Paul R. Virgadamo, Jr.

Paul R. Virgadamo Jr. was born on October 27, 1971 to Ruth Virgadamo (née Ploettner) and Paul Virgadamo Sr. He attended Dighton-Rehoboth Regional High School, and in 1991 he began college at RISD (Rhode Island School of Design). Unexpected challenges made it necessary to put his full-time studies on hold. He kept taking continuing education courses at RISD, however, and in 2003 was able to complete a BFA at the Massachusetts College of Art. Paul’s work history included design and technical support at Artfact, Brown University, RISD, and a recently established online business selling collectibles (especially the toys he loved). While life presented Paul with challenges, it also provided profound joy, such as his May 1998 marriage to fellow RISD alum Wendy Hawk in a storybook wedding (Was it fate? Their birth announcements appeared a page apart in the Brown Alumni Monthly in January 1972). In the years that followed, Paul and Wendy celebrated the arrival of their beloved children, Sophia and Liam.

This summary, however, is no more Paul than a topographic map reveals the truth of a mountain. Who was Paul? Paul was Puck and Paladin: mischievous and virtuous in equal measure. He was a playful spirit whose laugh was contagious: his humor (sometimes irreverent) always intended to spread joy and brighten others' days. He was thoughtful and introspective, always striving to grow and be his best. He was also a champion for the underdog, standing up for those injured by unfair judgments. Ardently political in recent years, he wanted a world that was accepting, just, and free—especially for his family. His love of science fiction and fantasy arose not out of escapism, but from a desire to imagine a better future and to make it so. Many will remember that on their wedding day Wendy was radiant and Paul glowing with love and warmth in his heart (and from the wool kilt he was wearing on a sunny day in May!). While a bit impractical, Paul’s garb was inspired by love, imagination, and resolve for how things should be.

Paul disliked the TV caricatures he saw in which husbands and fathers were bullies, boors, or fools. With his family he strove to be loving and empathetic, supportive and intelligent, protective without being restrictive, a model of vulnerability and openness, and serious while also remaining playful. He was as fiercely protective of his family as he was proud of them. Who was Paul? He was the man who dropped everything one day last summer to head out, container of ice-water in hand, to find Wendy and the dog who had been out a bit too long in the heat. He criss-crossed neighborhoods until he found them. He wanted to make sure his family was safe. That small, everyday gesture reveals more about Paul than any list of facts and dates.

Paul enjoyed camping and nature, and sharing this joy with friends and family. He loved good food and, despite his rejection of such stereotypes, was often the willing dad-at-the-grill, proud to tell you about his impromptu marinade. He was an excellent driver (he would want everyone to know that). He collected toys that were nostalgic or sparked his sense of wonder. He loved games (especially tabletop and roleplaying, and particularly when collaborative)—equally ready to dive headlong into the minutia of an instruction manual, or, when Sophia and Liam were young, to cast aside the rules to make play fun for all.

Paul was a lifelong tinkerer and maker, bringing to life such whimsical creations as his fantastically adorned car Black Thang, the radio-controlled pheasant he crafted in college, a R2D2 sound system, models and dioramas, costumes (ranging from the endearing to the risqué), and the transformation of his family’s yard into a place of gathering and respite.

But Paul also managed to create something more abstract: his presence was a force that brought together a community around him in mutual caring and mirth. Even when he was tired or frustrated, physically or emotionally hurting, or when he felt like he was carrying the world on his shoulders, he still exuded a mysterious energy that kindled fellowship in the hearts of those he loved (those who love him).

Paul is survived by his loving wife Wendy, his adored children Sophia and Liam, his father Paul Virgadamo Sr., his mother- and father-in-law Janet and David Hawk and, his sister and brother-in-law Sarah and Eric Bryan, and his sister-in-law Amanda Hawk. He was preceded in death by his mother, Ruth. And Paul leaves behind a coterie of amiable nerf herders (some of them scruffy looking) who had the immense privilege of calling him “friend and found family,” a group who will miss him immensely.

Two services will be held for Paul. On Friday, June 27 there will be a service at 2pm at the Wilbur-Romano Funeral Home at 615 Main St in Warren followed by viewing hours until 4pm. On Saturday, July 12 at 11am there will be a Quaker memorial service at the Providence Friends Meeting at 99 Morris Ave, Providence RI, followed by a potluck. Anyone wishing to make a donation in Paul’s memory is welcome to do so at one of the three following charities: Human Rights Campaign, the Trevor Project, or Haus of Codec.