Connie (Cassidy) Chettleborough

Connie (nee Hazel Constance) Cassidy was born in the little town of Glenside, Saskatchewan on February 20, 1925. She was the 8th child of Mary Amelia (nee Elliott) and Ambrose Augustine Cassidy. Mary was born in Carlisle in Northern England on February 28th, 1890 and Ambrose in Wyoming, Ontario on Nov.11th 1876. We think they met in the boarding house in Saskatchewan where Grandma worked as a cook and Grandpa stayed occasionally.

Mum spent most of her early years in Glenside where for a time her father had a butcher shop. When Mum was about 10 years old, she stole some green beans from the garden of a neighbour. The farmer yelled at her and chased her all the way home, and she said she ran into her house and hid under the bed. This fits in with her also telling us that she used to snitch wieners and pickles from the big barrels in her Dad's butcher shop to share with her partner in crime, her younger sister, Pat, or to trade for sweet snacks during lunch at school.

In the winter one of their chores was to pull a toboggan to the farm just outside of town to collect cans of milk. Then they climbed on to the toboggan and had their huge old black dog, Rock, pull them home. Mum said if you were unlucky enough to fall off you walked home because Rock wouldn’t stop until he got back to their house.

The family house at this time had no indoor plumbing so the outhouse was a grim reality in the winter and even water left in the wash bowl overnight was frozen by morning. Mum was born a few years before the start of the Great Depression and her early years were in the middle of the so called “Dirty Thirties” when drought made living on the prairies very difficult. Her four older brothers left home to find whatever work they could. Mum was so strong and down to earth for her age that when her big brothers were away she would often help Grandpa butcher the cows. Eddie, the oldest, became a mechanic and taught Mum lots of practical things, including how to drive on a Ford Model T, and how to diagnose engine problems simply by the sounds they made.

In isolated little towns across Canada at the time, people were asked to help out in whatever ways they could, and so Grandpa often aided farmers with their horses and cows when they were ill as he was very knowledgeable about livestock and Grandma worked as a midwife, especially when the doctor was away or unavailable in winter storms.

Grandma Cassidy, as she was known to us, loved to sing and dance. All of her children were musical in some way and Mum told us they used to push back the furniture to make room to dance and have fun on Saturday nights. Money was scarce, so homemade fun was the order of the day and Grandma taught Mum to ‘Play The Spoons’ to all the popular music of the time. Mum carried this down and used to play the spoons for all of her grandkids too. As well, Mum played her beloved organ for us, strummed a guitar and played the harmonica as we grew up.

Mum was always a tomboy and loved to play sports. She learned to curl outside using jam pails of frozen water as rocks. Mum also played hockey with the boys (she was the only girl who could skate fast enough to keep up), and she played shortstop for the Weyburn Beaverettes.

Mum and Auntie Pat went on their first big trip shortly after the end of WWII, in May of 1947. They went to visit Uncle Frank and Aunt Marie Gaffney, who lived at 4545 West Outer Drive in Detroit Michigan. The reason we added the specifics of the address is because Mum remembered this exact address all of her life. As she indeed remembered so many of the details of growing up, teachers’ names, and the grades they taught, friends names and addresses, who they were related to and what they did for a living. She had an amazing recall of dates and details of her experiences, which were wonderful to listen to and added ambience to the stories she would tell. As Mum, and as we her children, aged, we became increasingly interested in her and Dad’s early lives and Mum became an adept storyteller. She obviously enjoyed telling stories and answering questions as much as we were entranced with her knowledge and recall.

One of Mum’s earliest jobs was working in the local drugstore store in Weyburn when she finished school. She liked the practical side of the job and told us she used to save a bit of her money from each paycheque to buy her Mum a special china cup and saucer when she could. We still have some of the original tea cups that Grandma received and they started a bit of a tradition of buying pretty Royal Albert cups and saucers for Mum for special occasions when we were kids.

There wasn't much to do in Weyburn during the war, so when Mum was finished with high school, she spent some time in Victoria with brother Eddie and his wife Marg. Though still in her teens, Mum worked for a while at a munitions factory. During the visit she underwent an emergency appendectomy at the Royal Jubilee Hospital.

Mum moved back to work for Saskatchewan Telephone company when telephones were still in their infancy and every telephone system needed an exchange and operators to place the calls on the switchboard system. One of Mum’s friends who also worked as an operator was going out for a date and wanted Mum to go with her to make a double date. Mum did not want to go on this blind date at all but was finally convinced to go on the condition that if she didn’t like the man, she would give a signal and her friend would leave with her. Well, that negative signal was never given as Mum was quite happy, it turned out, to spend the evening with the tall handsome young Mountie who had just moved to town. Mum had to go to work at 11:00 pm and so her future husband walked her to work and then spent the rest of the evening talking to her on the phone in between Mum's switchboard switching duties. Years later, when asked if it had been love at first sight, Mum hesitated just a moment, smiled, and said, "Well, I sure liked him a lot."

During the next few years, they had a long-distance relationship with Dad working in numerous Saskatchewan communities as the couple waited out the five years of service that was required before members could marry. In the meantime, Dad enjoyed many home cooked meals by his future mother-in-law Mary, and she in turn appreciated a tall hungry man to cook and bake for. Mum got to know the other Mounties at Dad's various postings, and once told the story of taking a road trip with several friends, heading from Weyburn across to North Dakota for a few days. It was quite late on their return, and although the Canada Customs border crossing had shut down for the night, the girls decided to keep on going since they were so close to home (it is less than an hour from the border to Weyburn). A few weeks later, one of Dad's colleagues showed up at Grandma Cassidy's house looking for Mum, waving a paper and laughing, "You'd better be nice to me, Con!" Her international indiscretion had caught up with her, as there was no record of her vehicle having returned to Canada. Mum finally had to confess to "running the border" and once the paperwork was sorted out, there were no further repercussions.

In August 1951, Dad was transferred to St. John’s Newfoundland. He was part of the first contingent of the federal police force that was deployed there after the newly minted province joined Canada in 1949. Mum and Dad didn’t see each other until he returned to Weyburn the week before their marriage on July 12, 1952. It was a colourful affair, with the bridegroom and his groomsmen in RCMP review order, and the bride’s attendants in pastel hues of pink, blue and yellow. Mum always remembered that her bouquet of roses matched the red serge perfectly! Both sets of parents were present, and Mum and Dad spent a few days at the Bide-a-Wee Cottage at Carlyle Lake Saskatchewan for their honeymoon.

Life in Newfoundland was initially quite difficult for Mum, who had always been surrounded by her family, but soon, a kind landlady made Mum feel at home. The small suite they rented from her was close to Newfoundland politician Joey Smallwood. Mum used to joke that she could just cross the road to borrow “a cup of sugar” from the local celebrity. Luckily she made friends easily and became close to Anne, wife of Dad’s old RCMP training mate Stan “Mac” McDivitt. Mum found a job on the switchboard at Pepperell US Air Force Base and the newlyweds often socialized with the American airmen. Mum sometimes felt sorry for the young servicemen and although not strictly allowed to, would put through calls for them to their mothers or sweethearts. However she always warned them that if her supervisor came by unexpectedly, their call might be suddenly cut off. Dad’s repeated requests for a transfer west were finally answered, and in August 1954 they moved to Newcastle, New Brunswick.

Although New Brunswick was not nearly as far west as the couple wanted to move, Mum and Dad had an active social life, and even participated in a bowling league there. It was many years before their children knew about this pastime, and it certainly explained where those teaspoons with crossed bowling pins came from! Mum and Dad also made friends with a young priest, Father Robert Grattan, whom they saw socially. Father Grattan helped the young couple with the adoption paperwork and in December 1954, they welcomed a baby girl, Patricia Dianne. It all happened very quickly and the parents-to-be had a lot of running around to get ready, with only a few days to prepare for bringing a three-day old baby into their home.

Dad’s posting in the maritimes was brief, and the spring of 1955 saw the small family move to Ottawa. They were to live there for the next eleven years and Mum always remembered it fondly as the best place she had ever lived. Early on, Mum and Dad lived in a brand new trailer park that was very popular, in fact they and Patti and Sandy were featured in a weekend newspaper story with photos about this efficient space saving lifestyle. Sandy arrived July 14th 1956, but as she was born six weeks premature, within a few hours Mum had a massive brain hemorrhage and was taken to the Montreal Neurological Institute where she remained for four months until she recovered from paralysis on the left side of her body. Sandy was looked after by her god-mother, Mum's old friend from Newfoundland Anne McDivitt, and Grandma Chettleborough came to look after Patti. Mum had a miraculous recovery except for being occasionally plagued by migraines. Bev's arrival (late, of course!) on December 12, 1958 completed the family.

During this time Mum joined the RCMP curling club and became reacquainted with one of her favourite childhood sports. Before the new club was ready, they curled in an old repurposed stable with natural ice and when it warmed up a bit had to contend with pools of water on the sheets of ice. Mum won accolades for being one of the very few women who had the strength to get her rocks all the way down the slushy surface.

Curling was not only a physical activity and outlet for Mum's competitiveness, but also provided her with a ready circle of friends. Her years of experience made her a valuable mentor for many women new to the sport, and she always made sure the lessons were fun. As a skip, it was up to Mum to choose her three teammates, and it didn't matter if they could throw a perfect take-out shot, as long as they shared her enthusiasm and sense of humour. This was especially true if her rink was going to an out-of-town competition for a few days, such as the annual General Mills Bonspiel in Cobourg, Ontario. As kids, we loved her participation in "the Jello bonspiel" as we called it, and she always returned with not only prizes, but also bags full of new products, such as Jell-o 123 and Shake a Pudding.

Mum had much curling success over the years, and one of her proudest moments was when she skipped an "eight-ender" in competitive play in early 1976. She always liked to point out that an eight-ender is much harder to achieve than a golfing hole-in-one!

Dad decided to take his retirement from the RCMP in the spring of 1966 and the family moved to Kingston, Ontario. With three kids in elementary school Mum was busy but the time in Kingston was brief and by early 1967 the family moved a bit further west to Oshawa. In that Canadian centennial year, Mum and Dad bought their first house, a new four-bedroom two storey house with walk out basement for the grand price of about $25,000! During Mum's hospitalization they had incurred very large bills at a time before universal healthcare benefits existed and so Mum and Dad were quite late in buying their first house, but, gosh were they ever proud of it. Mum had fun decorating and planting her first garden of many. Our family was reacquainted with dear friends from Ottawa, Ross and Joan Rutledge with daughters Barb and Brenda, who moved in two doors down and much visiting and picnicking was shared over the next few years.

The family moved frequently when Dad was transferred or promoted so we lived in Oshawa, Brampton, Hamilton and Mississauga. During that time, Mum occasionally worked at retail jobs, and she was really in her element at Beaver Lumber where she enjoyed using her practical skills and knowledge to help customers. Mum and Bev made a trip to Edmonton in 1973 to see Grandma Cassidy, whose health was failing. Mum appreciated the chance to see her siblings that summer, and to say goodbye to her mother. The girls finished school and moved on to university and jobs, with Bev being the last to move out "for good" when Mum and Dad lived in Mississauga in 1981.

Mum had at first been reluctant about moving again when Dad's workplace changed to Toronto in 1982, but soon found herself enjoying the big city life. She and Dad explored downtown and became very comfortable walking miles to visit St. Lawrence Market, Queen's Quay and the Eaton Centre. She became quite accomplished at bargaining good-naturedly with the stall holders in Kensington and in giving directions for the subway system to people who looked confused. Downtown Toronto was a long way from small town Glenside but Mum eventually learned to flourish there.

Sandy married Allan Bezanson in Banff, Alberta on June 25th, 1982. Unfortunately, Mum had to attend the wedding without Dad, as he was recovering from open heart surgery and couldn't fly yet. Three years later, in the Hague Netherlands, Mum came by herself again when her grandson Joshua Thomas was born on August 9th, 1985. This is why she was called Oma, the Dutch word for grandmother, forever after. Sandy really enjoyed having her common sense mum around to help with the new tiny baby. Josh was born three months early and Oma showed her how to bath the baby in a big plastic salad bowl lined with a washcloth, which fit his size perfectly.

Josh was not Opa and Oma's first grandchild though, as Patti had a son, Tyler James Chettleborough just a month before on July 11th. Mum and Dad set Patti and Ty up in a new townhouse not too far from them in London. They was never happier than when they had their two baby grandsons around to look play with.

Dad retired in 1987. The next year Mum and Dad spent a week in Ottawa when Dad officiated at Bev's marriage to Boris Atamanenko on July 9th. Wherever their girls were, Mum and Dad travelled - Netherlands, Guernsey, Barbados for Sandy, and Ottawa, Fort Smith and Yellowknife for Bev. They left Toronto for London, and enjoyed reconnecting with old friends Bob and Marie Potvin. Then to take advantage of the more moderate winters and be closer to family, they moved out to Parksville on Vancouver Island. While there, they spent time with Mum's younger sister Pat and her husband Scott. The quartet participated enthusiastically in the local seniors' association's activities and frequent bus tours to various attractions and events. After a few years, Mum and Dad moved back to London so Dad could be closer to a hospital for his heart condition and they picked up where they had left off.

After Dad passed away in the summer of 1995, Mum stayed on in London, supported by Bob and Marie, but after two years, she boldly sold up and moved to Alberta. Her older sister Grace lived in Calgary, and Sandy and her family were just returning to that city after twelve years out of the country. Bev and Boris were still in Yellowknife, so Mum was close enough to visit often. She and Sandy came up just in time to welcome her granddaughter Cassidy Maud on November 27th, 1997.

Dad was a very important person in Patti's life, as he was in all of our lives, really. In the years that followed Dad's death Patti made some decisions and life choices for herself and her son which caused her to become distanced from the rest of the family. We knew she was still living in Ontario but not the specifics of where she was. As the years passed she became further estranged from us and she came to believe that her life was better off without being in contact with any of us. We never forgot about Patti and Tyler but over time Oma came to realize that she had to accept this breach in family relations because none of us could do anything about it, even though we wished to do so.

Mum bought a lovely little condo not far from Sandy's house, but the community had yet to be built. So for a year Oma lived with Sandy, Allan, Josh and golden retriever puppy, Guernsey. It had not been long since we had lost Dad, which was still such a shock to us all. We all healed a bit more during that family time together. The "Mrs Clean" side of Oma was happy to manage the house, and she often surprised us with favourite dishes and baking treats. Once her home was ready, Mum made 158 Edgeridge Terrace NW her own and settled into the next phase of her life, becoming acquainted with a new city on her own for the first time.

Mum made frequent trips north. On May 8th, 2001 she and Sandy were there again for the birth of Oma's third grandson, Rowan Leonard Patrick. She shared many cold Christmas holidays there and delighting Cassi and Rowan with her baking, willingness to join in games, and watch shows and sports. Bev, Boris and the kids drove south every summer to spend warmer times at Mum's condo, and sleeping in her walk-in closet became an adventure for the kids. It was wonderful to see her be so involved in all her grandchildren's lives, and for them to have the time to really get to know their "Oma". Since Sandy and Bev had always lived in the east, so far away from relatives, it was wonderful for them to watch their children spend so much time with Oma.

Throughout her long life Mum loved animals, especially horses and dogs. Growing up we had a succession of dogs from the rescue dog Tippy, who snuggled down at Mum's feet in her sleeping bag when we went camping, through a chihuahua named Boomer and a formidable german shepherd called Chimo. Mum trained them all, fussed over them, taught them tricks, gave them treats and cooked them bones. She was an honourary Oma to Josh's dogs Fristi, Gilbert, Dollar and Guernsey, and Bev and Boris's Paulik and Siva. (It must be noted that to the extent that she loved dogs, she loathed cats.)

Mum loved listening to and playing music, interests inherited from her mother who played the piano as well as the spoons. For many years, Mum played the organ, and Dad always loved hearing the music she made. The last organ that he bought her had pride of place in the condo, and she entertained us all with her playing, sometimes adding a harmonica for a real show.

Mum's love of sports never wavered. Even after she was no longer able to curl, she continued to watch the sport on tv, keeping her grandchildren involved as she explained what was happening on the screen. At the age of 84, she was thrilled when Josh took her to an afternoon at the Brier as she saw the best men's teams in the country. Mum even braved multiple sets of stairs to see a Calgary Stampeders football game with Sandy. Once in Yellowknife, three generations of Cassidys (Mum, Bev and Cassi) went to see a women's hockey game between Calgary and Edmonton. Mum watched many baseball and hockey games with us through the years, and even became a basketball fan during the Raptors' championship run. We all passed many cozy hours watching sports at 158, where the cheers and jeers were never ending, and the refs always seemed to rule against our favourite team, at least according to Mum. On visits north, she loved to go to the rink and watch Cassi and Rowan at their skating lessons. She also managed to surprise us all with her skill at Wii bowling, and she beat all of us at least once! Even a month before her passing, Bev and Sandy were watching the 2021 Tournament of Hearts and the men's Brier with her.

Mum's competitiveness extended to many aspects of her life. She loved to play poker against anyone who had a pocketful of change for her to win, and she enjoyed sharing her card wisdom with her grandchildren, among others. Her comment of, "Oh you're just like the little birdie - cheap, cheap, cheap!" met any opponent who wouldn't see, or even better, raise her wager. Mum loved the lights, sounds (and hopefully jackpots!) of casinos, and spent many hours at her favourite slot machines in Calgary. She could hardly walk through the room without being stopped by other regulars and staff members greeting her and wishing her luck. In her later years, Sandy and Bev took her on a few trips to Las Vegas including for her 85th and 90th birthdays. Mum was very impressed by the limousine pick-up at the airport and upper floor suite with chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne on ice waiting for our arrival, set up by the hotel once they knew of their special guest. Allan and Josh made a surprise visit to see us once and Allan snuck up behind Oma to pretend to grab her purse. Oma turned around quickly, quite ready to do battle with anyone until she recognized who the culprit was. She was always so plucky! On more than one occasion, Sandy and Bev were ready to call it a night, but as we headed to the elevators, it was Mum who asked why we were such spoil-sports, as she was game to keep trying her luck at the one-armed bandits.

It didn't seem that Mum particularly liked to sew when we were growing up, but she did do so as a necessity. Dollars were often short in the early days and drapes were resized and repurposed to cover the windows following the frequent moves. She made simple little summer dresses for her girls and many repairs and alterations of clothes throughout the years were done on her black Singer sewing machine. Later in life, she was the proud owner/ operator of a new Singer cabinet model and made clothes and gifts for her grandchildren and pretty tablecloths and decorative seasonal items for family and friends. A true child of the depression, Mum didn't throw out much and Sandy and Bev found zippers still in their packs from the early 1960's priced at 19 cents, as well as old and well-remembered fabrics. One such orange polka dotted linen piece had been made into summer dresses for Bev and Sandy, and thirty-five years later, for her granddaughter Cassi. Bev inherited the old black Singer, and Sandy now has the hideaway cabinet model.

Mum always made an effort to look nice whenever she went out, whether to mass on Sunday when the girls were young, or in her later years when she enjoyed a jaunt to the casino or an afternoon at the mall with Bev and Sandy. She was known for wearing bright colours and often had a leather jacket to match her outfit.

Boris always remembered the first time he met Mum, when he and Bev took the bus down from Ottawa to Toronto. He had a small gift for her - a pair of folding scissors - and she reciprocated with a pocket knife for him. This exchange of tools became a recurring theme and they worked on many projects together over the years. These included painting several bedrooms, assembling at least two gas barbeques, cooking numerous Christmas turkeys, and designing and building a doghouse for Paulik and Siva in Fort Smith. Mum loved to joke with Boris about his Ukrainian heritage and try out her few words of the language learned from her brother Dick's wife, sister-in-law Emily. Boris caught The Young & the Restless bug from Mum, and called her his coach as she was very patient with his many questions about the characters (good guy or bad guy?), history (have these two been married before?), and current storyline ( what happened to the baby?) of the show.

Cassi and Rowan were blessed to have known Oma from the day they were born. She was always happy to participate in family outings and activities, even -40 degree trips out on the ice road on New Year's Day. She joined in the loud craziness of our family games, but also made time for calmer moments with each grandchild separately, whether a baking lesson, quick read or just a quiet cuddle. Oma attended quite a few Christmas concerts and was always game to bundle up and head to the rink for the kids' skating lessons.

Cassi remembers Oma teaching her the finer points of poker at the tender age of 8, as we all sat around the big table with our bowls of small change, each hoping we might win a loonie or two during the showdown. During these games, Oma always made sure to put a couple of extra maraschino cherries in her drink so that she could share them with Cassi and Rowan. The grandchildren learned early not to tangle with her, as she wielded the dreaded wooden spoon. Cassi recalls Oma's jaunty, "Yo!", in response to someone calling her name, and the sparkly skirts she would sew especially for Cassi's dancing and twirling fun.

Oma (and Sandy) were also in Yellowknife for Rowan's birth, and the proud grandma came back up for his first Christmas. This was when she gave him Snowy, the polar bear stuffy which was his much-loved companion for many years. As the youngest in the house, Row inherited the important role of ripping bread for stuffing the turkey, and Oma made sure he knew exactly what size pieces were required. It wasn't always work with Oma, though. One spring morning when Row was about 4 years old, he was playing ball hockey on the driveway, and was keen to show off his moves to Oma. Even though she was in her early eighties at the time, she grabbed a stick and showed him a few moves of her own. As he grew into a young man, Oma was proud to notice how much her youngest grandson resembled Opa, his grandfather.

From the day he arrived home from Julianna Kinder Zeikenhuis, Josh and his Oma had a beautiful relationship. She was the Oma Poma who would get down on the floor and play trucks for hours with her grandson, make him whatever he wanted for a snack at any time, correct him with dignity, guide him with wisdom, cuddle him with abandon and support him throughout her life. Because she had been able to visit for extended periods over the years and then lived a scant three minute drive away, Oma was very present and an importance and dear person in Josh’s life. Oma made everything fun. He loved her to play the organ for him. She taught him to play the harmonica when he was little and he bought her a guitar to strum when he was learning to play one himself.

As Oma moved into her eighties and nineties, she occasionally had to use ambulance services. Sandy was present several times when the paramedics attended Oma in her home and often they noticed a photo or two of the many that she had of Josh around her house. She was always very willing to talk about her grandson when they asked if that was Josh Bezanson, the child, the firefighter, the EMR, the EMT, the Paramedic or eventually, Dr. Bezanson. When he was in Med school in Calgary, he often worked at Foothills Hospital where Oma was taken and would pop down to visit her and check on how she was doing, which naturally made her happy. Oma was always ready to share her pride in her grandson with the nurses and attendants. Eventually Josh gently suggested to Oma maybe not to mention that he was a doctor as it might complicate things.

From the time nine-year-old Josh guided Oma to the First Aid station at the airport in Barbados when she cut her arm, all the way through to her last moments, he cared for and cherished her. She cooked him dinners and he took her out for dinners. She followed his progress from where ever and about whatever he was doing, and he treasured time with his Oma, appreciated her counsel and surprised her with flowers. She held back as he grew to a man when he needed space, and Josh leaned in as Oma aged to help her adapt. He encouraged Oma to tell stories of her childhood and listened to the tales of meeting and marrying Opa. Josh had many phone visits with Oma when he was on a slow shift at the fire hall in Canmore or when he moved to Edmonton during his Residency. Josh was never too busy or too old to say their special phone goodbye where he would blow Oma a kiss, and her answer was always, “I got it in my left ear, honey.” They were beautiful to see together.

Mum and Allan had a sweet relationship which deepened when living so close together in Calgary. They were arch rivals at playing cards with the same high tolerance for risk when taking bets. Allan used to joke that she was the only one who was a challenge to play cards with, much more so than her hesitant daughters who were Cheap Cheap Cheap, as you have heard. They talked about sports and cars, each playfully calling the other out for any outrageous statements that were made. Oma would send over lemon meringue pies, Allan’s favourite, with instructions that he was to get the biggest piece. Allan was in the habit of dropping off prepared meals to Oma from the restaurants he had taken her to when it was too wintery for her to go out. Living so close to each other made visiting easy and it was a blessing "to pop on over for a chat." Allan loved the practical side of Mum’s personality and marvelled at what he called her joy of family and the strength of her will to live as she aged.

Oma was interested to meet Josh’s new girlfriend who had come to Calgary to work for the summer and Josh was happy to introduce Sarah to her. Sarah was quieter than the rest of this noisy family and Mum drew her out a bit to create a calmer space to talk, even as she made fun of the rest of our sometimes boisterous, chatty family. If Oma had wondered about who would be good enough for her grandson, meeting Sarah answered that question beautifully and Oma was very happy when Dr. Bezanson married Sarah VanDusen on September 30th, 2017. Although Oma could not attend the wedding in person as it was in Ucluelet on Vancouver Island, he arranged a live viewing party for her and provided the same champagne that would be served at the reception. Josh also bought her a beautiful corsage to wear with the same flowers that were in Sarah’s bouquet.

Mum was a common sense person and devised so many clever little ways to make jobs easier or things more organized – life hacks we would call them. Growing up we called her Mrs. Clean for her housekeeping skills, but later in life as she aged, she excelled with a place for everything and everything in its place. This is partly why she managed to live quite well on her own in her cute little two bedroom condo until she was 96, and within weeks of her passing.

The above stories and details don’t begin to capture the real heart, soul and humour of Mum. She was so loving to family and friends, would do anything for you, loved to help with projects or was just comfortable with a family visit. Of course, she liked to feed her family and was a great plain fare cook, shepherd’s pie, lasagna, mac and cheese being some of her specialities, not to mention apple pie, cinnamon swirls, raisin cake, rice crispy squares and dream squares, so named by Josh because they were a Dream to eat!

Celebration of a Great Life

All life ultimately completes its circuit in death, and so we are going to talk a bit about Oma’s. The reason we decided to do this here is because in the future there may not be anyone to pass on this bit of information and, from experience, we know that it is horrible to wonder about something and no longer be able to ask anyone about it. We had a lovely visit with Mum the afternoon before we lost her and Bev had a great phone call with her as well. But after battling pneumonia for three weeks, things took a turn for the worst during the night, and Mum passed peacefully in the hospital about 2:30 in the afternoon of Sunday April 18th, 2021. Allan and I had been with her from the early morning doctor’s call to 'come quickly', and Josh and Sarah arrived from Edmonton in time to be with her for a few moments. It seemed only fitting that Josh, the tiny baby who had grown up to be a doctor, who was so close to his beloved Oma, gently called the time of death for us. Bev arrived the next day from Yellowknife, and Cassi and Rowan came a few days later.

The best thing about planning a celebration of life for someone is that, unlike a funeral, it happens a while after the loss of your loved one. This gives you a space of time to reflect on things and put them in perspective. We certainly found this to be the case with making plans to say our final farewell to Mum. There were still Covid 19 restrictions in the spring of 2021 when we lost Mum, but by the summer of that year people were allowed to gather together again. We did so at a place Mum had loved going to with us, the Hampton’s Golf Club, just behind our house in Calgary. The invitation asked people to join us in sending Mum "up to twinkle with the stars", and that is the way we liked to think of it, with Opa and others awaiting her arrival with open arms. If you get the chance to write a story, why not give it a fitting and happy, even if poignant, ending!

These are some of the stories and remembrances that were shared to honour Connie, Mum, Oma’s beautiful life…..

Mum’s Celebration of Life July 25th, 2021

By Sandy :

I want to Thank You all for coming today. What can you say about an entire life? Well, in my 90 minute segment…. What, Bev, I don’t have that much time?

So, we are here to honour and celebrate the life of Connie Chettleborough (nee Cassidy) –and don’t you forget it! I know Mum is smiling down on us all right now, twinkling with the stars, as we said on the invitation, and in the circle of Dad’s arms. Mum was a person who loved colour, and the colour of life was pleased to shine on her for a very long time, so I guess the first thing to mention is the extraordinary age she lived to, a month into her 97th year. Extraordinary because she outlived all but two in her extended family generation of 25 people. Among other things she survived a serious Brain Hemorrhage when I was born, that for a time had her paralyzed on her left side and which sent her to the Montreal Neurological Institute for 4 months. And yet, she fully recovered and lived on for a further 65 beautiful years. But extraordinary also because Mum was still herself up until the last few weeks of her life, and for the most part she had health, and enjoyed her life with grace. That is a blessing and a great gift, as She was a gift to us.

If heaven is a place in the memory of others, where our best selves live on, then Mum is already there! As we said on her head stone, Only The Love Endures! Today, however, is not a day to dwell on loss, so I would just like to share a few memories and reminiscences with you about Mum/Oma/Connie. First of all, she is an easy person to celebrate!

When I think of Mum, I think of her in her youth as a child of the Depression, a vital worker during WWII, and then a young wife and mother in the late 1950ʼs. As soon as awareness arose in me my mum was all, everything, a constant, - secure and selfless in caring for her family.

Mum, born second last in a brood of nine, was a complete tomboy. Any activity be it skating, curling, baseball, driving, or shooting was in her blood from her early days growing up rough and tumble in small Saskatchewan towns. Maybe that is where she developed the competitive/stubborn streak in her nature, who knows? Later, of course, she met the tall handsome Mountie, and the rest was history…

Over the course of my life, I learned so much from Mum. We used to call her Mrs. Clean for her extraordinary housekeeping. I can’t tell you the number of times I was annoyed at Josh when we visited for saying things like “Why is Oma’s garage so clean and tidy, Mum?” But, and I think Bev will agree, she was Not a Patient teacher when we were growing up. Man, if you didn’t wash that floor or chop those onions just right by the second attempt you were waved away with a flea in your ear, she did the job herself, and you were assigned something worse. So Josh, Cass and Rowan, this is where being Oma’s grandchildren really had its advantages.

Mum was so clever about down to earth practical things. Dad was not. It was Mum who did jobs like backup and park the tent-trailer or put together the new gas BBQ. Sorry, Dad, you were just the muscle, and sometimes you used too much of that, like the time you “tightened” the screw right up through the old turquoise arbourite kitchen table. Mum was Fit To Be Tied about that for years, if not decades!

I always asked Mum about how to do things, and I always got specific sensible answers. At university it was “Mum, how do I get a cherry stain out of my favourite sweater?”, later it was, “Mum, how do you bath a tiny slippery baby?” Finally, when we got to Calgary it was more like, “Thanks Mum, for ironing my Christmas tablecloth”. What, can I say, - she didn’t like my technique!

Throughout my life, I felt Mum knew and valued both Bev and me for who we were, how we were the same, and how we differed. As youngsters she parented us to our strengths, and through, it must be said, very few, weaknesses…. and later on when we were adults, as a wise thoughtful advisor. She will always be a guiding light in my life and in my heart. Of course, I learned so much from Mum, too, about things like respect, kindness, forgiveness, taking responsibility, and staying through to finish a hard job. However, I can’t say that I learned frugality as well as Mum practiced it. She was, after all, a true inventive daughter of the Depression. It might be surprising, then, to learn that although Mum had a fairly conventional work/family life for her generation, she was what I would call an early feminist. She fully supported Bev and I going to university at a time when not all parents thought it necessary for their daughters to do so. And she was always encouraged to hear of women extending the boundaries in sports or business.

In all of the little ways that Mum managed her day to day life as she got older, from using her grabber to “clever ways with clothespins”, (believe me, I could write a whole article on that alone) …she showed me that she still valued and tried to enjoy her life. She accepted having to go on oxygen, using a walker, sometimes being in pain or discomfort with out a fuss or drama. Oma aged beautifully, gracefully and with dignity. May we all be able to say the same about ourselves.

Now, Mum was not fond of decorating or fancy cooking, “fiddly stuff”, was what she called it. But as we know, until recently, her pies, especially apple, would knock your socks off, not to mention her savory shepherds pie. I loved the way she planted flowers in any small patch of earth, and when I had half killed some poor plant she would nurse it back to life, oh yes, and always remind me, “That’s the one you gave me three years ago, Sandy.”

Mum was naturally musical and could play the mouthorgan, guitar and harmonica by ear. I am so happy we have video snippets of her playing her beloved organ over the years. I think she tried to teach all the grandkids how to play the organ and the spoons too, at one time or another. Anybody who met her soon realized that she loved to laugh. She was cheerful and interested in people. One time Mum and Dad went on a bus tour when they visited us in Holland. Mum made friends that she kept in touch with for years. It all started when she was the only one who had the correct change for the pay toilets. She generously shared her coins with everyone and they nicknamed her the Toiletten Lady. And Mum was kind. She always donated cash and groceries to the food bank and regularly sent money to many charities, especially those involving children.

After living with an ocean separating us for so long, it was wonderful to have Mum just around the corner. She loved being close to her big sister Gracie and closer to her little sister Pat and their families. Mum was adamant that she wanted to stay in her own home, and God bless her she did. She loved her cute little number 158 and it served her, and us, well. There were birthdays, Christmases, many fabulous meals, Josh dropping by for hugs and pie, Bev and fam on summer vacations, movie nights, snowy days just talking, Allan and Mum mock feuding, Wii tournaments in her TV room where she always did very well in baseball and bowling, Josh dropping by for hugs and pie, Mum playing the organ, watching our favourite shows or sports, or Mum reaching back in her tremendous memory to tell stories about growing up in the ‘olden times’ before there was inside plumbing, Allan stopping by with treats for Oma, Josh dropping by for hugs and pie, me picking up a ready made lunch or dinner when I was teaching, playing endless games of cards together, afternoons sitting out in her little protected sun spot by the garage, all of us together emptying many bottles of vodka and champagne over the years, Mum visiting with her dear neighbours and friends, Josh dropping by, with Sarah, for hugs and pie…you see what I mean…

Mum was blessed to have had many friends over the course of her life. Some were life long connections like Anne and Mac McDivitt, and Marie and Bob Potvin … their daughter Maura is right there, and newer friends she made in Calgary, like Tina and Tanis who are here today too.

I wondered if it would be appropriate to bring this next bit up but decided I could not leave it unsaid, so here it goes in one word…Gambling! Mum wouldn’t suffer fools when playing cards, she had a great poker face at bluffing and loved playing those slots at the casino. And Man she was lucky, at least on those days when she didn’t just “make a donation”, as she called it. Then there were the epic card games at her house. When Allan joined in we all had to up the ante to play, and Mum was right there supporting him saying “you got to spend a little to win, you know” or giving you her famous ‘Cheep Cheep Cheep’ call when you didn’t take her raise. You probably have all heard of Bev, Mum and I going to Vegas a few times and how Mum kept us up at night. One of my favourite memories is of taking her there for her 85th Birthday. Allan and Josh came down as a surprise to all of us, and after taking us out to dinner we went to a bar/nightclub and I remember thinking how it couldn’t get much better than this, watching my son and his octogenarian Oma dancing together at one in the morning!

Naturally I was always delighted to see Mum and Dad on visits back to Canada and especially when they visited us while we lived overseas. It was the beginnings of a life long bond with Josh so that his grandparents were actual fixtures in his life. He really knew and was blessed with his Oma for a long time, and for that I will always be grateful.

Oma was, of course, a very devoted grandmother. All of her grandkids literally lit up her life and helped to keep her young. There was no way to suggest they might not be absolutely perfect when she was around. If you even tried to hint that one of them had committed a small indiscretion she would shake her head and say something like, “Well, what do you expect with the parents they've had!”

It has been one of the privileges of my life to have had so much time with Mum. There is a saying that goes something like, “old age is not for the feint of heart”, and that is somewhat true, I suppose. But what I witnessed, and appreciated, with Mum is that there was also patience and wisdom that flowered and opened up her perspective on many things. It was a kind of timeless, generous benevolence that perhaps only long years on earth generates, I don’t know. Which is not to say, of course, that she ever lost her sometimes pointed sense of humour. Mum never tired of the zinger she used on me, “Oh, it’s you, Sandy, I thought it was my favourite daughter.”

I marvel that she was such a rock for us all when we lost Dad suddenly one night. At 72 years of age she sold the house and moved over 3000 kilometers to be closer to her family, fearlessly setting up a whole new life for herself. With the loss of our wonderful larger that life Dad, Mum came into her own in ways I had not anticipated. Mum wasn’t really interested in politics or the world at large, but she was passionate about the world of her family. She had raised us with unconditional love, that was just a given. But her (M)othering knowledge and wisdom deepened and poured in and around her children and grandchildren like golden honey drizzled over freshly baked bread, for the sweet beauty and energy of it – for the very joy of life.

For the sweet beauty and energy – for the very joy of life. That is the way I will remember Mum, and the way she lived and loved.

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Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I just Cannot Not offer a little something from the classics – but no fear folks, there won’t be any Shakespeare today. Since the immediacy of losing Mum I have tried to put together thoughts and words to encourage my healing, as a sort of a refuge from grief. So, much like the way you can stitch together lines from different songs to create something new, I have shamelessly borrowed, written, stolen, and edited the best bits of Uplifting things I found. I want to dedicate them to Mum and share them with you today. You might recognize something along the way… anyway, I call it Mum’s Memorial Mashup.

Mum’s Memorial Mashup

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me

I want no rites in a gloom filled room,

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little, but not for long

And not with your head bowed low

Remember the love, and let me go.

You can shed tears that I am gone

Or you can smile because I have lived

You can remember me, and only that I am gone

Or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.

Grieve for me a while, if grieve you must

Then let your grief be comforted by trust.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight,

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

So as you stand upon a shore gazing at a beautiful sea,

As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity,

Remember me, for if you always think of me, I will never have gone.

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die,

I have sent up my gladness on wings, to be lost in the blue of the sky.

The love that is deep within me,

Shall reach you from the stars,

You’ll feel it from the heavens,

And it will heal the scars.

Don’t think of me as gone away

My journey’s just begun,

Life holds so many facets

This earth is only one.

Nothing but our sadness Can really pass away.

For nothing loved, is ever lost,

My life’s been full, And I was loved so much.

Matters it now if time began, if time will ever cease?

I was here and I used it all, and that shall give me peace.

And when that day arrives, that we no longer are apart,

I’ll smile and hold you close to me, Forever in my heart.

(To Mumma)

FOR WHAT MORE COULD I ASK

A space of time to take a breath

To come to terms with the quietness

A space of time to heal what mars

A moment to recalibrate, to realign the stars

This is all I really ask, for losing you

Must keep me true and steady to my task

For loving you is love returned

What more, then, could I ask?

The stars will twinkle, as they kiss each wrinkle, of your beloved face

And sadness will ebb as my grief-stricken heart, receives your welcome grace.

For what more could I ask?

ONLY THE LOVE ENDURES

Never known as "the quiet one", here are Bev's words from Mum's Celebration of Life.

As I started wondering what I could say about Hazel Constance Chettleborough (nee Cassidy) the very first thing that came to mind was - DON’T CALL HER HAZEL!!

None of her siblings are still around, or anyone else who knew her all her life, but here is my humble attempt to explain where she came from and how she ended up the woman we all knew later in life.

Much of her upbringing was typical of that Great Depression generation, and stayed with her.

She had lots of older siblings who got her into various sports, and she was pretty good at most of them as she developed quite a competitive spirit. She was always picked early for hockey because she was a very speedy skater, and she loved playing shortstop for the Weyburn Beaverettes. This was when she started curling, using a handle frozen into an old jam tin. Most of you know she became an excellent curler, and one of the proudest moments of her life was when she skipped her rink to an 8-ender in some big bonspiel. “Harder to get than a hole-in-one” as she always loved to tell all the golfers. I’m looking at you, Beingessner!

She helped her mum with simple home cooking for the big family, just meat and potatoes stuff, and of course with her dad as a butcher, the meals were always meat-forward. She also learned how to bake from her mum, whose specialty was a dark chocolate cake. Apparently, a major aspect of Mum and Dad’s courting involved Dad always managing to arrive at the Cassidy's little house in Weyburn as a chocolate cake was coming out of the oven. I still use Grandma Cassidy’s chocolate cake recipe (the secret is a teaspoon of vinegar).

Mum had a very practical way of looking at things. Back then, it was always fix-it-yourself, don’t throw it out, make it last, look after things. She learned about cars and engines from her oldest brother Ed who, as a mechanic, kept the old Ford Model T running and taught Mum to drive on it. I can remember as a little kid in Ottawa if there was a funny noise in the car she’d say, “Chett, I think the solenoid’s shot.” and I’d think, “What’s a solenoid - is she making that up!?!” and of course when we got it to the garage, it turned out that the solenoid was indeed blown, snapped, burned out, cracked or whatever happens to them.

Entertainment was do-it-yourself, too and often centred around Grandma at the piano or playing the spoons for family and friends, and Mum would tell about Uncle Jerry waltzing into the room and taking Grandma for a twirl around the dining room table. Mum was self-taught on guitar and harmonica and as a kid, she loved to sing; I learned a lot of good old songs from her.

So you can see how these traits stayed with her through the years. For example, she kept up active with curling until she was well into her 60s, and one time she was visiting us she was out playing hockey on our driveway with Rowan who was only about 5 years old. Mum would have been in her early 80s at that time. She was visiting us at Christmas when we got a Nintendo Wii and even in the very first game, she thrashed me soundly at bowling and I really was trying, too! Of course she was a great fan of professional sports, too - hockey, baseball, football, it didn’t matter too much. Even though she didn’t know much about basketball, when the Raptors had their successful championship run a few years ago she gladly hopped on the bandwagon and started cheering for them, and Kyle Lowry became her guy. (Good thing he was playing for Toronto - I don’t think Mum would have appreciated his style of play if he was on an opposing team!)

As far as baking goes, she kept at it until arthritis in her hands made it difficult but before then, she was known for her apple, pumpkin and lemon meringue pies, raisin spice cakes…. and cookies, as long as they weren’t “fiddly”, so no chilling the dough overnight, rolling it out, using cookie cutters and decorating with icing and sprinkles. She stuck to the basics, like hermits and peanut butter cookies, which were delicious. I never complained about those! In later years, Mum really took to watching the Food Channel and we all knew we had to stay quiet when Guy Fieri was on!

Her sense of practicality was there on a daily basis, and empty plastic food containers and glass jars were always washed out and kept in the cupboard, “you can keep something in there”. She could repair almost anything with duct tape and clear nail polish, and if you left a yard of fabric left laying around, it was turned into a table runner before you knew it. And you didn’t want to get caught throwing out an elastic band! (She passed on her hard-earned wisdom to her kids and grandkids, such as, “Always raise the bet in poker!”)

Her love of music kept her active at her organ, and as recently as just a few years ago, she could still accompany herself on the harmonica. When she was playing, she invited - urged - insisted that everyone sing along and she wouldn’t stand for any lame excuse such as, “I’ve never heard this song before!”

Thank you all so much for coming. Grab a glass and let’s have a TOAST to Connie, Mum, Oma, Auntie Connie - just not Hazel!! Love you, Mum!

Just for posterity, here is a list of the music we played at Mum's Celebration of LIfe.

"Songs of Con"

Andy Williams - Can't Get Used to Losing You

Anne Murray - Snowbird

Bobby Darin - Beyond the Sea

BJ Thomas - Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head

Byrds - Turn, Turn, Turn

Carpenters - Top of the World

Connie Francis - Lipstick on Your Collar

Conway Twitty - It's Only Make Believe

Dean Martin - Send Me the Pillow that You Dream On

Eddy Arnold - I'll Hold You in My Heart Till I Can Hold You in My Arms

Englebert Humperdinck - Please Release Me

Frank and Nancy Sinatra - Something Stupid

Glen Campbell - Gentle on My Mind

Gordon Lightfoot - Alberta Bound

Guy Mitchell - Heartaches by the Number

Hank Locklin - Please Help Me, I'm Falling in Love with You

Helen Reddy - Delta Dawn

Jim Reeves - Have I Told You Lately That I Love You

John Denver - Country Roads

Kenny Rogers - The Gambler

Lynn Anderson - I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Marty Robbins - Devil Woman

Nat King Cole - Ramblin' Rose

New Vaudeville Band - Winchester Cathedral

Patsy Cline - Walking After Midnight

Patti Page - Tennessee Waltz

Ray Price - Make the World Go Away

Ray Stevens - Everything is Beautiful

Stampeders - Sweet City Woman

Tommy Hunter - Travellin' Man

Tony Orlando and Dawn - Knock Three Times on the Ceiling

Wilf Carter - You Are My Sunshine

Here are just a few of Mum's recipes that would be very familiar to anyone who spent much time at Mum's. I remember these from as far back as I can remember, and they still taste great today!

Dream Squares

1 cup butter (melted)

1 1/4 cup graham wafer crumbs

1 cup fine shredded coconut

1 cup chocolate chips

1 cup butterscotch chips

1 small can Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk

1 cup chopped walnuts

Melt butter in 9" x 13" pan in oven. Spread graham crumbs evenly. Add coconut, chocolate and butterscotch chips, and pour Eagle milk over everything. Sprinkle chopped walnuts on top. Bake in 325 F oven for 35 minutes. Let cool before cutting.

(Boiled) Raisin Cake

1 1/2 cups seedless raisins

1 3/4 cups white flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teasoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ginger

1/4 teaspoon allspice

1/2 cup butter

1 cup white sugar

1 egg (beaten)

Boil raisins for 20 minutes and drain, saving the water. There should be about one cup of hot water. Mix flour, baking powder and spices together. In a large bowl, cream butter, egg and sugar. Add dry ingredients to butter mixture. Hold the cup of saved hot raisin water over the bowl of batter and stir in the baking soda (it will overflow). Last of all, add hot raisins and mix gently. Pour into greased 8" x 8" cake pan and bake in 325 F oven for 45 to 50 minutes.

Baking Powder Biscuits

2 1/4 cups white flour

5 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

3 tablespoons white sugar

1 cup milk

1 egg (beaten)

1/4 cup margarine (or butter or oil)

Mix dry ingredients. Mix wet ingredients. Add wet to dry. Add "treats" if you like (raisins, crumbled bacon, grated cheese, etc.). Mix until dough holds together. Dump onto floured counter and press to 3/4" thickness. Cut to desired shape. Lay on ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 400 F for 12 minutes or so (should be light brown on bottom).

* * * * * * * * * *

Hazel Constance Chettleborough, “Connie” passed away peacefully, with her family beside her at Rockyview General Hospital in Calgary, Alberta on Sunday afternoon, April 18th, 2021 at 96 wonderful years of age.

Connie (nee Cassidy) was born second last in a brood of nine and was a complete tomboy growing up in small town Saskatchewan. She met her husband to be, Chett, a young RCMP member in Moose Jaw, while working as a telephone operator. They married, moved east, started a family and enjoyed an active decade in Ottawa, Ontario where Connie was an avid curler at the RCMP club. The family lived in several different locations in southern Ontario as the girls grew up.

During retirement Connie and Chett made London, Ontario their base and enjoyed travelling abroad to visit their daughters Sandy and family, and Bev and family in the Northwest Territories, when they could.

Connie was thrilled to become ‘Oma’, (a grandma) and actively supported all of her grandkids’ activities. After she lost her dear husband, she moved to Alberta to be closer to her family.

Connie was known for delicious baking, especially her scrumptious apple pies. She was naturally musical and loved to play the organ and harmonica. She was rather ruthless when playing cards with family and friends, and a fan of watching hockey, football, baseball, and of course curling, as long as her team won! She lit up every room with her smiles and sense of humour and we all loved to listen to her vivid detailed stories of growing up in the ‘olden times’ without running water or electricity.

Connie (Oma) was a kind, wise, practical person who loved chatting with people wherever she met them. There is no explaining how much and how dearly she will be missed, but her loving spirit will always be cherished and shine in our hearts.

Connie is lovingly remembered by her daughters Sandy (Allan) Bezanson and Bev Chettleborough (Boris Atamanenko), and grandchildren Josh Bezanson (Sarah VanDusen), Cassidy Atamanenko and Rowan Chettleborough.

Connie was predeceased by her loving husband of 43 years, Leonard Foster “Chett” Chettleborough.

The family would like to acknowledge the fine treatment Connie received at both the PLC and RGH over the past month, especially the compassionate care given by Dr. Samis.

If friends so desire, memorial donations may be made directly to The Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada at https://www.heartandstroke.ca.