Six years today.... 

We would have celebrated 20 years together this year.   But, the conditions of my life did not prepare me for the man that you were. 

It is one of my biggest regrets.  However, I am thankful for our experiences together and I hope that I have a chance to reconnect with you in the after life .... 

When I learned that you passed (Bart tole me) I cried so hard, but it set the burden of shame and guilt that I carried for many years (from the time our relationship ended until I learned of your death) 

I have a different life today... as a result of you (and the termination of our relationship)

You are loved as I loved you the day we connected .. and I will NEVER EVER FORGET YOU!

Kemo Newsome-Berthaud 
27 MARCH 24
 
France

Fred was a good friend.  He was courageous and present.  When he was with you, that's all that mattered.  He had integrity, wisdom, strength and humor.  He was so funny!  I loved his impish nature, and his loving spirit.  He went through struggles in his life, but they didn't affect who he was.  He remained true and genuine and exceedingly generous.  It is an understatement to say that there was no one like him.  He was a good friend even after he moved.  Rest in Peace,  my friend.

Hearing of Fred's passing left me stunned. He was a wonderful friend and good companion. He engaged his battles with dignity, love, and presence and always shared the wisdom gained. He lived his vision of inclusion of all all beings with patience and compassion, calling out wrong and standing up for the common good.  Oh, Fred--how I wish I could have hugged you one last time! May your transition be a smooth one. 

The shock of losing Fred so suddenly has left a gaping empty space in our office and in our lives.  He was a colleague at the Aleph Center and such a kind, caring, compassionate, and exceptional therapist and friend.  He brought humor to our work days and a listening ear during moments of collaboration.  He was a gifted therapist who cared deeply for his clients, and a dear friend who cared for each member of the staff and therapeutic team.  We miss him dearly, and will remember him always, 

Fred was my therapist, so I had one of those unusual relationships in which he knew more about me than any other person in the world, but I knew almost nothing about his life.   I do know what kind of person he was.  He was easily the kindest person I ever met, full of love and generosity and compassion.  He was also one of the smartest, constantly challenging me to reframe my view of a situation or emotion and insisting that I see it from a different perspective.  The past year has been one of the most difficult, but Fred was the constant, the steady source of encouragement and vision of what my future could hold.

I wish I could have given him an equal measure of what he gave me.

Memories of Fred are indelible, and they are many. When my wife, Thyra and I were preparing a move from southern California to Ontario, Canada, Fred hosted a going away dinner party. It was extravagant. A pianist hired from the nearby Nordstrom's tinkled the keys as we all arrived. The menu, printed, included "a salad of edible flowers." We learned that Fred, who thought perhaps he'd put too many items in the plans, decided to call Alice Waters, already world famous, to ask her thoughts. He left a message. She called back. Suggested removing one dish from the menu, and confirmed the rest. The dinner was amazing. It was the kind of generous gesture for which he has long been known. We cherished our friendship with him and know that our lives were richer and fuller as a result of his life. We offer our deepest condolences to his family, and to all who loved him. They are also many.

OBITUARY

Fred L Erwin Jr.

July 12, 1957 – March 27, 2018

East Lawn Palms Mortuary & Cemetery

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