Carol Holben

Officer, then as the wife of a Naval Officer. She was forced to make new

friends quickly and then these relationships were geographically ripped

away as duty called and orders were followed. This pattern made her

realize how vital her friendships were to her very existence. Carol loved

her friends fiercely. You know who your are and we want you to know

she cherished you.

Born to parents who had all but given up on having children, Carol was

a well received surprise 9 years into their marriage. Conceived while her

folks lived in Hawaii early in 1941, her father soon received orders to

head back to the War Department in Washington D.C. where Carol was

born at Walter Reed Army Hospital and was swaddled home from the

hospital the very day Pearl Harbor was attacked. She was always ready

to explain to anyone who stared too long at the series of red birthmarks

on her ankle - they were an exact map of the Hawaiian Islands and a

lifelong reminder that her family just missed being in the wrong place

at a very wrong time.

Carol remained in Washington with her mother until she was 5 years

old while her father was home as well as off tending to the business of

war. Carol’s paternal grandfather was also a career military man. He

ended the war as a 4 star General and was very close with the

Eisenhowers in particular.

In the summer of 1946 the little family moved to Paris, France where

her Father was stationed within the American Embassy and had a role

in the building and rebuilding cemeteries for the American Battle

Monuments Commission - including the cemetery in Belgium where

her beloved Uncle Lewis Gardner lay in peace.

Carol loved her time in Paris where she became fluent in the language

and blew through a number of governesses. We believe she felt a bit

unappreciated by her parents as they had very rich social lives and

Carol was a busy, busy, busy little girl which likely exhausted her

mother in particular. She was offered up many interesting adventures

including summers in Normandy where she was absorbed into a local

family living on a little farm with ducks and her beloved first black

poodle, Nellie.

Three glorious years in Paris were followed by 1 and 2 year moves to

Montgomery, AL, Huntington, WV, Philadelphia, PA, Ft. Belvoir, VA

and Washington D.C. Then, when she was just shy of 14, they moved to

Orlean, France where she attended the American high school and made

life long friends. During the summer of 1958, the family again moved

back to Washington DC where Carol graduated from Woodrow Wilson

High School and went on to earn a degree from Mt. Vernon College. She

managed to have her share of fun during those years; lots of parties

including covert ones she hosted with the help from her beloved family

maid, Delores. Delores also arranged for Carol to “play the numbers”

on occasion and aided in the acquisition of beverages for said parties.

Delores was clearly periodically manipulated but also loved by an

enthusiastic teenage Carol.

While at Mt. Vernon College, Carol followed in her father’s footsteps

and earned a bridge degree. She also befriended another young woman

who would end up engaged to a recent graduate of the Naval Academy.

After graduating, Carol moved to NYC to live with her parents work as

an Assistant at a law firm. Carol was asked to be a bridesmaid at her

classmate’s wedding in Key West, Florida in December 1961. Little did

she know this is where she would meet a groomsman who would change

the trajectory of her life.

Carol and Neil married 6 months later in NYC while Neil made a trip

from flight training in Pensacola, FL to NYC to meet Carol’s parents.

While visiting, it became clear the two intended to marry, but the

wedding would likely need to take place in Kingsville, TX, where Neil

was about to continue his flight training. Carol’s mother was not keen

on this location so she pulled together a simple, quick wedding to occur

in just a couple of days. Later that year, the newlyweds moved to

Milton, Florida where their first son, Scott, was born in March 1963.

Carol was 21, a brand new mother, in a new place and about to spend

the next 15 years uprooting and relocating her family 8 more times.

When Scott was just over a year old, the family of three moved to

Jacksonville, FL where in 1965 Neil would leave the family aboard the

USS Shangri La for a cruise in the Mediterranean. This was another

opportunity for adventure so Carol, along with a few other pilot wives,

flew over and “chased” their beloveds around Italy while Scott remained

back in the U.S. with Carol’s parents.

Later in 1965, Carol, Neil and Scott moved to Lemoore, CA. While there,

Carol became pregnant with Bob and soon after Neil was combat

deployed aboard the USS Constellation for 7 months. They were losing

many pilot friends during this time and Carol had a looming feeling that

something was about to happen to Neil. In July 1966 Neil was shot

down over the Tonkin Golf of Vietnam. Thankfully he survived and

finished out the deployment in time to meet his new son a few weeks

after his birth.

Their last child, Ginger, was born two years later in Lemoore just in

time for the family of 5 to pack up again and move up to Whidbey

Island, WA. Carol was faced with yet another challenge as the family,

along with their dog Teddy, was welcomed to live a trailer upon their

arrival as housing was not yet available. After several months, they

moved into a modest military house and a bit later, Neil was deployed

to SE Asia aboard the USS America. At this point Carol was 28 years old

with 3 kids in a new location. This was the start of her realization of the

extreme importance of friends in her life. It was a matter of survival.

December of 1970 brought new adventures. The family would drive

from Washington state to Lexington Park, MD for a multi year stint at

the Navy Test Pilot School. These were years of relative stability for the

kids as they were able to spend more time with grandparents and they

enjoyed their very first family house. For Carol and the other wives of

test pilots, these were very stressful times as again, fairly routinely

pilots were lost during testing of weapons and aircraft. These men were

the best and the bravest - they worked hard and played hard all while

keeping some semblance of normalcy with their growing families. While

stationed at Pax River and leading his test pilot class, Neil also earned a

Masters Degree from George Washington University. Carol and the

other wives of pilots formed tight supportive friendships and remained

determined to enjoy life amidst tragedies. Carol also managed to

squeeze in art classes; from oil painting to metal flower creation, she

was feeding her inner artist and creative force.

During the summer of 1974 the family again moved - this time to base

housing in Norfolk, VA for a short 6 months at the Armed Forces Staff

College. After each move, Carol would quickly hang familiar items on

the walls and get curtains on the windows so that regardless of their

surroundings, the family felt like they were at home.

In 1975 Neil & Carol built a new house in Virginia Beach as Neil was

being transferred to Oceana Naval Air Station. This is where Carol

gained a life long interest in real estate and honed her natural flare for

interior design. She also continued to sew clothes for herself and

Ginger. She was very involved in the Officer’s Wives Club as all the kids

were in school and Neil was away often on cruises to Europe & the

Mediterranean aboard this USS Nimitz as its first Aircraft Handling

Officer.

The summer of 1976 brought the bicentennial as well as another big

move for the family. This time, back to Kingsville, TX where Neil would

eventually command the same training squadron where he was a

student 15 years prior. The 2.5 years the family spent in Texas were

some of the more memorable for the kids in particular. They had a true

family home with dogs, rabbits, a cat, banana trees, peach trees, palm

trees, lemon and lime trees, a pool and a large back yard. Bob and Scott

finally had their own bedrooms after years of sharing. While in

Kingsville, Carol embarked on a career in real estate sales and remained

involved in the Officer’s Wives Club. She evolved into quite the

entertainer by this point - her parties were always creative and well

attended and the most fun when Neil was by her side.

In December 1978 the family was once again uprooted and was in for an

unpleasant shock. They left behind the warm winter of South Texas

with affordable real estate an headed north and east to Alexandria, VA…

where there are blizzards, mortgage rates were 18% and a lot of vision

was needed when buying a house in the D.C. suburbs on a Naval

Officer’s salary. Carol openly cried when she walked into the house Neil

had chosen. Little did she realize at the time that over the next 14 years

she and Neil would become quite the force in home renovation. Carol

had the vision and with Neil, bit-by-bit, they made that house into a

beautiful home. Carol continued selling real estate and eventually she

and Neil would buy properties, fix them up and rent them out. The 3

kids all graduated from Mt. Vernon High School and then each from

Virginia Tech. Neil retired from the Navy in 1989 and went on to work

for another 13 years in private industry. In 1992, they built their dream

home in Fairfax, VA where Carol was free to decorate each and every

room exactly the way she wanted. After 6 years of putting their stamp

on the huge new house and with Neil’s impending permanent

retirement, they decided to move to Southport, NC and bring all their

life long interests together for a permanent and final move.

They bought an 1890’s house in the historic district of Southport. After

the luxury of their prior house in Fairfax, this move was rather shocking

to their kids as the Southport house was a bit of a mess. But Carol and

Neil had vision. They lived in the house while working on plans to

renovate and ended up tearing off all the random additions that were

slapped on over the last 100 years so that they were left with only the

original 4 room house. Neil worked as the general contractor and Carol

photographed and supplied finish materials. The result was a sprawling

retreat they enjoyed sharing for years to come.

Carol and Neil became active in the Cape Fear Yacht Club, bought a

couple of boats, and developed many lasting friendships. Neil added a

large woodworking shop onto the garage of their house and over the

next 13 years he would churn out everything from furniture to party

props - there were a LOT of crazy party props Carol would dream up

with her creative friends. She and Neil always embraced a party where

they could dress up in character; from the cast of “Cats” to “Castaway”

to the naughty French maid and monk for International night where

they served French fare. Carol was deeply involved in the social event

planning at the yacht club and was a founding member of an active funloving

bridge group where she made many devoted friends who

supported and loved her to the bitter end.

Over the last few years, Carol’s health declined, but she never, not once,

complained about her situation. She simply did what she has always

done, enjoyed her friends and experiences no matter the situation. And

she learned to love and treat her grown children and grandchildren like

cherished friends. Life is about learning and evolving and doing the

best you can. Rest in peace Carol.