Iris Elaine Hynek

Iris Elaine Hynek was, above all, a wonderful wife, mother and friend. She was often the life of the party, and loved spending time with her family and many friends. She had an engaging sense of humor, matched beautifully with friends who shared her often dry wit, and she loved to laugh.

Iris was born on May 12, 1950 at Trinity Hospital in Minot, North Dakota. Her parents were Olaf and Lena Rose (Cissy) Drosdal. Iris was raised in New Town, North Dakota, where she graduated from high school in 1968. There she was a member of the high school drama club, student council, Future Homemakers of America and was also a cheerleader. Iris was raised with five siblings, her sisters Laurie, Diane and Coleen, and two brothers, Orville and Robert.

New Town was an especially small town compared to the cities Iris would live in later in life. Growing up in a place where everyone knows whose daughter you are can be a very special thing. The family was lucky enough to live close to both sets of grandparents, and Iris learned to love Norwegian desserts at Grandma Drosdal’s home and to ride horses at Grandpa and Grandma DeTienne’s farm. As a child, Iris loved board games, especially checkers, and also spent hours playing paper dolls, accessorizing them with items cut from the Sears, Roebuck and Montgomery Ward catalogs. In junior high, Iris and Paulette Anton Estvold took the now-defunct train from New Town to Makoti (about 30 miles) to spend the night with Paulette’s grandmother. On the way there when the train stopped in Parshall, the girls thought it would be a great idea to make a quick visit to their favorite fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Schultz. Since they were the only two passengers on the train, the conductor had plenty of time on his hands to convince them that getting off the train wasn’t their best idea! A few years later, Iris was the first and only girl in town to buy a motorcycle; that alone should tell you something about her free spirit!

She went to college at the University of North Dakota, majoring in Home Economics. While there, she began dating Donald L. Hynek, whom she would marry and share her love and her life for over 39 years. In 1971, they married and moved to New Orleans, Louisiana. Iris continued her college education there, earning her bachelor degree in Home Economics from St. Mary's Dominican College. Iris and Don’s first son, Donald Jay (DJ) was born in New Orleans in 1977, and shortly thereafter the family moved to Northridge, California, where their second son Andrew was born in 1980. Don was transferred within a couple of years to Ventura, California where they spent six very happy years.

In 1988, they were transferred back to Louisiana, and they settled in Mandeville, just north of New Orleans, where Iris worked as a real estate agent. Later she and a close friend purchased a Smoothie King franchise and started business in Mandeville, just a short time before the Hyneks were transferred to London in 1992. While the family was skeptical about living abroad, they embraced the idea and packed their belongings for a trip across the Atlantic. Living in London for almost five years, Iris became close friends with a group of 9 other women whose lives would be forever entwined. The women, all wives of oil men, later came to call themselves “The Firm” when they found themselves all transferred to the Houston area in the late 1990’s.

While living in London, their oldest son DJ was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer. Starting while a senior in high school and throughout college, DJ fought the cancer with every new medical breakthrough and drug trial available, but the cancer took him from us in late 2002. DJ’s tenacious outlook through college, while meeting and marrying his beautiful bride Ibett, taught all of his family and friends the meaning of grace and dignity.

Don & Iris’ younger son Andrew is a video game programmer and developer and lives in San Francisco, California. Their daughter-in-law, Ibett, lives in The Woodlands and manages clinical trials of new cancer drugs.

Iris was very creative throughout her life. She was an artist in so many ways: beginning in early childhood, she learned to paint and draw, and she continued using and enhancing those skills with each passing year. She and three friends climbed the water tower in New Town and painted their graduation year on its side. This may not have utilized her fine art skills but definitely showed her spunk! In her early married life, she began to work with wood and went so far as to ask for a band saw for a Christmas present. She had a craft business while living in California, and took her creative work very seriously while producing beautiful works of art that made you smile. As a Home Economics major in college, she perfected sewing skills that she used throughout her life. She quilted many items, sewed lovely tabletop runners, tablecloths, napkins, and gorgeous Christmas decorations. She and Don were a great team when it came to decorating their homes and gardens, Iris as the designer and Don helping to implement those creative ideas. And despite her many skills in baking and cooking, Iris continued to maintain that enviable figure from high school.

Iris was a member of the Lutheran Church all her life, enjoying group sessions of Bible study and working with Rachel’s Remnants at Lord of Life Lutheran Church in The Woodlands.

The family enjoyed travel and vacations. Among her favorites were the Cayman Islands, the Canary Islands, Hilton Head, Williamsburg and several of the Hawaiian Islands. When the boys were young and during DJ’s college years, Yosemite and the Rocky Mountains were frequent camping and hiking destinations. Iris loved the beach, and recently she and Don had been restoring their home in Ventura, California, with the enticing idea of enjoying Houston’s summers from afar.

Iris continued to relish her time with her cherished friends, including members of The Firm and many others she met over the years. She stayed in close contact with many people from her high school graduating class, and embraced friends from each of her many cities of residence. Once you were a friend of Iris, you were a friend for life.

Iris was a lover of animals and cherished her pets. One of her favorites was their Himalayan cat, Neko, a close companion for the past 7 years. Prior to Neko, the family pets included cats Zorro and Storm, and an Old English Sheepdog named Tiffany.

Throughout her fight with cancer, Iris’ theme was to keep on dancing. Everyone who knew her well will think of that phrase when they think of Iris. She would want us to dance … to keep dancing even though our hearts are bleeding. Iris enjoyed every day of her life and the experience of living it, and encouraged others to stop and enjoy theirs as well.

Iris passed away on June 29, 2010 at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center, Houston, Texas following a six year battle with multiple myeloma. She is survived by her loving husband Donald L. Hynek; son Andrew Hynek; mother Lena Rose Drosdal; daughter-in-law Ibett Hynek; sisters Laurie Moxley, Diane Ponticello and husband John, Coleen Gestl and husband John; brothers Orville Drosdal and wife Karen, Robert Drosdal and partner Lisa; sister-in-law Diane Winn and husband Rodger, Donna Just and husband Ron; brother-in-law Doug Hynek and wife Jean; aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, a host of friends, and her much-loved cat, Neko. Services were held at Lord of Life Lutheran Church, The Woodlands, Texas. Iris' ashes will be scattered with her son DJ’s at one of his favorite hiking spots in Colorado.

Iris was preceded in death by her beloved son DJ, her father Olaf T. Drosdal, and two infant siblings, Meredith and Timothy Drosdal.

For those of you who were unable to attend the service, four of Iris’ friends and relatives spoke eloquently of their love and affection for her. Here’s what they said:

Ibett, Iris’ daughter-in-law:

“Hello everyone. I wrote everything down that I’d like to say today, as I thought that I might get a little flustered being up here. But I’m hoping that I can borrow a little bit of Iris’ courage to get through this today. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Ibett Hynek, and I am Iris and Don’s daughter-in-law, as well as Andrew’s sister-in-law. I had the privilege of joining the Hynek family in the year 2000 when I married their oldest son, DJ. DJ and I met at the University of Colorado, and we were also married in Colorado, in the year 2000. About a month after our marriage, we packed up and moved down here to The Woodlands, Texas. It was probably about a week after DJ and I settled into our new apartment here in The Woodlands, when Iris and Don invited us over to their house for the first of many, many dinners spent at their house. About 5 minutes into the evening, Iris pulled me aside and said the dreaded words, "Ibett, we need to talk." My heart started beating rapidly because usually those words "we need to talk" are followed by not so great news, especially when those words are coming from your new mother-in-law. So I took a deep breath, sat down, and Iris and Don both looked at me with serious faces and said, "Ibett, you are our daughter-in-law now. You are part of our family. From this point forward, you are no longer allowed to call us Mr. and Mrs. Hynek. We insist that you call us by our first names." My nervousness quickly turned to relief, as I realized that I hadn't done anything wrong to upset my new in-laws. But it only took a few seconds before my relief again quickly returned to nervousness, as I realized that I would not be able to fulfill Don and Iris’ request. You see, my dad had raised me to always address the parents of all of my friends as "Mr. and Mrs. So and So." So as much as Don and Iris wanted me to call them by their first names, I just couldn't do it. So I nervously told them that I was sorry, but I just couldn't call them Don and Iris. I would have to stick to calling them "Mr. and Mrs. Hynek." So Iris came up with a brilliant idea. She said, "Well, how about if we come up with nicknames for all of us. This way, we get you to stop calling us Mr. and Mrs. Hynek, without having to call us by our first names." Great idea, huh? So we all thought about it for a few minutes and finally, Iris said, "I got it. How about you call me 'Mili?" And I thought, "Mili?!? Why Mili? That doesn't sound anything like Iris, or Hynek...so why Mili?"

And Iris said, "Mili. M-I-L-I. It stands for “Mother In Law Iris.” Perfect! And within seconds of deciding on the name "Mili" for Iris, I decided that I would call Don, "O.D.," which stands for "Other Dad." And so began my new journey with the Hyneks, not only with DJ, but with Mili and OD by my side. And it was probably about a few months later that Mili decided to start calling me "Betsy." I think she liked giving nicknames to all her kids. And that's how she made me feel. She made me feel like I was one of her own kids. She has taken great care of me over the past 10 years...she was by my side when I married DJ, and held me in her arms when he passed away. And even after he died, she continued to take care of me. Always. She helped me paint and decorate my new house.

She hemmed all of my dresses and made me matching purses from the leftover material.

She brought me chicken noodle soup whenever I was sick. She cooked my favorite meal and made homemade crepes, my favorite dessert, every year on my birthday. She took me shopping. She took me to movies. She took me for rides in her new convertible. She bought me an amaryllis to plant in my yard every winter. She always picked out the most perfect gifts to give to me. She even took care of my cat when I went on vacation. And when I was lucky enough to find love for a second time, with my boyfriend, John, she took him in with open arms and welcomed him into the Hynek family. She was a wonderful person; the best mother-in-law that any bride could have. So looking back over the past 10 years with Mili, I think that I have come up with a new nickname for her. I think that instead of calling her "Mili" or "Mother-in-law Iris," that a more fitting nickname for her should be "O.M.," which simply stands for "Other Mom." Because that's what she was to me. She was my other mom.”

Cheryl Sanderson, a friend of 18 years and a fellow member of The Firm:

Hi, I am Cheryl Sanderson and this is Peggy Dement. We like to think that we had a special relationship with Iris, that she was more than just a good friend. But truth be told, many of you probably feel the same way. Iris had that effect on people. And like many of you, I am flooded with wonderful memories of this very special person. A group of us here today grew particularly close to Iris as part of a little sisterhood we call The Firm. The ten of us were brought together in London, England when we joined an organization called The Petroleum Wives Club. From that chance meeting, we formed a bond of friendship that has lasted over 15 years. It was Iris’ daughter-in-law, Ibett, who first suggested that our group should be named The Firm, and it has stuck ever since.

Today we are sharing this brief synopsis of our friendship for one reason and that is because Iris Hynek was and always will be a member of The Firm. She was not just A member, but rather perhaps THE member, because she always was the glue that held our group together.

Who could have predicted -- who could have known -- those many years ago, what a unique opportunity we were given to share in each other’s lives. Over the years we have experienced the highs and lows of our children -- watching them grow together and struggle from childhood to adulthood -- the soccer games, the school trips, the proms, the graduations, the marriages, and the births of grandchildren. We have sent our children to war and we have watched some of our children die, including her beloved DJ. However, through it all, we have never faltered in our support, love and commitment to one another and our families.

Here’s the thing -- it was Iris who led the way. Despite her personal sorrow, it was Iris who continually taught the rest of us life’s lessons on how to appreciate every second of every day.

And she told us always to dance.

Need to put something together? An English Teatime wedding shower? Iris was first at the table gluing tea bag holders. Need to make a baby quilt? It was Iris on the doorstep with needle and thread. Need to gather your friends for moral support? It was Iris who selected the coffee shop and lightened the load with her irreverent sense of humor and her contagious laugh. Need to feel closer to nature? It was Iris who shared favorite cuttings from her garden. Plants that will mean even more to us now.

Iris’ main goal in life was to be a good wife and mother -- and she accomplished that in spades because she was the consummate homemaker. But along the way, in her 60 years, she was so much more. Iris never quit on anything. And her drive was infectious. She saw a need and she filled it. She said what she meant, and she meant what she said. She didn’t sign up for things just for credit or personal glory. She took on projects simply to get things done. She always remembered birthdays, not only ours but our children’s as well. She not only planned things, she implemented the plans. She could diffuse a variety of situations with her simple declarative phrase: “Well, you just cant fix stupid.” She was strong, not always physically, but in an emotionally supportive way. She provided the sunshine that was missing in London because, wherever she was, she made that place special. She had a love for all things from anything purple to gardening, shopping and especially lunch; anything that would help us have a good laugh. And, Iris had a moral compass that never lost its direction.

Now, you might be thinking My gosh, she was a saint -- but no, Iris was no saint. She was merely a great wife, a wonderful mother, a loving sister and wonderful daughter -- and our friend. She will be with us all forever.”

Susan Williams, a friend for over 30 years:

Hi, I’m Susan. I’m the one they couldn’t fix. I just want to tell you hopefully some things about Iris that maybe you didn’t know, and if you did, you will share the memories.

I’ve known Don and Iris for over 30 years. I met them in a restaurant – food!! Yes! We were all involved in the oil industry and as you know, with jobs and careers, we were transferred all over. But I met them in Louisiana, and I don’t know if you knew that she was a realtor. She was also a crafter and you’ve seen some of her work out there.

We hit it off immediately. I was a Home Ec major – so was Iris! And I was a newlywed and she had this most wonderful family and her goals were very obvious: to be a good wife and a good mother. And she was such an inspiration to me as a young newlywed oil field wife, which can be treacherous sometimes.

The next time I ran across Iris, Don, Andrew and DJ was in California. We get transferred quite a bit in the oil industry. There were too little Indian Guides that I got to know: a cotton top and a little brunette. And I remember thinking, “Wow, if I could just have kids like that!” And as the future ran on, I did not have kids, so they became my kids. Along with the Maggio children, who I met that fateful year in Ventura, and they all took me in and took care of me. I couldn’t decide if I felt like a sister or an aunt or just one of them. That’s just the way Iris was. She took you in and made you feel that you were strong like her. You could do anything you wanted to do with your life. Her determination was infallible. She was fabulous.

Something else you may not know about Iris. She had her own craft business when she was in Ventura, and she would work long hours getting these crafts ready. I remember one weekend, she proceeded to nick the tip of her finger off with a band saw. And Diane Maggio and I came over and we whipped out like 150 whatever she was making so she could make it to the fair the next day! She was determined that nothing was going to stop her. She was very successful in that business. She was just so versatile.

And not only was her talent versatile, but her love and commitment to her friends, to her neighbors, and to whoever she decided she was going to like – you better look out, she’s going to like you to the bitter end! And she took care of you, she really did!

Then of all things, we wind up in Texas. As most of you know, you come back to Texas if you’re in the oil industry. And wouldn’t you know it, I move one block away from Don and Iris, in the same subdivision. It was fabulous! We hadn’t seen each other in years and we picked up like we had never left off. It was just fabulous.

And talk about cook! Oh my goodness. Her mother taught her to make lefse, right Cissy? And we have the funniest story about that. They were cooking in her kitchen, making lefse, which is a wonderful Norwegian dessert. And this big boom happened. Kaboom!! Iris decided it was a jet outside. Well, wouldn’t you know it, the hot lefse grills exploded the granite countertop in her kitchen and left a huge crack! “No worries. Don will just replace this much granite.” [Indicates about 2 feet.] Right? “Just this much. It’s not a problem.” She got a brand new kitchen full of granite!

Across the street there became another friend. During this time, she was determined in fighting DJ’s illness. And we had another friend that lived across the street from her, Sarah and Fred Almy, and we all became very close. In the meantime, the Maggio’s got back to Texas also. And so there was Sarah, Dianne, Iris and me, and she decided that since we were all turning the BIG (whispers) FIVE OH, that she would do something special for us. So we became the YAYA Sisterhood. Do you remember this? And she made us wear these awful crowns and do sparklers on our 50th birthday. But we did it because Iris said, “We will do this.” I have a lot of fun, fun memories from that.

But purple was her color. She was the most beautiful home decorator. Her houses were just so soft and wonderfully put together. And she used quite a bit of purple. One of the best stories about purple that I can tell you is about when Sarah’s little grandchildren would come and visit them in the summer. They would come over and swim in the Hynek’s pool. One day they were leaving -- they had been taking care of the kitty while the Hynek’s were gone. They went in to clean the food up and Sarah picked up the dust buster. And her granddaughter looked at her and said, “Grammy, even Miss Iris’ vacuum cleaner is purple!!” It was great!

So anyway, I also wanted to say this: I was very jealous of Andrew the whole time that we lived in Texas -- because she sent you these wonderful cookies and cakes! She baked everything and it was always going to Andrew. We were always going to the airport to get it there quick so it would be there on time for your birthday and your occasions. That’s one of my fondest memories of your mom.

When these girls talk about Iris being the glue that held them together, she was more like the sticky glue. You know, she was more like the glue that was never going to come undone.

And when the two hardest losses of my life happened four years ago, Iris, along with Sarah and Dianne, picked me up, held me up, took care of me, told me to stand on my feet and go forward. They were there for me, and I lovingly refer to them as “The Help”. And I think that you will understand if you talk to anyone that Iris not only believed in herself, but she believed that everybody had good and had good to give. She wanted you to believe that about yourself. And she really did, she made me feel that way all the time.

I want to say to Andrew, “Your mother was a very determined young woman and as she got older, everything that she did, she was determined to go through it to the bitter end. You are so much like your mother. I want to you take that determination, go with it. Make your life whatever you can do, with her memory at the front, because you had a wonderful mother.” And Don, I want you to know that she is dancing now, with DJ and Jesus. And you will get to dance again with her, and we’re going to hold you up. And Cissy and family, you were the most important thing to her. She was always thinking about every single one of you. We didn’t go on one shopping trip that she wasn’t thinking ‘whose birthday is next? Who am I going to get the card for?’ She never forgot even grandchildren of her friends. She never forgot their birthdays.

So I just wanted you guys to get a glimpse of this wonderful woman as a friend, and I just am so honored to be able to say this to you.”

Diane Hynek Winn, Iris’ sister-in-law:

I’m Diane, Don’s sister, speaking on behalf of Don’s family. As we all

know, Iris was a wonderful wife and mother but she was also a great

sister-in-law and aunt. As mentioned before, she never forgot a birthday, anniversary or special event. Even though we didn’t see her often, when we did, she had such an amazing way of taking time to make each of us feel special – from teaching Deyna a different way to play solitaire, to introducing Doug to cappuccinos in London in 1995, to making the perfect dessert my own husband Rodger couldn’t resist.

My own family was especially blessed to have had Don and Iris live in California when our boys were young. What special memories we have of the four cousins spending time together. Iris always made it so much fun, which resulted in her being our sons’ favorite aunt. This was also a major arts and crafts phase of her life, as Susan had mentioned. We’d often arrive at her house to see incredibility creative and beautiful work neatly organized for one of her upcoming boutiques. Like many good artists, she worked hard, and did great work but probably only made about 50 cents an hour, so she was really dedicated. Over the years many of us benefited from Iris’ talents. Christmas will always bring special memories of Iris – Cody and Casey have beautiful personalized needlepoint stockings that she made and our traditional Christmas brunch is Iris’ egg casserole and caramel rolls.

Iris had such grace, style and always looked great but she was no

prima dona. Even during her illness, I saw her tearing down paneling, scrubbing floors and painting their house in Ventura, where she and Don planned to retreat from the Houston summers.

Another special recent memory I have of Iris was at my own mom’s funeral. When picking out flowers, I had said I didn’t like gladiolas but wouldn’t you know it, several people sent bouquets with glads. After the service, Iris whispered into my ear, “Diane, when I saw all the glads on the alter in front of you, I just wanted to go up there and pluck them out and move them to the other side of the church!” And that was Iris!

We feel so blessed to have had Iris in our lives and to see the

tremendous joy, love and happiness she brought to our brother’s life.

She was one special lady! Don and Andrew, our hearts go out to you.”

Don’s cousin Cindy is also is struggling with multiple myeloma and she forwarded the following poem to Don. It was read by his brother Doug at the service:

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

Anonymous

If tomorrow starts without me,

And I’m not there to see,

If the sun should rise and find your eyes

All filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry

The way you did today,

While thinking of the many things,

We didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me,

As much as I love you,

And each time that you think of me,

I know you’ll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,

Please try to understand,

That an angel came and called my name,

And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,

In heaven far above,

And that I’d have to leave behind

All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,

A tear fell from my eye,

For all my life, I’d always thought,

I didn’t want to die.

I had so much to live for,

So much left yet to do,

It seemed almost impossible,

That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,

The good ones and the bad,

I thought of all that we shared,

And all the fun we had.

If I could relieve yesterday,

Just even for a while,

I’d say good-bye and kiss you

And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,

That could never be,

For emptiness and memories,

Would take the place of me.

And then I thought of worldly things,

I might miss some tomorrow,

I thought of you, and when I did,

My head was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven’s gates,

I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,

From his great golden throne,

He said, “This is eternity,

And all I’ve promised you.”

Today your life on earth is past,

But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,

But today will always last,

And since each day is the same way,

There’s no longing for the past.

So when tomorrow starts without me,

Don’t think we’re far apart,

For every time you think of me,

I’m right here, in your heart.

On a final note, Iris herself wrote these words in the family’s 2002 Christmas letter, and we’d like to share them with you again:

“I can’t close without saying a few words about DJ. He was so courageous, for nearly eight years, in his battle against his malignant brain tumor. He never complained as he tried one treatment after another. (Bravery: to endure something even though you are afraid.) He got up, he walked, he fell down --- meanwhile he kept dancing. He ministered to us up to the time he took his last breath. Hopefully, some day we will learn what he already knows. Now he is our guardian angel. (Heaven: a place somewhere high above the clouds, yet deep inside your soul; a place of complete peace, of total and utter happiness; a place that is greater than the sum of everything you will ever be or could imagine to be; a place we all want to get to. Words by Mark K. Sanders and Tia Sillers.)

DJ would want us to dance … to keep on dancing even though our hearts are bleeding. When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, we hope you dance. Where there’s love, there’s music … and dancing.”

Those words certainly apply to Iris as well.