham, Charlie and Jackie, Liam and Toby.

      Joyce's primary occupation was as a homemaker and mother. Her first priority was taking care of her family, such as breaking out the Vicks Vapo-Rub to massage onto the chest of one of her children at the first sign of a cold. She was a good teacher and taught her children by instruction as well as by example. Joyce was employed during the war (WW2) at Nielson Chocolates, Simpson's department store, John Inglis Ltd. (in the manufacture of Bren Guns), and by A. V. Roe as a riveter on the Lancaster Bombers. After the war she worked in the drapery department of Zellers in North Bay and later she managed her husband's company "Murray Graham Service Heating" where she used her bookkeeping skills to develop and stick to a budget while trying to save for financial security after retirement. Joyce was also a school crossing guard for many years outside her home at Lake and McDonald Streets in Sault Ste. Marie and was well known by the local children.

     Joyce enjoyed being neat and orderly and appreciated the hours she was able to devote to her leisure time. Her favourite pursuits were knitting and going to camp at Trout Lake. Joyce loved decorating her home for every holiday and would set the table beautifully with her good dishes (Royal Albert "Silver Birch") turning an ordinary dinner into something special. Joyce loved to bake for her family, whether it be their favourite dishes like macaroni and cheese, baked beans, fish and chips, or roast pork with crackling, or desserts such as giant butter tarts, apple pie or Chelsea buns. She particularly enjoyed fresh fish fried in butter and always looked forward to her son, Clifford, returning from his annual fishing trips because it meant a dinner invitation for trout or pickerel.

      Faith was important to Joyce. She was a member of Coulson Ave. Baptist Church and United Baptist Church for over 60 years. During that time she was an active member of the Mission Circle as treasurer, and a greeter for Sunday services. She was also a Sunday School Teacher for many years, a responsibility she approached with sincerity and thoughtfulness. Although she was unable to attend church in the last few years of her life, she continued to support the church financially in accordance with her dedication to her faith. In 2008 Joyce was awarded a life membership in the Canadian Baptist Women's league in recognition of her lifetime of dedication to her faith.

      When it came time to travel, Joyce used her scheduling expertise to make sure everyone and everything was ready to go. Favourite vacations included trips with her husband Murray to the Bahamas, England and Scotland, the East Coast of Canada, Western Canada including Vancouver Island, and Florida, Following Murray's death Joyce went on trips with the Sunshine Travel Club to Ireland, Nashville, and Canada's East Coast. Within the last 10 years of her life she went on a Caribbean cruise with her daughter-in-law Susan and a trip out west with her daughter Nancy Jean to visit her grand children and great-grand children in British Columbia.

     Joyce was a lover of animals and cherished her pets. One of Joyce’s favorites was Stubby, a Dachshund dog. They were best friends for 14 years. Her family was rounded out by dogs Butch, Icky and Tiny, cats Old Tom and Suzie, budgies Sweety and Tweety, a turtle, and numerous goldfish.

      Joyce passed away on January 10, 2019 in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario. Her death was very sudden, due to heart failure. Services were held at Arthur Funeral Home on January 17, 2019. Music for the service was provided by her grandson Ian's wife, Donja, singing a selection of Joyce's favorite hymns, and by her son Clifford playing the bagpipes. Joyce was cremated and laid to rest in Greenwood Cemetery West, Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario beside her husband Murray.

A Tribute to Mom; January 17th 2019, by Cliff Graham

While trying to write a proper tribute for Mom, I called on my very good friend, Rev. Don Robinson, for some guidance. From our discussion I took away two very important points. First, focus on the good in people and remember to tell what they mean to you; as my wife Susan always says to me, when someone is gone they are gone for a very long time. The second point that Don gave me was go ahead and cry; it’s alright; that’s why God gave us tears. So please everyone, sit back; enjoy this short journey of Mom’s life with me; and go ahead and laugh and cry. Mom loved a party, and this is her party.

A few years ago Mom got a pair of hearing aids. Every time I would call her, or even when I visited and was talking to her she would interrupt me and say: talk up; I can’t hear you; what did you say? And my reply, without fail, would always be: " I said, where are your hearing aids?" Mom would get a little smile on her face and say: they’re over there in a box somewhere. So I say to anyone here who can’t hear me: where are your hearing aids?

Margaret Joyce Graham; born January 4th, 1925. The youngest daughter of Edward and Mae Tuite. Mom was born and raised in their family home in Toronto, at 90 Beaconsfield Avenue. As kids growing up, my sisters and I revered that address more than 24 Sussex Drive; (and rightly so, because the people living on Beaconsfield showed more common sense.) Mom’s father, Ted, worked as a linesman for Toronto Hydro; he was a Mason and a Shriner, something Mom was very proud of. Her Mother, Mae was the centre of Mom’s universe, and probably the most important person in her life. Mom was like every other girl growing up in the Parkdale area; she looked up to her older brother and sister; she skinned her elbows and scraped her knees; she was sociable and enjoyed her friends; as a teenager she would hang out with her girlfriends. One day when she was 17 and downtown with her friends, she set eyes on a young soldier, out on leave. She fell in love with that soldier, with all her heart, and in 1942, in the midst of a terrible world conflict she married the love of her life; only to be separated for their first three years by the war. They kept in touch the best they could through letters between 90 Beaconsfield and the front lines in France and Germany. To keep busy, and to help with the war effort, Mom went to work for A.V. Roe at the Malton airport. A.V. Roe is best remembered for the famous, or infamous, AVRO Arrow, but during the war they were manufacturing Lancaster bombers. Mom was a riveter on the body section above the wings. She was part of Canada’s war history.

Following the war Mom & Dad settled down in North Bay and started their family. Mom took the challenge in style, coping with what little they had. Dad built the house as funds allowed. Back then you could live in the house as you built it; unlike today when the house has to be complete with baseboards and everything before you can live in it; but Mom turned the house into a home for her growing family.

In 1956 we moved to Sault Ste. Marie and started a new life. Dad bought a house at the corner of Lake and McDonald. Mom once again turned it into a home, but Dad never stopped trying to improve it; he added a back porch, then a front vestibule; he built a garage; he raised the house and put a full basement under it. Mom often complained that her life was just one big renovation. We would be sitting at the dinner table and Dad’s gaze would be off in the distance somewhere; he would get a glint in his eye, then as soon as the table was cleared, out would come the sledge hammer and saw-zall and Dad would set into removing a wall. Mom would take it all in stride. She prided herself on her housekeeping and the sawdust and drywall dust wouldn’t linger very long. She loved her home and she loved every improvement Dad made to it.

Mom also loved to cook, and took great satisfaction in providing for her family. One of my favourite mealtime memories as a kid was coming in from the toboggan hill on a cold winter day and smelling the baked beans and fresh bread buns. For dessert we would sometimes have her giant butter tarts, or maybe some cinnamon-laced Chelsea buns. To this day I cannot survive on a carb-free diet. Mom passed her recipe for Chelsea buns on to her granddaughter, who now has that tradition for her family. Mom loved her desserts and was always generous with her servings. When I was first dating Susan, she came over for dinner. Mom made a terrific meal, and being summer, made strawberry shortcake with fresh berries and real whipped cream. There were only four of us for dinner; Mom, Dad, Susan and me; so Mom cut the cake into 4 portions. Susan got about halfway through and was about to say how delicious it was but she was just too full to finish, when Mom commented that she too was full, but “growing up during the Depression you never knew when your next meal would be so we always finished up our plate”; and so Susan did finish her shortcake.

Mom was always game to try her hand at different things. She was a school crossing guard for many years outside our house at Lake and McDonald; at age 50 she decided to learn how to swim, and she was very pleased with that accomplishment; when she moved into Pathways she wanted to learn how to play cribbage, because her Dad played when she was young, and she decided it was time for her, so I taught her and we had many a spirited game; but she didn’t win every time.

I mentioned before that she prided herself on her housekeeping, but that also extended to her laundry as she used to iron everything, including the family’s socks and underwear, and she had stretchers for the larger work socks. Mom also loved to bake, especially desserts, and she was very talented at knitting. All the kids had hand knit woolen mittens for the winter, which usually shrunk down past our wrists before the season was out; but socks were her specialty, and she made some beautiful ones that Susan and I still have.

Mom was a very strong woman in many ways. You don’t live to be 94 without being physically strong, and until last week I was certain she would reach 100. However, her true strength was in her fortitude. Dad passed away in 1987; Mom was 62 years old when she lost her life partner. She was determined to survive and not be a burden to her children. Over the past 32 years she managed her own affairs and made her own way. She embraced her family; she managed to spend time with all her grandchildren and great grandchildren, even though some live on the far side of our country; and she loved every one of them unconditionally. She managed to do some traveling including a Caribbean cruise in her 80’s.

Mom lost her independence when she could no longer drive and she then came to rely more on her family for weekly trips to the grocery store and the hairdresser. Mom went to the hairdresser every week for as long as I can remember. She didn’t like going out in public without her hair being fixed.

I found out after Dad passed away that Mom had a very good memory and could even be a bit unforgiving. She told me the story of one memorable Christmas; I think it was the first one after the war ended. Money was a bit tight; Dad was trying to build their house on a slim budget, but maybe what he did was just part of his sense of humour. Mom always felt she was short changed in having her birthday so soon after Christmas. She did not appreciate getting a combined Christmas/birthday gift; and so as it came to pass that first Christmas, as they were pinching pennies, and Mom was expecting their first child, Dad gave Mom an electric frying pan. Now by today’s standard that wouldn’t be a gift to be appreciated, but back then young couples didn’t have much, and Mom did appreciate her gift. However, what Mom never forgave Dad for was the present she got 10 days later on her birthday: the lid for the frying pan. I’m sure he made up for this faux pas many times over in years to come, but she never forgave him for that one.

Mom’s last 4 years were spent at Pathways retirement home where she finally didn’t have to worry about making her own meals, and she became part of their community. She enjoyed playing Bingo, especially when she won, and she loved the craft program, especially making beaded necklaces and bracelets, which she loved giving as presents. She also enjoyed the regular visits she received from the Masons, usually with shortbread cookies or a plant. Dad had been a Mason and it was comforting to know that they look in on the elderly widows of their past Brethren.

As she couldn’t get out to the weekly services at United Baptist Church, of which she was a lifelong member, she attended the weekly fellowship meetings at Pathways; although she did miss the Sunday sermons of Rev. Miller. Church and Faith were very important to Mom. She was a devoted Christian through to her death.

As I said before, Mom loved her family. Each one had a special place in her heart. Mom is the one who set me on the path to playing the bagpipes, and she was by far my biggest fan. Her last request was that I play at this service. She asked for the tune Going Home, which I will play at the end as we bid farewell. However, she asked for that tune because I often complained about being requested to play another well-known tune, Amazing Grace, which I think she would have liked me to play. So here it is; feel free to sing along if you wish, or just sit and remember Joyce.

Meditation, by Rev. Phil Miller

The story of an individual’s life is always written in the context of those who came before so that those who come after can comprehend all that went into the make-up of the individual. Moreover, it places them squarely in the continuum of the history of the family story. The choices one makes today have a ripple effect through the generations.

Thus when Absolom and Sarah Anderson of Southampton, Ontario brought their daughter Beulah Mae to be married to Edward Percy, the son of Robert and Annie Tuite who had been living in Toronto for the last 8 years, by the Rev. Mr. Killey, a Baptist Minister from Davenport Road, that act would affect every one of us a hundred and four years later. That date was the 22nd of March, 1915, with Mae’s younger sister Eva as her bridesmaid.

That couple, Ted, the second youngest of 4 boys and Mae, oldest daughter of a family of 8 siblings, would go on to have a family of four, themselves, Marguerite who would die of cardiac arrest two weeks before her first birthday, Robert, Jessie, and their youngest Margaret Joyce who entered into the world on the 4th of January, 1925. And that day was the beginning of a story that would embrace nine and a half decades.

I believe the first time I met Joyce was here in this building fifteen years ago or so when my friend Ebby died. Our paths would cross again on a happier note when I went to work at United Baptist Church for six weeks. That was seven years ago now. She was a constant fixture in the second last row for a good number of these last years as health and transportation allowed. Always turned out to the nines and never a hair out of place, she made her home among God’s people and shared her faith in a variety of ways.

She knew of the longtime friendship that Cliff and I shared and would keep me up to date on the latest adventures of Clifford and almost all of the Graham clan with a story or sometimes a picture. She was one proud matriarch of her family and ruled with a loving hand. She had a sharp mind and a quick wit. I enjoyed teasing her from time to time and she’d give it back just as good as she got. She had her opinions and was never backward about what they were. You knew it.

In the last couple of days, as I’ve thought about Joyce and her life story as I’ve looked back into her roots, I wondered how she ended up in a Baptist Church when she came from Methodism on her mother’s side and Presbyterianism on her father’s side back generations. It must have been the influence of that Baptist minister who married her parents.

We are not sad for Joyce today, but rather for ourselves and that we can no longer make memories with her. It was a great party we had on her 90th birthday which doesn’t seem so long ago now. And wasn’t she Queen that day!

I’d like to close my remarks today with a work that speaks simply and clearly to the moment as Joyce would speak to us:

To Those Whom I Love and Those Who Love Me

When I am gone, release me, let me go

I have so many things to see and do

You must not tie yourself to me with tears

Be happy that I have had so many years

I gave you my love, you can only guess

How much you gave me in happiness

I thank you for the love each have shown

But now it is time I traveled on alone

So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must

Then let your grief be comforted by trust

It is only for a while that we must part

So bless the memories in your heart

I will not be far away, for life goes on

So if you need me, call and I will come

Though you can not see or touch me, I will be near

And if you listen with your heart, you will hear

All of my love around you soft and clear

Then, when you must come this way alone

I will greet you with a smile and a

“Welcome Home”

Mary Alice Ramish

The fragments of Joyce’s life, as they touch each of us, are in some ways like the leaves that swirl around our yards in the fall days. We each have our own, but here, today, we take time to listen to the acoustics of the rustle of each of the leaves of our memories Joyce’s life and pile them together. What a great pile to play in for these moments – and to carry in our hearts as long as we live.

And so now it is our time to turn Joyce Graham, child of God, mother, grandmother, friend and humble servant of the Lord, back to the God who gave her life, who blessed her life, who loved her with a love that would not let her go but has opened the gates of the eternal kingdom and welcomed her home.

Amen

* * * * * * * * * *

GRAHAM, Margaret 'Joyce'- Suddenly on Thursday, January 10, 2019 at the Sault Area Hospital at the age of 94.

Beloved wife of the late Murray Graham. Loving mother of Pegi Fletcher (late John), Nancy Jean Dukes (Henry) and Clifford (Susan). Mémè of Anne Marie Fletcher, Celia Reimer (Dave), John Fletcher (Christi), Angela Cove (Marc), Adam Dukes and Ian Graham (Donja). Great grandmother of Julian, Kiran and Graham, Jackie and Charlie, Liam and Toby. Sister of the late Jessie Thiverge and the late Robert Tuite. Friends may visit at the Arthur Funeral Home - Barton & Kiteley Chapel (492 Wellington St. E. 705-759-2522) on Wednesday, January 16, 2019 from 6-8 pm and on Thursday, January 17, 2019 from 12 pm until 12:45 pm. Funeral service to be celebrated in the chapel on Thursday, January 17, 2019 at 1 pm. Rev. Phil Miller officiating. Memorial contributions 'Payable by Cheque' to United Baptist Church, Heart and Stroke Foundation or the Sault Area Hospital Foundation would be appreciated.