Mrs. Isabel Joanie Joan McFarlane Oliver

Isabel Joan OliverSunrise:October 18, 1931New Liskeard, OntarioSunset: January 18, 2010Kitchener, OntarioVisitation at the Giffen-Mack Funeral Home & Cremation Centre,2570 Danforth Ave. Toronto, ONOn Friday, January 22, 2010 from 9:00 A.M. to 11:00 A.M.Service in the Giffen-Mack ChapelOn Friday, January 22, 2010 at 11:00 A.M.FOOTPRINTS One night a woman had a dream. In it she was walking along a beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from her life. For each scene she noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to her, and the other to the Lord.When the final scene of her life flashed before her, she looked back at the footprints in the sand. She noticed many times along the path of her life there was only one set of footprints, and realized that they came at the hardest and saddest times of her life.Bothered about this, she questioned the Lord, saying, "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most burdensome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why , when I needed you the most you would leave me."The Lord replied, "My dear child, I love you and I would never leave you. During the times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."Isabel Joan Oliver's Eulogy written and delivered by her daughter Laurie Smith Del PinoIt is so very kind of all of you to be here to honor our mother and grandmother Isabel Joan. You should know that her passing was very peaceful; in fact, Reverend Julius over here, who has attended countless passings in his 35 year calling as a Pastor, tells me that Joan’s was the most peaceful passing he has yet to have the privilege to attend. She was ready to fall into the eternal love and peace of eternity and to go “back Home” to the arms of our Creator. Our brother Jeff arrived at the nursing home about 10 pm which seem to signal to mom she could “let go” to surrender to the journey – which she did just before midnight on Monday. She knew she was loved here on earth and where she was traveling towards.I’d like to believe, and quite a few people sending their condolences have suggested that there was a greeting party of spirits to meet mom to help her along in a realm where there is only LOVE; her mother Helen, her father Robert Allen, her sister who died in infancy Aileen, her beloved grandmother Minerva Stewart and grandfather Don Stewart, her dearly loved Aunt Eva, Aunt Betty and Aunt Isabel who she was named after, her husbands Jim and Nelson, Aunt Bobbie and Uncle George, Aunt Janet, Aunt Loretta, Uncle Dalton Wilson who just passed December 20….all who loved her would be there to usher her onto the next stage.Isabel was born in New Liskeard Ontario on October 18, 1931 to Helen Stewart and Robert Allen McFarlane. She was born into a large and loving family on both the Stewart side and the McFarlane side. Because her father was gone to work in the mines of Northern Ontario and her mother was fragile during the first few years, Isabel lived in her grandparents’ grand home on Farah Ave. in New Liskeard. Grandpa Stewart was a successful insurance company owner and was able to build a grand home partly with redwood trees brought in by train from Washington State. She remembers sitting on her grandfather’s knee in the library listening to stories about travels to foreign countries out of the leather bound “Books of Knowledge” and National Geographic (Grandpa had every issue since N.G. started). You can see pictures of her sitting on the lawn outside that grand home looking quite entitled and “in her element” in this wonderful world of books, gardens and loving family. At the age of 12 she ventured down to Toronto to open up opportunities for her future – here she entered the world of the McFarlane clan – a little different from the strict, Baptist, violin playing, book reading Stewarts. But, under the love and nurturing of Aunt Bobbie and Uncle George in Toronto where she lived, she was able to carve a place for herself – rising to become Vice President of the Student’s Council at her high school and attending Shaw’s Business School where she was “snapped up” by Prudential Life Insurance to work at her first job. Make no mistake, Mom was just short of brilliant; Uncle Wally tells me she could definitely have been the CEO of a large company – she and Jim were “equally yoked” when it came to brains. She also loved dancing at the local Balmy Beach Club where she met a young man named Jim Smith and this is why Deb and I and the grandchildren and great-grandchildren are here today. The Baptists would say it was because of dancing and bowling that Deb, Laurie and Jeff are here; Nelson, mom’s second husband was a superb bowler as history records – and thanks be to God our very dearly loved brother Jeff is here with us today because of that and was there, much to Mom’s comfort, when she took her last breath here on earth. As devoted as Mom was to the care and education of her three children, so her children were devoted to her.Deb and Bill – I have to publically thank you for your sacrifice, care and sensitive devotion to our Mom in the final 15 years of life. Mom lived with Deb and Bill during these years and although she loved coming upstairs for American Idol nights, Christmas and birthday celebrations, she was very happy to leave the scene and retreat to her books, newspapers and nightly news on TV. Later in her life, when it was apparent that her health was failing, we affectionately bought her Maxine calendars and cups; her and our way of coping with the “impatience” and “irritability” that often accompanies us in our declining years – seems to have come to me quite early actually………………..I think I’ll adopt those calendars and cups if you don’t mind Deb and Jeff! She made it very clear when our visit time was up with her…………she even had an ever-so-slight “frown” when Julius and I suggested we were going to stay all night at the nursing home the night she passed – she dearly valued her privacy.I can see her now holding up the Maxine Cartoon in the back there that says “Let me know if you suddenly be come interesting”. OR “Don’t think of it as hot flashes; think of it as your inner child playing with matches.” In her younger years, Mom was known for her phenomenal patience, kindness and gentleness. On facebook after I announced mom’s peaceful passing, cousin Heather commented “I will always remember you mother as my sweet kind-hearted Auntie Joan.” Or cousin Karen in Timmins “She was such a sweet woman and I know she will be missed” and from cousin Lissa in BC “what a beautiful Mom and Grandmother Aunt Joan was and to many nieces and nephews a very special Auntie, we were always welcome to the Oliver- Smith house for dinners and birthday parties and just sunday afternoons..” and from family friend and now pastor Dawn Purdy in Vancouver “I remember meeting her and felt she was a strong woman. I will have you and your mom in my prayers.” This aspect of mom – her strength – was a priceless attribute and model to pass on to her children and grandchildren. Strength in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges; her own mother’s death when Joan was 2, her first husband’s death when Joan was 25, her challenges along the way with all of us (yikes, don’t worry I won’t mention the detail on this – suffice it to say not one of her children or grandchildren has ever been in jail), my brain surgery in LA to remove a cyst on Feb. 2nd 2008 and Deb’s double lung transplant only 5 days after this on Feb. 7th, 2008. Yep, I’d say that’s enough to handle in a lifetime. Mom kept her stress and pain to herself – I’m not advocating this technique – it’s taken the strong love of Bill, Julius and Christine to help Deb, myself and Jeff to find a different way to express these strong feelings and emotions. But that was her way – and the way of many who were born into the depression – just quietly bear the burden.Her way of handling conflict reminds me of a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King that Barack Obama referred to in his speech on Martin Luther King day last year “"the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice.” She would wait….until we would come around to our inner balance – our quiet knowing of what was right or wrong. She had great faith in our own sensibilities – her patience for us to come around was endless. In fact, I’m thinking she felt she could finally rest in peace because Laurie had finally “settled down” to a life of predictable order in Michigan, Debbie was going to be OK after her transplant and Jeff had become a devoted son visiting her every two weeks and calling on Wed. and Sunday evening. All was right with the world – that arch was long for sure! My Vice Principal at Pauline Johnson High School in Brantford came to me one day and said “laurie how do you stay so calm in the midst of such chaos and conflict?” (by the way this led him to put the most rowdy students in my classes – thanks for that). I said to him “my mother modeled calm, quiet and peacefulness in our home – so I often just “wait” for that to come around in my class – the students began to learn quickly that no forward motion would occur until we were at peace. They learned “peace”, “gentleness” and “kindness” in my class – not sure if there is a rubric for those Kimiko! This was because of my mom. Julius tells me she was the least oppressive individual he has known. She and Gandhi would have been great friends. Maybe they are now.Jeff, as much as you feel you may still need to make amends to Mom for your teenage angst, Mom loved you so very much and the comfort she felt in your presence was very evident to all. It was when you arrived from North Bay that she finally felt all was right with her world and you gave her permission to “let go”. Her life was complete when you were there. Christine, thank you for sharing Jeff with us and with Mom; the food containers you so often lovingly made for her with her favorite foods when we were trying to get her to eat – they made all the difference in the world and were an honorable act of kindness – we are so grateful.Dimitra, thank you for spoiling Mom on her birthday and on holidays with lavender everything – her favorite fragrance – and for treating her as the very “special” grandma he was to all of you. Those Libras understand each other best I think – including Libra Julius who adored Mom and Mom adored him. He was her Harry Belafonte who finally came around and visited her often – he would sometimes just sit and fall asleep at her side – just his presence was comforting to her.Jeremy James she was incredibly proud of you = your full time excellent job with benefits and marrying such a wonderful gal. And Ryan – your gentleness with your girls reminds me of Mom – you are so patient with them – I think you got this from her. Mikey – all the time you spent visiting nana downstairs – your patience when she would tell you the news of the world, your positive view of things when she was seeing nothing but doom and gloom. And Athena I’ll always remember Nana reading an endless pile of books to you when she took care of you and taking you for long walks around our neighborhood in North Bay where the vegetable concession lady could smile with delight at Joan’s beautiful big blue-eyed granddaughter! And Serena – her smile was as wide as the room when I told her your photograph was chosen by Scholastics to be shown at an exhibit in Michigan – finally – the youngest grandchild found her niche - she was incredibly proud of all her grandchildren and their life sustaining achievements – the biological and step-grandchildren as well.So, a life well lived, supporting non-violence, non-conflict and justice through modeling this, endless patience, kindness and gentleness, (1 Timothy 6:11 asks us to “pursue justice, …… charity, patience, mildness”)strength through adversity (Joh 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world) and superb financial management – she had saved enough to pay her own way at the nursing home, her own funeral and leave a little change – a good Scots-woman to the end.Philippians 4:12-13"I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of contentment in every situation, whether it be a full stomach or hunger, plenty or want; for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power." Thank you Deb and Bill, Jeff and Christine, Julius, all the grandchildren, extended family and friends for honoring our dearly loved and gentle mother by being here and offering your love and support. It means the world to us – and to her. God bless you all.The church where my husband Reverend Dr. Julius Del Pino pastors, St. Luke’s United Methodist Church in Rochester Hills, will be dedicating a new library to the memory of Isabel Joan Oliver due to her great love of books and learning. We invite you all to come in the spring for the dedication of this library.